


Something About Whiskey

by Jade_Williams



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Past/present self hatred, Recovery, Robert Small must be protected, SO MUCH FLUFF, Slow Burn, There will be a sequel, anxiety dadsona, dad jokes, so much profanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-12-29 17:35:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 132,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12089976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade_Williams/pseuds/Jade_Williams
Summary: With 365 days and four seasons in a year, a lot can happen. Cody Prescott (Dadsona) and Robert Small have been pretty close for the past year and some months and an unspoken love has been smoldering between them. As each season goes by, a new problem arises and it becomes, at times, increasingly difficult to see the happy ending they've both been secretly wanting. As they help each other through difficult times and look for comfort in each other, Robert and Cody realize that maybe it's time to give up on trying to be friends. Though, not everybody in the neighborhood is a fan of their newfound relationship. Jealously, hurt, arguments, lonely nights, and broken hearts will follow in the storm that is, well, drama. Will everything fall into place? Or will it all come crashing down?I KNOW this story is the size of a damn novel, but I legit couldn't stop writing. THANK YOU to those who are reading through it! Warnings, if there are any, will be posted in the notes of each chapter. There is SO much fluff in this story. Just. So much. Please be kind! This is the first fic I'm posting and I've rewritten it at least ten times by now due to fear that it suuuuuucks. The sequel following this story will be shorter. 20 chpts.





	1. A Relapsed Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being away for a little while, Robert returns home. Cody is excited as ever to see him and through a night of hanging out, he determines that things need to change.

_Summer_

           It's late at night and the shop is just about to close. Music softly plays over the sound system, helping me get through the last bit of my shift. It has been a ridiculously long day and I think my feet are swollen from standing too long. I did this to myself, though. I picked up a double shift and I did not give myself enough breaks in between the long hours. My back aches from bending over for so long and I realize I had been cleaning the same table for the past ten minutes as I stared off into space. Sighing, I get down on my knees and start scraping the gum from the underside of it.   
           I love this job, working here with Mat. It pays my bills and helps with Amanda's tuition, especially when I put in a ridiculous amount of overtime hours in. I do not know why Mat insists on giving me the amount of days off he does; I'm most likely going to come in anyways because I have nothing better to do. I suppose I could spend some of my off time drawing or doing something to fix my artistic needs, but I have been having a dry spell lately and I have not picked up one of my guitars for a solid week and if anyone knows anything about me, they would know that me not playing is a bad sign.  
           From behind me, I can hear Mat rummaging through our syrup and creamer supplies for an inventory check. I crane my neck to look back at him and can see that he's just as tired as I am. The Coffee Spoon is always extremely busy during summer; everybody from everywhere in town comes here because of the quality of our drinks and food. Mat's famous Right Said Banana bread often flies off the racks faster than we can reproduce, so I am typically in the back making an endless amount of bread while he manages the drink orders during rush hour. I regularly burn myself because of it, but I don't mind as long as my hands are still intact for the most part.  
           When finally finished with cleaning the last table, I take off my apron and hang it in the back room. Mat stands behind the counter with his phone in hand as he talks to his daughter, reassuring her he will be home within the hour. I silently wave goodbye to him, signaling that I'm leaving for the night. He returns the favor with a smile and a nod and I apathetically make my way back home with tired legs.  
            The warm summer air feels good on my skin and while I prefer the colder season, summer isn't all that bad. Of course it gets insanely hot here, though the fall and winter bring on a hellish amount of snow and rain. I'll never understand the weather patterns in Maple Bay. It has the most perfect combination in the most uncommon place. But when I think back to my home town, Portland, Oregon, I know I will always favor the rain over everything else because I grew up in the rain and I love it dearly. It's so peaceful and when it storms, the harsh rain against the roof of my house is kind of calming and it's perfect for getting comfy in bed with a good book or maybe my sketch book.  
            My house is empty. The only sign of life lives within my fish tank that currently has no fish, but a mighty fine collection of algae. I should clean the damn thing, but I'll keep procrastinating until I actually want to get fish back in there. The air conditioning did a pretty good job of keeping the place cool in the ninety-eight degree weather today. In fact, it did so well that I have to turn it off now so I won't turn into an ice cube in my sleep. I should thank Brian for fixing it for me; I can't imagine living in this town without air conditioning.  
            I don't have to look at the clock to know that it is well past midnight. Mat kept the Coffee Spoon open for longer than usual today for an open mic. There were three bands and they all played some pretty solid music and I must say that they were all decently talented. My favorite band that performed was the second one solely because they did a lot of classic rock covers. I hold classic rock in a special place in my heart. I grew up with it and went to many concerts back in my day, before I turned nineteen and Amanda was born. Though, even with a kid, I still figured out how to go to concerts with Craig and Alex and it's some of the best memories I have from college.  
            Growing up with the music I did inspired me so much that I picked up a guitar one day and I never really put it down from that point on. Sat on stands against the wall are all six of my guitars and displayed on the wall behind them is some of my better art work pieces. Of course, I tell everybody who visits my place that the artwork isn't mine, that it was a gift from a family friend. I'm very conservative with my singing, playing, and creating. Amanda loved it growing up and she still does, she is always encouraging me to put my work out there. I'm sure I'll cave in and do it one day, but for now the anxiety is winning and it's going to take a miracle to get me over that.  
            I stretch out on my couch in the darkness of my living room, looking up at my ceiling mindlessly. He's slowly creeping into my thoughts again regardless of the fact I have been doing my best to avoid thinking about him all together for the past two weeks. He said he was coming back today. He also said he'd let me know when he's back and now that it's past midnight, he's either not coming back like he said or I'll get a text very soon.  
            I'm not sure how much time has passed when I open my eyes again. I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep until now. It's closer to three now and my back is protesting for my subconscious decision to sleep on the couch. Yawning, I yank my phone out from my back pocket and check my messages. And there he is... with his inability to text things in one message. Delighted, I open my inbox and scroll through what he said.

> **From Robert :  
>  Cocoapuffs**
> 
> **From Robert :  
>  I'm coming over in like five minutes**
> 
> **From Robert :  
>  Are you going to be alive when I get there?**
> 
> **From Robert :  
>  I know you picked up a double shift today**
> 
> **From Robert :  
>  Um... yeah...**
> 
> **From Robert :  
>  I'll just pound on your door or something**

            Making me nearly jump out of my skin, a loud and harsh knock on my front door has me leaping off the couch in momentary fear. I pad over to the door and slowly open it, bracing my heart for the onslaught of emotions I know I'm going to feel once my eyes fall on him. He wears Timberland Original yellow boots, jeans that are years worn in, a grey long sleeved sweater, and a well taken care of leather jacket. The dark shadows under his eyes carry the weight of many sleepless nights and too much stress cramped into one human being. He's grinning at me, a grin that only appears when he's within a five foot radius of me. He doesn't smile often, it's a rare sight and it's a sight that makes my heart pound.  
            It has been a year and some months since Amanda's graduation party in my backyard. Robert and I have grown very close in that time; or at least as close as he will let me get. When he told me he needed time to better himself, he admittedly had some trouble getting started. He was procrastinating because he was scared and didn't know where to start, but I talked some pretty solid sense into him and he dived in head first. As I kept myself busy, I noticed his absence for a few months. He would only message me every other week or so and while I missed him, I knew he was doing what he had to do. After a few months, he was back in my life and we started going to the view point more often to whittle and talk and he even started crashing at my house when he had too much to drink and did not want to be alone or when he was having a particularly bad night. During winter, we would hang out in my back yard by the fire pit and swap stories. I would let him talk for the most part, I always love hearing the things he comes up with no matter how bullshit it is.  
            "Hey..." I say, returning his grin with a sheepish smile.  
            With him as close as he is, I can smell his wonderful cologne radiating off of him and upon further inspection, it's clear that he showered not too long ago and cleaned up his facial hair. He must have taken a shower before coming here or maybe he took one earlier in the day...  
            "Do you want to go to Jim and Kim's? It's fine if you don't, I can tell you're worn out." He questions, gesturing to my apparent bed head.  
            I flatten my hair with an embarrassed quiet laugh and slip back in my shoes, making sure to grab my keys from the rack hanging on the wall beside the door. Robert leads the way to the bar, walking in silence. He seems relaxed tonight, but there is something visibly weighing on him and I wish I could ask him what's wrong without getting a bullshit answer.  
            The bar is relatively quiet tonight; there are only a few couples in here and one or two college students partying the night away. As Robert goes to order the drinks, I slip into a quiet booth secluded from the mild commotion, looking to have a solid conversation with Robert as he and I haven't spoke for a long time. He's made so much progress with his recovery and what not, but there are still times when he gets pretty low and it's on those nights that I want him to talk to me just so his mind can get off of things for a while. He does not realize it, but he needs me more than he thinks he does simply because it's important to talk to people every once in a while.  
            Robert sets the glasses of whiskey down and slides into the booth in front of me, looking mindlessly at the banged up table.  
            "How are things?" I wonder aloud, leaning towards him a bit.  
            Robert furrows his eyebrows, turning his glance down to the drink. "They're going," he replies in a monotone voice.  
            A song I am increasingly familiar with comes on in the bar, a song that apparently nobody can decipher because it simply means something different to anyone who hears it: _Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine_. I turn my attention back to Robert. He's still staring blankly at his drink, seemingly frozen in time. I reach out to touch him, but my hand freezes midway and drops on the table with a light thud. His eyes flicker to my hand, reading what I was about to do. He's so close to me, yet he's simultaneously thousands of miles away and it makes my heart weigh heavy.  
            "Val?" I guess, shooting in the dark.  
            His eyes harden at the mention of his kid. "Has Amanda called recently?" He asks, dodging my question.  
            The mention of my daughter saddens me a bit. "No, not recently. She's been busy with her friends and classes."  
            Robert nods and takes a sip of his whiskey, barring his teeth briefly to counteract the burning sensation of the amber liquid as it goes down his throat. "She'll call eventually," He mumbles.  
            He's refusing to make eye contact with me even though he tries to cover it up by busying himself with jostling the ice cubes around in his cup.  
            "She wants us to go visit her before summer is over," I continue, sipping my drink.  
            Robert pulls his eyebrows together, blatantly confused. "Why would she want me to come along? I'm nothing special."  
            I raise an eyebrow at him and actually giggle, unsure of why he thinks that. "Robert, you guys are like two peas in a pod. If I didn't keep a close eye on the two of you, I'm almost certain you'll start plotting against the world and rebelling against authority. She misses you," I explain, being completely honest with him.  
           "And she asked for you and me specifically?" He questions, still not buying it. I nod, looking at him with a small smile on my lips.  
           "Could I bring Betsy?" He asks in a mumble, shyly looking away.  
           Robert and that dog are inseparable. That little pup is the most spoiled thing on the planet and she doesn't even know it. He takes such good care of her and always feeds her on time even though he often forgets to feed himself, which is a little concerning.  
           "Yes, you can bring Betsy. I was thinking we could go in August if you're up for it. I haven't worked out all of the details quite yet," I say, downing the rest of my drink.  
            He nods slowly, taking a mental note of the plans. We spend about a half hour in the bar before we both get bored and Robert suggests going up to the view point. And so, that's what we did and I asked no questions. The drive up here was quiet with the exception of Tom Waits playing quietly on the radio. He was focused and tense the entire way up and he hardly ever looked away from the road. It kind of reminded me of how most teenagers drive when they're first learning, knuckles white and eyes trained. But now we sit on his tailgate in the warm summer night, speaking no words.  
            He's hunched over and focused, knife scraping alongside the wood. A small pile of shavings has collected on the ground and some have landed on his shoes, ones that he kicks off from time to time. He hasn't said anything and I get the feeling he won't be saying anything anytime soon, so I lie down on my back and stare up at the night sky.  
            When Amanda was little, and before Alex died, I used to take her out to the backyard and teach her all of the constellations I knew. She was fascinated by the idea of star gazing and it became her favorite thing to do in the summer. I remember her small voice reciting the names of constellations as I gave them and she often would point them out along with me. It wasn't long before she was finding ones that I didn't even know existed. She read so many books on space and for a while, her room was space themed. Then her mother died and everything needed to change.  
            "You're quiet tonight," Robert comments, setting his knife and wood carving aside for the time being.  
             I prop myself up on my elbows and look at him with furrowed eyebrows. "I thought you like the silence?"  
            He shrugs and turns his body to face me better, tucking one leg under the one that still dangles off the tailgate. "I do, but you are always trying to tell me fifty things at once in one breath as if there's some sort of time limit."  
            I sigh, knowing he isn't wrong. It's my own bad habit. I feel like I have to get everything out as soon as possible, no matter how much time I have. Maybe that's why Amanda talks as fast as she does; I unintentionally passed my bad habit to her. "I don't have much to talk about tonight. Things have been pretty slow," I answer honestly.  
            Robert lies down beside me, close enough that our shoulders touch when I lie flat again. The stars are blazing brightly tonight and I suppose a lot of it comes from the fact I'm not looking up through a smog cloud up at this view point. I never come up here without Robert, but damn it... It's so beautiful.  
            "So if you're not going to talk, and I'm not going to talk, do you just want to fuck instead?" Robert asks, grinning devilishly at the sky.  
            I snort and that snort leads to a bunch of small laughs. "Keep it in your pants, Small. I have given up my prostitution days," I joke back, questioning myself for even saying that.  
            Robert laughs at that, unable to get the thought of me, an introverted arts breather, and prostitution out of his head. "You can't control me. It's my own personally mission to fuck all of the hot guys in town. Starting with you," he argues, mostly joking from what I can tell.  
            "Sorry, I charge extra for bad boys. Triple the amount, cash, no questions asked," I tease, jabbing his side.  
            I did not notice it at first, but Robert absentmindedly tried to dodge my jab and the contact made him giggle. I sit up then, a wild and mischievous blaze in my eyes. Robert's eyes widen and he shakes his head slowly. "Don't you fucking dare," he seethes.  
            I jab him in the side again and he squirms. I do it again and again until his beautiful laughter explodes the air. He's trying to stop me, but I have the temporary advantage. He manages to grab a hold of my wrist and pull it up in the air, locking his elbow to prevent me from continuing. However, I flop over his belly and use my other hand to poke at his opposite side. His legs kick helplessly and with my own leg, I hook around his hip to stop them from doing damage to me. There are tears in his eyes and he's gasping for air, begging for mercy between the quick breaths, and my arm is still held up in the air.  
            When I am sure he's about to die from the laughter, I let up and push myself up on my one arm to look at him. His face is red and he has tears running down his cheeks and the last few sparks of laughter are still pushing past his lips in random spurts. I reach forward and wipe away the tears, unable to stop myself from laughing as I do. I discovered Robert's deep dark secret; he's ticklish.  
            "If you... ever... tell anyone... I will end you," he threatens, still panting.  
            He releases my arms and I use it to balance myself over him, still half straddling him and giggling. "I won't, I promise," I say, giving him the reassurance.  
            He takes a moment to examine the way we're tangled together. My leg over his hips, my hands on either side of him, his hand on one my hips in an attempt to push me off earlier, his legs trapping my other. "Funny," He snickers, "I got you on top of me and I didn't have to pay a dime. No wonder you gave up prostitution."  
            My face flushes light pink as I realize how sexual this is or much rather how sexual this has become. "I also give discounts to hot bad boys. Free straddling is in the package," I say, holding my ground.  
            Robert's other hand finds its way to my unoccupied hip and he flashes a coy grin. "Well if you're going to straddle, at least do it right," He advises, moving my entire body so I straddle his upper thighs properly. "Does the package include anything else free?" He asks, still grinning alluringly.  
_Hold your ground, hold your ground, hold your ground..._ "I used to give blowjobs, but I had to reduce that to a free make out session. Something about sucking a guy's dick free of charge didn't add up."  
            Robert's eyes seductively roam my body, lingering extra-long on my lips. "Free make out session, eh? Too bad. That would have been nice."  
            "I think I'd be willing to bring back the offer for you," I counter. My eyes search his for a while; we're both chewing on something that has been long drawn out since the night under my cherry tree. He asked me to be patient and I have been... I have been so damn patient.  
            "I suppose a kiss wouldn't hurt anybody," Robert muses.  
            I lean down a little further, bringing myself closer to his lips. "Friends don't kiss friends."  
            It sounded a little stupid coming out, but my point is still there. Friends do not kiss friends. A kiss on the cheek, that's fine. But the hot, steamy, lip biting, tongue invading kisses? Those are not fine and that is exactly what we both want and have been craving since I met him at the bar.  
            "Some do," he says, biting down on his bottom lip. How badly I wish I could bite that lip for him...  
            "But we don't," I protest, leaning down further.  
            "Oh, but we could," he breathes.  
            No... Not tonight. I sigh and roll off of him, back hitting the bed of the truck with a thud. He's like a drug to me... I can never get enough of him. Every time I see him, it gets harder to choke back my feelings and he isn't exactly making an effort to conceal his anymore. Maybe he’s just screwing with me… maybe he’s just putting on a show for my sake. Though, I won't lie and say we've been perfect friends and I think that gives enough of an indication that he has feelings for me too. On one night in particular, about four months ago, he was having a hard time and showed up to my house in tears. I let him in and somewhere in that mess we started kissing and we didn't stop until we were heavily making out. We wanted each other, right then and there... but I couldn't let it happen and so I stopped it. If things had gone any further that night, I know we both would regret it. But he’s so hard to resist… I want him badly and not just for the sex.

 _Everything about him is beautiful and I find myself losing touch with what's right and what's  
wrong when I'm near him. He makes me dizzy; he makes me want him...  
_ _And I'm done pretending that I don't need him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! I finally uploaded the first chapter. It has been rewritten and torn apart so many times. I just had to upload it. Thank you for reading, I appreciate all of you. The next chapter will be up soon. My upload schedule may be a little screwy because, hey, I'm a student trying to survive in the world. ALLSSSOOO. I'm Dyslexic so typos are bound.


	2. By my Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary drags Cody out for clubbing, which is not something he has any interest in doing whatsoever... 
> 
> WARNING: (This will spoil some of the chapter) There is attempted sexual assault in this chapter. What happens is written in mild detail. There is NO rape, only forced kissing, forced groping, choking, and mild violence. It does not take up the whole chapter. You are able to tell when it's happening and when it's over.

 

> **From Mary :  
>  Hey, Coconut. Up for some clubbing?**
> 
> **To Mary :  
>  Since when do you have an interest in clubbing?**
> 
> **From Mary :  
>  Are you coming or what?**
> 
> **To Mary :  
>  If I tell you no you're just going to drag me anyways**
> 
> **From Mary :**   
>  **Correct. I'll swing by around ten. Dress appropriately**   
>  **and take a shower.**
> 
> **To Mary :  
>  I'm not Robert. I can actually take care of myself.**
> 
> **From Mary :  
>  Yeah, yeah.**
> 
> **To Mary :  
>  I mean... he's gotten a lot better about it...**
> 
> **From Mary :  
>  Yes he has. We're not talking about Robert right now, though.**
> 
> **To Mary :  
>  Sorry. Is there anything I should bring?**
> 
> **From Mary :  
>  Have you ever been clubbing before? Just bring your wits  
>  and dance moves. Laters.**

 

            Have I been clubbing before? No. Not since college and even then Craig only managed to drag me out once. It's not my preferred Friday night activity. I'd much rather be sitting on my couch reading or drawing or playing music... literally anything besides clubbing. Hell, I'd rather let Craig nail me in the head with a softball if it meant I didn't have to do this. I know Mary, though, and I know she will never let me back out of this no matter how much I beg her. That woman, even if she means well, terrifies me. But as Robert predicted, she did kind of grow on me. Although, her humor is a completely different story. She seems to make it her prime goal to put me on the butt of jokes every single time I hang out with her and Robert.  
            I stare at my reflection in the mirror, looking for any possible errors that Mary could drag me for. I didn't do much to my hair solely because it styles on its own and realistically speaking, I really need a haircut. My jeans are form fitting and the only clubbing shirt I own is a retro baseball style Rolling Stones shirt that may have one or two holes worn in it. I took Amanda's advice and threw on some cologne and I think I brushed my teeth once before my shower and once after. To complete the outfit, I just threw on converse and called it good; most of my shoes are converse anyways. Amanda said I should expand my shoe diversity, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with a solid canvas shoe.  
            What do you even do while you're clubbing? I know there is dancing, shitty music, and alcohol... but I'm not sure I understand the point. Maybe it's because I'm a middle aged father who had their kid at too young of an age and I never really got to have fun in my college years because of it. Clubbing was never on my spectrum of interests. Do dads even go clubbing? Is that a thing? I really need to brush up on my pop culture...  
            My doorbell rings at nine sharp and I curse under my breath. There's no backing out now. With my phone, keys, and wallet stored in my pockets, I shuffle out to the living room and answer the person who keeps hammering on my doorbell. I'm about to stay something snarky when I open the door, but my words fall short when I see both Mary and Robert standing there. My eyes scan Robert on habit and I'm amazed at the fact he actually put an effort into his appearance tonight. He wears jeans that don't have holes in them, his damned leather jacket, a red button up shirt with the collar folded down nicely, and black boots that seem new. Right away his scent intoxicates me, making my heart flutter and my cheeks turn bright pink... It's unfair that he has this effect on me.  
            "Ready to go, sailor?" Mary asks, pulling me from deep thought.  
            I clear my throat, nodding apprehensively. After I lock up, we all climb into Mary's car and I, of course, get put in the back seat. Not that I'm complaining, though. Robert has always been able to handle Mary better than I can. As she drives, I look out my window to survey the night. It's a relatively nice out and there are plenty of people out on the streets, doing whatever it is people do on a Friday night.  
            It's very quiet in the car, there is no conversation. I suppose Mary is respecting Robert's distaste for small talk. That is until we pull up to the club and suddenly Mary is chatting away. I think she's blabbing about something related to brownies and the church, but I'm too focused on the fact that I'm about to walk into a very crowded atmosphere with a bunch of strangers to pay attention. Mary does all of the talking to the bouncer, reminding me that this is a very nice place and that the security guards are actually legit. Inside, I am mesmerized by a bunch of neon lights and the pulsating music that I can feel pound in my chest. Robert grabs my arm and leads me to a booth beside the dance floor, forcing me to sit down and hold the spot while he and Mary run off to get the drinks.  
            I stare at the people on the floor, trying to understand the purpose of all of this. I get the whole idea of partying, but this is just dancing with a bunch of sweaty people. Maybe I can sneak out and take a cab back home; back to where my books and guitars are. Unfortunately, when I look away from the people, I see Robert and Mary coming back with drinks in hand.  
            "Don't look so glum, Cocoapuff. I was dragged here too," Robert says, sliding in next to me.  
            He hands me a glass of whiskey and I down it right then and there, looking to wash down my nerves. Robert watches me with wide eyes, clearly a little concerned. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out and he just turns his attention to his own glass.  
            "Please tell me you've been clubbing before," Mary presses, leaning on the table.  
            I look up at her and shrug, still feeling weird about being here. "I went once in college," I admit.  
            Mary gives a dumbfounded look, blatantly confused by my apparently dirty little secret. "Wow, you're lame," She mutters.  
            I glare at her, not in favor of her attitude. "I kind of had a baby to take care of, Mary. Clubbing wasn't necessarily something I wanted to busy myself with," I snap.  
            She raises her hands in defeat, not willing to argue with me about my parental choices. "The boy needs to be seasoned. Robert, give him a lesson," She demands, gesturing to the dancing people.  
            Robert rolls his eyes, clearly just as uncomfortable as I am, and slides out of the booth with me following closely behind. He grabs a hold of my hand and drags me into the swarm of people until it feels like we're in the middle of it all, surrounded by nothing but bodies. There's enough room to move and function, but it still feels a little claustrophobic. Robert spins me around and pulls my back against his chest, dropping his hands down to my waist. My cheeks blaze red with uncertainty, growing flustered with how close I am to him. His breath is on my neck and his hands tighten on my hips, gripping them securely.  
            "Now I'm going to move you and you just go along with it, alright?" He warns, stepping a little closer.  
            In a slow fashion, he begins to sway my hips. The movement feels strange to me, but it begins to feel a little more natural when he guides me into a two-step motion in sync with the music. As I do this, I slowly begin to remember the things I picked up from my one time experience in college. I press my hips back and rub up against him, making his fingers dig into my hip bones. He turns me around now and pulls my body close, keeping his hands on my hips. There's a glint in his eye, something I can't quite understand.  
            "If you're gonna play dirty, I'm going to play dirty back," He threatens.  
            Robert is moving me again, only this time he's moving with me. His hips grind against mine and I gasp, faltering forward a bit. Robert chuckles and grinds up against me again, but this time I reciprocate and respond properly. His hands slide down from my waist and into the back pockets of my jeans and he pulls me even closer, eliminating the space between us. My hands snake around his neck, automatically finding their place in the closeness. I didn't know Robert could move like this, I didn't know Robert even knew what clubbing was. It's dirty, hot... _sexy_. He leans down a bit and playfully presses his lips against my neck, making me almost choke on my saliva. He grins against my skin and grazes my neck with his teeth before drawing back. If my face wasn't visibly red before, it definitely is now.  
            I grind my hips against him, somehow managing to get my thigh in between his legs. He rubs up against my leg and growls in my ear, leaning down to bite down on the crook of my neck. I choke back the moan in my throat and instead plant my lips on the joint of his jaw. He squeezes my ass with the hands that still reside in my back pockets, making me yelp in surprise. Robert suddenly steps back with a proud grin on his face. I let my arms fall limp to my sides, blood pumping with arousal. We haven't been like that with each other for months.  
            "I'm gonna go swing by the bar and get more drinks. You head back to the table and make sure Mary isn't getting too wasted this early," He says, pointing in the general direction of our table.  
            I nod uneasily and turn on my heels, starting my trek back. Robert disappears in to the sea of people as well, going in the opposite direction. It's growing increasingly hard to focus on where I'm going when there are so many people in my way and right as I reach the edge, I am pulled back into the sea of people by a man who is twice my size and packs about the same amount of muscle as Craig.  
            "Well aren't you just a pretty little thing," The man comments, pulling me roughly against him.  
            I struggle back, trying to get away from him, but he grabs both of my wrists and spins me around, making it harder for me to get away. My heart is hammering now; I don't know what to do.  
            "Come on. Have some fun with me," The man pleads, laughing at me.  
            "Please let me go," I snap, struggling against him.  
            Nobody around us seems to notice what's happening and the music is much too loud for anyone to hear me past a three foot radius. The man tightens his grip against me and begins to force me towards the exit. I'm about to call out for help, but his hand clamps down on my mouth and suddenly we're in the dark alley way. He pushes me up against the wall violently and I can smell the booze radiating off of him, it makes me gag. He looks like a classic fuck boy from a trashy 90s movie. I try to escape again, thrashing violently, but he grips my waist in a painful manner and grabs a hold of my throat, forcing me into a kiss. His tongue invades my mouth and hot tears stream down my face as I try to push him away. There's really no use, he's much stronger than I am. Fuck, fuck, fuck...Please... somebody notice...  
            "Please, I-I can't breathe," I sputter, gasping for air.  
            The man laughs at me again and moves the hand that was on my waist to my crotch and begins to rub on me, making my skin crawl with disgust. "Get off of me," I choke, fighting as hard as I can against him.  
            He tightens his grip on my throat and I have no choice but to grab the hand that's suffocating me in hopes I can pry it off it away. My head feels like it's going to explode, my lungs are screaming for air. Somehow he manages to pull down my pants and he flips me around, pressing my face against the brick wall. I gasp for air while I can, coughing harshly against the cool bricks. He holds both of my wrists again in one hand and strokes my bottom, laughing darkly. I squirm and thrash to try and yank myself free, but something hard rams into the square of my back and I cry out in pain, sobbing harder.  
            "P-Please," I beg.  
            "If you would just stop fighting me, this would be easier for you," He barks.  
            I try to call for help again, but he catches me before I do, flipping me back around to grab a hold of my throat tighter this time. He rams his fist into my gut and I lurch forward, unable to make a sound with his hand blocking my airflow. The man cups me through my underwear, feeling me in any place he can. He takes one of my hands and shoves it down his pants, forcing me to touch him and please him. He kisses me harshly to keep my sounds of choking silent and I do what I can to turn my head away from him, failing miserably. My face is coated with tears and block dots cloud my vision, then, just as he was about to pull my boxers down, the man is being ripped away from me and I'm falling to the ground.  
            " _Fuck_ , help him," A familiar voice grunts.  
            As I violently cough and try to see straight again, a woman helps me with my pants and sits me up straight against the wall, checking me for wounds. "Come on, sailor. Look at me," The woman says, grabbing either side of my face.  
            "Is he okay?" The familiar voice asks.  
            My eyes are clouded with tears and black dots, making it increasingly difficult to focus. I'm stuck in terror, a scream trapped in my throat. I feel so violated and disgusted...  
            "Let me have him. Go get the car. We're leaving," The male voice demands.  
            The woman steps away and the familiar man kneels down in front of me, cupping one side of my face. I blink a few times to clear my vision, still breathing roughly, and I stare directly at the leather jacket the man wears. Oh... it's him... Robert...  
            "Are you alright, Cody?" He asks me, worry in voice.  
            I nod slowly, unable to say or do much else. Robert glances down and fixes my belt for me and buttons my jeans with care. He glances at my neck and moves my head to expose the skin to the dim street lamp. His eyes flare with anger; I must have marks from being strangled.  
            "Can you walk?" He questions, looking at my very unfocused eyes.  
            I slowly nod again and he helps me to my feet. I almost fall back down to the ground again, but Robert stables me by clasping an arm around my waist. Why can't I feel anything? Shouldn't I be... upset? Robert helps me into Mary's car when she pulls up to the curb. My head feels heavy with exhausted weight and instead of getting into the passenger side like I thought he would, Robert gets in beside me and sits in the middle so he can attempt to comfort me. Mary drives away from the club and I slump against Robert, resting my head on his shoulder.  
            I zone out during the drive, sinking low into my thoughts. I can feel the emotions bubbling up inside of me now, kind of like a boiling pot of water with the lid on. I hardly pay much attention when we arrive back at the cul-de-sac and Robert walks me up to my front door and when he fumbles in my pockets for my keys. I'm so tired... I just want to lie down...  
            "Cody, you haven't said anything. Are you alright?" Robert asks in a hushed tone. He sits me down on the edge of my bed, gently placing a hand on my shoulder. My room is a mess... I should have cleaned house before I left.  
            "I'm fine," I croak. My voice sounds terrible. It sounds like somebody ran my vocal chords through gravel and shoved them back in my throat. Robert looks deeply into my eyes, searching them intently.  
            "You're lying," He comments.  
            I'm so out of it that I don't even realize I was lying. Deep down, I know I'm not fine. I feel his hands all over me still, his dick in my hand and his tongue in my mouth... it makes me want to vomit.  
            "I'm gonna take a shower..." I mumble, getting up uneasily.  
            Robert steps aside to let me go to my bathroom and I'm not sure if he'll leave or not, but I really just want to clean myself. As I take off my clothes, I look at my reflection in the mirror. I don't look as bad as I thought I would. My lips are a little swollen, my hips have some light bruising, and my neck has a few red marks on it from being gripped too tightly, but I'm fine nevertheless. I'm sure more bruises will develop with time; he was so rough with me. I climb into the shower and let the warm water cascade down on me, washing away the grime and disgusting feeling of the other man on me.  
            I rest my head against the wall of the shower, allowing the hot water to rain on my back. The tears I was holding back are falling now, mixing with the water. I don't make a sound; I just stand there and cry. With my body wash, I scrub at my skin, maybe a little too hard, in hopes it'll make me feel better and it kind of does... I no longer smell him on me.  
            When I know I have been in there long enough, I turn off the water and push the glass door open, grabbing a towel from the rack. On the counter is a set of clean pajamas that I don't recall setting out for myself; Robert must have done it for me. I dry off slowly, getting dressed as I go. My hair is still a little damp, but I can't bring myself to care. I open the door and there, sitting on the edge of my bed nose deep in a book, is Robert. He looks up at me and snaps the book shut, setting is on my nightstand beside a mug that has steam coming out of it.  
            "I, uh, ran over and got some tea from my house. Usually helps me when my throat is sore. Craig actually taught me the recipe. Its lemon... has a bunch of honey and stuff in it," He says, awkwardly gesturing to the mug.  
            I walk over and grab the mug, appreciating the warmness of it against my palms. "Thanks..." I mumble, attempting to clear my throat.  
            Robert sighs and stands, turning me so I face him. Careful not to spill the hot liquid, he pulls me into a gentle hug, stroking the back of my head gently. My eyes are red and puffy; he knows I was crying in there.  
            "Do you want me to stay with you tonight? I don't really want to leave you alone," Robert questions, pulling back a little.  
I nod knowing I need him near me tonight. He may be stubborn and really awkward when it comes to comfort, but I feel better with his arms around me and his scent is honestly so calming to me.  
            "Okay, glad I brought my bag of stuff then," He states, chucking a bit, "Do you want to sleep or do you want to watch a movie?"  
            I shrug and wince a little, realizing how sore I am for struggling. "A movie is fine. I just want to relax."  
            Robert and I walk out to the living room and he pulls a movie out from his jacket, making me snort quietly. He bends down in front of my blue-ray player and starts to get things ready while I ease myself down with my mug in hand.  
            "What happened? When you realized I was gone, I mean?" I ask.  
            I sip the tea he made me and I'm delighted to discover that it tastes really good and it soothes the pain. Robert sits beside me with the remote in hand, shrugging out of his leather jacket.  
            "Well, when I came back from the bar and you weren't at the table, I was a little concerned. Mary said she hadn't seen you so we thought that maybe you had dipped out and hid, but then we found you in the alley way with that guy all over you. At first I was confused and Mary was proud, but then we saw that you were crying and it was all being forced." Robert recalls, glaring at the ground. "So then I ripped him off of you and got a few punches in before he ran off. I honestly wanted to chase him and beat him to a pulp, but you were more important."  
            He pulls the blanket off the back of the couch and drapes it over our laps and I realize that Robert is no longer wearing jeans, but his sweat pants. He must have changed at his house too.  
            "I was really scared he hurt you more than he did... I didn't like seeing you so dazed on the ground like that. He's lucky I didn't pull a knife on him," Robert grumbles, throwing an arm over my shoulders.  
            I lean into him, resting my head on his chest. He smells so good... he's so comfortable to cuddle with. "I'm fine, really. I'm just glad you guys got there when you did or else it would have been a lot worse than what it was," I say, awkwardly nestling against his chest more.  
            Robert kisses the top of my head, letting his lips linger there for a moment. The gesture is a little strange coming from him and affectionate, a little too affectionate for somebody who is supposed to be a friend. I don't care, though. The comfort is nice and while I may be hopelessly in love with him and lonely, this is enough for me and it takes my mind off of what happened to me tonight.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye... Got this one out faster than I thought I would only because I had a LOT of time to kill. Thank you for those leaving kind comments and to those who are reading, I appreciate it a lot. I have the next few chapters written and depending on how things work out, I'll get them out ASAP.  
> -What happened in this chapter will not be a reoccurring thing. Sexual Assault is a very dark thing to write about and many people, including myself, have either had it almost happen to them or went through it completely. Just for some forewarning, this will have an effect on Cody in the later chapters, but it shouldn't be anything too bad. If that makes any sense at all. I will post the warnings if necessary.  
> -If you have been through a sexual assault trauma and need someone to talk to, please call the National Sexual Assault hotline that is open 24 hours a day. 1-800-656-4673 You are not alone. <3


	3. Field Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning soccer, awkward conversations, and plenty of banter.

            Craig expertly kicks the ball straight in the net, scoring his fifth goal in a row. Damien, Hugo, Mat and I all groan, having been defeated yet again in a four to one game. We fork out our betted money from our wallets and hand it over to my longtime friend, who laughs heartily with celebration.  
            "You're cheating. You have to be cheating," Mat calls, wiping sweat from his forehead.  
            Craig does a little happy dance that involves some disco moves, rubbing his score into our faces. This get-together was all his idea. After I explained to him what happened to me, because I backed out of three runs in a row and he was starting to get worried, he thought it would be good to get me out of the house to do something engaging with my friends. I'm not sure how he convinced all of us out here this morning, I think everyone but Craig would much rather be in bed right about now. I can tolerate it only because he makes me get up early anyways, but I'm pretty sure Mat is about to pass out right here in the soccer field.  
            "Cheating is the loser's way out. This is just years and years of proactive practice, my bros," He defends proudly.  
            "Well I guess we're all losers then because I swear I saw Hugo use his hands," I comment, laughing.  
            "It was coming at my face!" Hugo argues back.  
            "You didn't see Damien use his hands when the ball hit him in the head," I denounce.  
            "That would simply be because it came at me from behind and I had no time to prepare, Cody. Had I seen the ball, I surely would have used my hands," Damien pipes up.  
            Craig watches our pointless argument as if it's a ping pong match; he jerks his head in every direction just to follow whose speaking with his mouth slightly open and his head ever so slightly set to the side.  
            "But you aren't supposed to use your hands in soccer. That's just a fact," Mat observes.  
            "I think the rule bends if you are protecting yourself," Hugo remarks.  
            We all fall silent, erupting in an uproar of laughter not a second later. This whole match was absolutely pointless anyways; we all knew Craig would win no matter what. That man is a goddamn beast when it comes to athleticism. We all leave the field in fits of laughter, sipping on water that is greatly needed after the amount of energy we exerted. I think being in the sun for a change is actually doing me some good for a change.  
            "I think Cody deserves points, though. He had you close a few times, Craig," Hugo notes, nodding in my direction.  
            "That you did, bro. I was impressed. You actually gave me a run for my money. Props.  _Huge_  props," Craig praises.  
            "Hell, yeah!" I exclaim.  
           By the time we get back to the cul-de-sac, our other neighbors are up and about, starting their day. We all branch off into different directions, expelling some sort of goodbye as we do. I push past my door and exhale loudly, energized from the game that only started on a bet that we could beat Craig. We were all in over our heads, blinded by the desire to win. At one point, Hugo had Craig in a headlock and he still won.  
            I climb into my shower and let the warm water dump onto my head, washing away the sweat that had accumulated from my energy exertion this morning. I scrub at my arms and torso, working to wash away any grime. I'm in a particularly good mood today for a change and I think it's mostly because I actually socialized instead of moping around in my house. I also slept really well last night and that was really nice, I slept almost ten hours. Sleep has been hard to come by, only because my anxiety has been particularly difficult lately. Robert stayed with me for the first few nights after the attack, but I couldn't ask him to stay past that... I felt too guilty. And so, I tried to get back in my daily routines, which was really hard at first because I still felt so alert and uncomfortable. Though, now that it's been a little while, I think I'm finally starting to feel better.  
            The bruising on my body is slowly getting worse, despite the fact I was attacked two weeks ago. There's a large, round, bruise next to my bellybutton and my hips still have a deep blue tint to them in the shape of fingers. On my back, there's a baseball sized bruise near my spine that aches whenever I bend over. I'm grateful my neck didn't bruise up too bad. On my days off, I iced the hell out of it and did whatever I could to make sure bruises did not take form because I didn't really feel like explaining to my neighbors why I have hand print shaped bruising on my neck.

            I'm not sure how Mary convinced me to help her with this thing, but she did and now I'm stuck with it. Mary talks me into a lot of things I don't want to do. Maybe she made a voodoo doll version of myself and practices black magic to get me to do things I don't actually want to do.  
            After grabbing my keys and wallet, I head out into the warm late afternoon, almost evening, and go straight for the park. I pass a few familiar faces of people who frequently spend time at the Coffee Spoon and they all say hi to me, one even hugs me. At the park, I make a beeline to the field and find Mary standing by the drinks station with Joseph, who wears the blue sweater he often wears over his shoulders. It's strange seeing him in it, it almost seems too big for him and it's a little worn... and it's a hot day, so why is he even wearing a sweater?  
            "Ah, Cody. I'm glad you made it. Ready to pass out drinks?" Joseph questions, smiling brightly.  
            I shrug with a phony smile on my face, trying to put on a happy façade to show some sort of enthusiasm.  
            "Well I'll be selling the cupcakes. Make me proud, Coconuts," Mary says as she saunters off.  
            Joseph pulls a stool over for me to sit on behind the table and I do. There is already so much going on and I think about a third of the town and their kids are here. To my left, there's a water slide, to my right there's an apple bobbing contest, and all around me is a bunch of random games such as darts and ring toss. It's all for a good cause so I can't really complain, I just know I'm in for a good sweat-fest. Today is particularly not cold.  
            "How have you been? Haven't seen you around lately," Joseph asks.  
            I have spent so much time with Robert that I've nearly forgotten that small talk is actually a normal human custom in terms of communication. "I've been working pretty hard and uh... hanging out at the bar and stuff, " I say awkwardly.  
            I did not really feel like elaborating on the bar part because then I would have to tell him I hang out with Robert and Mary a lot while I'm there and something about telling Joseph about that just makes me feel weird on the inside.  
            "Well, if you're ever looking to take a break from everything, you should come with me on the yacht some time. The ocean is quite the sight and I've been known to know how to relax people," He offers, handing me a Styrofoam cup of... Gatorade? That must be what we're selling.  
            I take the cup and sip on the cool liquid, realizing that its lemon-lime flavored; my favorite. I glance at the table in front of us as I think long and hard about what Joseph suggested, feeling weird again. What exactly is he asking for? I'm probably reading into it too much. "Oh, um... yeah. We'll see. Amanda's tuition is pretty steep," I reply, averting my eyes to the grass.  
            I should have said no because now it looks like I will actually consider it. Joseph is a great guy, but... Robert... and Mary... I don't think I could ever do that to either of them. It would go against every moral I have.  
            "So, you've been in the neighborhood for a while now," Joseph begins, leaning towards me a bit, "have you found a suitor yet?"  
            I nearly choke on my Gatorade, feeling it slip into the wrong wind pipe as I cough to clear it. The reaction was a bit strong for the question, but I'm not necessarily used to being asked about my love life so openly. "I... I don't kiss and tell, Joseph," I recover with a nervous laugh.  
            I glance over at him and notice that his stool has scooted closer to mine. "My apologies. It's not my place to ask," He backtracks smoothly.   
            Now I'm trying to think of what I could have possibly done to make Marry stick me with her husband, but when I look over at the cupcake table, I get my answer. Robert is here and he's working with Mary. It had to be me for now or else Robert and Joseph would be working together and that would instantly bring out World War Three. He looks good, really good. The shirt he wears hugs his figure and the jeans... oh he has a nice butt. That is a butt I would love to touch and do particularly dirty things to...  
            "Cody, did you hear me?"  
            My eyes tear away from Robert and shift to Joseph who is waiting for an answer to a question I obviously did not hear because I was in _la-la land_ thanks to Robert's wonderful ass. "Sorry, I spaced out," I confess, nervously turning my cup around in my hand.  
            Joseph awkwardly half-smiles and restates what he said. "I asked if you have a preference on wine."  
            Oh, wonderful. A question on the one topic I do not have the slightest urge to educate myself on. "White Zinfandel," I blurt.  
            Joseph's face twists up in confusion for a brief moment, recognizing that wine and I can almost see him connecting the dots in his head.  _Shit... way to be smooth, Cody.  
_             "Bro!"  
            My head snaps forward and I am instantly greeted with Craig and River. I offer a friendly grin and rise to my feet, preparing to pour a cup of his desired drink. "What can I get you, Craig?" I ask.  
            Now that I think about it, Mary had to of stuck me here because this is literally my day job and besides Mat, I'm the best person to be serving drinks.  
            "Hit me up with that lemon-lime Gatorade, bro," He says, putting his hands on his hips.  
            I oblige and fill a Styrofoam cup of the cool yellow liquid, passing it to him. He, in exchange, hands me a dollar bill and I pass that to Joseph without looking at him.  
            "How's River doing?" I ask, genuinely curious.  
            Craig beams, instantly eager to share. The baby strapped to his chest gives me a toothless smile and makes a bunch of happy baby noises, making all three of us adults laugh. "Oh, bro. She's getting so big. She'll be walking and talking before I know it." He says proudly.  
            We talk for a little longer until Craig thanks me and walks off, going to tend to his twins that have started to bicker by the slip and slide. Right behind him is Mary, who wears a grim smile.  
            "I'm here to swap stations with you, sailor. I have to make the community believe that Joseph and I are a happy couple."  
            Out of the corner of my eye, I see Joseph flinch and even I have to say that she was a bit harsh of her. I awkwardly duck out and make my way to the food station, only narrowly dodging an apple that sails right past my face. Where did the apple come from? Then I see Ernest chasing after Lucien, screaming threats, and I decide not to question it further. Robert is sat on a stool when I get there, looking both bored and glum and out of place. This station doesn't have a canopy so he must be frying in the heat.  
           "Looks like you could use a pick-me-up," I comment, plopping down on the stool beside him.  
            Robert instantly looks less glum now that I'm here and he even cracks a half attempted grin. "I thought she was just trying to make an escape. I didn't think she'd actually send you over here," He says, pulling his sun glasses off of his face.  
            "I'm glad she did. Joseph is great and all, but I felt a little awkward," I say, looking down at the grass.  
            Robert glances over at me, suddenly very alert. "What did he say?"  
            "Um, well... He was kind of poking around to see if I was dating anyone, but I just told him I don't kiss and tell. Though before that, he offered for me to come on the yacht," I admit.  
            Right away I can feel the rage radiating off of Robert's skin. "Just him and you?" He questions.  
            "I think so."  
            His jaw sets then and he puts the sunglasses back on his face, glaring off in the distance.  
            "Robert, I'm not actually considering it. Besides, I think I fucked it up anyways because when he asked me what my favorite wine was, I said yours and he kind of made a face. Either way, I wouldn't go," I blab, trying to show him I have no interest in Joseph.  
            He kind of eases up then, but I know the fact that Joseph propositioned me is still eating away at his mind. I reach across the one foot gap between us and grab his hand from his lap, smiling weakly as I do. "Joseph isn't my type. I kind of prefer the rugged good looks and scar covered hands kind of guy," I say, enticing him. That did it. Right away he melts and turns on his stool so he faces me with that damned crooked smile on his face.  _Fuck, he's hot._  
            "Are you busy at all in a few weeks?" I ask, suddenly remembering an idea I had late last night as I was getting ready for bed.  
            Robert raises an eyebrow, thinking about the plans I know he doesn't have. "Depends?"  
            I roll my eyes, calling his bullshit. "I want to do something with you, Bobert."  
            "Do not call me that."  
            "Bobert, Bobert, Bobert," I snap back, laughing.  
            He glares at me and I playfully push him, grinning like a fool. "Yeah, I guess I can squeeze you in," He says, over exaggerating his empty schedule.  
            I jokingly fist bump the air and nearly slide off my stool as I wasn't completely sitting on it in the first place. Robert snorts, grabbing my shoulder to steady me.  
           "So, I don't have a yacht, but I do have a bottle of wine with your name on it at my house if you wanna go have some fun," Robert offers, grinning.  
           I glance at the food table and gesture to it, silently asking about our designated job. Robert points in the direction of the drink stand and I look over to see Mary walking towards us.  
           "She's coming to relieve us. We've been working for long enough. I only promised her an hour," He says, rising from his place.  
           I feel kind of bad that we're leaving so soon, but I also know Mary does not want to be around Joseph and us leaving gives her space from him. Robert and I leave the station and start making our way back to the cul-de-sac, the damned neighborhood that I cannot seem to leave for more than a couple hours at a time.  
           "Are you going to tell me what you have planned or am I going to have to get you wasted and pry it out that way?" Robert asks, opening his front door.  
           I laugh quietly and immediately flop on the couch, delighted to be back in a cool space so my insides don't melt and become human-body-soup. "You'll never get any information off of me, Bobert. I have trained many years for this day," I joke, snickering.  
          Robert rolls his eyes and pours two glasses of the wine at his personal bar, handing me my glass when it's ready. I sip on the wine eagerly, a little too happy to taste it. I really do like this wine; it's really good for what it is.  
          "Your training will be your undoing as I have my rugged good looks and scared hands to charm it out of you," He taunts, plopping down beside me.  
           I glance at him and snort; he really does like to throw my own words back at me, doesn't he? "Oh, but you see, Robert, all of my time with you has caused me to build an immunity to your charming ways. I'm impenetrable."  
          He pulls my legs across his lap so I can sit more comfortably and gives me flirtatious grin. "Let's bend you over so we can test that theory."  
          I make an audible gasp in shock, face burning red. "You should be so lucky," I retort, finding my footing again.  
          Robert rests his hand comfortably just above my knee, moving his thumb along the seam of my pants mindlessly. "I would, but I also feel like you wouldn't stop me if I tried," He knowingly assumes.  
           I hate it, but he's right. I'm reaching the point of not caring. I want him to be ready, of course, but if he decided to go down on me right now? I can't say that I would try very hard to stop him.  
           "I've stopped us before," I mutter, trying to seem mildly tougher than I am.  
           Robert glances at me with a knowing face and moves his hand very slowly slides up my leg until it's just inches from where I have only dreamed about him touching me. I clutch my glass a little harder than needed and adjust myself so I sit up a bit more.  
           "But you wouldn't now, would you? You're getting impatient, hungry for me," He guesses.  
           His hand inches up another inch... god... Robert... "Robert..." I start, growing incredibly flustered.   
          Moving up another inch, his thumb brushes up against me and I press myself against it, completely aware that I should not be encourage this. But, he is so hard to resist. His hand draws back to above my knee, leaving me on the brink of arousal.  
             "However, as the responsible member of this party, I will make sure we don't act on such foolish emotions," He says, frustration in his voice.  
            "Responsible... my ass," I mutter, rolling my eyes.  
            He glares at me and starts playing with the seam of my pants again. "I am plenty responsible."  
            I scoff, sitting up even more to look at him more directly. "Have you fed yourself today?" I ask, foretelling the answer.  
            Robert rolls his eyes, sipping his wine. "No, but I fed Betsy."  
            I throw my hand up in the air, bothered by the fact he hasn't had food today. "Robert!"  
            He raises both his eyebrows, caught off guard by my sudden concern. "Alright, sheesh. I'll order a pizza. Calm yourself," He grumbles as he gets up.  
            Robert walks off to the kitchen and I faintly hear him making the phone call for pizza. Its wonder how he's a functioning human being. With all that muscle, he has to be incredibly hungry this late in the day. It's almost dinner time for crying out loud and all he has had is wine to my knowledge.  
           "Happy, princess? Food is on the way," He grunts, returning to his place on the couch.  
           I glare at him now, not in favor of that nickname. "Yes, I'm happy. You're supposed to eat three meals a day, dipshit," I say, hoping to throw some education upon him.  
          He rolls his eyes, not caring much. "You sound like Craig."  
          "Do I have to come over three times a day just to make sure you eat at least two out of three meals? Cause I will if I have to," I threaten.  
          He gives me a blank stare before cracking a grin. "You're not very threatening," He teases.  
          A little offended, I swing my legs off his lap and sit up right to make myself seem a little bigger. Robert is not much taller than me, four inches at the most, but Robert does, in general, appear to be more threatening than I do and that really does not help me right now.  
          "I am plenty threatening. You either start eating or I will literally start living here and force you to eat. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not, Bobert," I snap.  
          He laughs quietly, leaning against my shoulder a bit. "That wouldn't be so bad. I've always pegged you as a housewife kind of guy."  
          I feel a little pang in my heart, awkwardly shifting around in my place. "You're not wrong. When Alex died, I had to take up both parental rolls and becoming a housewife was one of the things I had to learn how to be," I say honestly.  
          Robert frowns, realizing why I am the way I am. "Move in if you want to, but I'm not eating breakfast. I'd have to wake up early for that and I am strictly against waking up early," He says, lightening up the topic.  
          I laugh and rest against him comfortably, swallowing down the rest of my wine. Weirdly enough, I feel like we're an old married couple right now. He's so relaxed and I'm happily sitting beside him drinking wine without a care in the world. Though, at the same time, I want to lean over and kiss his wonderful lips and make love to him and make him mine... and I can't... It hurts a little, but it's the same hurt I've been living with for a year now. And just like any other day, I have to work through it and choke back the sadness. Because at the end of the day, his mental health is more important than my overbearing need to love him and kiss him to death.  
          Robert slips his hand around to my back and I flinch when he presses against the bruise near my spine. He draws back in concern, unsure of what he did. "Are you okay?" He asks in a serious tone.  
          I press my lips together and attempt to make eye contact with him. "I'm fine," I lie.  
          He knows I'm lying, it's too obvious. "Let me see," He urges.  
          I know I can't get out of this without him hounding me about it, so I rise from the couch and slowly pull my shirt off my body in a single motion, revealing the bruising on my stomach, hips, and back. Robert stands to inspect me closer, anger flaring in his eyes. Gently, he brushes his fingertips over the bruise next to my bellybutton, starring at it intently. He steps back a half step and looks at my eyes with saddened worry and then proceeds to do something I did not expect from him. He drops down to his knees and lightly kisses each of my dark bruises, unsteadily shuffling behind me to place a softer and longer kiss on my back bruise. I stand there, frozen in place, unsure of what to say or do. He's standing now, arms slowly wrapping around me.  
          And we stand there for a while, not saying or doing anything... just standing together in his living room...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap on chapter 3. But guess what? I have to upload 4 more chapters right now because I have one hell of a weekend in front of me. I shall return with more content on Sunday! Personally, I feel that chapters 3-5 are a little dry and slightly redundant, and I apologize for that. I had to crank these out very quickly. BUT chapter 6 is MUCH better and it happens to be a very special chapter. Thank you to those who are reading and who are willing to bear with me through the chapters in which I feel suck ass. I am having a lot of fun writing this story and look forward to continuing. -Jade


	4. Yoga Voucher and a French Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So. We get to see some Robert/yoga action. Also. We got some flufffffff.

            I push the round tables and squishy chairs around, getting ready for tonight's open mic at the Coffee Spoon. Carmensita is currently helping her father set up the complimentary table of snacks and food, the very same table of food that I added my mac and cheese bar to. Mat loved the idea and confessed to missing my bar and I, of course, let the compliment go to my head and made enough to feed the whole town. Craig stumbles into the shop with his twins and River, picking a spot to sit in the back. In suite, more people begin to fill in until the place is decently packed. The first band of the night steps up and hooks up their equipment, starting the night out with a slow paced melody.  
            My hips sway to the music, making my current task of getting River her Fiona Apple Juice a little more interesting. I drop the juice off and move on to take more orders. The popular drink tonight seems to be Chai Antwoord, both cold and warm. I throw the spices together, enjoying the wonderful smell that perfumes the air. Any form of Chai tea is a blessing, whether it be milk based or simply in a tea bag.  
            Mat sweeps by, taking the freshly made drinks out of my hands to go run them to the customers. Everything flies so smoothly when it's open mic night. Nobody is hounding us about taking too long, there's good music, and great food. The people of Maple Bay will never cease to amaze me. From its continued support of the LBGTQ community, to the occasional motorcycle gang, and all the way to its beautiful shore line... I'm glad I moved here with Amanda.  
            Mat leans up against the counter, scratching his chin. I walk over to him, careful to avoid the small children who suddenly cross my path. He seems relatively tired and I can't say that I blame him. Not only does he have the Coffee Spoon to run, but he also has his daughter to look out for. I try to do what I can to lessen his work load, to hopefully make his life a little less stressful, but it never seems to be enough. Looking back on the last few weeks, I think I have only willingly taken three of my days off. I really don't mind working here. To me, this is not work. It's fun and there's always something happening, everything from the oven breaking to a killer rush hour.  
            "I think you actually managed to give me mac and cheese poisoning, Cody," Mat says, rubbing his full belly.  
            I stifle a laugh and look over at the bar, seeing several people grouped around it. It fills my heart to see so many people enjoying my apparently poisoned mac and cheese. Damien enters the shop a few minutes later, looking confused for a moment; I suppose the open mic memo didn't reach him. He walks up to me at the counter, smiling happily.  
           "Good evening, Cody. How are you?" He questions, standing in front of me.  
            "I'm alright. I love open mic nights with a burning passion. They're always so fun."  
            Damien glances at the menu, evidently picking another drink off his list. He has made it a personal goal of his to try everything the Coffee Spoon offers and so far, he has cleared at least half of the menu. Mat and I impressed, we figured he'd give up a quarter of the way through it.  
            "If you have the time, can I trouble you for a medium Passionfruit Tea Pit?"  
            "Sure thing, Dames. Will that be for here or to go?" I ask, stepping behind the counter.  
            "Oh, I suppose for here will be quite alright."  
            Throwing together the ingredients, I make Damien his drink as quickly and efficiently as possible. Out of the corner of my eye, I see both Ernest and Lucien enter with the Christiansen twins following closely behind. I shudder at the sight of the twins, still finding them just as creepy. I tried finding them not creepy, but their empty stares make that excruciatingly difficult. Tearing my eyes from the children, I hand Damien his drink and take his money in exchange. Mat comes by again, giving me a look.  
            "Your shift ended an hour ago, Cody. What are you still doing here?" He questions.  
            I glance at the clock and realize that he's right.  
            "I can stay, Mat. It's no problem. Really," I say, trying to convince him.  
            "Nope. You've been putting too many hours in, not that I mind. But, I'm seriously going to have human services on my ass if you don't take your days off. Go on, I'm kicking you out. See you next week," He says in a light, joking tone.  
            Reluctantly, I pull my apron off and throw my jacket on, heading out into the cool air. The soft music slowly fades out as I walk farther and farther away. At the cul-de-sac, I start to make my way to my house, but alter courses when I realize I haven't heard from Robert for a few days. I make a beeline to his house and pound on his front door, hoping he isn't busy. It takes more than five minutes, but the door does eventually open and Robert stands there with an envelope in his hands.  
            "Have you done yoga before?" He asks, scanning my outfit for no obvious reason.  
            I stand there for a moment, a little confused by the randomness of the question. "Um. I went to pregnancy yoga with Alex way back when," I recall.  
            Robert is silent, but nods assertively. "Good enough. Val sent a yoga voucher thing and she wants me to do it, but it covers two people and I'm not going with Mary. Wanna go?" He questions.  
            A little dumbfounded, I glance at the envelope in his hands, pressing my lips together. "Uh, sure? When is it?"  
           He pulls his phone out to look at the time, shifting his weight between hips. "In an hour. It's a night class."  
           Well... this wasn't exactly what I had planned for tonight, but I suppose yoga isn't so bad. "Oh, alright. I'll just... go change," I mumble, turning on my heel.  
           I think this is the one time I'm grateful for the workout clothes Craig got me for my birthday last year. From the box in my closet, I dig out a lightweight pair of sweatpants that I think are meant for this kind of thing, and a workout shirt that has plenty of places for my torso to breathe. This is all from Craig's business, he probably designed this stuff himself... and if I'm being honest, this is the best sports wear that I've ever worn. I'll have to thank him during our run tomorrow.  
           After freshening up with deodorant and teeth brushing, I meet Robert outside of his house and I'm surprised by the fact that he actually owns a yoga mat. He's dressed in loose fitting sweat pants like I am and wears a red T-shirt with tennis shoes. Who is this and what have they done with Robert? Wordlessly, we climb into his truck and he drives off to wherever in town this yoga class takes place.  
            Yoga and Robert... Robert and yoga. I must admit, this is a pretty strange combination, but it's a nice one. I hear yoga is good for relaxing and relieving stress, both of which Robert desperately needs to do on a regular basis. Maybe that's why Val sent him the voucher, but did she send the buddy one knowing he'd ask me to go with him? I have a feeling his daughter is playing match maker behind the scenes.  
            At the yoga class place, Robert leads me inside and we sign in at the front counter and thanks to the voucher, no money is required. A nice woman directs us into a room that surprisingly has more males than I thought there would be. Regardless, the class is still overrun by females, so Robert and I take our places in the back of the room and I have to use one of the yoga mats they supply for people like me who don't own one. It smells like essential oils in here, lavender I think. There's a faint sound of running water that comes from the table top fountain in the front of the room and the lights are set pretty dim to add to the relaxing factor. I must say, it feels pretty good in here.  
            Robert seems at ease, which is strange because this seems so far out of his realm of things he's comfortable with. I really want to ask him what made him want to do this, but the instructor appears at the front of the room and gathers the class' collective attention.  
            "Hello, my name is Sarah. I see some familiar faces in the room and some new faces. Newbies, do not fret, this class is particularly easy for those willing to try. Let's start with something we can all do, which is child's pose," Sarah says.  
            All of us kick off our socks and shoes and I sit down on my knees, folding forward to reach my arms as far as they will go while my shoulders remain relaxed. I do know a few poses in yoga, contrary to popular belief. Alex was very big on it and I remember watching her do it in mine and Craig's dorm because hers was too small and she needed the room.  
           "From here, move into downward facing dog. Remember to breathe in from the nose and out from the mouth on a four count," Sarah instructs.  
           Some ambient music starts to play very quietly, making it easier to focus on my breathing and what I'm doing. I move into the pose and attempt to push my heels down to the mat while keeping some straightness in my legs; this is a lot harder than I remember. The instructor is walking around now, checking our forms and our individual flexibility. I glace over at Robert who has this pose nailed perfectly, his heels are even on the ground. I did not take Robert for the flexible kind. Hell, I did not take Robert for the yoga kind.  
          "Now lower yourself down into a plank and hold for fifteen seconds, then move into the cobra pose."  
          Planking... I hate planking. I lower myself down and attempt the hold, though I can't do it without shaking a bit. Craig and I do a lot of exercise together, but a lot of it is cardio work. I suppose I could ask him to change things up a bit so I can work on planking, not that I have any desire to. At the end of the fifteen seconds, I lower down further and stretch my spine upwards into the cobra pose, again looking at Robert to see that he is having next to no problems with this. He's extremely focused and he closes his eyes from time to time, breathing in and out slowly. I don't know why this is shocking me as much as it is.  
            "You guys are doing great. Now, with your right leg, move into the pigeon pose. Modify it if you have to. Hold it for a minute, and then switch legs. Start from all fours, and bring your right knee forward and place it roughly behind your right wrist. Place your ankle somewhere in front of your left hip," Sarah instructs.  
            I do as she advises and rest there for a while, feeling the stretch. I can't help but look at Robert again. How is he doing this like it's no problem?  
            "Okay, guys. Now I want you to go back into downward facing dog, but lift your right leg all the way up and hold it," Sarah calls out.  
            I let out a stressed, but quiet, sigh, and move into the position, lifting my right leg up in the air. This is difficult; this is so much more difficult. Why am I the only one struggling with this? Is there some genetic trait for yoga that we all get that I missed out on somehow? Sarah seems to see my struggle and walks over to my mat with a warm smile. "Is this your first time?" She asks kindly.  
            "Yes," I grumble, a little embarrassed.  
            Sarah laughs and grasps my ankle with one hand and places her other on the underside of my thigh. She helps me lift my leg and when I'm able to hold it, she moves her hands to my waist and carefully helps me angle my, well, ass into the right direction to keep my back straight. Robert is watching, I can feel his eyes on me. My face turns red under the pressure of being watched by him.  
            "You're doing great, Robert. It's good to see you again," Sarah says, turning to him.  
            My eyes widen with surprise and I turn to gape at him. This is not his first time either; he does this regularly and regularly enough for Sarah to know his name. Why else would he own a damn mat? Val sent him a voucher because she knows he does this and would enjoy it with a buddy, that buddy being me. This man is full of surprises.  
            Throughout the class, I spend most of my time being corrected by Sarah and starring at Robert. Now that I'm no longer questioning why he can do all of this, I'm able to appreciate seeing his body in certain poses and find some of them extremely attractive. I'm thoroughly well stretched when we're released to go home and feel oddly light bouncy, but relaxed nevertheless. As I climb into Robert's truck, I stare at him expectantly and he stares back with a confused face.  
            "What?" He asks, starting the ignition.  
            "Since when do you do yoga?" I demand, at a loss.  
            He pulls out on the road and shrugs carelessly at my question. "I've been doing it for two years now. It's good for the mind and helps out in the bedroom," He replies.  
            I go to say something, but then I think about what he said and wind up blushing instead. "Didn't realize you've been bringing people home," I comment, a little hurt.  
           Robert seems to hear the hurt in my voice and furrows his eyebrows together. "I haven't been. Besides Val, you're the only person I let in my house. I hardly even let Mary in, only when she has to. I stopped having one night stands a long time ago." He responds in a short tone.  
           I want to say something more, but nothing comprehensible comes to mind. And so, the rest of the drive back home is done in silence. Doing yoga with Robert is not necessarily something that I imagined myself doing, but I must admit that it was fun and I wouldn't mind doing it again in the future if he wants to. It really does remind me of Alex, though, and it hurts a little emotionally because of that. But I felt close to her tonight in ways I haven't felt for years and it was nice to feel that way again.  
           Upon arriving back home, I went to say goodnight to Robert, but he insisted that I come inside and dragged me in before I could respond. He throws some random movie on the TV and I unapologetically flop down on the floor to give Betsy all of the loving I can muster. She pounces around and licks at my face, yapping with excitement to see me. I laugh and scratch at her belly and little head, unable to get over how adorable she is. Robert is very lucky to have a dog like her. Robert is very lucky to have a dog, period.  
           "Thanks for coming with me tonight. I know I sprung that on you," Robert says, easing himself down on the couch.  
           I look up at him from the floor and give him a goofy grin as Betsy diverts her attention to her father and makes a pounce for him. "I had fun. It felt good to do something like that. Plus, I got to see another side of you I didn't think existed," I comment.  
           I push myself off the ground and sit down beside Robert, leaning against his shoulder a bit. We focus in on the movie at that point and I honest to god try to pay attention to it, but it seems that half of it is in French and I remember absolutely nothing from my French class in high school. Somehow, the two of us have grown closer in the past half hour without me noticing. I moved so my back presses against the arm of the couch and Robert is kind of half leaning towards me and half not. I think for a moment and spread my legs apart and hesitantly reach forward to pull Robert against my chest. He's stiff at first, but then I slide my arms around his waist and it seems to make him relax.  
          His head rests comfortably on my shoulder and every once in a while I'll look down on him to see that same scowl he gets when he's intensely focused on something. He messes with this bottom lip mindlessly with his fingers, just tugging on it every so often. It makes me giggle, but softly enough that it doesn't disturb his movie viewing. I slip my fingers into his hair and start playing with it. He redirects his scowl up at me for a moment as if to complain about me messing up his already messy hair, but then I start to actually massage him a bit and he grunts with acceptance. His hair is awfully thick and very soft, but it's just another thing I'll have to add to things I love about him.  
          I snuggle closer, nestling his body closer to mine. It feels good to have him this close to me again, it numbs the pain of not actually having him as mine. And he's being so willing, he's not protesting whatsoever. It's... nice. I imagine this is how things would be if we could be together. I like to think we'd spend a lot of time watching movies and snuggling like we are now. I know Robert has a soft side to him, I see it occasionally when he's with Betsy or in moments like this. He claims his heart is black and dead, but I refuse to believe that when he's being the dork he is and inviting me to a night yoga class.  
 _"Vous n'obtiendrez jamais le meilleur de moi, fils de puce!"_  
            Did the guy just call the other guy a son of a flea? I suppose certain things don't translate well into English. Though, I don't think I'd particularly like to be called a son of a flea. I wish I knew what is happening in this movie; it makes no sense when I can only translate less than a quarter of the dialogue.  
            "How are you watching this? Do you speak French?" I question, laughing quietly.  
            "Je parle assez pour comprendre," He responds simply.  
            I gape at him for what feels like the millionth time tonight. So he does yoga and he speaks French? He's really making it hard not to kiss him tonight.  
            "When I wasn't being a complete failure of a father, I helped Val with her French classes and wound up learning quite a bit of it for myself. This is one of the movies she was required to watch for her grade," He elaborates more in detail.  
            His tone is a little sad, but he seems to be happy to recall something he did right. I want to tell him that he was not a complete failure of a father because Val still turned out great, but I know nothing I will say will make this better for him.  
            "That's actually kind of sexy," I say instead, hating myself for it.  
            Robert chuckles and cranes his neck to look at me, grinning a little. "Vous n'êtes pas si mauvais vous-même."  
            I have no idea what he said, but I blush anyways because I'm a stupid boy in love with another stupid boy. And oddly enough, I find him speaking French to be a real turn on. "There's so much about you that I don't know," I comment, a little sad.  
            Robert nods in acknowledgement, aware of how right I am. I've let him in so many times, just pouring myself out to him, but it seems that I can never get him to do the same. I suppose it doesn't matter for right now, I get to know him a little better every day and maybe one day, I'll know him just as well as he knows me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My notes keep glitching out so I apologize if there has a been a problem with them. This chapter is a product of intense focus and lots of energy drinks, but heeeyyy... We're almost to chapter six! Chapter six is going to be good. I promise. Thank you for all of the Kudos! Much appreciated. And, of course, thank you to the readers. (I apologize if there are typos about. I'll go over the recently uploaded chapters when I get the chance.)
> 
> French Translations:  
> Movie: "You will never get the best of me, son of a flea!"  
> Robert 1: "I speak enough to understand."  
> Robert 2: "You're not that bad yourself."


	5. Old Habits Parallels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert takes Cody to the river for the day.

            My head rests against the trunk of the tree, a raging headache distracting my thoughts. I glance down at the sketch book with my pencil on the paper, but freeze my next movement midway. What's the point in finishing this if nobody is going to see it besides myself? The answer is simple, really, and I don't have to look hard in my mind to find it. Incompletion drives me to the brink of insanity. But my headache... It's too disturbing and disruptive. I've been sitting here for a few hours at least, the extreme focus I put myself in brought on a strong tension that lead to my godforsaken headache. With a sigh, I close my book and shove my pencil into the spiral spine reluctantly.  
            Hot weather is creeping up on the day, and for some reason, I can't get into it like everyone else can. In fact, I can't get into much of anything now that I think about it. I have my guitars, my books, my sketch books... but it all seems mildly bland. I still love it, those things are a part of my life, but I'm struggling to find my connection right now. When Amanda left, I think she took a part of me with her and I mean that in the least cliché way ever. For a year now, I've slowly been becoming more and more... boring.  
            I hate the word boring. As an artist in both the music and creating fields, I am constantly looking for ways to reinvent myself and make something new. And for the most part, I blame him. That bastard of a man has been my muse for a solid year now. Half of my sketch book is full of drawings of Robert, front and back. It's a little ridiculous, actually. But there's something about him that makes drawing him interesting and challenging and fun... and I can't get enough of it because it's just simply him. I feel like an addict sometimes. Though, I won't ever show him what's in my book. Showing him my sketch book is almost like a teenager reading their diary out loud to their peers. And that's exactly what this is, this book is my diary and showing him this would eventually lead to me telling him that I'm helplessly in love with him even though I know he already knows it.  
            Sun breaks through the thin clouds, instantly making things a bit warmer. For half a second, I consider staying under this tree and allow the sun to burn me a to a crisp, but getting heat stroke when I have work tomorrows seems to be less than wise in some case. So, like a sensible human being, I peel myself off the ground and stuff my book under my arm and my hands into my pockets. The park is almost vacant, except for the old couple who feed the ducks by the pond. They're always here, rain or shine. I'm sure kids will be swarming this place before too long, I'm actually surprised I haven't seen Craig run by.  
            It's a silent walk back to the cul-de-sac. Most everybody is hiding in their houses as the weather starts to get hot, except for Damien who is planting flowers in his front lawn with Mary. The two of them share a special bond I will never understand and I'm glad Damien has someone he can hang out with besides me. Everybody thinks he's strange, but I actually like him a lot and so does Robert. Shaking my head, I laugh quietly and open my front door to be welcomed by emptiness.  
            I kick off my Converse and give a grumpy stare to the mound of dishes in my sink that I really do not want to do and will not do until it literally forms a giant dishes monster and eats me alive. My sketch book returns home under one of the cushions of my couch, happily stowed away and out of sight from my neighbors and frequent visitors. From my back pocket, I feel my phone start buzz with notification after notification. I try to ignore the buzzing at first, only managing to last a solid minute before I'm pulling out my phone to read the messages from my brooding and unfathomably attractive neighbor. At least I know he's alive... bastard can't ever respond to let me know he's still breathing.

> **From Robert :   
> Hey, are you free? **
> 
> **From Robert :   
> Cause I wanna go somewhere **  
>    
> ****From Robert :   
> You're comin' with me whether you're free or not
> 
> ****From Robert :   
> I just want to know if I'm going to have to deal   
> with you complaining about being busy
> 
> **From Robert :   
> Bring your swimsuit**
> 
> **To Robert :  
>  What if I have plans?**
> 
> **Robert :   
> You never have plans** **.**
> 
> **Robert :   
> You have the social grace of an orangutan**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> And I mean that in the kindest way possible**
> 
> **From To Robert :   
> Asshole**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> Just calling it how it is.**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> Don't hate.**

            Changing out of my shorts, I dig out and put on my swimming trunks that I haven't put on for at least two years. They're a little tight, but only because the work Craig makes me do has actually given me some form of muscles. As I walk out to my living room, I decide that I'm not going to bother with trying to figure out where Robert is taking me this time, he never tells me anyways. Begrudgingly, I lock the door behind me and wait for Robert to move off the passenger side door of his truck that is parked in front of my house... But he doesn't.  
            "You seem grumpy," He analyzes.  
            "I am grumpy," I snap bitterly.  
            Robert chuckles and moves off my door. "That's cute."  
            Resisting the urge to kick him where it matters most, I climb in and passive aggressively buckle my seat belt. Robert does the same with zero aggression and pulls out, making his way to the freeway.  
            "So why are you grumpy?" He asks, glancing over in my direction.  
            "Artist's block. You wouldn't understand," I grumble.  
            "That's what you think," He snaps back.  
            The conversation stops there because he cranks the music and refuses to look at me. As the drive carries on, I begin to wonder if Robert ever plans to stop. However, he abruptly makes a sharp right and drives down a gravel road until he stops at a dirt trail head that appears to have not been maintenance for years. Robert hops out and I slowly do as well, trying to figure out where we are. He goes around to the back to pull out a thick blanket and what appears to be a cooler. Wordlessly, he starts on the trail and I follow in suit, moderately fearful that this is where he plans to harvest my organs so he can sell them on the black market.  
            After walking a long ways, we come to an opening that takes my breath away. In front of us is a crystal clear river that is relatively still all things considered. There are large boulders scattered around and some go out into the middle of the water. From the looks of it, the river would probably only go up to my mid thighs. About three feet from the bank, there's a large section of grass that Robert now spreads the blanket on and sits down on. I join him, but purposefully sit a good distance away from him for my own sanity. Getting too close to him will drive me insane as I am not allowed to touch him in the ways I want to.  
            "So what made you want to go somewhere with me during the day? You never do this," I question, leaning back on my hands.  
            Robert throws on his sunglasses and chews on a toothpick, looking at the blanket. "Doesn't matter. Wanted to try something," He replies, keeping a cool composure.  
            We sit there for a long time under the scalding heat of the sun. The longer I stare at the river, the more I feel like I have lost my mind. I hate the heat; I hate it with a passion.  
            "Cody, I told you to wear your trunks for a reason. Stop drooling and go swim," Robert says, rolling his eyes.  
            I look over at him and become flabbergasted with what he's wearing in this heat. I had not noticed it before because I was too irritated, but he's dressed up in jeans and his damn leather jacket. He has to be hot, cooking in his badass-don't-fuck-with-me outfit.  
            "You're coming with me," I demand, rather than suggest.  
            "No, I'm not," He scoffs.  
            I get up to my feet and pull my shirt up and over my head. This is the first time in the time I have lived here that I have been grateful for Craig making get off my lazy ass every morning to work out. While my abs are not as defined his, they are definitely there... Even if my sides are still a little pudgy. Robert has seen my shirtless before, but not in this scenario. Before, it was just to show him my bruises, but now that those are mostly faded, this is all just for show.  
            "Yes you are, Robert. You can't tell me you are not hot," I argue, crossing my arms.  
            "And suddenly he's not grumpy anymore." Robert looks up at me and glares, throwing the toothpick somewhere off into the grass.  
            I drop down to my knees and forcibly slide his leather jacket off his shoulders that almost burns my hand at touch. He's sweating; I can see it now that I'm closer to him. Yet, he still smells extremely good. Whatever cologne and deodorant he uses works wonders for him. I think it's my most favorite smell on earth right now.  
            "Fuck. No. Stop it," He protests and tries to move away, but I eventually get the jacket off of him and set it behind me. Sticking out from his jeans, I can see the waistband of his trunks and I snap the elastic to make a point.  
            "Ah, is that a swimsuit I see?"  
            "No."  
            "Strip, Small. You don't have a choice now."  
            "I'm starting to want you to make me," He grumbles.  
            I ignore his comment and kick off my socks and shoes, looking between Robert and the water. He eventually stands as well and pulls his shirt up and over his head. By now, I had completely forgotten about the wicked scar that stretches across his pecks; the one he got in the bike accident. I let my eyes wonder on the scar and try to imagine what that must have been like. Sixteen stitches. Not only does he have the scar, but this is the first time I'm seeing him shirtless and it's almost like a blessing. My palms itch with the need to touch him wherever I can, but I resist... _God damn, Robert._  
           "You gonna keep staring or are we gonna go?" He questions, drawing me from my thoughts.  
             I shake my head to clear the daze and realize that he is only in his trunks now. I shrug and walk my way to the water, wadding in with the only desire to cool off in this god awful heat. Robert is pretty fit himself. By comparison, he is a little more in shape than I am, but he too has soft spots in all of the right places... Why is he so perfect? Is he purposely trying to make my life difficult?  
            Mentally slapping myself, I wade out further until I'm standing in the deepest part of the river. It only comes up to my mid thighs, as predicted. Getting a bad idea in my head, I gently splash Robert and he glares at me, splashing me back with a little more force than I applied. "Splash me again and I will make you regret it," He grumbles, wiping the water from his face.  
            Having absolutely no fear, I splash him again and barely have time to hold my breath before Robert body slams me into the water. We both come up completely soaked and shocked from the cool temperature that clings onto our skin. I push my hair out of my face and laugh as Robert's hair just sort of gets fluffy as he shakes the water out of it.  
         "Yeah, I'm not feeling too much regret. Might need you to body slam me again," I say, rubbing the back of my neck.  
         Robert flips me off and pushes me so I fall back into the water again. This time, I resurface and splash him. It was a weak comeback, but I'm not about to go pushing Robert. I actually want to live a full and happy life. When we finally have our water quota full, we clamber out of the river and dry off with towels before sitting on the blanket again. Robert opens the cooler and pulls out a bottle of white zinfandel, pulling the cork off with the corkscrew on his keys. He then produces two red solo cups and pours us each an ample amount.  
            "Don't get drunk, I need you go drive me home," I warn, eyeing his cup.  
            "I know my limit. I would never put you in danger," He grumbles in response.  
            Shrugging, I sip on the wine and briefly think about the first time he brought this out on the night we snuck into the movie theater and we pissed off Ernest. Snickering, I down my cup at a relatively fast pace and look up at the now night sky. It's still extremely warm out given the fact that it was at least 110 today, but I don't mind it as much now that the sun isn't cooking me. I wouldn't be surprised if I got sun burnt today, I probably should have grabbed the sun screen out of my bathroom like a responsible adult. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Robert as he edges closer to me until he can look down on me, and I'm unsure why.  
           "See that constellation? That's Cassiopeia," I blurt, pointing to the sky.  
           Robert follows my gaze and smirks. "You're an even bigger nerd than I thought. Hot."  
           At first I am unsure if I should feel flattered or not, but then I flush and drop my arm. Whenever I'm in situations where I feel awkward, random facts just start flying out of my mouth and I'm unsure of where the off switch is for that. It's kind of a bad habit, but it's saved me from awkward silence on more than one occasion so I can't be too mad about it.  
           "So about you being grumpy..." He begins, trailing off.  
            His mention of that makes me set my jaw and deliver a quick eye roll. I was doing fine about it until he mentioned it. An artist does not like to be reminded about artist's block. "What about it?"  
            His eyes wonder my face, though I keep mine locked on the stars because I know once I look at him, I'll be stuck in his hold again. "Are you sure it's only artist's block?" He asks, running a hand through his damp hair.  
            I think for a moment, trying to understand what he means. Of course having artists block makes me angry and grumpy, it always does. But I suppose there are other things eating away at me. Like, missing my daughter and being in love with someone I can't have yet. There's the stress about Amanda's tuition and the stress that comes with worrying about Robert every day... I guess it slowly builds up with time.  
            "You have a point," I grumble, moving my arms so I lie flat on the blanket.  
            "Do you want to talk about it?" He questions, looking down on me.  
            I twist my lips to the side, unsure of what to say. "Things are just building up. Things I can't control like missing Amanda and wanting someone I can't have."  
            It came out so easily that I didn't really stop to think about what I was saying. Of course Robert has to know I'm crazy about him, it's so hard to hide it when he's charming me and making me swoon with every chance he gets. Everything about him is just so god damn attractive.  
            "You aren't the only one who wants someone," He replies a bit sadly. Robert examines my torso and I do my best to pretend like I don't notice, still looking intently at the stars. "But you like it, don't you? Being close to that person and sharing moments... It's a bit intoxicating, right?" He continues.  
            When I don't respond, he moves quickly to straddle my waist, planting his palms on the blanket so that he can hover above me comfortably. There's nothing I can do now, he's trapped me yet again. Our eyes lock together and much like they did all of the times before, all thoughts come to a screeching halt.  
            "You want that person badly. It's starting to get harder to control you impulses. You're craving them, thinking about them, wishing you could sleep next to them..." He guesses in a gruff voice.  
            Unable to do much of anything, I clear my throat. "I can control my impulses, I've gone this long. I'll keep controlling them until that person is ready." I justify, making him chuckle.  
            Robert draws a line from my collarbone to my waistline, sending a chill down my spine. We're acting like teenagers and it makes my heart flutter... I forgot what it feels like to be in love....  
            "When are you going to learn that I'm bad for you?" He asks, setting his head to the side.  
            I nervously laugh and mindlessly grab his hips, forgetting about what I should and shouldn't do. "I dunno. Probably never. You told me to wait. So I am," I sputter, face growing red.  
            Robert draws his face closer to mine and I can smell the wine radiating off of him. "It's been well over a year. Why wait?" He presses, moving his face even closer.  
            I feel my breath becoming hitched in my throat. Is this how he felt when I had him pinned down in the back of his truck back in June? God, I want to kiss him and just end this game we've been playing... but it's not my place. It has to come from him when he's ready for me. I told him I'd be there when he is...  
           "Because you're worth waiting for," I say clearly and honestly.  
            I did not think about what I was saying until I said it and I realize that I actually meant it, I really meant it. Something changes in his eyes, something that resembles guilt or remorse.  
            "I'm really not... But I don't want to fight you on it, even though I should."  
            "Then don't," I breathe.  
            I gaze up at him with eyes that scream with need and want. But the timing is not right and we both know that. Yet at the same time, he's so close and it's sad how easy it would be to just pull him down and kiss him. This feels exactly like the night in the bed of his truck; the same closeness is there it's burning inside of me. Though, he rolls off of me and falls next to me with a sigh. We both lie there in silence, unable to say anything or move for that matter. I reach my hand out and bump his gently. He then opens his hand to mine and I interlace our fingers, unwilling to break the physical contact between us. I need him close to me and as I lie here, I convince myself that I'm okay with waiting a little longer. I meant what I said. He's worth the wait and I'll wait another year if I have to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooo.... You only have one more chapter until I disappear! I'll be back Sunday. I swear. Thank you for bearing with me through the past few chapters. I don't know what it is about them, but I'm not entirely proud of them. Thank you, thank you, thank you. :)


	6. Arcade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody takes Robert to the arcade and some things happen...

            Okay. House work. It's not all that complicated, is it? Yes, of course it is. Everything about housework is boring, in my experience at least. When Alex died, I trained myself to be the best housewife dad I could be and I'm a pretty damn good one if I don't say so myself. With music playing from the Bluetooth speaker in my living room, I throw on the dishes gloves and start tackling the monstrous mess I have created with my procrastination and horrendously bad habit of using fifty pots to make pasta.  
            I move through my chores progressively, making more progress than I have since I moved here. In fact, I think this is the cleanest the kitchen has been for a few months. _Ah, crap_... I should get laundry done. With a sigh, I walk to the designated laundry area and pull what's in the washer and put it all in the dryer for a full cycle. There is nothing entertaining about chores; I'm having flashbacks from the child hood chores chart my mother made. _Oh dear lord.  
_             Back to the kitchen. From the pantry, I pull the broom out and start sweeping, finding this mildly more entertaining than dishes and dusting. The song on my speaker changes to one I recognize, but not one that should be on my playlist. Smooth... by Santana? _God damn it, Robert_... I sway my hips to the music nevertheless as this is admittedly one of my favorite songs from this band.  
_"Man, it's a hot one... Like seven inches from the midday sun. Well, I hear you whispering in the words, to melt everyone... But you stay so cool..."  
_            I haven't sung for so long, I didn't realize how long it's been until now. It feels good, really good actually. I add a couple of awkward shuffles to my sweeping, laughing as I do. Okay, so maybe chores aren't so bad now.  
_"My muñequita, my Spanish Harlem, Mona Lisa... You're my reason for reason... The step in my groove. And if you said this life ain't good enough, I would give my world to lift you up... I could change my life to better suit your mood... Because you're so smooth."  
_              Amanda always loved to hear me sing as she grew up. Most nights, when she was real little, I wouldn't read her a story because she always requested that I sang her a song instead. She was mesmerized by it, confused how I could make such sounds with my voice.  
_"And it's just like the ocean under the moon... Oh, it's the same as the emotion that I get from you... You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah... Give me your heart, make it real or else forget about it."_  
            I turn around, a smile on my face and my hips swaying, and look up just to have all of the blood rush to my face. There, leaning on the door-frame of my open front door with his stupid grin and stupid leather jacket, is Robert. I drop the broom, embarrassment coursing through my veins.  
            "No, no. Don't stop on my account. You're really good and those dorky dance moves you have going on really add to it," He says, smiling wider. He steps into my house in full and closes the door behind him. After he kicks off his shoes, he walks over to me and continues to give me that award winning, heart beat altering, smile of his.  
            "How long were you standing there? You weren't supposed to come over for another couple hours?" I ask, voice strained with shock.  
            Robert laughs and grabs a hold of my hips, much like he did at the club in June. I freeze under his touch, unsure of what to do. "I was there long enough to know you're talented. You should perform at the Coffee Spoon, Mat would dig it," He encourages.  
            I shake my head frantically, unable to look away from his eyes that hold me captive. "No, I'll pass, thank you. What are you doing here?" I question, still on the verge of having a meltdown out of embarrassment.  
            Robert pulls me hard against him, making me grab his waist on reflex. He's very close to me now, close enough to make my cheeks turn pink again. I refuse to look away from his eyes now, afraid that if I do, I will look directly at the lips I want to kiss so badly. Though, he has no shame in doing it himself. His eyes flicker down to my lips twice, marveling over the idea in his head. How easy it would be to just lean in and kiss me, to put an end to this stupid I-love-you-but-wont-confess-to-it thing.  
            "I finished with my thing and was coming over to ask you if you wanted to do that thing you planned a little earlier?" He finally says, leaning in close enough for us to share the air now.  
            My palms are tingling with the need to pull him in; I subconsciously lick my lips for him, begging him to just do it. "Y-Yeah. We could go now," I stamper.  
            His thumbs draw circles on my hips, making me step closer to him. We're sharing the same breath, lips just centimeters apart. "Great," He says, stepping away abruptly. "Go change or do whatever you need to do. I'll wait out here."  
            He leaves to go sit on the couch and I stand there in the middle of my kitchen, head swimming.

            "Are you going to tell me where we're going?" Robert whines. I laugh at his impatience, keeping my eyes one the road.  
            "You never tell me where you're taking me. It's going to be fun, I promise." Out of the corner of my eye, I see him making a mocking face as he mouths what I said silently. Oh, how childish he is.  
            "Fine. Then tell me this," He starts, stretching out in his seat, "why a Jeep Wrangler?"  
            Why do you own a run down, barely functioning truck? "I own a Wrangler because contrary to popular belief, I do explore the woods and live a little," I say bitterly.  
             Robert makes a face of surprise, having never thought me, the book worm, to be much of an adventurer. "This would be fun for Cryptid hunting," He muses, thinking about future trips.  
            "Well, if you ask nicely, I might let you take it. But only if I come with," I offer, grinning.  
            "Deal," He responds immediately.  
            Conversation drops after that point, falling into a comfortable silence. Fortunately for me, there isn't much traffic on the highways despite the fact that it's rush hour. After pulling off at an exit, I drive for just a bit longer and shut off the engine in a parking lot of an arcade. Robert chuckles and excitedly exits my car, competition radiating off of him.  
            "You're going down, Cocoapuffs," He taunts, walking by my side.  
            He doesn't wear his leather jacket now, unlike at my house. Instead, he wears a form fitting Nirvana shirt from the 90's. It's retro and it looks good on him. He seems to have taken a shower this morning and his facial hair is a bit neater than it has been for the past month, he also smells ridiculously good; he cleaned up just for this day out. I blush.  
            "I wouldn't count on it. Amanda and I spent many, many hours at the arcade and even before then, Craig and I were hitting up all of the local ones. I have years of experience on my belt," I provoke with a laugh.  
            Robert bubbles with confidence and as we step into the building, I realize that two middle aged men are about to get very invested in something potentially childish. Then again, we're grown men who can make our own, completely mature, decisions. The woman at the front desk smiles warmly at us and takes the time to check me out. I awkwardly return her smile with a nod and pull my wallet out from my pocket.  
            "What'll it be?" She asks, gesturing to the board of options.  
            I scan the different selections even though I know what I'm getting; I planned this all ahead of time. "Two unlimited passes, please," I say, handing her my card. The woman charges me and in return hands Robert and I each a plastic card that is brightly labeled with the words Unlimited fun Time!  
            "You two have fun," She says, handing me my receipt and debit card.  
            I go to thank her, but she winks flirtatiously at me and suddenly I'm grabbing Robert by the bicep and dragging him to the game floor.  
            "Ha, she thought you were hot," Robert snickers, walking directly for the ski ball.  
            "Yeah, well... I'm kind of into a guy right now, so..." I mutter, swiping my pass on the machine.  
            Robert does the same and in return, we are given five balls each and with that, a war ensues. He rolls his first ball, managing to only score a twenty-five. I, on the other hand, start the match off with an easily scored one-hundred. Robert glares at me and playfully shoves me, which I reciprocate with me sticking my tongue out to him.  
            "Childish. You are childish," He grumbles, rolling his next ball. Robert curses when he misses and gets zero points, while I score a fifty. He's getting butt-hurt, I can sense it.  
            "Look, it's simple," I say with a laugh.  
            I move behind Robert and guide his arm with my own, sending ball right into a one-hundred slot. I release him and return to my station, grinning like the pro I am. We continue playing until I come out as the victorious one and rightfully so. Afterwards, we move onto air hockey and I know I'm in for a treat. Air hockey is not in my field of expertise; both Amanda and Craig always beat me without fail. In fact, I nailed myself in the head with the puck once because I hit it so wrongly it bounced back and I couldn't dodge it in time.  
            Robert sets the puck on the table and with one solid strike, it's soaring through my goal. I curse under my breath for the sake of the children around us, putting the puck back on the table. I try to copy Robert's exact movements, but I fumble miserably and the puck only manages to bounce off the side, which he then uses to send it back into my goal. Why is he so good at air hockey? We keep up this pattern, me losing and him scoring. It's split now, four to four. I aim the puck for his goal, hoping to pull off some last crazy move. Though just as I was about to hit it, a kid rams into the back of my leg and makes me hit wrongly. Robert catches is and manages to win the game by easily hitting it back into my goal. I lost... and I was so close.  
            "Winner, winner!" He exclaims, smiling proudly. His smile takes my breath away and its cliché, maybe, but yet I feel like my thoughts have come to a screeching halt. I don't see it enough, it looks so good on him and it looks even better when he's giggling.  
            "And who's the child now?" I ask, leading him over to the next game.  
            "Still you. Sticking your tongue out is like the lowest form of an insult," He responds, positive with himself.  
            I roll my eyes and grab my first basketball, easily making a basket; all these years of living room basketball is finally going to pay off. Robert follows up with a nice swish, earning him a couple of extra points. When I'm about to shoot my next basket, Robert bumps his hip against mine, which evidently causes me to miss my shot.  
            "Fucking Cheater," I grumble, glaring at him.  
            Robert shrugs and makes the next basket with ease. Ridiculous. Throughout the day, we bounce between all of the games in the room and at one point, Robert played a round of Donkey Kong against a very cocky teenager who swore an old man couldn't be him. Robert beat the kid easily and is now in a cocky mood himself, though it's not nearly as obnoxious; it's almost cute.  
            "I think we played everything. I think we played it all twice," Robert comments, scanning the games around us.  
            I look around too and find something that we have yet to do that is tucked away in a corner, away from most of the attractions. "There's that," I say as I point to the photo booth.  
            Robert raises an eyebrow and turns his face to me, shaking his head. "No," He says flatly. I give him the best pouty face I can, sticking my bottom lip out for good measure.  
            "Put that lip away before I bite it," He threatens.  
            Instantly my lip returns to its normal place and my cheeks blaze red. "Come on, Bobert. Do it for me?" I beg. He groans and stocks off to the photo booth with me closely behind. We slide into the seat and close the curtain, swiping both of our cards so we each get a copy.  
            "How do you want to do this?" He asks me, throwing an arm over my shoulder.  
            I contemplate all of the best photo booth poses and smile wide. "Funny, normal, I'll follow whatever you do for the last two photos," I say, laughing.  
            Robert nods and leans forward to press the start bottom, his arm never leaving my shoulder. For the first one, Robert sticks his tongue out with a blank face while I do simple pig nose while looking at him. During the second, we simply smile sweetly like two men who just had a long day of competing with each other. Though for the next two, things change drastically. Robert pulls me significantly closer, brushing his lips against mine without kissing. The picture is taken. Then, he's kissing me. It's long, sweet, passionate... unreal. I melt in his arms, gently resting my hand on his chest while his free hand grips my thigh. The picture it taken. Robert pulls away with one last peck, sliding out of the booth. I have to stay in there for an extra moment to recollect my thoughts, trying to understand what just happened. I admittedly said I would follow his lead, but I didn't think he'd just flat out do that with no hesitation. _He just fucking kissed me.  
_             Robert hands me my photo strip when I come out and I stare at our pictures. The last two hold my attention the most though, as anyone could imagine. Photo proof, photo proof that I was just kissed... holy hell. I think I'm dizzy. I look up at Robert, who is leaning against the booth, and my stomach suddenly feels really funny; I think this is what butterflies feels like? He too is looking at the photos and there's a soft smile on his lips, one the he tries to fight off.  
            "W-We should get back. Long drive," I stutter, glancing down the photos again.  
            Robert looks at me and nods and much to my surprise, he wraps his arm around my waist and struts us out of there with pride on his shoulders. Its night time now and there's a cool breeze in the air, one that makes me shudder. At my car, I expect to get inside, but Robert suddenly grabs me by the waist and pushes me up against the back of my car, leaning in closely. My breath becomes hitched in my throat, my eyes frozen on his. There's a smile playing at his lips, one that both entices me and excites me.  
            "Got anything else on the agenda tonight, Cocoapuff?" He asks, brushing his lips against the corner of my mouth.  
            I turn my head slightly, catching the softness of his lips as he pulls away. "I did. Movie marathon at my place?" I mumble.  
            Robert steps back then, gesturing for me to get in the car. With numb legs, I climb in and start the engine, shaking my head to clear the thoughts that were brought on by the man beside me. Before he can bug me, I pull out and devote all of my focus to getting back to the cul-de-sac. _Holy hell..._

            My feet drag lazily into my house, tired from all of the hard core gaming we did today. Robert fiddles with my TV and puts in one of the movies he brought over from his house. In the meantime, I change into sweat pants and a comfortable shirt and drag all of my spare blankets out to the living room.  
            "What the actual hell are you going to do with all of those?" Robert asks, eyeing the large mound of comforters and pillows I accumulated. I take the first blanket and lay it out flat on the floor, after moving the coffee table out of the way, followed by the next five.  
            "I am making a blanket bed. You should always watch a movie marathon with lots of blankets and pillows," I say, exhaustion woven in my voice.  
            Robert raises an eyebrow and I notice that he too has put sweat pants on; he must have brought some over from his place along with the movies. "So this is basically a sleep over?" He asks, clarifying.  
            I shrug and ease myself down onto the blanket bed, resting my head comfortably on a few pillows. "It's a slumber party, Small. We're being teenage girls, just accept it. Join me," I beckon, patting the bed.  
            He reluctantly plops down on his butt beside me and starts the movie, sitting up rather straight.  
            "Want something to drink? I have white zinfandel." I ask, getting up despite the fact I just sat down.  
            Robert nods slowly, paying no mind to me as he is completely invested in the movie. I chuckle and grab two glasses and pull the wine from my alcohol cabinet. I decide not to pour a lot for starters. Robert has been doing decently well with his alcohol management, all things considered, and I don't want to overload him. With a shrug, I bring the glasses out to the living room and give him his share. He mumbles a thanks and I lie back down, throwing another pillow behind me so I can both watch the movie and drink my wine comfortably.  
             "Since when do you watch romance movies?" I question, raising an eyebrow.  
            "See, now he told her to wait. That's responsible. But now she's sleeping around and breaking his heart because he knows about it even though she thinks he doesn't," Robert complains, ignoring my question.  
            I purse my lips, thinking about the situation in the plot. "Well she's either a bitch or she got tired of waiting, which I guess could make her a bitch too because she did say she would wait and then went behind his back to sleep with all of his friends," I contemplate seriously.  
              Robert rolls his eyes, leaning back on his own mound of pillows. "I guess it has been a couple years. I don't blame her if she got tired of waiting. The guy is kind of fucked up anyways," He grumbles.  
              Something in his facial expression changes and I know exactly what's going through his head. "Robert, hey. It's just a movie," I say, sitting up.  
            He glances at me, but his eyes don't linger long. "It's kind of true though, isn't it? I'm the fucked up one you're the one I told to wait." He says, looking down at the blankets.  
            I scoot closer to him, forgetting about my wine that now sits on the end table. I take his glass away from him and set it somewhere where it will not be knocked over on accident. He goes to ask what I'm doing, but he stops when I pull him into my arms.  
            "I'm never going to stop waiting for you," I say sternly.  
            I draw away, far enough to look at his face. He seems tense, unsure of himself. And in a split moment of confidence, I'm kissing him. His hands clutch at my back and his legs stretch out, giving me the room to straddle his thighs. He sighs into me, melting under my touch. I kiss him warmly and glide my tongue alongside his bottom lip, asking to be let in and he abides. I taste the wine on him and his scent is intoxicating me, making my heart lurch forward. He's so warm and he's molded to my body, there is no space between us. I have wanted this, needed this, craved him. He makes me remember what it's like to love somebody, to want somebody for something more than sex.  
            "Cody... I... I don't..." Robert says between kisses.  
            I draw away from him, running my hand through his hair. "We don't have too, not to tonight." I reassure.  
            He gives a look of appreciation and I slide off of him, though I stay close. He lies down and pulls me down with him, evidently making my head rest on his chest. My head is swimming, unsure of what to make of what happened today. _At the arcade... now in my living room...  
_             With time, we doze off to sleep in the comfort of my living room and the movie marathon is long forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM. THEY FUCKIN' KISSED, Y'ALL. There is still a LOT to come with this story. I feel so much better about this chapter. I hope the recently uploaded chapters will be enough to get you through the weekend. Thank you for the support and the lovely comments, I read them all. See you Sunday! -Jade


	7. Traveling Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody and Robert leave for a trip.
> 
> WARNING: This story is rated Mature for a reason. You can pretty much expect sexual nature in random chapters from here on out. Whether it be suggestive conversation, touching, oral, vanilla sex, etc... It'll be in this story. Given the rating on this story, I will not be informing of when sex happens. It says in the tags that this story will contain smut, so it tis your own fault if you stumble upon it. This is your only warning. Thank you! :)

            I stare at my duffel bag, checking the contents one, twice, over. Everything I need is in there, but I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting _something_. Clothes, books, toiletries, sketch book, chargers... There has to be something, right? Never in my years on this planet have I successfully packed for a trip and didn't forget anything. And with me being as excited as I am...  
            "Codes, come on! You aren't the one who has to drive fuckin fourteen hours. Chop, chop," Robert impatiently yells from my living room.  
            After throwing two last things in my bag, I scurry out and meet the leather wearing fool in my living room. "There you are. Let's go, Betsy gets restless," He demands, grabbing my bag from me.  
            I follow him out to the truck and climb into the passenger seat, gently moving Betsy out of the way as she tries to lick my face off with excited little barks. Robert jumps in next and gets Google Maps going, pulling out in the next minute. He doesn't necessarily like relying on technology to get us where we're going, but seeing as neither of us know the route by heart, Google it is.  
            "I actually miss having your kid around. She's the only kid on the block who isn't slightly or completely afraid of me," He says honestly.  
            I look at him, almost a little saddened by his assertion. "She isn't afraid of you because she can see right through you. Like I said two or so months ago, you guys are two peas in a pod."  
            Robert grunts and plays his Tom Waits, putting his sun glasses on for no reason. "Are you afraid of me?" He asks darkly.  
            "Only when you're telling me your bullshit stories or do something stupid," I joke.  
            He snorts, lowering his glasses to look at me. How is it possible to be _that_ _sexy?_   "I can almost assure you that I will never stop doing that," He says with a low laugh.  
            I push his face to look back at the road and stare at the stickers on his dashboard. There's a frowning pineapple, a T-rex on a skateboard with a backwards baseball cap, a flower, some stars, and an elephant with a heart on its nose. "Has Val called recently?" I ask suddenly.  
            Robert tenses up at the mention of his daughter. It's a sensitive subject for him, not one he generally talks about at his own will. Over the course of the past year, he has slowly been working himself into being more of an open person, but he still would much rather keep quiet about it until it becomes too much to deal with on his own. "Not recently," He grumbles.  
            "Have you called her?"  
            "No..."  
            "Robert..."  
            He looks to me with exasperation, pulling his eyebrows together with a set jaw. He's not necessarily angry, but it's an expression that reads what-do-you-expect-me-to-do?  
            "Look, I'm not trying to tell you what you should and shouldn't do, but I think she'd like if you called her," I remark.  
            Robert sighs, resting his head on his seat. He's very tense now and I blame myself for that; I could have brought Val up in a smoother, less abrupt, way. "What do I even say to her?" He laments.  
            I adjust how I'm sitting so I can face him better. Betsy lifts her head lazily in my lap, disturbed by my movement. "Just call to ask how she's doing. You don't have to have a reason for calling, she's your daughter. Do you know how many times I call Amanda about the most random things? Just talk to her, tell her about your whittling, and tell her about some hot guy you met at the bar. She'll listen to you because she loves you."  
            He doesn't respond to me, but I know my message got through to him. I notice he takes a lot of my advice when it comes to Val. He sees me as the perfect dad and while I am willing to fight him on that and make the point that nobody is perfect; I know I'll never win. _How could you possibly know how this feels? You did everything right. Your daughter loves you. You're a good person..._ He was almost right when he said I don't know what it's like. But I do have an idea. I lost Alex, just as he lost Marilyn. During that time, everything was... dark. I didn't see a way out and the only reason why I got out was because of Amanda. I suppose that's where Robert and I differ. He was already shuffling through his bad habits and because of that, he wasn't tuned to his daughter like I was with mine.  
            I was depressed. I still get depressed. Every year, without fail, I am useless on the anniversary of Alex's death. At the beginning, I wouldn't even get out of bed most times for two or three days. Amanda understood, she always did, and I never let her go hungry or neglected her needs, but I was barely a functional human. Now, I'm better about it, but I still get pretty low. Some people may argue that I am selfish for continuing to let myself get like that, but most of those people have never lost someone they thought they would spend their life with. I don't cry anymore and I certainly have come to terms with her death, but the pain still lingers and it's the same pain that takes over me every day in late May.  
            I remember the night we found out she had been in an accident. It was the middle of the night and I got a call from the hospital. Alex was coming home late because she had work, so I wasn't expecting her anyways... But then they told me she was in a car wreck and was in critical condition. I flew out of the house so fast, barely managing to get Amanda ready to go. And we sat there for days, watching over Alex as she slowly slipped away from us. Every day I held her hand in hopes that she would magically wake up. But she never did. When she finally flat lined, when her heart finally stopped beating, I was distraught and broken. And Amanda... My poor little girl... She was so calm and it worried me so much, but she had come to terms with the fact that mommy might not wake up long before I did.  
            And so I do have an understanding when it comes to Robert. I may not have experienced the things he has, but I still know and I see a lot of myself in him. We're two fucked up puzzle pieces trying to make a pretty picture for the world when in reality, it doesn't have to be pretty at all. It can be as ugly as it needs to be and I wouldn't care because I'd be near him.

            Around two in the morning, when Robert can no longer continue to drive, we pull into some sleazy cheap hotel and stagger to the front desk with our bags on our shoulders and Betsy trotting closing behind on leash and harness. There's an elderly woman sitting at the desk with a glittery pink pen with a large heart on the top of it. She produces a toothy smile when she sees us, giving a flirty wave at Robert. He awkwardly returns her gesture with a semi-neutral nod.  
            "Hello, lovelies! What can I do for the two of you?" She questions charmingly.  
            "We need a room," Robert replies.  
            The woman turns to tap something on her computer, giving Robert occasional goo-goo eyes. I wonder what Robert would do if I stared at him the way this woman is. He would probably think I'm insane, I should try it some time.  
            "Well, you two are in luck. We have one room left. Would you like to take it?" The woman asks sweetly.  
            Robert nods, too tired to give much of a response.  
            "Great. I'll just need you to fill out a form and I'll give you your key."  
            She pulls a form from a filing cabinet and hands it to Robert, followed by the glittery pink pen. I have to turn away to stop myself from laughing because there is something very comical about Robert holding and using a pen like that.  
            "You two love birds enjoy yourselves," The woman says, winking as she gives Robert the key.  
 _Love birds? That's news to me._ Without saying a word or thanking the woman, Robert abruptly grabs my arm and ushers me along with a little more force than needed. "Aw, is Bobert embarrassed?" I tease playfully.  
            "Don't call me that."  
            "Bobert."  
            "Fuck off."  
            We come to the room at the very end of the hall, labeled with the number twenty-two. Robert pushes the door open and flicks the light on, right away revealing a slight problem with the room we were given. Together we stare at the single twin sized bed, lips pressed together in hard lines.  
            "I'll uh... take the arm chair," Robert says, tossing his bag on the teal colored and tattered chair.  
            "You are not going to sleep on that. You have to drive," I argue immediately.  
            Robert raises an eyebrow, resting a hand on his hip casually. "Well you're not sleeping on it," He says bluntly  
           "You're right. I'm not. We're both going to sleep on the bed like normal people. We've fallen asleep together before, this isn't any different," I remind him.  
           "It's a twin sized bed, Cody. I'm not a small guy," He points out.  
           "According to your last name you are," I retort with a suppressed giggle.  
            He gives me a deadly glare and I have to choke back my loud laughs just so I don't lose my life tonight in a cheap ass hotel in the middle of the night. Who knows how many knives he brought with him for this quick trip?  
            "Stop complaining, we'll make it work," I finally say, rolling my eyes.  
            He looks between the bed and me a couple times before shrugging and walking to his bag. "Are you going to take a shower?" He asks.  
            "Not until the morning."  
            He nods casually, pulling a pair of sweatpants from his bag. "Well, I am. See you in a bit."  
            Robert disappears behind the bathroom door, locking it behind him. I use my time alone to change into my pajamas before crawling onto the right side of the bed. For being a cheap hotel, this mattress isn't half bad and it's relatively clean in here. I pull out my sketch book and pencil and begin the drawing process. I've been fueled with creativity lately and it seems that no matter how fast I move my pencil, I can't get the ideas out fast enough. I flip to the last project I was working on, a drawing of Robert as he was driving earlier. He wasn't paying much attention to me as he was driving, his eyes barely left the road the entire time, so I used his distraction to my aid and started drawing him... for the billionth time.  
            Robert's shower shuts off after about twenty minutes and he opens the door, letting out all of the steam and damp air. I put my sketch book away for the time being, no longer focused on my drawings. He stands in the entrance wearing only his sweatpants, drying his hair off with a towel. I gawk at how perfect his body is, marveling over his muscles. I mentally save the sight before me, finding it to be great art material. I wish I could touch him... run my fingers over his muscles... slide my palms down to his navel...  
            "Like what you see, Cocoapuff?" He teases, peeking from under the towel.  
            I blush and look away, down at my hands specifically. He tosses the towel onto the arm chair and shuffles to the bed, sitting on the edge of his half. I steal a glance at his back, looking at the toned muscles and random scars.  
            "I need a smoke," He grumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose.  
            For a couple of weeks now, Robert has been trying to quit cold turkey with smoking. I suggested he that he might want to consider weaning off of cigarettes, but he wouldn't have it. He said something about him smoking them for too long and he would prefer not to develop lung cancer because that would be shitty. He's been extremely grumpy and tense because of it. Frowning, I get up and walk over to my bag and pull out my snack pack, digging through it. I manage to produce a small bag of Dum Dums and pull one out, walking back over to offer it to him.  
            "When my mother was trying to quit, she always ate a sucker whenever she got a craving for a cigarette. When we reach the next town, we can get you some nicotine patches or gum... maybe both." I explain to him.  
            He takes the small sucker from my hand and unwraps it, popping it into his mouth. As he eats that, I put the rest of my suckers into his bag and I suddenly feel glad for packing them. I turn back to the bed and notice that Robert is still very tense and uneasy and he's rolling his neck in hopes to loosen some of that up; I guess the shower didn't do much for him. The sucker seems to be stimulating the habit, but I know the craving for the real thing is still there. Smirking, I climb onto the bed and get on my knees directly behind him. My hands hesitantly grip onto his shoulders, unsure if he'll let me do this. Going with it, I begin to massage his muscles, moving my thumbs in large and deep circles. He eases into my touch with a relaxed sigh, letting me relax work out the knots and tension for him.  
           "My mom also went to regular massages to relieve the tension," I acknowledge.  
            Robert laughs quietly, loosening up with each rub. "I think you were just looking for an excuse to touch me while my shirt is off," He guesses cheekily.  
            I roll my eyes and continue to rub his shoulders until I no longer feel any tension. I draw away and plop down on my side, head landing on the fluffy white pillow. Robert moves so that his back presses against the bed frame with his legs stretched out for comfort. Our shoulders touch even with both of us at the edges of the bed, making me realize how tricky sleeping is going to be. Not wanting to thinking about it, I quickly get up to turn off the light and return to the bed to climb under the comforter. I turn onto my side, facing away from Robert to prevent myself from starring at him some more.  
            After Robert finishes his sucker, he too climbs under the comforter and rolls onto his side, but he's facing me because I can feel his breath on my neck and he's close. My heart flutters, unsure of how to react to this.  
            "I don't have much room over here, Codes," He comments, sighing.  
            "Then get closer," I almost snap anxiously.  
            "If you insist."  
            He scoots significantly closer, close enough that our bodies are barely separated by an empty few inches. I can defiantly feel his breath now, it's hot and brushing against the sweet spot on my neck. Unsure of what I'm doing, I scoot even closer to him, pressing my back against his seemingly waiting chest. We've slept in the same bed once before... what's so different about it now? Is it because he's shirtless? Because of what happened in my living room a couple of weeks ago? Because we are on a bed in a hotel away from home in the middle of the night?  
            "Get a little closer, Cody," He beckons.  
            I freeze again... unable to think clearly. His arm drapes over my waist and forcibly brings me even closer to his warm body. There's no space between us now, even our legs are becoming a tangled mess. I move my waist to find a comfortable position for my spine, but I stop midway when I realize what I'm doing to Robert. His breath is staggered now, uneven and rough with growing arousal.  
            "Killjoy," He grunts.  
            My cheeks burn red again and I do it teasingly once more, making his breath stop halfway in his throat. His plants his hand firmly between my hips and pulls my pelvis closer against him, causing more friction. I can feel his buldge growing, pressing against my ass. My heart hammers against my chest, threatening to burst out. My instincts are kicking in; I'm no longer in control of what I'm doing. Slipping my hand behind me, I grab a hold of him and drag my hand down, feeling the length and _oh god_... He sighs against my neck, making me shiver.  
             "Robert?" I whisper.  
             "Yeah?"  
             "Kiss me."  
            Robert gently rolls me onto my back and cups the side of my face, stroking it with his thumb. "Friends don't kiss friends," He mumbles, repeating what I said to him in June.  
            I stare up at him through the darkness, seeing the traces of worries in his eyes. "Some do," I sigh.  
            Robert swiftly moves to turn on the bedside light, looking both focused and unsure. "We need to have a talk, Cody," He says, sitting up. I slowly sit up as well, unsure of what's about to happen.  
            "You know I'm working through a lot of stuff... and I'm not perfect when it comes to relationships. I used to be a big fan of one night stands, but you... you are flipping my world upside down. I've been so stressed and so angry lately, but I don't feel any of that when I'm with you... Most of the time." He begins, struggling to find words. "At Amanda's party I told you that I wasn't ready for a relationship, but I look at myself now and realized that I'm not ever going to be ready because I can't... You help make me better," He forces out.  
            I focus hard on what he's saying, navigating through his half thoughts and scattered information. This is the first time in a long time that he's willing speaking about his feelings in such a personal way and it makes me happy to see him making the effort.  
            "I'm so bad at this, Cody. I'm trying to explain this to you," He blurts, defeated.  
            From under the blanket, I find his hand and hold it in mine, bringing him reassurance. "Take your time," I encourage.  
            Robert genuinely looks lost and confused. What he wants to say is right on the tip of his tongue; he just doesn't know how to get it out. "I'm still messed up and have a long way to go, but you need to know that... I mean... You're really special to me, I told you that... I have really strong feelings for you and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with them, but I need you to know that what we have isn't one sided. I just need a little more time," He stammers.  
            He is completely flustered and red with embarrassment, unwilling to look me in the eyes. Smiling like a damn fool, I turn his face to mine and finally kiss the lips I have been craving since the night in my living room. He's hesitant at first, unsure of what to make of my action. It takes him a while to unwind and kiss back, melding our lips together. He tastes like the cotton candy sucker, sweet and addicting. I could kiss him all night if I wanted too, but I pull away after a while, resting my forehead on his.  
            "You need to get some sleep if we're going to see Amanda tomorrow," I murmur.  
            Robert chuckles and turns out the light, moving both of us so we are back in our original spooning position. It then dawns on me that we technically don't have to sleep like this. We could theoretically turn our backs so why- _oh_. I stifle a giggle into the pillow, shoulders shaking.  
            "What the fuck are you laughing about?" Robert grumbles, pulling me closer.  
            My cheeks start blushing pink, but only because I find this so adorable and way out of the field of expectations I had imagined for him. Maybe I should stop expecting things when it comes to him, I'm wrong almost always. We've cuddled before, but I only assumed that he tolerates it be because I'm usually the one to start it. "Robert Small likes to cuddle," I say with a giggle.  
            He stiffens up, but only nestles closer to me. "If you tell anyone, I will bury you in my backyard," He threatens darkly.  
            I cozy up against him a little more, enjoying the feeling of his body against mine while it lasts. "You got it, Bobert."  
            "I will go sleep on the chair," He threatens.  
            "But you won't," I say knowingly.  
            "Fuck you."  
            His threat was empty, he would never move now that he has me in his arms and has felt the comfort of the bed. So, instead of getting up, he mumbles more profanities in a sleepy daze as he slowly slips off into unconsciousness. And I, feeling wide awake, lay there with a small smile on my face. I look down at the hand that rests on my lower stomach and gently trace the scars that decorate it with my finger tip. It's silly how he has me wrapped around his finger and it's even more silly because of how okay I am with it. But with him holding me like this, I feel... better.  
            I have not spoke about it much, the only person who is aware is Craig. I wasn't sure how to bring it up to Robert without making it seem like a big deal, so it's been at the back of my mind for a few weeks now. Since the attack at the club, I haven't felt _good_. At first I didn't know what it was or why I was feeling so jumpy... Then I had my first panic attack, or at least my first panic attack in a couple of years. It was a particularly bad one and it came out of nowhere. The TV was on while I was cooking and some movie was playing and somebody said something that reminded me of that night and the events of what happened just kept replaying in my head over and over until I finally broke down. I felt so stupid for feeling that way. Other people have had it worse, other people were not saved in time like I was. So what gives me the right to break down like that weeks after it happened? And because I was unsure of myself and angry,  I had to see my therapist about it.  
            I had not gone to my therapist for a very long time. It was a surprise to us both that I was there and was asking for help. He told me everything I was feeling was normal and explained to me that while other people have had it worse, it was still a traumatic event nevertheless and it's okay to feel haunted by it. We talked for a while and it ultimately ended with me renewing my anxiety medication prescription. I only take it when I'm having a day in which I know is going to be difficult, but it does help and it keeps the anxiety at bay so I can function and do the things I need to do like go to work.  
            But telling Robert... That has been a challenge. He has his problems and I really don't want to burden him with my own, but it's also unfair for me to be thinking that way. He would want to know about this. He deserves to know because he was involved and helped me that night. I'll have to tell him eventually, but tonight is not the right time... Later... I'll do it later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, I came back. I had a ton to do yesterday and by some chance, I managed to cut out some time for writing.


	8. So Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody and Robert get to see Amanda for a short while.

            My eyes slowly open in the darkness in the room. The clock reads seven in the morning, still a little early for both mine and Robert's liking; however we have a long drive ahead of us that demands we get out the door within the next hour or two. There is a strong arm wrapped around my waist and as I try to move, the arm only grips onto me tighter. I try to squirm out of the hold, failing miserably as I only manage to make it tighter. Turning my head uncomfortably, I see that Robert is still deeply in his sleep, snoring very quietly. Grunting, I try once more to escape the hold on me, only succeeding to make him squirm.  
            "Stop moving," He complains.  
            "I have to take a shower..." I remind him.  
            Robert scoots his head closer, taking a whiff of my scent. "You smell fine to me. Shower at the next hotel," He grumbles.  
            "You'll just say that next time."  
            I struggle against his hold once more, half aware that I could never over power Robert no matter how much exercise Craig makes me do. The only physical activity I'm aware of that Robert does is yoga, but he has got to be doing something else to keep himself at the level of fitness that he is. Maybe he tracked down a twenty-four-hour gym and sneaks off there in the middle of the night or maybe he does all of his work outs in his house. I should ask when I'm not trying to escape the arm that is latched around my waist. "Don't make me tickle you, Bobert," I threaten.  
            His arm snaps away so fast that I don't even recognize that it's gone at first.  
            "You are the worst," He mutters, replacing my body with my pillow.  
            I look down on him and smile sheepishly, kissing him once on the temple. The shower is refreshing and rejuvenating, riding me of all the knots in my shoulders that accumulated from sleeping so stiffly. I pad out of the bathroom to find Robert sitting on the edge of the bed with the nightstand light on. He's visibly tired and probably can't stand being awake this early. He stares emptily at the floor, arms gripping the mattress, and head hanging low. I walk over to him and get him back in bed, kissing the tip of his nose. He looks at me questionably, unsure of my motives.  
            "You stay here and sleep. I'm going to go find a store and get a couple things."  
            Robert lazily grabs his keys off the nightstand and puts them in my palm, seemingly hesitantly. "Damage the truck and I damage you," he threatens.  
            "Oh, I'm counting on it," I retaliate, turning what he said into a sexual innuendo.  
            The room fills with beautiful soft giggles from Robert as I grab my things and head out. The morning air is cool against my skin, making me almost grin with happiness. While I tolerate summer and enjoy the festivities that come with it, I am unbelievably excited for fall to come next month. Navigating through the parking lot, I find Robert's truck tucked between a Jeep and a Smart car. This is the first time I have sat on the side of the truck... What if I crash it? Robert would kill me. Setting all nerves aside, I put the key in the ignition and pull out.  
            The next town I come to is relatively small and has a few diners, but it also contains the grocery store I need. Dashing inside, I grab a few of Robert's favorite snacks and a few of my own, nicotine patches and gum, and for the hell of it, I grab two bottles of white zinfandel. The teenage cashier looks me up and down, smiling grossly as she does, and I'm tempted to threaten that the man I spend most of my time with carries four knifes with him at all times and will commit a crime if necessary... or maybe I should politely point out that I'm spending my time with a guy at the moment. Getting out of there as fast as I can, I set the groceries in the passenger side and shoot Robert a warning text.

> **To Robert :   
> Headed back. Got some things for the road and for the next hotel. Also found you some patches   
> and gum. Get that cute ass of yours up and dressed or tickles will happen.**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> ** **You basically just admitted to starring at my ass.  
>  **
> 
> **From Robert :   
> I'm flattered  
>  **
> 
> **From Robert :  
>  Really.**

            Knocking on the door, I stand idly in the hallway until I hear Robert fumbling with the deadbolt. He cracks the door open and stares at me suspiciously, glaring almost.  
            "When's your birthday, what's the name of my dog, and what nicknames do you call your daughter?" He demands seriously.  
            I raise an eyebrow at Robert, almost in disbelief that he's checking to see if it's really me. Then again... This is Robert I'm talking about. "November thirteenth, her name is Betsy, and I call my daughter many things such as Manda, Panda, and occasionally by her middle name when she's in trouble. And for the hell of it, your name is Robert Small and you think Mothman is bullshit and you have a strong preference for whiskey and white zinfandel wine."  
            Robert stands there, deciding if my answers were adequate enough for his liking. Eventually, he lets me into the room but still seems reluctant about it. From my back pocket, I grab a single nicotine patch and hand it to him. He looks at it suspiciously, probably still convinced that I'm a monster in disguise. Laughing at his silliness, I roll up the sleeve of his T-shirt and place the patch on his bicep for him.  
            "It won't fix everything, but it'll make you feel better," I say encouragingly.  
            Grumbling, he throws his leather jacket on and grabs his bags, heading to the door. I grab my own bag and follow in suit, trailing closely behind him with Betsy, who is walking a little faster to walk along with her father.   
            "Unless you want me to drive, we'll have to crash at another hotel again. I'm not going to let you drive all nine hours."  
            "I can do it, kid. It's not a big deal. I want to get to where we're going so you can have some time with Amanda," He complains.  
            Sighing, I take Betsy and go wait in the truck as he checks out. The puppy sits patiently on the center console, wagging her tail happily. I reach into her bag of items and pull out her favorite bacon treat, making her yelp with joy when I hand it to her.  
            Robert jumps into the truck and pulls onto the highway, looking to get going as fast as possible without breaking the law. He eyes the groceries down at my feet and tries to look to see what I got; he's probably hungry as is too 'cool' to ask for something. Rolling my eyes, I pull out an orange and peel it, handing it him. He tries to reject it, but I hold it in the air until he finally takes it.  
            "I don't do breakfast," He grumbles.  
            "Yeah? Well you do now," I sigh.  
            He scoffs and puts his sunglasses on, chewing slowly on a wedge of orange. I lean against my seat, pulling Betsy into my lap for the long drive. She curls into a little ball and rests her small head on my thigh, nestling close. I stroke her fur gently, not looking to disturb her as she tries to get some shut eye.

            Robert and I stand nervously at the main office, waiting anxiously for my daughter. She doesn't know we're here, all she knows for sure is the office wants her. Robert seems very on edge and I believe it's because he genuinely loves Amanda and doesn't want to disappoint her in anyway. They have such a special bond, one I'm glad both of them can have. He holds something small in his hands, something he has been refusing to let me see since he pulled it out of his inner jacket pocket.  
            Amanda pushes through the office doors, confusion woven in her face... That is until she spots us standing against the far wall. Her face lights up like Christmas lights, a smile stretching onto her lips. She runs over to me, throwing her arms around my shoulders.  
            "Dad! Mr. Small! What are you doing here?" She beams.  
            I laugh and pat her back, enjoying the embrace. "We decided to come visit you. I needed my Amanda fix," I say.  
            She pulls away and looks between us, still smiling brightly. "I can't believe it. This is the best surprise ever," She giggles.  
            Robert awkwardly clears his throat and opens his hand up to her, revealing a beautifully carved panda with a key chain loop attached to it. He clearly spent a ton of time working on this, polishing it and staining it to make sure it's absolutely perfect for my kid. Amanda gapes at the gift, taking it into her hand.  
            "Oh, Mr. Small-"  
            "-Robert." He corrects.  
            "Robert. I love this. This is... amazing. Thank you."  
            Amanda pulls Robert into a warm hug, throwing her arms around his middle. He is very caught off guard by her response, eyes wide and hands stiff. He takes a moment to defrost and awkwardly pats her on the back. "Missed you, kid," He says gruffly.  
            My daughter pulls away and puts the charm into her pocket for safe keeping. "I missed you too, Robert. You too, Pops. Thank you so much for coming up here. I have so much to tell you."  
            I look at how much Amanda has grown since the last time I physically saw her. She seems more mature and well balanced, at peace if you will. My little girl has grown up and she's going to take the world by storm... or by bad-ass photography. My heart is suddenly heavy with the thought that I'll have to leave her soon, to drive the fourteen hours back to Maple Bay... back home. The next time I will see her is during winter break and as her parent, I know I have to learn to be okay with that.  
            Amanda leads us to the campus café, making me realize just how much I love the Coffee Spoon because this place doesn't even compare to the things Mat creates. Robert sips on a black coffee, or what he insists is black as he doesn't know that I saw him slip creamer and sugar into it at least twice. I chew on a blueberry muffin and Amanda has at least three donuts in front of her. She's been filling us in on anything and everything she can possibly think of, both smiling and crying at times.  
            "So I do have something pretty important to tell you..." Amanda cautions.  
            She takes a dramatic deep breath as if she's preparing for a long speech and I, knowing my daughter like the back of my hand, can already predict where this will be going.  
            "Remember when I was telling you about that guy who asked me to the summer formal?" She inquires nervously.  
            I nod intently, trying to hide my foretelling smile. Robert squints at the table as if he's trying to piece together where this is going, confused by all of the hinting.  
            "Well he actually asked me out a few nights ago. We're dating."  
            Robert suddenly chokes on his coffee, gripping the table for support. Both Amanda and I look at him, worried that he may have burned himself. His cheeks turn many shades of red, ranging from dark to light in just a matter of seconds.  
            "Is... is he a nice... guy?" He questions, trying to cover up his initial response to the news.  
            "Oh, yeah. He's extremely nice and very smart. He's kind of like if you, Mat, and Craig were smooshed into the same person," Amanda answers cheerfully.  
            "Hmph," He grumbles.  
            Amanda looks to me with a puzzled expression and it dawns on me that this is most likely the first time he's hearing boyfriend talk from a kid he cares deeply about; I doubt Val ever went to him when she had her first relationship. I return the look Amanda gave me with a discreet shake of my head, warning her not to question it. She doesn't know about the rough history between him and Val and I would much rather avoid an awkward conversation about it.  
            "Well if he ever hurts you... you give me a call and I'll take care of him," Robert says seriously.  
            I finally crack a smile and reassuringly take his hand to let him know he's doing just fine under the table.  
            "You got it, mister... Robert," Amanda agrees, grinning.  
            Robert sternly nods once and turns his attention back to his coffee.  
            "I'm very happy for you Amanda. Just remember to take things slow and never do anything you aren't ready for. If I have to, I will sit this boy down and have the dad talk with him," I tell her.  
            Amanda laughs, but I know she took my words seriously. We continue talking until the café manager has to kick us out for closing. Robert vanished a while ago to go walk Betsy and with the time alone I have with Amanda, I pull my own gift from my back pocket. In a small black box is the wedding ring that belonged to her mother that now resides on a silver chain necklace. The ring has since been turned into a pendant and has been engraved with the words  _'Always with you'_. With nervous hands, I hand her the box and watch her eyes grow very teary and she realizes what I gave her.  
            "Oh... d-dad. Y-you... Thank you," She stutters, tears running down her cheek.  
            I use my thumbs to wipe away her tears and leave her a heartfelt kiss on the forehead. "Your mother would be very proud of the woman you have become," I tell her, holding her close.  
           She cries for a while in my arms, overcome with emotion and somehow, telling her goodbye tonight is significantly harder than when I had to say it the first time.

            I fall onto the bed, letting out a long held sigh. Robert sets Betsy on her travel bed, patting her gently on the head. He shrugs out of his leather jacket and sets his sunglasses down with it on the small table beside the door. I watch him closely from my place, observing his tired and slow movements.  
            "You got yourself a good kid," He comments, his back still turned to me as he changes his nicotine patch.  
            "I'm grateful. She's got a long way to go in life, but I think she'll do just fine."  
            Robert grabs one of the bottles of wine and examines it, debating on drinking some.  
            "Do you want a cup?" He asks, popping the cork with the cork screw he has attached to his keys.  
            "Yes, please."  
            From his bag, he pulls out two plastic cups and pours an ample amount of wine into each. He gives me my cup as he sips on his, eagerly looking to get alcohol into his body.  
            "That couch has a pull out bed so I'll sleep there tonight," He informs, gesturing to the tacky couch behind him.  
            He awkwardly moves to sit on the edge of the bed I sit on, looking at the hotel room in wonder. This place is significantly better than the first hotel we stayed in and it even has a full blown out bathroom with two sinks and separate tub and shower.  
            "I left Val a voicemail when I was walkin' Betsy around campus," He says abruptly.  
            My heart warms at the sound of that, I'm proud of him for making the effort.  
            "I just let her know that I was thinking about her and I told her that I'm trying to quit smoking. I also let her know that if she ever needs to talk, that I'm there for her even if I wasn't in the past," He continues.  
            "I'm sure she'll appreciate that, Robert. You're her father and I know she cares about you, we all do," I acknowledge honestly.  
            Robert doesn't say anything; he only looks down at the wine in his cup sadly. For all of the changes he has made and is making, the hurt and regret still haunts him like a lingering scar. I set my wine down on the night stand and crawl over to him, pulling him into a hug from the side.   
            "You may not be perfect, but you are trying and so far, you're doing an amazing job. I know she can see that," I say sincerely.  
            Tears threaten to fall from his eyes, his heart is hurting. I take his cup from him and set it beside mine, returning to my place beside him. A tear cascades down his cheek, one he angrily wipes away.  
            "I was such a terrible father to her. How can she even want a relationship with me after what I did to her? The neglect and absences... Do you know that I don't even know what her favorite color is anymore? What her favorite song is?" He admits helplessly.  
            I take his hand in mine, interlacing our fingers. He never likes to show emotion, he'll do everything he can to pretend like they don't exist... but that can only go on for so long; the bottle cracks eventually. I don't see this as attention seeking, I don't see this as him wanting sympathy, and I sure as hell don't see this as him being a sob story or dramatic. This is just Robert dealing with the emotions he ignored and this is him finally feeling the regret from his mistakes. These little emotional breaks are normal and I expect nothing less, he needs to let it out sometimes.  
           "She is willing to fix the relationship because you are her father and she loves you. No matter how much you wish you could go back and fix your mistakes, you can't. You just have to learn how to deal with them in a healthy manner and move forward. Val wants you in her life again; she wants to try and is giving you that chance." I explain, looking at him intently.  
            He wipes away another fallen tear, taking a deep breath as he does. "I think I need to take a shower to unwind or something. Can we watch a movie when I get out?" He asks, voice quiet.  
            I giggle at his request, unsure how a man so mean looking can be so innocent.  
            "Of course. Go, get clean."  
            He gets up from the bed and grabs his bag of toiletries, heading for the bathroom. He stops in the doorway and turns back to me, lips parted slightly.  
            "Cody?"  
            "Yeah?"  
            "Thank you."  
            The door shuts before I can respond and I smile, shaking my head.

~~  
~~

            I lie wide awake in the bed, unable to sleep. After the movie, Robert seemed very grim and a little buzzed off of the wine. We went to our separate beds and it's been a few hours since then... And I still can't sleep. I glance at Robert who sleeps quietly on his side on the pull out bed. I tried arguing with him to see if he would much rather sleep on the bed, but he wouldn't budge. As I am paying for this room, he wanted me to have the most comfort even though I would much rather have it the other way. I do not care about costs of places or about who is providing what. I just want him comfortable and from where I lie, I can see how tense and uncomfortable he is.  
            Hell... If he isn't going to be comfortable, than neither am I. With a pillow in hand, I throw off the comforter and lazily walk over to the pull out bed. I pause to think about this, deciding if it's a good idea or not. I'm not stupid, I know Robert sleeps better when he's by somebody who lets him cuddle and by somebody he cares about. Sucking up my momentary fear, I drop the pillow in the empty space and climb onto the pull out bed beside him. Robert stirs awake at the sudden dip in the bed and props himself up on his elbows, looking down at me with a raised eyebrow.  
            "Please tell me you're not pulling the 'if he's not going to be comfortable than neither am I' card?" He groans, falling back down on the mattress.  
            I pull some of the comforter over me and assert my placement, giving him a deadpan look. "That's exactly what I'm doing. Deal with it."  
            He rolls his eyes in the darkness and lies flatly, unmoving. From under the blankets, I extend my arm and lightly bump against his upper thigh to make sure he's not a statue. He flinches slightly at the touch, unsure of what could possibly be touching him until he realizes it's just me. He resumes his brooding up at the ceiling, evidently pouting because I gave up my comfort on the bed. I, growing tired of his grumpiness, then scoot myself closer to him, close enough that my body is nearly touching him. He just needs to defrost and get over this.  
            "Are you going to continue pouting or are you going to cuddle with me like I know you want to?" I ask, running my hand up his arm.  
            His face twists into a scowl, one that demonstrates his blatant annoyance that I gave up the bed. We bicker about the most useless things...  
            "Robert, I'm not going back to the bed unless you come with me. It's not even about the comfort anymore. Maybe I want to sleep by you," I blurt, becoming irritable.  
            He turns his head to look at me, a small frown on his lips. We both know that no matter how many boundaries we put up, we're always going to keep breaking them because it's too hard to stop now that we've started. There's no use is pretending anymore. I'm in love with him.  
            "Just be with me," I whisper.  
            Robert gives up then. He flops over onto his stomach, crushing me under his body while doing so. I wrap my arms around him and our legs tangle together, eliminating space. I feel better now, finally finding my tiredness. Was this really all I needed to do? After leaving a soft kiss on the top of his head, I close my eyes and allow myself to finally drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to save this chapter until tomorrow... but seeing as I have an ungodly amount of work to handle, today it is. I have SEVERAL ideas cooking for future chapters and I'm excited to write them all out. Thankfully I can pump out chapters quickly and you guys most likely will never go more than two days without a new chapter. The next one will be up tomorrow, but late (late for me, at least). Thank you for the lovely comments and all of the bookmarks and Kudos. I appreciate it! :) -Jade


	9. Versatile Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert asks Cody to come over late at night, like usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Guess what! I have to upload two chapters tonight because I won't be able to tomorrow! Enjoy. :)

            My fingers glide up and down the neck of my guitar, placing random chords into a sloppy melody. Playing music helps pass the time and lately, I have needed to pass a lot of my free time. I wake up, go on my run with Craig, go to work, and then I come home to nothing but an empty house. Amanda keeps telling me I should refill the fish tank with actual fish instead of letting it get overrun with the supreme race that is algae... Her words, not mine. She also suggests a dog or a cat quite often, but I don't feel right leaving a small animal baby alone for most of the day while I'm at work or running around doing the errands that I desperately need to do again. Maybe I should just get the damn fish; it would at least liven things up around here.  
            It's around one in the morning, so I play without my amp, just strumming acoustically on my electric despite the fact I own three acoustic guitars. I don't mind the quiet sound of an unplugged electric guitar. Hell, I almost prefer it that way sometimes, especially in the quietness of the night. When Amanda was little, I'd always sing and play a song as she fell asleep instead of reading her a bedtime story. She loved it and I did it until just before Alex died. It always made me smile to see the way her face lit up when I brought out a guitar. Nowadays, she still gets that same excitement... but I see it a lot less now.  
            Robert and I came home from the trip about a week ago and I think this has been the most boring week of my life. I haven't heard much from Robert, so the most excitement I get out of my day comes from angry customers at the Coffee Spoon and random texts from my daughter about dogs and her mass amounts of school work. All in all, I know having a slow week is probably good for me. I've been going and going so much lately that it's nice to finally sit down without feeling obligated to do fifty things at once. It gives my anxiety a break; it allows me to recollect my thoughts and process things without stressing as much.  
            My phone buzzes.  
            Sighing, I put my guitar back on its stand and check the messages arriving at random moments. He leaves me hanging and only contacts me when he finds it to be convenient, that's the way of a recovering Robert Small.  _Bastard_.

> **From Robert :  
>  Cody**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> Hey**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> You should come over**
> 
> **To Robert :   
> Why?**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> Because I want to hang out with you.**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> It's not like you have plans.**
> 
> **To Robert :   
> Low blow, Bobert. Low blow.**
> 
> **From Robert :  
>  Don't call me that**
> 
> **From Robert :  
>  Are you coming or what?**
> 
> **To Robert : Now?**
> 
> **From Robert :  
>  Yes now**

            Knowing that he'll just complain if I don't show up, I gather my things and lock my front door behind me. This night is cooler than most, making me shiver as I walk up the steps of his porch. As if he heard me coming, the door opens before I can even knock and I awkwardly drop my fist at my side. Robert stands before me in a completely different outfit than normal. He wears a light blue T-shirt with sweatpants that hang lazily on his hips and thick black socks, his leather jacket is nowhere to be seen. It's almost a pleasing sight to see him in comfort clothes instead of his usual getup.  
            "You got here fast," He comments, stepping aside to let me in.  
            "Robert, I live right by you."  
            Santana plays softly on his sound system and the lights are set pretty low, creating a very relaxing atmosphere. I see no whiskey or wine anywhere in the living room, a good indicator that he's sober tonight.  
            "Yeah, but I figured you'd be in bed by now," He adds, shrugging.  
            "Couldn't sleep. I was just dinking around with my guitars," I say.  
            Robert falls back onto his couch, spreading his legs for comfort. "You should play for me some time," He encourages, rubbing his eyes.  
            I do not respond to his suggestion and instead take a seat next to him. My knee slowly begins to bounce in rhythm with the music, keeping myself occupied in the silence. Robert doesn't know this, but I spent a lot of time, more time than I probably should have, learning all of his favorite songs on guitar in hopes I'll actually be confident enough to show him some day; It's a gesture have never been brave enough to display.  
            "Just for the record, I totally could have had plans," I claim.  
            Robert looks at me and snorts, finding amusement in my words. "Codes, I'm going to be real with you. You are the most introverted person I know. You will never make plans unless you have to or if the plans include something you are seriously interested in. Just look at me if it makes you feel better. You and Mary about the only people I spend time with willingly," He argues, making valid points.  
            My mind is too distracted tonight to notice that Robert has scooted himself closer to me in the passing minutes, our shoulders are now touching. I glance over at him and pick up on a vibe radiating off of him. He asked me to come over here for a reason, one that was subconscious and lurking in the back of both of our minds. I always enjoy my time with him, whether I'm scared shitless on hunts or not. There is never a boring moment with him. And with him so close to me again, I feel my thoughts starting to sway.  
            "You left me hanging for a week," I suddenly blurt, looking for a distraction.  
            Robert looks over at me, frowning. "I know. I didn't mean too. Just got busy..." He says, admitting to his mistake.  
            "Missed you..." I mumble.  
            He gently pulls my hand onto his lap and he begins to play with my fingers, a mindless task for a conversation that's going nowhere anytime soon. I relax against the cushions, exhaling an audible sigh to hopefully expel some of my tension. I never realize how tense I am until I'm with him and maybe that's because he makes me tense with his bad boy, I like kissing you, vibe.  
            "I missed you too," Robert eventually mumbles.  
            “Then why don’t you do something about it?” I question, finding the feistiness inside of me somehow.  
            Robert grins flirtatiously, resting a hand on my upper thigh, squeezing for good measure. “I don’t want to over step. We’re friends remember?” He says playfully.  
            Unsure of what the hell I'm doing, I move to straddle his lap and gingerly weave my fingers into his hair from behind. He doesn't stop me or protest in any fashion, he welcomes my closeness. Our eyes meet under the dim lights, searching each other for answers that can't be found. I rest my forehead against his and close my eyes, breathing in his scent and listening closely to the music. I'm becoming intoxicated again, losing my grip on what's right and wrong. He leaves me hanging for so long and all of my cravings for him slowly begin to pour out when I'm finally with him again. _What am I doing? We aren't a couple... This is wrong... Right?  
_             His hand moves to rest against my chest, just over my unsteadily beating heart. He's the most fucked up person I have met, yet I can't seem to walk away. I'm addicted, a druggie looking for more. With him so close, I forget about all the reasons I may be angry or sad... I forget about my problems. I wonder if it's the same for him. Does he feel at peace with me this close to him? Or is this just something he tolerates?  
            All of the shit he has put me through, all of the shit he has put himself through doesn't matter. He's making himself better for him, for Val, for his future. Somewhere along the blurred lines, I fit into the puzzle. I know exactly where he stands in my life, but I cannot say the same vice versa. He told me to wait, to wait until he's better, and I have waited so patiently for him. I've been his friend, now it seems we're crossing into unknown territory where we have no name. We're not friends, we're not officially a couple... we're just living and breathing with each other.  
            Maybe I should ask or maybe I should put my foot down and say enough is enough. Nevertheless, I keep my mouth shut and enjoy the ride while it lasts. Who knows how long this will last or where this is going. All I know for sure is I can't get enough and I'm not sure if I ever want to get enough of him and all the things he is.  
            What was it like before all of this confusing love stuff? We were friends, friends who got together every so often to go do crazy shit in the woods and occasionally watch a movie marathon. The past three months have been different. So different that I don't think it's ever going to change or go back to how it was. There's no changing the tracks we're on, this is a one way trip to where ever the fuck. And I can't say that I want it to change. I haven't felt this way about someone since Alex and to me, that's huge. I don't just love him for his good looks and mysterious personality; I love him for all of his quirks and his interests and everything that makes him who is. I love it all.  
            "Are you still awake? Or did you fall asleep on me?" Robert mumbles, resting both hands on my thighs, rubbing them slowly.  
            I pull myself out of my thoughts and draw back to look at him, now realizing how long we were like that. "No, just thinking," I reply, looking deeply into his eyes.  
            "Thinking about what?" He asks.  
            "Things."  
            He rolls his eyes at my answer and as he does this, I cup his face and run my thumb along his cheek bone. He stares at me with innocent eyes and he leans into my hands slightly, enjoying the contact. I can tell he's not used to being touched like this and I'm not sure if someone has ever just been with him in such a way. Marilyn, maybe... before it all went downhill. If that's true, then he hasn't experienced this since... I don't even know for how long.  
            "Care to tell me what things?" He presses, searching without bothering to be discreet about it.  
            I pull my hands from his face and rest them of his chest, feeling his muscles under the thin fabric of his shirt. "Not really. You wouldn't care anyways," I insist, smirking.  
            He looks at me as if he doesn't buy it, but decides not to press on the topic any further. Completely wasted on his presence being so close, I lean forward and tenderly leave a kiss on the corner of his mouth. My lips kiss there again, slowly making their way to his actual lips. He is lazy and half fulfilling with his kissing back, not actually trying just yet. I work with it anyways and just kiss him, not wanting to break contact. He feels so right.  
            "You are going to have swollen lips if you keep this up," Robert warns, half smiling now.  
            Laughing quietly, I move my lips down to his jaw, down his neck, and to the place where his shoulder and neck meet. "Worth it," I mumble as I graze the spot with my teeth.  
            He sucks in a sharp breath, fingers digging into my thighs. I soothe the spot where my teeth met skin with a swipe of my tongue and return my lips back to his mouth. He's much more active now; he's finally putting in the effort. Right now, in this moment, I don't care about what we are and what we are not supposed to be doing with each other as friends. I only care about him and being close to him. It is nothing but silly how much I want to be with him, how much I wish I could wake up every morning with him by my side...  
            His hands travel under my shirt and they grab at unexplored skin, learning my body and all of my imperfections. I press my tongue into his mouth and with careful movement, I shift the two of us so he lies on top of me with my legs still around his waist. I sink into the cushions under his weight, sandwiched comfortably. After a while, I stretch my legs out to give him room to hover if he so desires too. Through his sweatpants, I can feel his erection growing against my thigh. Using the advantage I have, I move my leg against him and rub on him in the ways I know he wants me to.  
            "Fuck..." He mutters, grinding against my leg.  
            We've made out before, once or twice too many for people who are supposed to be friends. This is nothing new for me, but he feels closer tonight and maybe it's the fact that he's sober and is actually thinking clearly for a change; this is not sprouting from some drunken craving. Disregarding the thought, I pull him closer and let my hands wonder underneath his shirt for exploration. My fingertips skim over his pudgy spots and toned muscles, brushing over random scars occasionally.  
            I want to hear the stories behind all of his scars. I already know a few, but as I'm roaming his body, there are definitely some he hasn't mentioned yet. I'm sure he'll tell me a wildly exaggerated version of the story at first, looking to get a reaction out of me or from everyone who happens to hear; he always does. Either way, I just want to hear him talk and share the stories of his life. I know very little of who he was before the bad habits and wrong doings got the best of him.  
            My hands slide down his back slowly, down to the waist band of his sweatpants and boxer briefs. They hesitate there for a beat, unsure if I should go further. Robert is always telling me to take chances and I'm not sure if that life motto applies here or not, but I slip my hands below the fabric anyways. His skin is soft and smooth and fairly toned, making my heart sing with happiness. His hips grind down on me, pressing directly onto my own erection. A moan takes me by surprise and Robert only laughs darkly again my lips. He moves a hand down to cup me, gently feeling my length through my jeans. I press my hips up into his palm, hungry for contact.  
            Small paws begin to scratch at the backdoor and Robert pulls away to look over the couch to discover his little pup asking to be let outside. He sighs and climbs off of me, going to do his duties as a dog-daddy. I sit up and press my back against the arm of the sofa, popping my neck as it has grown very stiff. With the back of my hand, I press against my lips to confirm that they are indeed slightly swollen from the constant and rough kissing. I don't mind though, I can never complain when I'm kissing him.  
            Robert comes back to the couch with a tired expression and an ever present erection in his pants. "I'd be jacking off right about now if you weren't here," He grumbles, unable to suppress the dirty grin.  
            Although my face turns red, I hold my ground and make a strong comeback. "I'm not stopping you."  
            He raises an eyebrow and spreads his legs, slipping his hand slowly into his pants. _Holy shit_. I did not think he'd take me seriously. I gape at him, completely unsure of what to do. He does not say anything, nothing sarcastic; he just looks down at his lap and slowly begins to jack himself off. My eyes are frozen on him and I find myself pulling my knees to my chest as I watch him. He groans and lets his head fall backwards so it rests on the cushion, thoroughly invested in the sexual pleasures. I am at a loss for words; he's really doing this in front of me. With every moan and call out of my name, dirty images flood into my mind of the things I want to do him. I can shamelessly admit that I have thought about this a lot, thinking about both giving and receiving. When he reaches his climax, my jaw drops a little. He winks at me flirtatiously and pulls his hand out of his pants to revel sticky fingers.  
            "See what you do to me?" He jokes, waving his fingers.  
            Robert gets up to go clean upstairs and while I'm alone, I shove my own erection down in hopes that it'll fade eventually... but with that show I was just given, I don't think it'll be going anywhere anytime soon. Sighing, I reach forward and grab the TV remote from the coffee table. My head is throbbing now and I really just need to put on something completely mindless for a distraction. _Oh, Long Haul Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Truckers... perfect._ Robert bounds down the stairs and makes a beeline to the kitchen without a word. I tune in on the TV and hardly notice when he plops down next to me and sets a place of Mat's banana bread in my lap.  
            "You okay? You seem... bleh," Robert questions, gently poking my cheek.  
            I raise my eyebrow at his usage of the word _bleh_ , finding it to be more than amusing. His vocabulary, while extensive, sometimes has its moments of whatever-comes-to-mind-is-good.  
            "I have a headache," I admit.  
            I pick up one of the slices of banana bread and take a bite, chewing slowly. Robert throws an arm over my shoulder, looking between the TV and my face. "Do you need something for it?" He asks.  
            I shake my head and lean into him, finding that my headache is slowly manifesting into a migraine. "I'm fine... just need to relax, I think," I mumble.  
            Robert takes one of the slices of banana bread, deciding not to press me further on it. "Do you have to work tomorrow?" He inquires, taking a bite of more bread.  
            Mat informed me of Robert's secret addiction to the banana bread. Apparently, he came in one day while I wasn't at work and bought five loafs once. Mat said that Robert said that two of the loafs of bread were for Damien and Lucien, but that still left him with three loafs to eat by himself. I find it kind of really adorable that he likes something as much as he likes the bread; now all I have to do is figure out his favorite drink and surprise him with it someday.  
            "Yes, I have to work. I work every day until Friday, the day of the BBQ," I tell him, craning my neck to look at him.  
            Robert nods and I at first thought he was going to elaborate on why he wanted to know my work schedule, but he says nothing and turns his focus to the TV. I find it really ridiculous how we went from making out, to him jacking off, to... watching TV while eating banana bread. Our relationship, whatever it is, is the most versatile thing I have ever encountered. Is this what couples do after they do something particularly dirty with each other? They just sit down on the couch, eat banana bread, and watch some Long Haul Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Truckers together?  
           For what it is, I enjoy these moments with him. They’re small and maybe insignificant to other people, but these are the moments that I think about in my down time. They are the moments that keep going through the day and they’re the moments that fight off the looming black cloud that hangs above my head, waiting to drown me. And it’s almost comical to think that I have fallen so deeply in love with a man who refuses to love himself. I’ll love him twice as much until he gets better, I owe him that much for the things he has brought me.  
           The whittling, the ghost hunts, the bullshit stories… His awkward comfort and beautifully dorky love for movies…  
           I’d be the luckiest man on earth if I could marry him some day and he doesn’t even realize it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may seem a little bland. Who knows, maybe it's just me over analyzing what I wrote. The next chapter will be the last chapter of the summer portion of this story before I move things along to fall. Fall is when Shit. Goes. Down.  
> I apologize for any typos, I didn't have much time to review this chapter before uploading. I'll review it again when I catch the chance.


	10. A Valediction to Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert finds Cody's sketch book, Joseph hosts a BBQ, and Robert has something pretty important to tell Cody up at the view point.

            He disappeared again, just as he always does. I tried calling and texting him to let him know that he can't be dropping off the face of the planet every chance he gets if he really is interested in trying with me, but I got no response. At one point, I went to his house to see if he was there and he wasn't, not even Betsy was home. It worries me when he does this because I never know what mental state he's in when he leaves and I never know what's going on with him until it's too late. This man is going to be the death of me if I don't start breaking this damned habit of his.  
            It's the end of summer now. Everybody is out on their last adventure bang, doing anything and everything to fill their wishes before the cold sweeps in and the trees lose their leaves. I don't mind the cold; I actually prefer it over the ungodly heat Maple Bay gets during summer. The Coffee Spoon is closed today and Robert disappeared at the crack of dawn, so here I sit at home with nothing to do I could try to paint or sketch, but the lack of inspiration bouncing in my head makes the task seem pointless. Though, out of nowhere, my phone buzzes with several texts and because I've grown used to his texting ways, I don't even need to look at who it is to know.  _Asshole_. At least he's home now.

> **From Robert :   
> ****Cocoapuffs**  
>    
> **From Robert :   
> What's this book you left in my truck**  
>    
> ****From Robert :   
> It seems personal
> 
> **From Robert : If you don't come get it, I'm going to look through   
> it cause I'm a snoopy bitch**
> 
> **To Robert :   
> DO NOT LOOK IN, SMALL. FUCKING DROP IT!**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> I'm lookin’ in it  
> **  
>  ****From Robert :  
>  I'm curious

            Moving faster than I have in years, I fly out my front door and sprint to Robert, who is sitting on his porch flipping through my sketch book. He looks up and sees me coming at him like a freight train and bolts inside his house, taking off with my book. I follow closely on his heels, stomping up the stairs quickly. How could I have been so stupid to leave it in his truck?  
            "Give it back!" I snap at him.  
            He turns abruptly into his room and when he is perfectly lined up with his bed, I leap forward and tackle him onto the mattress. He falls with an  _oof_ , but isn't done with the fight yet. As if he has done this before, he rolls over so I'm sandwiched between him and the bed and officially stuck under his weight.  
            "Robert, you are an asshole," I complain, trying to squirm free.  
            "What else is new?"  
            He flips through each page slowly, taking the time to admire each piece art work. He keeps going until he reaches the part of my book that is specially sectioned off for specific drawings... Drawings of him. The beginning page is labeled plainly with his name and few drawings that represent his personality i.e. a knife, a cryptid ghostly figure, his leather jacket, Betsy, and several other portraying cartoonish sketches. He really slows down now, flipping the page to see the first drawing. This was drawn the night we met at the bar. We were sitting at the bar and as he was hyper focused on The Game, I was drawing him.  
            "Robert!" I whine, blushing furiously.  
            He flips to the next drawing, a drawing of him whittling on his tailgate with Betsy by his side. The next drawing, a rough sketch of him skipping rocks at the lake he took me to once. The next one, a realism picture of him passed out on the couch with Betsy under his arm. His fingers dance across the page, feeling the indents made from where I pressed particularly hard with my pencils. The next drawing, him driving with his sunglasses and a sucker hanging out of his mouth as he smiles... A rare sight. The next drawing, him coming out of the bathroom at the hotel with a towel around his waist and his super fluffy hair. He flips through them all until he comes to the last drawing... him lying on my living room floor on his belly as Betsy stands on him proudly.  
           He slowly rolls off of me and with my newfound freedom I snatch the book away from with a grumpy glare. "You draw me a lot," He finally comments.  
           I roll my eyes, clutching the book close to my chest. "I spend a lot of time with you. You're my favorite person on the cul-de-sac to draw besides my daughter," I admit, blushing.  
           He eyes the book with a goofy grin, ideas churning in his head. "You're very talented. Best damn artist I've seen. We could have a lot of fun with that if you're ever up for it," He hints with a coy look in his eye.  
           My cheeks become inflamed again as a famous quote from Titanic passes through my mind.  
           "In all seriousness, you could make money from your drawings if you ever need a little side cash. I'm sure Mat would love some funky art in the shop," He encourages.  
            I take his thoughts into consideration, appreciating the good feedback on my artistic skills. Robert suddenly sits up, his eyes scanning my face with intent.  
            "I want to take you up to the view point tonight. There's something I want to tell you. We can dip out of Joseph's BBQ a little early," he explains in a completely serious tone.  
            He has something to tell me? I try to rack my brain for anything he'd want to talk about, searching for any clues, but I come up empty. "You know parties aren't my thing, so I'd love to," I reply.  
            Robert nods once and reaches over to cup my face. He stares for a long time and I become captive in his eyes. Craving his lips, I sit up fast and quick, moving to straddle his lap. I set the book aside for now, edging my face a little closer. Our noses brush together and I affectionately brush them again, smiling slightly. I press my lips against his, giggling when his scruff tickles my upper lip. His kisses are slow and drawn out, but there's something deeply passionate about them. He goes to move our kisses deeper but Amanda's ring tone blares from my back pocket and I sigh as I draw back to answer.  
            "Hey, Pand-"  
 _"Hi, pops! I'm making this very professional call to let you know that my plans to come home during the holidays are all set. I have a flight booked and everything. I can't wait to come home for a little while. I miss everybody and I really need a Coffee Spoon fix..."  
_            She goes off on a tangent about completely random things for the next ten minutes. Robert listens in, chuckling when she mentions that she tackled someone because they tried to steal her panda charm.  
 _"Oh! Did you show Robert your tattoo yet? What did he sa-"  
_            "-Amanda, he's sitting right here and he didn't know about it until now."  
 _"Well, then I just broke the ice for you. Have fun! Love you, dad."_  
          The line falls cold and as I stuff my phone back into my back pocket, I look unwillingly at Robert; this wasn't exactly how I planned to tell him. His eyebrows are pulled together and his jaw is set, I can't tell if he's mad or curious. "When did you get a tattoo?" He questions, quickly scanning my exposed skin. He comes up empty on his search and now I can tell he's burning with curiosity.  
          "I got it the day we got back from Amanda's trip a couple weeks ago. I was going to tell you today, actually."  
          "So where is it?"  
          I unbutton my turquoise flannel and slide it off my right shoulder. I then turn my arm over so my inner bicep is exposed. I've been nervous about showing him because the tattoo is a bit cliché and simplistic, but I loved the idea of it so I got it.

_...Sense of Adventure..._

            Robert gently brushes his fingers across the lettering and I can see the dumb smile he's trying to keep off of his face. He knows the phrase came from him and at that thought, he blushes. There's something really beautiful about the way he blushes and gets all flustered. It's a sight I would love to see again.  
            "I just woke up that morning and told myself I was going to get a tattoo. One more thing to cross off my adventure list." I explain to him, grinning.  
            Much to my surprise, Robert leans in and leaves a light kiss over the tattoo and covers it back up. He buttons my flannel and before I climb off of him, he gives me one last kiss. "I love the tattoo. It's fitting for you," he compliments.  
            Robert leads me downstairs and stands by the door, looking grim. "I don't want to, but I have to kick you out. I have a few errands to run that need my attention. I'll see you at the BBQ?" He says sweetly.  
           The tone of his voice is oddly domestic, something that sounds almost foreign coming out of Robert. I give him a simple nod and stand up on my toes to give him a peck on the forehead. He scowls at the action, but I know he loves it when I do it deep down inside.  
           "Later, sweetheart," I joke.  
           Robert scoffs, disapproving of the nickname. I snicker as I walk back home, sketchbook securely in my arms.

            The smell of grilled burgers and s'mores fills the evening up with the last remains of summer. In my hand, I hold a cold red solo cup full of Mat's famous iced tea and in front of me, all of the kids rage on in their water gun and balloon fight. Earnest and Lucien are too cool for that, of course, so they sit in the farthest corner talking amongst themselves. Craig and Mat stand near the kiddie pool as River splashes about happily and she bursts into a fit of giggles when she manages to splash her father. Damien and I sit next to each other in separate lawn chairs, making small talk. Somewhere Brian and Hugo are in a competitive conversation about literature, but I made sure to put as much distance between that conversation and myself as possible.  
            The sun is getting real low and with it, a beautiful array of colors wash over the sky. I look up in amazement, finding the sunset to be somewhat comforting. Damien is currently talking to me about his recently adopted cat, which was a surprise to me. Turns out his kid has a massive allergy to dogs, but is completely fine when it comes to cats. Mary brought out a little grey kitten with white paws that had only been born a few weeks ago. Lucien was sold immediately and named her socks; the two have been inseparable ever since then.  
            "The little thing is still quite fearful of our stairs, but Lucien is being very delicate with her and even spent an hour yesterday helping her learn. It is quite nice to see. He's very gentle with her," He explains, smiling.  
            "The kitten is probably good for him. Earnest almost did a complete one-eighty when him and Hugo took in Duchess," I recall, returning his smile with one of my own.  
            Damien sips quietly on his tea and as he does, he waves to someone from across the lawn. I look over and spot the leather wearing, whiskey drinking, fool making his way over to us. He cuts directly through the battle field of kids and somehow makes it out of there without getting sprayed or hit with a balloon. _Badass_.  
            "Robert! How lovely it is to see you," Damien greets happily.  
            Robert plops down on the lawn chair beside me and clutches his small glass of whiskey, scanning the yard carefully. "Likewise." He says with a gust of a sigh.  
            He seems more tense than usual and if I didn't know any better, I'd say he almost seems nervous. Part of me wants to reach out and take his hand, but I'm unsure if he would want me to when we're in public. Compromising, I nudge him with my foot and give him a discreet look of concern that asks if he's okay. He presses his lips together and waves me off, cracking a grin a moment later.  
            "Does anyone need refills?"  
            All three of our heads look in the general direction of Joseph who walks over here with a spatula and a pitcher of tea. He has an extra bounce in his step and seems to be in a relatively good mood... but he always seems to be that way. I don't think I have ever seen Joseph in a bad mood and I think I'd rather not see that. I feel like it was terrify me to my core.  
            "None for me," Damien rejects kindly.  
            "Pass," I say.  
            "You probably poisoned it. No thanks," Robert grumbles.  
            I take a second look at the drink Robert has in his hand and realize that it's not whiskey, but instead Mat's tea. That lack of alcohol may contest for his obvious irritability; it's rare to see him without some form of alcohol either in hand or in his system.  
            "Just thought I'd offer," Joseph says smoothly, now turning his attention back to me. "It's been a while since we spoke, Cody. How's your summer been?" He asks me.  
            I go to make a face of confusion, but I fight it off. He's probably making small talk... that's normal. "It's been busy. Went to see Amanda a couple weeks ago. I've been working a little extra since then," I answer honestly.  
            Joseph smiles, shifting his weight to his right hip. "Well my offer still stands. Best to go before the winter season settles in, but it is quite the experience and I'd be willing to make an exception for you," He says, referencing his yacht.  
           Out of the corner of my eye, I see Robert tense up and grip the arm of the lawn chair. I can't tell if Joseph is doing this in spite of Robert or if he is just doing it as a genuine offer to me.  
            "I'll be bringing out dessert later, will you be joining us?" Joseph announces suddenly, raising an eyebrow.  
            Damien immediately says he will be and explains that he has a passion for dessert items. Robert, on the other hand, says otherwise. "Cody and I are leaving now actually."  
            I look to Robert, setting my head to my side; I didn't think we'd leave so soon. "We are?"  
            He stands from his chair and dumps his tea into the bush behind him, tossing the cup into a nearby trashcan. "Yes, we are," He says coolly, trying to not come off as snippy.  
           I slowly rise from my chair and only manage to give partial goodbyes to Joseph and Damien before I'm being dragged off by Robert. He finally lets me go when we are clear of the Christensen's house and grumpily stomps to his truck, leaning against the driver side door. Grumpy Robert needs a pick-me-up. I walk over to him and pull his sunglasses from his shirt, putting them on my own face. He scoffs, but that doesn't stop the smile from growing on his face. I whip out my phone and stand back, preparing to take a picture of his grin. Before he even has a chance to protest, the image is taken and will forever live on my phone.  
           "I hate pictures," He grumbles.  
           "I know, but you smile so rarely that I have to take a picture so I can remember what it looks like."  
           Robert rolls his eyes, snatching his sun glasses from my face. "Come on, let's go," He mutters.

            His carefully glides the knife along the wood, making the finishing touches to his creation. He's hunched over and every so often will straighten out for the sake of his aching spine. I watch from my place next him, abandoning my own project. He is so focused that he doesn't even realize that night has fallen and we've been up here for a long time. I want to remind him why we came up here, but I also trust that he will talk when he's ready. This summer has been wild. So much has happened in such a short time. Seeing an opportunity, I pull my sketch book from my bag and angle myself so I face Robert. This is my chance to draw him while he whittles. He doesn't notice what I'm doing and I prefer it that way because then my subject is not subconsciously making changes to make themselves appear better. In my opinion, a reference is in its best form when they are unsuspecting of the pencil and paper.  
            By the time I get a rough outline, it's nearly midnight and the temperature has dropped significantly. From the original ninety-five, it's now a cool sixty-five degrees. A light breeze blows through the trees, making the leaves rustle. It's calm up here tonight; there are virtually no sounds with the exception of a blade scrapping against wood in the hands of a man who is lost in his own world. His eyebrows are furrowed and his teeth have a hold on his bottom lip just barely enough for it to be noticeable. My pencil swipes along the paper, slowly creating the image in front of me. I'll make sure to keep this drawing; maybe I'll make a copy and gift it to him for the holidays. He suddenly sighs and folds up his knife, setting it aside. In his palm is a delicately carved version of a kitten. He sets it on the edge of the truck, looking over at me when he does. My hands stop what they're doing and on instinct, I quickly shut the book and shove it into my back pack.  
            "Were you drawing me?" He questions.  
            "Um..."  
            "Thought so."  
           He scoots closer to me, awkwardly grabbing my hand. He pulls it into his lap and begins to play with my fingers. This has become something of a habit for him and for once it's a habit that doesn't result in self-destruction.  
          "I know that I haven't exactly made myself clear when it comes to our... relationship. We've been kind of running around without anything set in stone..." He begins.  
           His shoulders are beginning to tense up now and even his eyes are unfocused with nervousness.  
           "I've never been good at these kinds of things. Usually when attachment starts to happen, I run away. I still have a long way to go and I uh... It's going to be hard and it has been hard, but you make it a little easier for me. I don't know why you insist on taking care of me, but you do and... What I'm trying to say is... Fuck... I can't ever get my words out right."  
            I wrap the hand he has around his own, squeezing it for reassurance. This is the most nervous I have seen him in a long time.  
            "What I'm trying to say is... I want to... Try being romantically... Um..."  
             A small smile grows on my face, finding his flustered apprehension to be adorable.  
            "Robert?"  
            "Yeah?"  
            "I'd be happy to be your boyfriend."  
            Relief washes over him like a tidal wave. He abruptly pulls me into a hug, nestling his head into the crook of my neck. I rub his back soothingly, whispering reassurance into his ear.  
           "I don't know how you understood me. It barely made sense coming out." He says against my neck.  
           "Let's just say I speak fluent Robert Small."  
           He pulls back from the embrace slightly, looking into my eyes. He then brings my mouth to his, kissing me gently.

_Things were so perfect in that moment. I was in a cloud of pure happiness and even though Robert has a hard time showing it, I know he was too.  
_ _Though with the coming seasons ahead...  
_ _t was only a matter of time before things started taking negative turns._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes summer. Depending on my work load, there is a very slight chance that I will be able to upload the next chapter tomorrow, but if not, I'll return Wednesday. Thank you to those who are reading, I appreciate it! -Jade


	11. Falling Helplessly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is away on a trip to see Val and Cody finds himself missing his boyfriend a lot more than he feels like he should. Little does Cody know, Robert lied about when he planned on coming home.

_Fall_

            My pencil glides smoothly against the paper, bringing simple lines and circles together. The things I have created, little pieces of my soul so to speak, are now scattered about in this place. There's something heartwarming about my art being on display for everyone to see, all of the new comers and regulars alike. It took a lot of courage to bring up the idea of doing this. I'm surprised I even went through with it. I can't count how many nights I lied awake at night, contemplating my decision. Surely there are better artists out there, so why should I even bother displaying my work?  
            My pencil breaks... I sharpen it and keep going.  
            Mat was astounded when I showed him some of my work. He had said that he has never met an artist as talented as I am and bought all of the pieces I offered on the spot. I tried to decline the money he was offering, but he shoved it in my hand anyways and hung them up in the shop after buying special frames for them. The paper in which I am drawing on now is just about the same size of the tables here, a big masterpiece for a master of music. I always enjoy drawing musical artist, especially my favorite ones. There's something blissful about drawing the people that helped shaped me into the person I am today.  
            "Can I look at it now?"  
            "Just let me sign it."  
            On the very bottom right corner, I scribble my signature and set my pencil down. Mat comes up from behind me, gawking at what I managed to do in the time frame I gave myself.  
             "Holy shit," He mutters.  
             One of the most challenging pieces of art I have worked on is now complete. After three scrapped attempts and a week of sitting at one of the tables after hours... It's complete. David Bowie now lives through this paper. Never in my years of being an artist have I spent this much time working on a piece of art. I sat for hours trying to come up with a theme for it and I finally came to the decision that I would draw it in realism with a Polaroid frame style.  
              "Are you sure I can't pay you for this? Because I am so willing to pay you for this," Mat attempts, pulling his wallet out from his back pocket.  
              "Put that wallet away, Sella. All of the work I do for the Coffee Spoon is free of charge," I say sternly.  
              Mat hands me the picture frame we picked out for this piece with a non serious scowl and I slide the work in, standing back to truly admire the hours I put into this.  
              "It's awesome. This is perfect," Mat compliments, taking the image to his desired location.  
              As he hangs the work, I step into the bathroom to wash away the graphite and charcoal from my hands and forearms. My eye lids are suddenly growing heavy with sleep and it dawns on me just how late it really is.  
              "I'm headed out, Mat," I call, shrugging into my jacket.  
              "Later, man."  
              I step out into the dead of night, walking aimlessly home. A light drizzle of rain begins to pour as I reach my house and I subconsciously look over at Robert's house, feeling a slight pinch of sadness. He's been gone for two weeks now with very minimal communication... I miss him, admittedly. Sighing, I unlock my door and am immediately bombarded by Betsy. She jumps up onto her hind legs, pawing furiously at my thighs with happiness. Pleased to see her, I close the door and get down on the floor, letting her give me all of the little doggy kisses she wants.  
             "You're a good girl. You're such a good girl." I say as I rub her belly.  
             When she is finally content with the amount of affection I gave her, she gets up and runs off to her bed where her toys are all stashed. My phone buzzes with a single text, one from my energetic and extremely fit neighbor.

**From Craig :   
Have to cancel on running tomorrow, bro. River isn't feeling too hot.**

**To Craig :   
Alright. Give her lots of hugs for me. See you later. :)**

**From Craig :   
You got it.**

            Just about dead from the lack of sleep I've been getting, I get off the floor and trudge my way to my bedroom. Some of Robert's clothes are strewn about in here; a shirt on my computer chair, a pair of sweat pants on the ground by my closet, and a light gray sweater sitting on my egg chair in the corner. Heart heavy with longing, I step into my bathroom and shed away my day clothes. I go through my nightly routine of getting ready for bed, up until it's time to get into pajamas. I eye the gray sweater on my egg chair, contemplating if I should put it on. Going for it, I pull the sweater over my head and right away feel a little more secure. It still smells like him... His cologne, the leather...  
            I crawl into my bed, not caring to put on pants; there's nothing wrong with sleeping in boxers and my boyfriend's shirt. My phone stands idle on my night stand... Maybe I should text him again.

**To Robert:  
Just checking in. I hope things are going okay with Val.   
I'm really missing you tonight. Betsy misses you too. See   
** **you in a few days.**

            Things have been really hard without him around. The anxiety medication does its thing and gets me through the day, but the nights are harder. I've been doing a lot more art because of it and I've played guitar so much that my fingers are sore and throbbing by the time I'm done. On the rainy days, I'll sit by the window and draw for hours. Damien has given me a large supply of books to read, he actually showed up at my house with a box full of them just because he knows how much I love to read. But, even with all of these distractions, that dark cloud still lingers. I don't dwell on it or let it affect me most nights, though it's harder to not let it in when I'm missing him so much. What's eating me the most is the fact I still haven't told him about my redeveloped anxiety. I keep meaning to, I honestly am, but things just keep getting in the way and now it's months later and I still haven't caught the time to sit him down and explain what I've been dealing with. I know he'll be upset once I get around to it, especially now that it's been a while since the development. I'll do it... when he gets home... maybe.  
             It's silly, I shouldn't feel this way; missing him as much as I do, I mean. He's spending time with his daughter, something he needs to do for the sake of his relationship with her and his own mental health. I feel like I'm being a little selfish and maybe I shouldn't, but this is good for him. Taking a deep breath, I relax into mattress and roll onto my side, looking out the window. It's raining again... It's peaceful.

            The feeling of lips pressing to my cheek draws me from my sleep. I groan into my pillow, pushing the kisser away as I do not want to wake up because I haven't been asleep for that long. There's a low laugh from behind me and once again, the lips press to my cheek, a smile subtly present on the lips.  
             "Stop," I grumble, pushing the kisser away again.  
             "And here I thought you missed me."  
             My eyes snap out at the voice, suddenly being washed over with realization. I roll onto my back and in the darkness I find a face I shouldn't be seeing right now. He wasn't supposed to come home until Friday... but he's here, he's right here. My lips part in surprise, my brain is still lost in a sleepy haze.  
            "Robert?" I mumble, propping myself up onto my elbows.  
            He smiles down on me, sitting comfortably on the edge of my bed. "Hey, baby."  
            My heart manages to skip a beat, a smile twitching on my lips. "W-What are you...?" I attempt, trailing off.  
            "I lied about when I was coming home," He replies smoothly. He leans down, gently pressing his lips to my own, making butterflies fly in my stomach.  
            "Fuck you for not messaging me, fuck you for lying, you're such an asshole." I snap, pulling him tightly in my arms. He laughs against my neck, but I'm holding onto him too tightly and he knows something is wrong.  
            Robert looks over at me and raises an eyebrow. "Is that my sweater?" he questions, grasping the hem of the fabric between his fingers. "And... have you been crying?"  
            I look away from him, trying to conceal my red and puffy eyes. "I told you I was missing you tonight," I mutter.  
            Robert scoots closer to me, using his hand to turn my face to his. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I should have tried harder to talk to you. I just got so busy with Val-"  
            "-Don't be sorry. You were spending time with your daughter. I don't want to get in the way of that," I interrupt.  
            Robert shakes his head, in disagreement with what I said. "No. Look, I may be really fucking terrible when it comes to relationships with people, but I know they all require balance. And if I'm going to balance things, I can't devote all of my time to her and forget about you. I have to learn to make it work," He says, almost angry.  
            I frown, realizing he's right. Val may be extremely crucial, but he has to learn how to balance all aspects of his life. "How can I make it up to you?" He whispers, leaning closer.  
            "You could stay the night."  
            He nods slowly, removing his jacket. Ever since we made our relationship official, he kind of started sleeping here a lot, or at least on the nights where I want to be close to him. Robert momentarily stands to remove his pants, eyeing me carefully.  
            "There's something else. What's going on?" Robert presses, sliding into bed with me.  
            I shake my head, trying to reassure him. "I'm alright. I just missed you," I reply half truthfully.  
            Robert lays there for a moment, deciding if my answer was acceptable enough. Not wanting him to worry, I lean over and kiss him gently. He kisses me back, placing his hand on my waist as he pulls me closer. I rest comfortably against his chest, hungrily attacking his lips. It's strange how much I have wanted him in his absence, how much I wanted to be near him. I don't understand how I was able to keep myself in check for so long. Now that I'm free to do as I please, I can't seem to stop. It's like all of my built of cravings and affection are slowly pouring out and I don't think it will ever reach an end.   
            His hand slips under the sweater I wear, exploring my body. I sigh against him, and he eagerly moves to straddle me. He pulls his shirt up and over his head, tossing it somewhere into the darkness of my room. I slide my hands all over his exposed skin, marveling over his muscles and perfection. I sit up, pressing my lips all over his torso, crawling my way up to his neck. I gently bite him, making his hips roll forward on me. I groan at the friction it brings, making me hot and bothered in my boxers.  
            Robert pushes me back down, moving so he hovers comfortably above me. With my help, he pulls the sweater off my body and throws it to join the other clothes that decorate my room. He looks me over with a pleasing smile and I desperately pull him back down to kiss him. I feel his erection on my thigh, pressing against me with need. I slide my hand down the side of his body, slipping it between us to cup him. He moans from somewhere deep in his chest, grinding down on my palm. I feel him, his length, his size, and his blatant cravings. He grinds down on me again, hungry for more. My heart is racing, I want him so badly... This is all so different from the other times we have been like this with each other. It's passionate and gentle and everything I have thought about for so long.  
           He sits up and slips his fingertips under the waistband of my boxers, looking to me for permission. I nod and lift my hips as he rids me of the last piece of fabric on my body. I'm bare to him and with that, a sense of insecurity washes over me. I don't mind my body, it's certainly gotten better in the past year, but I still feel less than attractive when I'm naked and exposed. Robert sees that and shakes his head, bending down to leave kisses where ever he can. "You are so... _sexy,_ " He mumbles, leaving a wet kiss on my inner thigh. A chill runs up my spine, making me shiver anxiously. He smiles up at me, but it falters ever so slightly.  
            "Are you sure, Cody? It's not too late to stop." He questions, holding a sense of seriousness.  
            I think carefully for a moment, although I have no doubts in my mind. "I'm sure," I say.  
            He sits back on his bottom, gently running his hands up and down my thighs to keep my aroused. "What do you want me to do, baby?" He asks.  
            Robert carefully grabs the base of my dick and slowly begins to pump me, making a moan force its way past my lips. It was embarrassing for me, but it seemed to have enticed Robert and now his eyes carry a certain kind of lust. I'm swimming in euphoria, breathing heavily out my mouth.  
            "Ah, Robert... please," I beg, thrusting my hips into his hand.  
            He grins, meticulously licking his lips. "Tell me, babe."  
            I lurch forward and pull him down on me, covering my body with his. He slows the pumping to draw me out, almost not moving at all. I make a sound that sounds something of a whine, in protest that he's slowing down.  
           "Robert... make me yours. Screw me into next week. Do whatever the hell you want," I pant, digging my fingers into his back.  
            He seductively slides down my body and without much warning, he's pushing my dick into his mouth. I ball the sheets of the bed into my hands, squeezing them as I make sounds of pleasure and curse silently at the ceiling of my room. He swirls his tongue over the tip and I could easily cum like this, but he's already pulling away and reaching into my nightstand for my stuff. I'm not sure how he knew it was all in there, but I also know that it's the most obvious place for it. He nudges for me to spread my legs and I do, bending my knees to give him more space.  
            With the lube, he slicks up two of his fingers and again looks to me for permission. I give him a silent look of 'please continue' and he does, slipping the two fingers into me with ease. I grab his shoulder and bring him back down on me for the billionth time tonight, eagerly kissing his jaw. He dips down to the crook of my neck where he grazes his teeth and sucks on my skin. I breathe out his name, biting his bottom lip when he gives me his mouth again. His fingers withdraw and I come to realization that Robert's boxers have disappeared. I peak down on him, examining what he has and I'm nothing but pleased. There is not a single flaw on his body.  
            "Is it everything you hoped for?" He asks, chuckling.  
            I blush red and bury my face into his shoulder, smiling like an idiot. "Everything and more," I say half-jokingly.  
            Not too long after my comment, I hear the all too familiar sound of a condom wrapper and the sound of it being rolled onto him. He's lining himself up before I know it, preparing to push inside. I beg him to hurry up in his ear and with one slow thrust, he's inside of me. I moan at the initial feeling of it, having not done this for quite some time. He grunts low and deep, rocking his hips back and forth with a steady momentum, working himself up. We're both breathing heavily and my heart is hammering against my chest and I am unable to contain my love for him. I grab a hold of my dick and start jacking myself off in rhythm with him, going faster with time. To think that I could have had this the night we met... I could have had his body... but this.... This is much better because I have his body and his affection, the perfect combination.  
           "Fuck, Cody," He curses, speeding up.  
           "You are so good, you feel so good..." I grumble, thoughts becoming incoherent.  
           In a matter of seconds, I am orgasiming and making a mess in my hand as I cup myself to stop it from getting all over Robert and my belly. It took me by surprise and it was a rough one, rough enough to make my back arch. The ruined hand flops over on the mattress, away from the both of us to prevent the makings of a larger mess that will result in some serious clean up. Robert isn't too far behind me and I ride him through it, watching his face as it contorts with pleasure and release, his lips barely parted. He collapses onto me, we're both sweaty and worn out. I hug him, panting and sticky with the love we just made. I just had sex with Robert... and it was so good.  
            After clean up, we crawl back into my bed wearing nothing but our boxers and lie flat on our backs in silence. I'm unsure of what to say, so instead I keep my trap shut and roll onto my side, facing him. His expression is cold and focused, eyes glued to the ceiling. He's a cuddler, he needs the reassurance. In a calm and cautious manner, I pull him closer to me and prop myself up my elbow so I can look down on him. He refuses to look at me still and I have no doubt in my mind that he's thinking he may have fucked up or done something I now regret, which is anything but the truth. He carries so much weight from his past experiences, ones that wound up in heartache in disaster, but I don't want him to think I only saw this as a one night stand and I definitely don't want him to think I used him to feel good.  
            "Robert, look at me," I request with half a voice.  
            He unwilling shifts his eyes to mine, fearful of what I'm about to say.  
            "Thank you, for all of that. I missed you and I'm glad you're back home," I quietly assure him.  
             Refusing to give up, I cup his face and forcibly roll him over so his head rests on my chest. He's stubborn and grumpy, but he's mine. I let my hand run up and down his back affectionately; trying to do anything I can to reassure him without interrupting his silence. My lips gently press on the top of his head and by some trick of fate; he finally melts against me and hugs me close. He nestles his head further against my chest, burying himself as far as he can go.  
            "I'm sorry," He mumbles, pressing his lips gently on my skin.  
            "Don't be sorry. I understand. Just sleep, it's late."  
             He does not respond and soon the room fills with his light snores. I missed him so much...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *KICKS DOWN YOUR FRONT DOOR WITH AGGRESSIVE POWER*
> 
> HI EVERYBODY! I lied about when I was uploading next (I didn't really lie, I just found some unexpected time). I stayed up late last night to get ahead in the writing (I have a backlog of at least 5 new chapters) and I was able to upload this one right now. I wound up with a zero period today, so if you're extra lucky, I can upload yet another chapter later tonight! *Cue evil laughter*


	12. The Surprise of Illness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Robert is silent for a few days, Cody decides to go visit him to revel that Robert is actually sick.

            Today has been great. I went on my run with Craig, worked my shift at the Coffee Spoon, and went shopping for clothes that I was in need of for the coming cold weather... even if said cold weather is technically already here. I left the town library not too long ago and I'm on my way back home now, nothing but happiness resides on my face. At the cul-de-sac, I start to make my way to my house, but alter courses when I realize I have not heard from Robert for a few days. I knock on his door, eager to see my usually grumpy boyfriend. From inside, I hear cursing and grumbling and what sounds like shuffling of feet. Robert yanks open the front door and glares at me, making me raise an eyebrow. His skin is paler than normal and there's beads of sweat on his forehead and he's dressed in pajamas... is he drunk?  
            "Why do you knock so loud?" He complains, leaning against the door frame. His voice doesn't sound normal... it sounds rough and his nose is definitely stuffed up, making him insanely congested.  
            "Are you sick?" I ask, suddenly a little concerned.  
            He pulls his eyebrows together and chokes back a bone rattling cough, trying to make himself appear slightly less sick than he clearly is. "No," He grumbles, in denial.  
            As if the timing could not be any better, Robert starts to slump to the floor and I barely manage to catch him before his body hits the ground. With some serious skill and occasional cursing from both of us, I haul him back inside and kick the door closed and somehow get him to the couch without him falling over. He groans distastefully, looking at my through a drowsy haze.  
           "Robert, how long have you been sick?" I ask, sitting beside him.  
            He rolls his eyes, completely annoyed that I found out. Did he really not expect me to drop by after not hearing from him? That's almost a surefire way to get me to come over and check on him. "A few days. Got worse today. Much worse." He sighs.  
            I glare at him, a little upset with the fact he didn't let me know. He coughs harshly into the crook of his elbow, slumping over onto the arm of the couch. I grab his shoulders and sit him up right again, right away feeling the heat on his body that I did not notice before. I press my palm against his forehead, not caring that he's a sweaty mess right now, and I am shocked at how hot he is.  
           "Fuck, Robert. Please tell me you have medicine and stuff," I say with a sigh.  
           "If I have anything, it's upstairs in my bathroom," He mutters, attempting to slump over again.  
           I rise from the couch and help him stand, throwing his arm over my shoulder as we crawl up the stairs very slowly. As soon as we're in his room, he's collapsing onto the mattress with a heavy groan and a few coughs. I go off to his master bathroom and search in the medicine cabinet for both the cold medicine and the thermometer.  
           "You should clear out of here before I infect you," Robert warns, coughing again. I also grab the cough drops.   
           "Robert, if you think I'm going to leave you alone while you're like this, you are sorely mistaken. It's bad enough I was not here sooner," I say sternly, placing the thermometer in his mouth.  
            He glares at me, but is unable to say anything for the time being. I scan his clothes and determine he's wearing too many and needs to reduce for the sake of his fever, so I go for the sweatpants and pull them off of him, making him groan in protest, and thankfully he didn't go commando today. The thermometer beeps and before he can hide the results from me and clear it, I yank it from his mouth.  
            "You're burning a nice 102.3 fever. Congratulations, you are incredibly sick," I say sarcastically.  
            Robert rolls his eyes and serves himself a dose of NyQuil, glaring at me the entire time. "This shit does nothing for me. Doesn't even make me drowsy," He complains.  
          I take the bottle from him and replace it with a cough drop, which he places in his mouth. "Well it's all you have. What can I do for you?" I ask, sitting on the edge of the bed.  
            Robert glances at me, but I can still see the irritation in his eyes. "You can leave before I get you sick." He really isn't going to shut up about getting me sick and I don't plan on leaving, so I do the only logical thing and plant several long and wet kisses on his lips even though he tries his hardest to turn away to spare me from what he's suffering through.   
            "There. Now I'm infected. Can't make me run now." I say, laughing.  
            Robert shoves me back and curses, rolling so his back is to me. I give his ass a nice pat and stand up, to look around in his messy bedroom. I should really help him get this place in shape; his home really is beautiful when it's clean. Betsy peaks out from under the comforter and wiggles her way against Robert's belly, which he groans to. This man really hates being sick and everything it comes with.  
            "Robert, honestly, if it was the other way around and I was the one who is sick, would you listen to me if I told you to go away?" I ask, resting my hand on his hip.  
            He rolls back over onto his back with an unconvinced scowl on his face. "No, I would ignore you," He admits.  
 _Point and case._  "Exactly, so why do you expect me to listen to you?" I press.  
           Robert uneasily wheezes, eventually coughing hard into his arm again. "Because you're too innocent and need to be protected at all costs," He mumbles incoherently.  
            I snort and lean down to kiss his cheek gently, letting my lips linger for a moment. "Have you had anything to eat today?" I ask, drawing back a few inches. He gives me a look that switches between  _no_  and  _stop-babying-me_. I sigh and pull the sheet over his body, temporarily disturbing Betsy as I do. This man is also very stubborn.  
            "I'm willing to bet money that you don't have anything for me to make you, so I'm going to go to my place and grab a few things, okay?" I say, getting up from the bed.  
            Robert grumbles something that sounds decently close to an agreement and I grab my jacket, throwing it back on because I know how chilly it is out there. As I exit the house, I am confronted with Joseph who is walking up the steps to the front door. I pause, a little confused as to why he'd be willingly coming over here... of all places.  
            "Oh, Cody! Just who I was looking for," Joseph says, smiling wide.  
            I pull the front door closed behind me and raise an eyebrow, braising myself for another awkward conversation. "Uh, hi," I say, waving a bit.  
            Joseph rests his hands on the railing of the small porch, scanning my attire briefly with a smirk on his lips. "I've been waiting for a good moment to talk to you. I figured you would be here instead of your place, you seem to be here a lot," He begins, gesturing to the house behind me. "Got a moment?"  
            I stare at Joseph, trying to read the real agenda of this random conversation. If he wanted to talk to me, all he had to do was message me on Dadbook to let me know and I would have cut out some time for him. "Yeah, I have a minute," I say, fidgeting with my jacket.  
            Joseph smiles appreciatively, resting his weight on the railing of the porch. "That's great," he muses, "I'm in the middle of repainting the interior of my house and I'm having some trouble picking the appropriate paints. I've seen the work you do for the Coffee Spoon and if it's not too much trouble, I was wondering if you could come over sometime this week to help me out?"  
            I stare blankly for a moment, trying to wrap my head around this. He came over at almost ten at night to ask me about paints? Was he waiting for me to come home after my errands? Robert isn't going to like it, but I also need to keep a civil relationship between my neighbors and I guess keeping things civil with Joseph is a good place to start even if I don't want to. "Sure, I can do that. I have Monday off, I'll come over then," I say, trying to keep the uncertainly out of my voice.  
            Joseph smiles and steps forward, reaching to pull something out of my hair... A fuzzy. "That'll be great. I look forward to it," He says.  
           He claps me on the shoulder before turning to go back to his own house and with stiff legs, I make my way to mine. I really need to get something in Robert's stomach before it eats him alive...  
           Running around my house like a mad man, I grab some sick-person-friendly food and some stronger cold medicine because I just know the NyQuil isn't going to cut it for him. I take the time to pack an overnight bag, fully aware that I won't be leaving his house tonight once I go back over.

            With a soft and tired expression on his face, Robert hunches over his bowl of soup and eats very slowly, taking each bite with caution in fear he'll vomit like he did an hour ago. I sit beside him; arms rested on the small dining table, as I try to keep my eyes open for a little longer. Exhaustion is hitting hard now that I'm relaxed and in a comfortable space. Robert coughs harshly, groaning with curses flying under his breath.  
            "I'm sorry I'm being boring," He grumbles, reaching over to lazily grab my hand.  
            With his nose as stuffed up as it is, his voice has a certain sound to it that makes me giggle quietly. I think it has gotten worse since I've been here. "Your voice is so cute right now," I say, rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb.  
             He rolls his eyes, but he can't stop the laughs that trail out from his lips. In fact, his nose is so stuffed he accidentally snorts. I stare at him wide eyed, suddenly laughing very hard as he covers his face with his hands in embarrassment. I think that snort was the cutest sound I have ever heard him make. I get up from the table and scoot his chair out so I can sit on his lap, wrapping my arms helplessly around his neck as I giggle mercilessly. He drops his hands and wraps them around my waist, cheeks bright red on his sickly pale skin.  
            "That didn't happen," He says sternly.  
            With his voice as stuffed as it is, I can't take him seriously and start laughing again to the point where tears spring to my eyes. "I'm sorry... I really-" I break up in laughter again, clutching onto Robert for dear life. I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed this hard and maybe it's only happening because it's been building up inside of me for months. "I really am. Your little snort...  _Oh,_ " I giggle, wiping my tears away.  
            Robert rolls his eyes, but joins me in quiet laughter, pulling me closer against him. My face is pressed against the crook of his neck now as I gasp for air, almost convinced that I have lost my mind. It wasn't that funny, was it? It was just so adorable and...  _Jesus_. My lips press to his neck in a desperate attempt to stop laughing, but the smile stretches and I'm nibbling at his skin instead. I lift my head up and kiss his lips warmly, choking back my laughter. He doesn't fight me like he did earlier, he actually kisses me back affectionately and they're wet... enticing...  
             I draw away and run my hand through his messy bed head and he wipes the lingering laugh tears from my face with his thumbs. He doesn't want to, but eventually I force him to choke down the rest of his soup and when he does, we make our way out to the living room. He threw on whatever movie he wanted and now he lies on the couch with his head in my lap. I play with his hair and keep a hand securely placed on his hip, looking down on his from time to time.  
             He's more relaxed now, even more so now that I too am wearing pajamas and brought his comforter down from his bed to swaddle us in. Red really does look sexy on him, sick or not... I don't know how I got so lucky to have a man like him to call my own. Though, as I sit here, I contemplate telling him about me going over to Joseph's on Monday. I know I should, but he won't like it. Sighing, I relax into the cushions, focusing on the movie... A thought for later...  
            "Next time you are sick, you better call me," I say, looking down on him.  
             Robert tears his eyes away from the movie and looks up to meet my gaze with an unamused expression. "And if I don't?" He asks seriously.  
             I think on this for a moment, he's looking to play games. "Then you get no sex for two weeks," I say with no hesitation.  
             I can't help but laugh at his expression because it actually looks pained. "You wouldn't do that to me. That's cruel," He attempts, looking to call my bluff.  
             Little does he know, I'm not joking. "No, I'm serious. Next time you're sick and you don't tell me, you won't get sex for two weeks. I'll ground you from my dick."  
             Robert sits up with ease and looks at me with disbelief, he still doesn't buy it. "What's the point in that? You lose out on it too," He argues.  
             I shrug, preparing to make my point. "While the sex we have is great, you also have the libido of a teenager. I can survive two weeks of no sex; I've gone much longer than I'm willing to admit."  
             "Who did you last have sex with?" He demands, curious now.  
              Oh boy, my sex life. Now that is a sad tale. "That I can remember? The last person I had sex with was Alex. There may have been a few people that I slept with when I was drunk after Alex, but I don’t recall."  
              Now that I'm actually talking about it, I realize how boring my sex life is. "So you're telling me you didn't have sex the entire time after Alex?" He stammers.  
              Okay, it is a little sad now I think about it. "Yeah, I lived a sex free life. I was focused on raising my kid."  
              Robert sniffles as his nose is evidently runny now. "Do I dare ask how many people you've slept with in your life?"  
              I blush and hold up two fingers shamefully, a little unimpressed with my numbers. Again, this is only coming from what I can remember. Who knows how many people I actually slept with during parties and what not? Robert gapes, looking between my hand and my face. "You have got to be lying," He says, trying to shuffle through the disbelief.  
             "I'm really not. You and Alex are the only people I have had sex with. I think sex is just better when it's with somebody I care about and have feelings for."  
             Robert frowns, thinking for a long time. "Okay, so what about oral sex? You know... like blow jobs and shit. Or maybe hand jobs?"  
             The number sways a bit there, but not by much. "There were maybe a few instances in my late twenties after Alex. I was drunk half the time and I don't remember much about them."  
              It's almost as if the words coming out of my mouth are in a foreign language to him. "Well no wonder you're so eager with me. You've hardly had any fun. I've got a lot to show you, baby," He teases provocatively.  
              I laugh, but I am genuinely curious about what he means. I'm inexperienced, sure. But I still know how to do things and am aware that there is much more to sex than just the standard vanilla.  
              "Now, I'm not a kinky guy at all or like anything super freaky, but I do know how to give someone one hell of a time. Just say the word and I'll go down on you," Robert continues.  
               I look over at him and examine his sick demeanor, giggling softly. "Maybe when you're not so sick," I tease, playfully poking his tummy.  
               Robert rolls his eyes, but is coughing into his arm the next moment. "Yeah, yeah."  
               I lean over and kiss him warmly, still not quite used to the fact I’m able to do this now without having to worry about what we are to each other.  “Do you need anything?” I ask, leaving light kisses on the corner of his mouth.  
               He laughs low, turning his head so I kiss his actual lips again. “I dunno. All this talk about blow jobs and stuff is kinda making me want one,” He jokes.  
               He may have been joking, not actually looking for anything, but I’m feeling like giving tonight. Under the mound of the blanket, I slip my hand over to thigh and slowly move it over his crotch. He looks at me with confusion, unsure of what I’m doing.  
              “I was kidding, babe,” He says, half smiling.  
              “Oh, I know.”  
              I lean into kiss him, slowly rubbing against him to get him to the point of arousal. He thrusts his hips upwards to meet my hand, eagerly excited. I can’t remember the last blowjob I gave, but I know I was decently good at it. When he’s hard and ready, I pull the blanket away and pull his dick free from his boxer briefs. I give him a flirtatious wink before diving down and wrapping my lips around his tip. He groans and weaves his fingers into my hair, giving me encouragement. I swirl my tongue around him and take more of him, slowly making my way down.  
               “Fuck…” He curses, laughing.  
               I go down even lower, bobbing my head up and down to give him the best blowjob I can provide and hopefully it's not too bad. Then again, Robert has slept around a lot more than I have and I most likely have some competition. I take all of him then, sucking and dragging on him. He pushes my head down with each suck, thrusting his hips upwards into my mouth. It’s not long until he’s orgasming and instead of pulling away, I swallow it all.  
               “Can you come over all the time when I’m sick?” Robert asks, when I come back up.  
               I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and grin sheepishly, proud of my accomplishment. “I will not be giving you a blow job every time you’re sick,” I laugh, pulling the comforter back over us.  
               He throws an arm over my shoulder and pulls my body close, smiling proudly. “How did I get so lucky to have you?” I ask, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion.  
               Robert raises an eyebrow, a little caught off guard by my subject change. “I should be the one to ask you that. You just gave me a blow job while I’m sick and disgusting.”  
               I grin like the dork I am and bury myself against his chest, swooning like a schoolboy. “Yeah, but you’re everything I want and more. You’re honestly perfect,” I mumble, yawning.  
               He rubs my back and coughs into his arm, clearing his throat before speaking. “Only you would call me the perfect one while I’m sitting here with a freshly sucked off dick.”  
               I can almost hear the eye roll he made. We don’t say anything more to each other; instead we attempt to refocus on the movie. As I sit here with him, I’m not troubled by anything or feel obligated to speak. I’m perfectly content being here with him… in our own little bubble of happiness. I only pray to God that it doesn’t pop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm breaking all the rules. I'm posting ANOTHER chapter after this a little later. My back log is growing so I need to post to get them out of the way. It's still a little early to tell, but I think I'm going to wind up writing a sequel to this story just because of my plans for the plot lines and what not. Also, side note, I realize that this is second chapter in a row that has something smutty in it and while I know some of you guys love the smut, it will not be in every single chapter. Thank you for all of the comments, hits, and Kudos! I appreciate it and enjoy reading what you guys have to say. Much more to come!  
> -I apologize for typos again if there are any. I can't really tell sometimes due to this lovely disorder known as Dyslexia. Thanks for working with me!


	13. Painting Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody goes over to Joseph's house to help paint, but then one thing leads to another and suddenly Cody and Robert hit a rough patch.

            I wake up on Monday morning with a blaring alarm from my phone. I reach over and shut it off, stretching under the blankets. There are a few texts from Robert, ones that make me smile and get all giddy on the inside. He really does try to put an effort in being affectionate, even if he's incredibly awkward about it and doesn't really know how to go about it.

> **From Robert:  
> ** **Val said I should leave you good morning messages**
> 
> **From Robert:**  
>  So I set an alarm and sent these messages so you would   
> wake up to them
> 
> **From Robert:  
>  Good morning. Have a good day.**
> 
> **From Robert:  
>  You're adorable. Have I told you that before?**  
>    
> From Robert:   
> You can come over later if you want.

            There's no way Robert stayed awake after those messages, so I type one of my own and get up to go start my shower.

> **To Robert:**  
>  Good morning to you too. Thank you for the messages,   
> they made me smile. I'll swing by later tonight, I have some   
> things I need to do today.

            As I strip my clothes, I glance at my body, gently running my fingers over my hip bones where I was once blue with bruises from my attack at the club. I hardly even think about it anymore, but from time to time, I can still feel his touch and it reminds of how disgusted I felt. I shake my head to clear the thoughts and climb into my shower, looking to wash away the grime and stress just to have more of it pile on top of me today.  
            I tried to get away from it, but I've started taking my anxiety medication yet again. I don't mind taking it, it really doesn't make me feel much different with the exception of my declining anxiety levels, but it's the fact that I have to take it in the first place that gets me sometimes. I didn't have anxiety growing up, but it suddenly hit me at full force when Alex died. The depression did too. It all just showed up and took over my life. It's manageable now and most of the time it doesn't even faze me, but that damn cloud still lingers... especially after the attack at the club.  
           Once clean and dried off, I throw on some clothes I normally wear when I paint because they are the only clothes I don't care about ruining. I don't put too much effort into my appearance today, mostly because I have no reason to impress Joseph and I really don't want to give him the wrong idea, so when I feel like I'm adequate for a public appearance, I grab my things and cut across the street to the Christiansen’s house. Before I even get the chance knock, the front door is pull opened and I am greeted with a very welcoming smile from Joseph. He appears to be the only one home, I wonder where Mary and the kids are?  
            "Right on time. Glad you could make it," He says, stepping aside to let me in.  
            I have only been in this house a handful of times and each time it takes my breath away because it's one of the nicer houses on the cul-de-sac. Right now, everything is covered in plastic and all photos and book cases have been either removed or stored away somewhere safe away from the painting zones. On Saturday, Joseph sent a bunch of pictures of paints and we managed to settle on one base color and one color for an accent wall. I eye the paint buckets and brushes, feeling right in my element in a really odd environment.  
            "Can I get you something? Mary made lemonade before she left with the kids this morning," He offers, gesturing the kitchen.  
            "Sure. That sounds great," I say, glancing down at the tarp covered floor.  
            Joseph nods and goes off to the kitchen, rummaging through cupboards for a glass or two. On the fireplace mantel there is a photo of all of the dads way back when, probably when they first moved in. It's strange looking at this photo, how young they all look... and Robert... whoa. Mind boggling.  
           "Sorry it took so long. Mary reorganized things in the kitchen and I couldn't find the glasses," Joseph calls, walking back from the kitchen.  
           He hands me a glass of the lemonade and I take it with a thanks. He nods curtly and turns to the paint buckets, laughing a bit. "So do we dive in head first? You're the expert." He questions, setting his glass down on the plastic covered coffee table.  
           I set my glass beside his and awkwardly stretch my arms, preparing for the hours of work I'm about to put in. I've actually been meaning to paint the interior of my own house simply because I'm an artist and I always have compulsions to paint; things just keep getting in the way.  
           "Dive in head first, but don't work on too many areas at once. Pick one spot and go from there," I advise, kneeling to pop open the first bucket of paint.  
            Joseph and I get right to work, wanting to waste no time. I take one of the buckets of paint off to my own section and begin to work on the base coat. Thankfully his walls are white and don't need to be stripped or else this project would take much longer than a day. I make the first few strokes, using a roller in hopes to get this done and over with sooner rather than later.  
            "Mary says you and Robert are quite close," Joseph states, bending down to paint along the baseboard.  
            I pause my hand mid stroke and glance over at him, keeping a neutral expression on my face. "Yeah, we're quite close," I answer.  
            "That's nice. Robert is a great guy..." He trails off, looking sternly at his uneven line of paint that curved down to the baseboard. He uses a towel to wipe off the paint before it settles. "Though I couldn't help but notice the way you look at him whenever I see you two together. Is there something more than a friendship between you two?" He presses.  
            His question catches me off guard even though I expected it to be asked eventually. Robert and I haven't really discussed if we want to go all public about our relationship, so I have half a mind to keep quiet about it, but I also know Robert would not hesitate to rub it in Joseph's face if given the chance.  
           "We're dating," I blurt, coming off a little stronger than I wanted.  
           Joseph pauses in his work for a brief moment to look at me with a smile that has something condescending behind it. I try not to acknowledge it, but it sends a chill up my spine and makes me feel a little uneasy.  
           "I thought so. Anyone with eyes could see that there has been something between you two since you moved here," He comments, standing up straight.  
           He walks by me to get the ladder to start working on the upper half of the wall, slightly brushing against me as he does. Was I this uncomfortable when I woke up this morning?  
           "Oh, Cody, you have some paint on your face," Joseph says, grabbing a clean towel.  
           Instead of letting me get it, he takes it upon himself and gently rubs the paint from my cheek. He stands close to me, too close for comfort and is holding onto my jaw to angle my face towards him. I try to avoid his eyes, knowing I won't like what I see if I look into them. I don't understand. Has Joseph always been this way with me and I was too oblivious to notice? He smells oddly good and is a very well built guy... but no...  _no.  
_              "You have very nice complexion..." He muses, running his thumb on my cheek bone.  
             An involuntary blush creeps onto my face, making me internally curse at myself. I step back then, itching to get some distance between us. I won't let him 'dazzle' me like that... he may have been able to do it when I was still new here, but I can't let it happen anymore. Joseph pulls his hands away, sensing that he made me uncomfortable. "My apologies," He says simply.  
            After that encounter, we stay separated for the next several hours. I don't mind, though. Our work is occasionally paused for casual chit chat and brush swaps, nothing too out of the ordinary. By eight-thirty in the evening, we're done with most of the room and the kitchen and I'm exhausted. In desperate need for a break, I plop down on the floor and wipe the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. Joseph sits down beside me and offers me a clean towel, which I take down to wipe down my face and neck.  
            "Is that a bruise?" Joseph asks, pointing to a mark where my shoulder and neck join.  
            I glance down at the spot on my skin, quickly adjusting my shirt to cover it back up. "Not exactly," I mumble, embarrassment on my cheeks.  _Damn it, Robert and damn his biting and sucking and everything in between.  
_             Joseph laughs quietly, apologizing for pointing it out. "I didn't take you for one that liked biting. I suppose Robert can make anyone like anything. He just has that charm about him."  
            I really do not know how to respond to that and I really do not like the way he's talking right now. "Uh, yeah..." I mutter, looking at the ground.  
            Joseph shifts around and I glance up at him, searching his eyes for a moment. We stare at each other, searching each other's eyes for answers to different questions. He smiles at me, but I look away before the moment can become anything more than it is. I'm not into Joseph.  
            "But Robert also doesn't know how to have fun. I can show you some things, Cody. Only if you let me," He offers, resting his hand on my upper thigh.  
            I freeze under the touch, unable to think. He's slowly leaning closer to me, going right for my neck. I need to leave, _now_. Abruptly, I stand to my feet and Joseph gives me a look of confusion, getting to his feet too.  
            "I'm gonna go," I say, keeping my eyes trained to the floor.I dart for the door, but Joseph grabs my arm and turns me back around, perplexed by my actions.  
            "I'm sorry, Cody. I didn't mean to speak so openly. Forgive me," He says pleadingly, trying to back track.  
            I jerk my arm free, taking a few steps back for distance sake. "I really would like to go, Joseph," I snap.  
            Joseph doesn't try and stop me this time. I fly out the door and take a moment to collect myself before I walk up the steps to Robert's house. I pound on his front door, anger pumping through my veins. I take a few deep breaths before the door is opening and when it is, I'm throwing myself on him and attacking his lips.  
            "Whoa... Cody... wait..." Robert says in between my kisses. It's very strange for me to do something like this; it's normally the other way around. I reluctantly pull away and bury my head against his shoulder, holding him close.  
            "Did you have a bad day or something?" He asks, guiding us backwards so he can close the door.  
            "I really don't want to talk about it," I grumble.  
           Robert chuckles and I think he sniffs me, I probably reek of paint.  
           "You smell like paint."  
 _Yep..._ "I was helping Joseph paint," I explain bitterly. Robert steps back, pulling his eyebrows together.  _Oh, fuck... no, no, no..._  I never told him. "He asked me to help, so I said I would," I admit, frowning.  
            Okay, my fault for not telling him. He was just so sick for the past few days, I didn't want to bring up the one person he can't stand.  
            "And you didn't tell me?" He asks, a little hurt.  
            Robert is not the controlling type; that's not his forte. He'll let me hang out with whoever I want, whenever I want, and will never question my plans, but it's a different story when it comes to Joseph and I should have catered to that... I regret not saying anything sooner. This would have gone in a completely different path if I told him and talked to him about it.  
            "I meant to, Robert. You were just so sick and I was so focused on taking care of you-"  
            "-You could have told me this morning, but you chose not to," He interjects.  
            Before I can say anything, Robert is walking to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. _No... Come on, don't do this..._ I push myself into the kitchen, arms crossed as frustration prickles on my skin. "I didn't keep it from you on purpose, Robert. I know how you feel about him," I assert, trying to make him understand.  
            He scoffs and takes a big gulp of the whiskey in his glass.  _No, no, no..._  "Then you should know that I don't want you around him, especially alone. He's not a good person," He snaps at me.  
            I can see the anger rising in him and I can tell he's trying to fight it off, but this conversation isn't going to get any lighter. "I know and I'm taking the fault for it. I fucked up, okay?" I unwillingly say, feeling the guilt build up on me.  
            Robert drinks more of the whiskey until it's gone and he pours himself another glass.  _God damn it..._ "Why were you so angry when you showed up?" He asks, prying.  
            I sigh, knowing this will do anything but help the argument. All I had to do was tell him and I neglected that one simple task. "He made me uncomfortable. I think he's been getting the wrong idea or something, but I stopped it and walked out," I grumble, looking down at the floor.  
            I do not look up in fear of what I'll see, though I can picture it in my head. His jaw is clenched, his hand is firmly gripping the kitchen island, a rage in his eyes... I can't take it, I have to look. My heart almost stops beating immediately. The anger is there, but I see more sadness than anything... he's hurt.  
           "So he is trying to take you from me..." He mumbles, drinking the alcohol again.  
           Every ounce of me wants to walk over him and hug him, but it feels as if my feet are glued to the floor and I cannot move. "I have no interest in Joseph," I say sternly, making my thoughts clear.  
            Robert makes momentary eye contact with me, holding me in a painstakingly difficult gaze. He's hurt, he's angry, he's losing confidence in himself... "He'd probably be better for you, in a way," He says in spite.  
            While I'm glad the topic is sliding away from Joseph, this direction is much more dangerous. I'd rather argue about Joseph until I'm blue in the face than have to fight about why I choose to be with Robert through all of his shit.  
            "Nobody is better for me. You're the best fit, I don't want anyone else," I console desperately.  
            Robert downs the entire glass of whiskey, severing himself up another round right after. I should make him stop, this is so bad for him... "You're delusional, then. How can you not see that this is only doing you more harm than good?" He seethes, gesturing between us.  
            I flinch a little, navigating my way back to my anger. "Robert, for fucks sake."  
            "Look, I'm not good for you. I'm always going to fuck up and you're just going to get hurt," He snaps.  
            I angrily take a step forward, making my presence felt in the room. "I don't give a _fuck_ about what you think. You don't have a say in how I feel about you. I can't keep playing these games, Robert."  
            He takes several steps back, leaning back against the kitchen counter, and crosses his arms, making his stance much more threatening. "Then don't. Just walk away," He mutters.  
            "You are pushing me away again. It's not like you're giving me much of a choice," I start, choking on the white hot anger, "I don't understand why you refused to be loved."  
            Robert scoffs and looks away from my enraged gaze. "You don't love me. Just stop while you're ahead. Leave. Just go like everyone else."  
            "Robert, I am begging you to open your eyes and see what I'm fucking telling you."  
            "I really don't give a shit."  
            My heart sinks lower and lower with every word he throws at me. "You don't mean this. You're drinking and not thinking straight."  
            He clutches the glass in his hand and scowls, eyes growing stone cold. "And that's all I'll ever be. A drunk. Just fucking leave."  
            No... I won't do this. I refuse to walk out after everything we've been through. " _No,_ " I say sternly.  
            I can tell that Robert didn't expect me to keep fighting him. But here I am, asserting my place. "Cody, I really don't want you-" He attempts.  
            "-I am  _not_  fucking leaving, Robert." I interject, voice like acid. "I am not going to let you push me away. So instead, I am going to go upstairs and get fucking ready for bed. You are not kicking me out now, I don't accept it," I snap.  
            His face is woven with shock and it's obvious he is not going to say anything, so I turn on my heels and march upstairs. I can't remember the last time I have been this angry and he's insane if he thinks he can push me away as easily as this. His words hurt, they really did... But I can't give up now, I refuse to. With a sigh, I grab one of Robert's lightweight sweaters from his closet and lock myself in the bathroom. I hate getting this way; it makes my head pound and everything seem so breakable. Bitterly, I take off my clothes and jump in the shower to wash away the paint smell. Afterwards, I dry off with the towel and slip back into my boxers and put on the long sleeve I borrowed. From there, I go about my nightly routine and take a deep breath before opening the bathroom door.  
            Sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands is Robert. I'm so upset with him, though at the same time I am over the argument and just want to move on from it. He does not move or say anything as I edge closer to him. This sight is all too familiar to me. I know this... I know what he's thinking and how angry he is with himself... I've seen it all before. When I'm standing in front of him, I lightly place my hand on his shoulder and he moves slightly forward to press his head against my stomach.  
            "I'm sorry for not telling you about the shit with Joseph. I know the history between you two is rough and I should have respected that and informed you about it as soon as I knew," I apologize, looking down on him.  
            He keeps his head in his hands, but I know he's listening. I want to sleep this all away, but I know that you should never go to bed angry with each other and the only way to relieve that is through apology and forgiveness.  
            "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole. I twisted the argument and took it much further than it needed to go. I'm so sorry," Robert apologizes, voice shaking.  
            I frown at the tone of his voice; it's unusual for it to be shaking unless he's... "Robert, look at me," I beckon, concern in my voice. He doesn't move and I find that to be a bit troublesome. "Baby, come on. Look at me."  
            He finally lifts his head to gaze up at me with a tear stricken face. There is deep regret in his eyes and something that reads between self-hatred and anger. I wipe his tears away with my hands, feeling a knot of my own form in my throat. I lean down and press my lips to his forehead, wishing I didn't feel this way or have to see him like this.  
            "I didn't mean what I said... I'm sorry." Robert mumbles.  
            I draw away and place my hands on either side of his face, frowning. "Let's just move on from it, okay? It's over."  
            I lean down again, but I do it to kiss his lips this time. There's a slight frown on his mouth and he appears to be emotionally distraught still. I slide his leather jacket off his shoulders and pull him up so he stands. He gets the hint that I'm looking to get into bed with him, so he takes off his jeans and kicks them off elsewhere. I pull him down on the mattress with me, burying myself on top of his body. I breathe him in, finding the familiar scent of whiskey mixed in with his cologne and whatever soap he uses.  
            "I don't like arguing with you," I mumble, propping myself up to look at him.  
            He seems stuck in a cloud of sadness and I hate it so much. "How are you forgiving me so easily? I said some nasty things..." Robert questions, sadly.                      I kiss him anywhere I can, looking to be as close to him as possible. "I forgave you because it was only an argument. I know you didn't mean what you were saying."  
            Robert says nothing more, so I lower myself down, still on top of him, and rest my head on his chest that slowly rises and falls with each breath. I know Robert won't be falling asleep anytime soon, it's still pretty early for him, but lying here with him is numbing his pain and regret of what he said to me. Unfortunately, this argument revealed a sad truth. Robert is still deeply broken inside and everything he said was sprouting from his insecurities and old ways. And while I know it's going to hurt me along the way, I'm going to stick by his side until I know he's better and functional again. I won't let him suffer alone anymore. That's just what you do when you love someone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as this chapter delivers some real feels, I enjoyed writing it. This one should be the last chapter posted tonight. Because I am an insomniac, I'll probably stay up super late again to write another five chapters and will upload more tomorrow! Thanks for the support!


	14. A Wicked Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plans for Halloween didn't go quite as planned, but there's always next year.

            I finish pulling the guts out from my pumpkin, setting them aside in a brown paper bag. My hands are slimy and are slightly tinted orange, but the gutting is done nevertheless. I grab my crayon specially made for drawing on pumpkins and sketch out my design, deciding on doing something in between cute and freaky. Because Amanda is off at college, she's not around to carve pumpkins with me, so I went for the next best thing and called Robert over. He's stationed in front of me and he has the sleeves to his dark navy blue long sleeve rolled up to his biceps to ensure it won't get dirty from the pumpkin innards. He's very focused on the task and I'm very curious to see what he comes up with. He's already so good at whittling; I can only imagine what he can do to a pumpkin. Instead of using conventional tools like I offered, he insisted on using his knifes and I didn't really want to fight him on that.  
            I dig my carving tool into the pumpkin and start cutting out the first eye. Today is Halloween and while I'm a little late on the pumpkin game, I'm not going to let the holiday slip by without getting a pumpkin or two on my doorstep by nightfall.  
            "Are you going to tell me what your costume is?" Robert asks, intently pulling out his recently carved mouth from inside of the pumpkin.  
            I set my tool down and push the eye until it pops out and glance over at Robert with a raised eyebrow. "No, you refuse to tell me what yours is so I'm not going to tell you what mine is," I avow.  
            Robert grumbles something under his breath and returns his focus back to carving and I do as well, moving on to cut out the other eye. Upon finishing my pumpkin, I rest a candle inside of it to light later and place the top back on. I step back to get a better look at it and quite frankly, I'm impressed with what I came up with. All of my years of being an artist finally paid off and it paid off in specialized pumpkin carving; that's something to be proud about, right? I laugh quietly and clean up my pumpkin mess, tossing it all into the garbage can in the kitchen.  
            "Jesus _fucking_ Christ." Robert curses.  
            I turn around and see Robert clutching his index finger and as he bounces up and down on his heels slightly, still cursing under his breath.  
            "Did you cut yourself?" I ask, slightly concerned.  
            Robert looks at me with exasperation, pulling his hand away from his finger to revel a small bloody gash on the inner-side of his finger. Without a second thought, I grab Robert and drag him to my master bathroom. He reluctantly hops up on the counter and holds his finger over the sink as it drips blood. From my medicine cabinet, I pull out Neosporin, a bandage, peroxide, and a cleaning wipe. Robert sucks in a sharp breath through his fingers as I dab the wound with the peroxide and curses as I wipe the blood away with the wipe. This feels oddly familiar and I laugh quietly at the thought; this reminds me of when he bandaged up my cut when he taught me how to whittle. After the Neosporin is applied, I put the bandage on the cut and give him his hand back. He rinses the blood out from the sink and washes his other hand without getting down from the counter, occasionally looking over at me.  
          "Thanks," He mumbles.  
          I glance at him and go to say something, but I notice he managed to get a bit of pumpkin in his hair and giggle. "You have pumpkin in your hair," I tease, tossing out the wrappers and stuff from my wound dressing.  
            Robert raises an eyebrow and I reach over to pull the pumpkin out, but it somehow got itself woven in there. I frown and step closer and Robert spreads his legs to accommodate my closeness. Eventually I work the pumpkin out and toss it into the garbage can beside the toilet, feeling accomplished when I do. I look back at Robert and my breath hitches in my throat, I didn't realize how close I got to him.  
            "You alright? You look a little flushed," Robert questions.  
            I smile, remembering that he's all mine. Leaning forward, I kiss his lips deeply and warmly, tasting the sweetness of the candy he ate earlier. "You better go get dressed for the party. Mary will kill us if we don't show," I sputter, walking out to my bedroom.  
            Robert follows in suit, scanning my room once in hopes I left my costume out. "Are you sure you want to go? It's totally fine if you'd be more comfortable here. Mary will understand," He asks, leaning against the door-frame of the bathroom.  
            I freeze mid step and sigh quietly. Of course I'd be more comfortable here, but I also know that I won't be doing myself any good if I stay here and wallow in my fears. I haven't really gone to the bar or a party since the attack in June. I guess I've been too chicken, in fear that it'll happen again if I'm not careful. And considering I have yet to talk to Robert about my anxiety problem, I can't give him a reason to worry right now. "No, I want to go. It'll be fun," I say with false enthusiasm.  
            He looks at me as if he doesn't buy and I honestly can't say that I blame him; I'm a terribly liar and by now, Robert has figured out all of my tells. "If you insist, Kid. I'll swing by around 8:30 to pick you up, alright?" He says, walking towards the exit of my room.  
            I nod and Robert leaves my house without another word. With the time I have alone, I strip out of my clothes and start the shower so there is absolutely no chance of me stinking tonight at the party at Jim and Kim's. Apparently Neil throws a great Halloween bash and I would have gone last year, but I was horrendously sick and I didn't feel like vomiting everywhere. I close the glass door behind me and grab my bottle of body wash from the shelf, squirting just enough onto my palm. I keep meaning to by a luffa or something, but it always slips my mind when I walk through the doors of the grocery store.  
            I stare at my costume that hangs in my closet. Out of all the things I could have dressed up as, I chose a skeleton. With a roll of my eyes, I pull the tux out and lay it out on my bed before throwing on the pants and the white dress shirt. I had to call Amanda three or four times to figure out how to do the makeup and she had to order me the correct makeup supplies on Amazon. I'm thankful my daughter is as resourceful as she is because without her, this whole costume idea would have been a bust.  
            I open the bottle of white foundation and spread it all over my face and neck, making sure to rub it in evenly. I don't understand how people can wear makeup; this stuff feels so gross on my skin. Moving on, I grab the black paint and a fine tipped brush and start painting on the dark circles around my eyes. Part of me wishes that I called Damien to help me with this makeup, but the poor guy hates Halloween as it is and I didn't want to burden him with getting me ready for tonight.  
             After about a solid hour of work, I feel confident enough with my makeup job. I think, in some circumstance, I pass as a half decent skeleton. Knowing I'm pressed for time, I slip on my vest and throw on my red coat and tie. Though, as I frantically search for my dress shoes that I for sure dug out from the depths of my closet, I hear a pounding on my front door. _Shit_. It's cold tonight; I can't leave him out there. Pulling myself from the depths of my closet, I scurry out to the entry way and yank the door open. At first, I do not realize what's standing on my door step because I feel like I'm looking at a mirror, but then I realize that Robert has dressed up as a skeleton too. He even wears a tux. The only difference is his jacket is black, his vest is red, and he wears a red bow-tie. I gape at him, at a loss for words.  
            "How did... How?" I question.  
            He matched my costume... but I was so careful not to let him find out... He's actually doing a couples costume with me. We fought for at least an hour about the idea of couples costumes and he had me thinking he really wasn't going to do it with me.  
            "I broke into your house when you were at work last week and searched for a good two hours. I wasn't planning on matching your costume, but Val strongly encouraged it," He says with a grin.  
            How is it that even under a pound of makeup, he still looks sexy as hell? "I can't find my shoes," I blurt.  
            Robert raises an eyebrow, laughing. "They're under your bed. Saw them there when I broke in. Figured you were taking dance classes or whatever until I found the rest of the costume in your closet," He informs.  
            Although I'm mildly irritated he committed a minor crime to figure out my costume, he did just save me a ton of time. I dash back to my room and grab my shoes from under my bed and slip them on, running back out to the living room to tie them and grab my phone, wallet, and keys.  
            "I must say, you make a pretty good skeleton. It's kind of really sexy," Robert compliments as we walk to the bar.  
            Thank god for the makeup on my face because I couldn't be blushing harder right now. "Uh, thanks. You don't look too bad for yourself. You got a nice... uh... ass. Your ass looks good in dress pants," I say, failing to sound smooth.  
            Robert snorts and playfully bumps me with his shoulder. "Just like my face is good as I recall you saying when we first met?" He teases.  
            He's really trying to make me spontaneously combust, isn't he? "Hey, don't go throwing that in my face. I was overcome by your rugged good looks. My brain wasn't functionally properly," I defend.  
            He laughs at me and holds the door for the bar open for me when we arrive and instantly I am amazed by what's inside. There are glow sticks... _everywhere_. There are cheesy decorations all over the place, fancily carved Jack O' Lanterns, a smoke machine that cascades a cloud of smoke along the floor, and several stations for candy and Halloween themed drinks. All of the tables have been hauled away to make room for a makeshift dance floor and a disco ball hangs from the ceiling. I smile and I laugh, this is amazing.  
            "Want anything to drink?" Robert asks over the music.  
            "Get me the dumbest Halloween drink you can find," I request, still grinning like an idiot.  
           Robert nods and disappears past the swarm of people to the specialized bar station. Off the side by the wall are two of my closest friends in the cul-de-sac besides Robert. I walk over to them and wave excitedly.  
            "Bro! Nice costume!" Craig compliments.  
            "Yeah, man. You make a good skeleton," Mat adds on.  
            Craig, this year, decided to dress up as Captain Jack Sparrow and Mat seems to be dressed up as a zombie-ified Starbucks barista. "Thanks! You guys look great too. Night off from the kids?" I ask, laughing.  
            "All of my offspring are at Smashley's for the weekend. It's her year," Craig replies.  
           "And mine is with a friend. They're doing some big trick or treating thing and then they're having a giant sleep over," Mat says.  
            I nod, glad to see that both of them caught a break and get to have fun tonight. Robert appears beside me with a glass of whiskey for himself and a glass of some mysterious blue liquid that glows under the black lights for me. He hands it to me with a goofy grin and I taste it, surprised that it's actually really good. What the hell is this?  
            "Black Light Lemonade spiked with rum and vodka," He says, answering my thoughts.  
            I nod and sip more of the drink, looking to get more of it in my body.  
            "Whoa, you're both skeletons." Mat says, looking between us.  
            "Didn't take you for the matching costume type, bro," Craig directs to Robert.  
            All four of us chit chat and share morbid Halloween stories before we break up and mix our ways into the dance floor. An old classic comes on over the sound system and I laugh way harder than any human should, Thriller Michael Jackson. Both Robert and I start to dance to the music, both enjoying ourselves way too much. It wasn't until way later that I realize that my breathing has become decently shallow. I find my way to the closest wall and lean against it, focusing on my breathing. _No... I haven't had a problem with this for years...  
_             And before I know it, I'm wheezing and coughing violently. Robert finds me again after wondering off to go talk to Mary and at first he wears a pleased expression, but it melts away into worry. "Whoa, Cody. Are you alright?"  
            I desperately shake my head and stumble off to the exit, pushing past the doors. It was the smoke machine, it had to be. I plop down on the nearest curb and interlock my fingers behind my head, expanding my elbows outwards to open up my lungs; a trick Craig taught me years ago to help with this. Robert watches me with confusion, observing me work through my asthma attack. I should have known the smoke machine would cause problems, but I haven't had an attack for so long... Amanda was fourteen the last time it happened.  
            "Are you going to tell me what that was or am I going to have to call Amanda and ask her myself?" Robert asks when I'm finally able to breathe again.  
            I grimace and prepare myself for a lecture. "I have moderate to severe asthma depending on the circumstances," I say unwillingly.  
            Robert's face flickers between a few expressions, all ranging between angry and concerned. "So you're telling me that for the past year up until I quit, I was smoking around you while you have asthma?" He demands.  
            I stand from the curb, still a little light headed and try to contend for myself. "Hey, it's been four years since my last attack. In case you haven't noticed, I've been just fine up until literally just now. I didn't even get an attack while I was being strangled in the alley way," I snap.  
            Robert steps backwards and takes a moment to lower his anger levels. I didn't like bringing up the attack in June, but it made my case. Now I feel really off on the inside and a little panicky. _Just breathe...  
_             "Still, you should have told me. This is going to sound a little hypocritical, but second hand smoke is horrible and it's even worse for those with asthma. I get it that you've been fine lately, but... fuck, Cody," He pauses to recollect his thoughts. I think I genuinely scared him.  
            Somebody exits the bar and I crane my neck to see who it is. Mary, who dressed herself as a flapper, walks out with a glum facial expression and slightly smudged makeup.  
            "What are you two bums doing out here? The party is inside," She slurs, gesturing to the bar.  
            Robert and I exchange a glace, it's clear that Mary is wasted. "How much have you had to drink?" Robert questions, narrowly managing to steady Mary as she awkwardly slides off the curb of the sidewalk.  
            I pull my eyebrows together and have a silent conversation with Robert; Mary needs to go home.  
           "Only a few. Maybe a lot... not sure," She says, swaying side to side.  
           "I think it's time for you to go home," Robert advises.  
           Mary goes to protest, but then Robert is lifting her up and throwing her over his shoulder. She whines and squirms a little, but relaxes as he begins to walk back to the cul-de-sac. I follow closely behind, a little concerned for Mary. It's not totally unlike her to get wasted, but it's a little unlike her get this wasted so early in the night. She slurs something under her breath as Robert walks and I try to listen to what she's mumbling, but it's way too quiet for me to make anything of it. At the cul-de-sac, we cut across to her house and pound on the door until Joseph answers it.  
            "Is that Mary?" He asks, concerned.  
            Robert sets the woman down and she stumbles forward into her husband's arms. "Package for you," Robert grumbles.  
            Joseph steps inside to walk Mary to the couch and both Robert and I watch from the door. It's a little difficult to watch Mary push Joseph away as he tries to help her, so I avert my eyes down to the ground.  
            "Thank you for bringing her home," Joseph says appreciatively.  
            Robert scoffs and I look up to see him glaring at the man in front of us. "You should have known better to let her go out tonight," He says bitterly.  
            Joseph looks taken aback, unsure of how to respond. "Robert I-"  
           "-No. You know how she is. It's barely even ten and she's already drunk off her ass. Your marriage may be fucked up, but you are still her husband. I'm just the best friend and you're lucky we were there to get her before somebody else could." Robert interjects.  
            Joseph says nothing more and Robert turns on his heel to go towards his house. I give Joseph an awkward look and turn to follow my boyfriend who is already inside of his home by the time I get there. I really do feel sorry for Mary and Joseph. I never got to see how their relationship was before it turned sour, but it's sad to think that at one point, they were in love and now it seems Mary can't stand Joseph. I suppose I can't blame her, he did cheat on her... with Robert... and probably more people. I sigh at the thought. I don't know what happened between Robert and Joseph, but I know it was ugly and obviously left them at an awkward impasse.  
            Betsy runs around the house yelping happily that her owner has returned and does her usual run-through of kisses. I make my way upstairs to the bathroom, where I wash away my thick makeup and shed most of my tux; leaving only the pants and dress shirt. I spend so much time here that Robert gave me some space in the bathroom for some of my things, which include a spare toothbrush. As I brush my teeth, I glace unbutton my shirt and look over at Robert as he enters the bathroom.  
            "Not the best Halloween night, I'm guessing?" Robert assumes, looking defeated.  
            After I finish with my tooth brushing, I give Robert the sink to wash his own face off. It's a little silly, but I look forward to seeing all of the white makeup washed off of him because I enjoy his natural skin tone.  
            "It's been a little weird, but I still had tons of fun. It's kind of hard not to have fun when my boyfriend is sexy," I compliment.  
            Robert grabs the towel off the rack to dry his face and as he's doing that, I step up behind him to wrap my arms around his waist.  
            "You're such a dork," He says with a laugh, turning around so he faces me. "What do you want for your birthday?"  
            I'm a little confused by the question, but then it dawns on me that my birthday is in fact in thirteen days. "Can I just have you?" I question, smiling dumbly.  
            Robert rolls his eyes, but leans in to kiss me anyways. "Only if I get to give you the best birthday sex you have ever experienced."  
            I laugh and kiss him again, slipping my hand down to his ass that honestly looks so, _so,_ good in these pants. "Well considering it'll be the only birthday sex I have had; you won't have to try very hard."  
           He looks nearly appalled, but then he remembers that I'm fairly inexperienced. "Oh, baby... You're going to be sore for weeks when I'm done with you," He purrs, laughing darkly.  
            My cheeks flush red and suddenly I'm very excited for my birthday. Like. Insanely excited.  
            "Seriously, though. Are you sure you don't want anything?" Robert asks, double checking.  
            I shake my head and pull my close against me, stupidly in love with the man in my arms. I want to tell him how I feel, but I also know that throwing the L-bomb may startle Robert is done poorly, so I stay quiet for the time being.  
            "I only want you, baby," I hum, blissfully content.  
            Robert wraps his arms around me then and one of his hands weave into my hair. The embrace from him is soft and warm and there's something very affectionate behind it. _I fucking love you, Robert Small._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeey. I'll be back later tonight with another chapter. I think I'm pretty set on doing a sequel now, which means this book with probaaaabbbly leave on a few cliff hangers. But don't worry about that now because there's still the rest of fall, winter, and spring left before we get to the end.


	15. Slipping Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Robert doesn't contact or respond to Cody's messages for a week, Cody takes it upon himself to see what's going on.

            I stare at my ceiling in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. The constant ticking sound from the clock on my wall is gnawing on my annoyance with every passing second. The moon light from the sky pours in through my window, casting a shadow on my face. It's a quiet night, with the exception of the light rainfall against my roof and window. I've lost track of what time it is... I just know it's late. I should check on him, every fiber in my body is telling me to check on him. He hasn't contacted me in a week and I'm pretty sure he hasn't left his house. I tried leaving him messages and I tried calling him, but every attempt ended in no response. My anxiety is eating me alive, making my stomach twist and turn in ways that make my feel sick.   
 _I'm too worried.  
_             Throwing the blankets off of my body, I grab and put on sensible clothes and pick up my phone and keys before heading out into the rainy night. With a harsh knock on the door, I wait patiently on his porch. He doesn't answer, and I know he would be awake at this time, but I can hear something going on in there that sounds an awful lot like Betsy whining. Cursing, I dig around in my pockets and pull my spare key to his house, the one he gave me for emergencies like this, and use it to unlock the front door. It's dark, there are no lights on, but I can still see the shattered bottle of whiskey on the floor and the various other bottles of Vodka and wine scattered around. My eyes find him sitting at the foot of the stairs with his head in his hands and Betsy desperately trying to get his attention.  _Fuck...  
_             "Robert? Didn't you hear me knocking?" I question, kicking the door closed as I walk towards him.  
            Right away I smell the booze, thick and heavy and nauseating. Betsy chills out by at least 200% when she sees I'm here to help him and she thankfully gives me some space to tend to her dad; never again will I underestimate how smart she is.  
            "Robert, hey. Look at me, baby," I urge, kneeling down in front of him.  
            He lifts his head very slowly and the overwhelming pain in his eyes punches me in the gut immediately. He's been crying and judging by the visible bruising on his knuckles, he got angry at one point and probably punched something. There is a thick layer of cold sweat on him and he's shaking from all of the alcohol in his system; he probably drank three times the amount any one human is supposed to.  
            "God damn it, Robert," I whisper, pushing his sweaty hair from his forehead. "Let's get you upstairs." I urge, hoisting him up.  
            Right away he falls into my arms and I have no choice but to put all of his weight on me as he drags himself up the stairs. Because I have seen Robert drunk numerous amounts of times, I know how he gets and I know he's not going to last much longer; I'm surprised he's made it this long. At the top of the stairs, he stumbles again, but I manage to catch him and somehow get him past the door-frame of his bedroom. "Come on, you're almost too the bathroom." I encourage, grunting as his weight pushes on me again. Never again will I complain about working out with Craig... I probably still will, but I would not be able to do this if Craig didn't get me back in shape.  
            "I want to sleep though," Robert complains.  
            "You say that now until you have to vomit," I say with an eye roll.  
            "Codes?"  
            "Yeah?"  
            "I have to puke," He slurs.  
            Pulling him twice as fast, I get him to the toilet just in time for him to empty the contents of his stomach into the bowl, which is nothing but the alcohol. He pukes endlessly and unfortunately manages to get some down his shirt and a bit on his face; he's a complete wreck right now. I rub his back and say soothing words, fully aware that he's too far gone for the words to do much good; I think I’m mostly saying them for myself at this point. When the puking finally subsides, I flush the toilet and get him standing again. I can't put him to bed like this... He's too much a wreck.  
            "I need to get you in the shower, Robert. You are covered in sweat and puke."  
            He looks down at himself and groans, seeing how much of a mess he really is through the drunken daze. I carefully lift his shirt off of him and do my best to keep from getting the vomit everywhere, setting it in a ball by the sink for now; laundry for later. I then go to unbuckle his belt, but he bats my hand away and takes an unsteady step backwards, nearly crashing into the glass shower door.  
            "You're too drunk to do it yourself. Please let me help you," I protest, stepping towards him.  
            He shakes his head slowly, unable to go much faster without making himself puke again. "No, Cody wouldn't like it," He grumbles, staggering backwards one more.  
            I manage to catch him before he falls and steady him again, keeping my hand on his shoulder. "Robert, I am Cody. Look at me."  
            His drunken glazed eyes look into mine and he stares for a moment, cupping either side of my face with his hands. "Hi, Cody," He garbles.  
           While I'm flattered he stays loyal as he's way beyond drunk, I still roll my eyes and get him out of the rest of his clothes and into the shower. He was, of course, fussy through the entire ordeal. It was hard enough to wash him without getting myself soaked, but it was even harder to keep him standing for more than two minutes. It also didn't help when he vomited again and I had to start the cleaning process all over. If he somehow remembers any of this or even asks about it tomorrow, he is going to be completely mortified and pissed off.  
            "I need to lie down, Cody," He slurs.  
            "I know but I need to at least get you in some underwear," I say calmly as I rummage through his drawers.  
            Producing a pair of clean boxer briefs, I bend down on the ground and forcibly lift his legs up one by one by lifting them at the ankle. Lastly, I turn off all of the lights and lie him down on his bed, pulling the blanket up to his chest.  
            "Cody?" He murmurs. I bend down closer so he can see my face better in the darkness. "Can you stay here? For tonight?" He asks.  
            Without saying another word, I take off my pants and walk around to the other side of the bed and climb in, after kicking my shoes off and depositing my phone on the nightstand. I comfortably lean my back against the headboard and beckon him to come to me. He does, but not in the fashion I thought he would. Instead, He rests his head on my belly and wraps his arms around me.  
            "You're mad at me..." He whimpers, still shaking from the alcohol.   
            I bend down to kiss the top of his head, rubbing his back affectionately as I do. "I'm not mad, baby. Just concerned."   
            He presses his lips to my stomach in a sloppy fashion and I'm suddenly overcome with intense emotions. All of the anxiety and panic... It's threatening to spill out.  
            "What happened, Robert?" I ask in a half whisper, a knot in my throat.  
            I feel so much regret for not checking in on him sooner. I should have... done something. This is like three steps back for him and I know he's going to beat himself up for it in the morning. It's a relapse in a way...  
            "Val is gettin' married soon. She wants me to give her away at the wedding," He confesses.  _Oh, Robert..._  
            Before I can ask him anymore questions, his light snores fill the room and I sit there in my own cloud of worry and concern.

            Betsy nudges me out of my sleep by pushing her little head against my foot. She whines and I can only assume she's asking for one of two things or possibly both: Food and to be let outside. I untangle myself from Robert and take care of the little dog, getting a glass of cold water while I'm downstairs for the man who is going to wake up with one hell of a hangover. He is still asleep when I get back up there, lying on his stomach with an arm tucked under the pillow and the other draped over the back of his head. I leave the glass of water and some aspirin on his nightstand, climbing back into bed when I do.  
            Against my original plans, I don't fall back asleep. Instead, I sit there do anything but sleep. From my bag of things that I leave here in case I unexpectedly stay the night, I pull out my sketch book and pencil and begin to draw the sleeping man beside me. I pride myself on my art. I range anywhere from cartoons to realism, I don't really have a set preference; I just draw in the style that feels the most comfortable at the time. Right now? Sketch realism.  
            I spend a good hour and a half on the drawing before Robert begins to stir awake. I quickly stash my book in my bag and prepare for the onslaught that is hungover Robert.  
            "Oh, fuck..." He grumbles, rolling onto his back.  
            He keeps his eyes squeezed shut and pinches the bridge of his nose, suffering through what I imagine is the hangover of a lifetime. I'm glad I remembered to close his curtains because I'm sure the glow from the cloudy morning would have been a hellish way to wake up.  
            "You had quite the night..." I comment quietly, letting him know I'm here.  
            Robert's eyes snap open and lock with mine, burning with anger and worry until he realizes it's just me. Did he think he had a one night stand with a stranger?  
            "Do I want to know what happened?" He grumbles, rubbing his forehead.  
            "Probably not. In short, I wound up having to do some laundry and I had to clean up some glass," I answer honestly.  
            Robert pulls his eyebrows together, eyes narrowing. "Tell me anyways. Don't even think about sugar coating it."  
            Giving him what he wants, I start with finding him on the stairs then move on to explain the whole vomiting and showering ordeal. He didn't particularly like that and I knew he wouldn't; nobody wants to hear that they were too wasted to take care of themselves and vomited on themselves twice. I then tell him that he told me about Val and the wedding, which made him tense up.  
           "Can I ask why that's bugging you so much?" I question, scooting closer to him.  
           Robert sighs and briefly glances at the clock, displeased to see that it's still so early. "It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I had no idea she was getting married or was let alone engaged to her girlfriend and then she calls to tell me all of that. Now that was a big enough bombshell on its own, but then she proceeds to tell me that she wants me to give her away at the wedding and I think I actually lost a few years on my life right then and there," He recalls, frowning.  
           I can't ever imagine being in his place when it comes to his life and his relationship with Val. He's been given a chance to fix everything and he has been doing so well, but it's this that throws him off course again...  
          "I told her I would. But that didn't stop me from being fucking terrified. What have I done to deserve that privilege? I was absent in her life and half the time I was drunk, I'm just a stain on her memories. I'm just going to fuck it up like I always seem to do. The stress got to me and I slipped up..." He continues, eyes fixated on the comforter.  
            I reach out and grab one of his hands, being mindful of the bruising, and interlace our fingers. He needs my support right now, not a lecture on why drinking his fear down is literally the worst thing you can do. "You never know unless you try. You may have screwed up in the past, but she is trying to move on from that. She asked you to give her away because you are her father and she loves you. The relationship you guys have is very delicate, but it's getting stronger every day. You can't be afraid of screwing up, that'll only put you back further and make things worse. She loves you, Robert. You have to remember that."  
            He listens to me very carefully, making no indication that he disagrees with what I'm saying. And that's when it comes out, all of the emotions he's been holding in. As hot tears flow down his cheeks, I pull into my arms in a similar fashion to how I held him last night. I wish I could take his pain away, but what can I do? Tell him it's going to be okay? No. I can't. Nothing about this is okay and while it may end up okay in the end, the road to get there is long and it fucks with you at every turn. It never gets easy, you just have to learn how to better yourself and move on.  
            "Why the fuck do you put up with me? I'm an emotional fuck up," He asks angrily, clutching onto my thighs.  
            He doesn't lift his head off my belly, so I just rub his back soothingly and pull the blanket over us again.  
            "Because that's what you do when you're in a relationship. It's supposed to be fifty/fifty, but if one isn't doing too well, you pick up the extra thirty and support your loved one. I told you this before, Robert. I'm not going to ditch you when you need me. Everybody breaks down from time to time. You're just going through a lot so you break down a little more frequently. There's nothing wrong with that."  
            He silences his sobs and lies there for a while, coping with his drama and his hangover.  
            "There's some water and aspirin on your night stand." I tell him, patting his bare back.  
            He rolls off of me and swings his legs off the side of the bed to sit up, taking the medicine I provided and he drinks almost all of the water. Remembering our time at the hotel from when we went to visit Amanda, I get up on my knees and rest my hands on his shoulders, gently working at his muscles. He groans and relaxes under my touch, completely okay with me giving him another massage.  
            "My little cluster of stress and bad habits," I coo at him jokingly.  
            He turns around to face me and glares, playfully shoving me back onto the bed. As I fall, he gets up and walks off to the bathroom to presumably brush his teeth and clean up. When he returns, I’m sitting on the edge of the bed and I look over to give him a warm smile. He seems a bit uncomfortable and I wouldn't doubt it's because of the puking and showering.  
            "Do you want me to make your something to eat?" I ask.  
            I get off the bed and walk over to him, resting my hands on his waist. He looks down on me with an expression that can only be defined as guilt. "No. You stayed up half the night taking care of me because I was too piss drunk to do it myself. I'll make myself something," He says in a flat voice.  
            He won't let me win this argument, so instead, I angle his face down and give him a long and fulfilling kiss. He leans into it, adding more force and technique. My hands slide up his back slowly, creeping their way up to his neck. He presses his tongue into my mouth and all I can taste is the toothpaste he just used moments ago.  
            "You should eat something." I encourage, resisting as he tries to push me to the bed.  
            He pulls away and drags a hand down from my collar bone, to the waistband of my boxers, and sticks his fingertips in provocatively. "Can I eat you?"  
            My cheeks turn red and for half a second I consider letting him do it. "While I would love a morning blowjob, you need real food. You have noting in your stomach besides pain killers and water." I assert.  
            I grab his hand and lead him down to his kitchen. Compared to how it normally is, his kitchen isn't half bad right now. As he makes himself some toast, I sit down at the table and watch him with worry in my eyes. I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on him and help him through this rough patch of his.  
            "Most people would have run for the hills by now and given up on me." Robert comments, turning to glance at me briefly.  
            I rest my elbow on the table and prop my head up with my chin, running my eyes all over his mostly naked body. "I have told you this once and I will say it again. You are going to have to try so much harder to get me to walk away," I counteract, a sense of delight in my voice.  
           Robert plates his toast and turns around to lean on the counter, watching me carefully. His eyes trail down to my lack of pants under the table and I shit you not, I saw his eyes flicker with hunger.  
            "Yeah, but... What's in it for you? All you're getting is the emotional baggage that I should be able to handle on my own because I'm a grown adult," He questions, biting into the toast.  
            I lean back in the chair and take some time to form a proper response. Hungover Robert is a difficult man to talk to sometimes. "I get to be with you, it's as simple as that. Emotional baggage aside, you are so much more than what you give yourself credit for. You are creative, well spoken, smart, passionate, and attractive. You can't change that. Now while you have some emotional baggage, I have told you multiple times I don't care. I knew what I signed up for the moment you broke down after the ghost tour."  
            One of these days, it'll get through his thick skull that I have no intentions of running. I may be crazy and blind to stay here with him, to be with him, but if he makes me happy... What's the point in running? You don't leave some one because they're a little wounded and need some help. I'm not leaving him, no matter what he does on his path to recovery.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had something to say, but now I can't remember. It was something about the story... ehhhhhhh, I'll remember later. I am ten chapters ahead of the uploads, so I have about 25 chapters written right now. You guys don't even know what's lurking around the corner. Enjoy this gut punch of a chapter! Smut warning for the next chapter. Depending on how I'm feeling, I'll either upload it tonight or first thing in the morning. (The next two chapters have smut, actually).  
> EDIT: I REMEMBER! Val is getting maaarrriiiiieeeddd. Her wedding chapter is up and coming.


	16. It's a Date Night Featuring an Angry Teenager

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert takes Cody out on a date, where they encounter Ernest.

> **From Robert :   
> You better be ready when I get there**
> 
> **From Robert :   
> Or else we're going to be late  
> **  
>  ****From Robert :   
> Because we're already running late

            I stare at my reflection in the mirror, checking my outfit for any possible errors or adjustments. I wear simple jeans, converse, and a form fitting grey sweater that I paired with a light blue zip up hoodie. My teeth have been brushed at least four times by now and I believe I have enough deodorant on to cover at least two people. I haven't been on a date for so long; I'm getting giddy just thinking about it.  
            Walking with a slight bounce in my step, I make my way out to my living room and answer the loud and persistent pounding on my front door. Robert stands there in his leather jacket and red sweater, looking showered and clean shaven. It's not often that he puts an effort into his appearance, but he looks really good tonight and I feel my heart flutter. With a sheepish smile, I step out onto my porch and pull my door closed behind me, making sure to lock it. I then step forward and pull Robert into a surprise embrace, enjoying the smell of his cologne and leather.  
            "You um... look good," Robert compliments, hands sliding down to grab my ass.  
            I blush and gently kiss the corner of his mouth, reaching around to grab one of his hands. "Didn't you say we were running late?" I question, blushing slightly.  
            "Yes, we are. Let's get going."  
            He expertly pulls my car keys out from my pocket and we climb into my car, a bit more frantic now that we are acknowledging the time crunch. Robert drives in silence, completely focused on the road in front of him. Rain begins to sprinkle from the sky and I half-smile, appreciating the weather. I'm always at my happiest when it's cold and rainy and being from Portland, Oregon may have something to do with that.  
            I stand beside Robert as he pays for our tickets and I try my best to ignore the flirting coming from the cashier. She gives him the usual goo-goo eyes and even brushes her hand against his when he hands her the money, which he awkwardly jerks away from. I can't blame the woman, though. Robert is incredibly sexy and I'm amazed that I get to call him mine.  _You can flirt with him all you want, but I'm the one that gets to fuck him.  
_             "Do you want anything, babe?" He asks, adding extra emphasis on the babe in hopes the cashier will realize he's taken.  
            I shake my head no and bite my tongue to stifle my laughter, not wanting to draw attention to myself. Robert may be a quiet man, but he is anything but subtle. Grabbing my hand, he forcibly leads me to our designated auditorium and climbs the stairs until we reach the completely empty back row. Being here with him reminds me of the first movie he took me too that we snuck in to see with bottles of white zinfandel. Ernest was so pissed that night and he really hurt my fucking knee with those rocks, but it was all a good laugh at the end.  
            The movie begins on the big screen and I glance around to see that there is only a small cluster of teenagers sitting in the middle row; I guess I can understand why Robert insists on going to late night showings of things. At first I didn't realize what genre of movie this is, but it doesn't take long to piece together that it's an action comedy. Robert isn't necessarily picky about what he watches, but he does draw the line at certain things and crappy action comedy is definitely one of them. Maybe he just wanted to take me out on a date, no matter what movie was playing. I smile at the thought and relax against my seat, steeling a glance at Robert.  
            He's focused on the screen, eyes glued to what's happening. I'm always so amazed by his rugged good looks. He looks effortlessly good whether he showers regularly or not and if I'm being honest, I envy that. His smile is beautiful, when I get to see it, and the way his hair sometimes flops onto his forehead is admittedly sexy. Knowing that I can't ignore the film, I turn my focus to the screen and do my best to understand what's happening now that I've missed the first ten minutes.  
            "God I hate action comedy," Robert complains with a giggle.  
           "I thought so," I reply, grinning.  
           One of the teenagers from the middle row snaps their head in our direction with a deadly glare. It's Ernest... This is all too familiar. "Will you two shut up?" He complains.  
            Robert raises an eyebrow, laughing at our neighbor's kid. "No," He says bluntly.  
            Ernest takes a handful of popcorn and attempts to throw it at us, but it only lands about two rows ahead of him when we're a good seven. I snort at his attempt, rolling my eyes when he sticks his tongue out at me. He turns back around and I give my attention back to the movie, but Robert is making it a point to irritate Ernest and although I shouldn't be laughing, I can't help it. It's the dad in him, the part where it's a burning instinct to annoy our kids.  
            "Is that really what Hollywood considers to be a hot male? Boo," Robert asserts, making me snort. He's enjoying himself, I can tell just by the way he's grinning like a child and making mocking faces at Ernest when he turns around angrily at us.  
            "Come on, just fuck and get it over with. Cheesy," He grumbles, sparking a few giggles from Ernest's friends. I'm a mess of laughter in my seat; I have to cover my mouth just to stifle the obnoxious sounds. This is pure evil...  
           "Hey Ernest, aren't you a little young to be watching this kind of adult content? Come here, I should cover your eyes," Robert questions, smirking.   
           Enraged, Ernest turns around and lobs a full sized candy bar and us. Robert and I both had to move our heads out of the way to prevent impact and I actually snort from laughing too hard. I pull my hoodie over my face and desperately try to catch my breath. Robert pats my back while he too giggles, we have successfully ruined yet another movie for Ernest and I can only hope he doesn't have any rocks this time. I'd take candy bars of rocks any day.  
          Once I am stable, I scoot closer to Robert and slide my hand around his waist, resting my head on his shoulder. He still smells fantastic and I'm not sure if I am ever going to get over his scent. At first he doesn't respond to my closeness, I suppose to keep up with his bad-boy image, but after a good five minutes, his arms are wrapping around me affectionately and his lips press to the top of my head.  
            The credits slowly creep onto the screen as the movie ends with one last hoorah and cheesy ass joke. I can't help but smile and bury my face into his chest when I hear Robert mumbling thanks to those who worked on the movie. It's his silly quirk and I've always loved that about him. I still remember the first time I found out about his deep appreciation about movies and the lecture he gave me about staying through the credits. Since then, I always make sure I stay regardless if I'm with Robert or not.  
            We find our way to the parking lot and just as expected, Ernest is on our tail. If this was a cartoon, I'd expect to see steam coming out of his ears. He lobs another candy bar at us, managing to hit my square in the back. I grunt, lurching forward a bit at the impact; that was a king sized Toblerone.  
            "Jesus, Ernest," I complain, picking up the bar.  
            His hands are balled up into fists and his friends stand a good eight feet behind him, practically enjoying the anger coming off of Ernest. Robert, on the other hand, stands beside me with his arms crossed and a raised eyebrow.  
           "Throwing candy bars at people isn't nice," He says, voice low.  
           Ernest throws his hands up in the air in an angry fashion, glaring at Robert. "Neither is ruining another movie for me! You guys are assholes," He whines.  
           Robert laughs non-seriously, dropping his arms at his side. Just then, Ernest lobs another candy bar and I deflect it with my forearm, who knew a Twix could hurt so much. "Ernest, I will not hesitate to throw one back," I threaten, picking up the candy.  
           Clearly not getting the message, Ernest produces two more and throws them at me. Robert is laughing, but I know he's about to pull some trick to make the kid scram. How many fucking candy bars does Ernest have?  
          "Alright, let's settle this. Throw one more candy bar and I go tell your father that you regularly pay the Cahn twins to wash Duchess because you are too scared to wash a dog that big," Robert barters.  
          Ernest's face twists into anger again and while I too would be a little intimidated by washing such a big dog, it is his responsibility and not Craig's kid's. "But you guys deserve it! It's rude!" He points out, readying another candy bar.  
           We kind of do deserve it. But what can I say? It's a dad instinct that I must obey. "Ernest, here's some cash for your trouble. Will you please stop hurting me with candy bars now?" I say, offering him the only ten dollar bill in my wallet.  
            Ernest glares at the money, but takes it anyways and runs off with his friends. I look to Robert once they're gone and we both wind up in fits of laughter. We drive back to the cul-de-sac with our hands intertwined and a sense of affection in the air. The date was perfect, candy bars and all, and now it's late at night and I find myself not wanting it to end.  
            "Robert?" I say as we get out of my car. He looks at me as he shuts the door, giving me his attention. "Can I stay with you tonight? I don't want to end date night quite yet..." I ask, trailing off.  
            He tries to cover it up, but I still manage to see the quick flash of a grin on his face. "Sure," He agrees, clearing his throat.  
            I follow Robert to his house and instantly lie down on the floor to give Betsy attention. She flops over into the crook of my arm and pants excitedly as I rub her belly and coo at her. "Robert, this is it. Your dog owns me now," I say, laughing.  
            "I knew you were just dating me for my dog." Robert jokes, looking down on us.  
            Betsy barks happily and scurries off to some other part of the house, leaving us alone. Robert helps me to my feet and goes to put music on. I half expected the song choice to either be Santana or Tom Wates, but instead he puts on slow classic rock.  
           "Do you want zinfandel?" He asks, walking to the kitchen.  
           "Uh, yeah. Please," I respond, kicking my shoes off.  
           Without the lights on, it's fairly dark in here. I navigate my way to the large windows, only tripping once over a stray pair of shoes, and open his curtains to let in some of the night light... even if it's pouring down rain. Robert returns with two glasses of the wine and hands me one, looking down at the ground. He's stressing again...  
            "I had fun tonight. I'm still having fun. We should go on more dates," I reassure him.  
            His eyes light up and he looks up to meet my gaze, smiling a little. "I'd like that. Though, maybe we should go somewhere where we won't run into the neighborhood kids Although, I did find your laughs to be very cute."  
            I giggle both to please him and because he still makes me flustered and take a sip of the wine, starring out the window. "I think I filled my laugh quota for the year," I say with a smile.  
            Robert walks around to the couch and flops down, careful not to spill his wine. I marvel over him for a while, stuck in a bubble of happiness. I have been immensely happy ever since he told me we were doing this tonight. I have a soft spot for date nights and an even bigger soft spot for Robert. He's a cluster-fuck of problems, but he's mine. I somehow secured him in my life, for now at least. The future still holds a lot of mysteries and there's no telling where things will end up. I Wish you Were Here by Pink Floyd comes on next, softly going through the interlude. Getting an idea in my head, I walk around to the coffee table and set my wine down. I then take Robert's wine, which he complains about, and also set it down.  
            "What are you doing?" He grumbles, grumpy I took away his alcohol. I keep a beatific expression on my face and grab his hands, pulling him up. He's confused and it only gets worse when I put his hands on my waist and my hands on his biceps. "Oh no..." He mutters, piecing it together. I slowly move my hips to the music and smile up at him, forcing him to move along with me. "Why are you making me do this?" He whines, helplessly cracking a grin.  
            I pull him closer to me and kiss his neck, still smiling. "Because it's romantic,' I muse.  
            Robert chuckles and gives into my dancing idea, moving slowly in rhythm. I haven't sang for him yet... or really anyone besides Amanda and Alex. The only time he has heard me was when I was cleaning in the kitchen, way back when he kissed me in the arcade. Everybody in the cul-de-sac knows I'm a musician and that I frequently enjoy singing, but I still have trouble displaying my talents in fear that I'm not all that good. Robert has begged me once or twice to sing for him or play for him and I suppose now would be a perfect time to do it for the first time.  
 _"So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?"_  I sing nervously, nipping at his neck again.  
            He takes my hand and gently spins me around, bringing me back around to resume our swaying and gradual movement around the living room. He's smiling, amazed that I'm finally doing this for him.  
 _"Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghost? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?"  
_             One of his hands slip down into my back pocket and uses the leverage to pull me closer. For supposedly having two left feet, he can dance pretty well and I can only smile at the fact. I could teach him so much if he was ever willing to learn.  
 _"How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here..."  
_             I find a lot of meaning in the last verse, so I sing through it again even though the song doesn't call for it. I look directly in his eyes as I do, melting in his gaze. He's speechless and as the song fades out; I pull his chin towards me and softly kiss his lips. Everything in this moment is perfect. There is not a single thing I would change and I find those three words burning on my tongue again. It's too soon, I think, to tell him how I feel. Robert needs things to move slowly, as he has not been in a long term relationship for a very long time. So I hold it back and show him through the passion of my kiss.  
            "Stay with me..." He mumbles into my ear, leaving kisses at the joint of my jaw.  
            His kisses trail down to my neck where they start attacking me skin. I let my head roll back slightly, basking in the arousing sensations that come from the way his stubble scratches against the sensitive patch on my neck. He brings his lips back to mine and I slip my hands down to his pants, unbuckling his belt. He laughs into the next kiss, helping me remove his pants. Shamelessly, I shove my hand in his boxers and wrap my hand around him even if he isn't completely hard yet. Robert walks backwards to the couch and sits down watching me as I slide my own pants off in one swift motion. I climb onto his lap, knees on either side of him. Our lips collide together, mixing with our individual hunger for each other.  
            "Somebody is excited tonight..." Robert mumbles, biting down on my neck.  
            I moan, completely carefree, and push myself up onto my knees so I can slide my boxers down. Robert grins at my level of eagerness, pushing me over so I fall on the couch.  
            "I don't have anything down here. Let me run upstairs real quick," Robert says, getting up to leave.  
            It would have been much easier if I just went up there with him, but here I lie on the couch with my bottom half all out in the open. Robert bounds down the stairs almost just as quickly as he left and he whistles at the sight of me at the couch.  
            "Baby, let's just get married so I can see this sight all the time," He jokes, plopping down with the lube and condom in hand.  
            I crawl back over to straddle his lap and bring his mouth back to mine. He pushes his tongue into my mouth and I hum something of a groan, welcoming the invasion. With some serious skill, his boxers are removed and I look down on him, still just as ever turned on. Sexy, hot, lovable...  _Fuck_.  
            "I know you're eager, but I'm still going to prep you." Robert cautions, using the lube to get his fingers slick.  
            I push myself up onto my knees and welcome the feeling that comes with him pressing two of his fingers inside with careful ease. As he works to stretch me out, I grab either side of his face and kiss him passionately. He's half smiling against me, kissing me deeply and affectionately.  
           "Stretched?" Robert asks, pulling his fingers away after a while.  
           I nod and he goes for the condom, sliding it onto his dick as he watches me carefully. I push myself back onto my knees and he lines himself up, licking his lips as he does. I lower myself back down slowly and groan as his dick pushes inside. He smiles seductively, proud to know that he is the one making me feel this way. Sighing, I rise and fall and ride him so eagerly that it makes me feel dizzy. He clutches at my back and moans heavily, sinking his teeth against the crook of my neck. Suddenly, he moves us so I lie under him on the couch and he starts to take control from there. He thrusts inside of with me with need, finding the pleasure that comes with being inside of me.  
            "There are so many things I want to do to you..." Robert growls, sucking on my neck.  
            I moan, dragging my fingers down his back. "Then do them," I groan, becoming inpatient.  
            Robert laughs, pressing his lips onto mine. "I'll be doing some of them on your birthday," He grunts, moving faster.  
 _God_ , he's sexy. I start jacking myself off, feeling the burning need to give myself attention. I bring my lips to his neck and leave him with several love bites, marking my place and territory. We're panting and I'm moaning, he's groaning... and it keeps building until I'm cumming. Robert thrusts harder and faster, faltering when he too orgasms.  
            "I... have always... want to fuck you on this couch," He pants, collapsing on me.  
            I laugh, but it comes out breathless and tired. "I'm glad you did," I breathe, leaving lazy kisses on his cheek.  
            He turns so we can kiss each other silly, reminiscing on the sex.  
            "I'm going to fuck you everywhere in this house. Especially the balcony. That'll be a fun one." Robert warns with a grin, leaving a wet kiss on my cheek.  
           I blush, but I'm mostly excited to hear about his future plans of fucking me. Just months ago, I was only imagining of having sex with this man... Now I get to hear about how he wants to fuck me on the balcony. He makes my head spin.

_I wish I knew what was ahead of us, I wish there was some way I could see the future. The next few weeks, the next few months... I wish there was a way I could prepare for it all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fall is wrapping up soon. Only four-ish more chapters until winter! The next chapter is Cody's birthday chapter and I'm not sure what happened, but it turned out to be MUCH longer than I expected it to be. I think, I have to look, but I think it wrapped up at around 6,000 words which is almost double the average 3,500+ words. As Robert promised Cody, there will be plenty of sex, but that will be during the second half of the chapter. The first half will be wonderful drama. 
> 
> Thank you for all of the kind comments and Kudos! I love reading what you guys have to say, it makes my day better.


	17. A Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Cody's birthday! But what's a birthday without some good ol fashion drama and birthday sex?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is LONG. Also, today will be the last day that I upload multiple chapters. I have to draw out the suspense for winter (which will be here in 3 chapters now). Depending on a few you'll be getting 1-2 more chapters later today. ALSO, Val's wedding will be the focus of the last two chapters of fall and I'm very happy with them and look forward to publishing them.

**Thirty seven.  
**             It's strange to be another year older. I feel like I should be higher in the digits than I am, but I suppose having a kid at nineteen will do that to a person. I'm glad I'm not the only person in the cul-de-sac who was a teen parent, Robert was too at eighteen. My kid contacted me this morning with a very excited facetime call. It was so good to see her and to hear her voice; I didn't realize how much I was missing her until I got the call. She sent me a present in the mail and she made me open it during the call. She got me a bunch of new long sleeved shirts and sweaters and a photo of her and me from the trip in August. I started to cry like the baby I am, telling her how happy I was to see her. Hell, she even surprised me by singing her version of happy birthday. I didn't realize she inherited mine and her mother's talent of singing until then. That, of course, made me cry harder. She sounds just like her mom did.  
            With a bored sigh, I push through the entrance at work and instantly get a dirty glare from Mat who is in the middle of handing a customer their drink.  
            "I thought I told you not to come in today?" He asks, still giving me that playful fake glare.  
           I shrug and go grab my apron from the back room, slipping it on over my clothes. "You told me, but I chose not to listen because I'm rebellious," I say honestly.  
            Mat rolls his eyes and starts slicing up a fresh loaf of banana bread for a waiting customer. "It's your birthday! Go home. I'll even pay you triple," Mat protests.  
            I laugh and start cleaning up some spilled coffee grounds by the coffee maker. "I can't be tempted by money, Sella. It's my birthday and I want to work. I have nothing to do until tonight. Robert is planning something and I need the extra cash," I defend.  
            Mat and I bicker back and forth until rush hour kicks in and we have to put all of our focus in to the work. Several people come and go, both familiar and strangers a like. However, at one point, an elderly man decided to complain about the sweetness of the sweetened 'Iced T' he ordered. He stood there for fifteen minutes, demanding that I give him a refund. Now, there was nothing wrong with the tea and by then, I was a little angry... but then the old man decided to throw his drink on me before I could give him his refund and I don't know how, but I managed to walk away without saying what was really on my mind.  
            I stand in the employee bathroom, doing the best I can to clean up the sticky mess that has become my body with paper towels and sink water. I scrub at my skin, getting next to nowhere. This wasn't the first time somebody threw their drink on me, but this is the first time somebody threw something on me that is going to take a lot more than paper towels and water to clean up.  
            Somebody knocks on the door, but I'm much to occupied with rising my shirt off in the sink to answer.  
            "Knock, knock."  
            I turn my head to see Robert poking his head into the bathroom, grinning at me. "Mat called me. He said you needed a change of clothes and that you needed to be dragged home to shower," Robert informs.  
            He steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind him, carrying a plastic bag. He passes me the bag and I open it to reveal a new outfit that isn't soaked with tea.  
            "Thanks, babe," I grumble, pulling out the dry shirt.  
            I dry my skin off with some paper towels before throwing the shirt on and awkwardly peel my sticky pants away. Robert watches with no shame, biting his bottom lip as he does. I try not to blush under his prying eyes, but it's difficult not to.  
            "So the plans I made for us will have to wait a bit. Until late tonight, actually," Robert says, a hint of irritation in his voice.  
            As I'm putting my shoes back on, I look up at Robert with confusion. "Why? What happened?"  
           He sets his jaw, looking directly at the ground. "The Christiansen's are throwing you a birthday party," He says with a sigh.  
           Well that explains his irritability. He said Christiansen, so that means Joseph will be around. I walk towards him, resting my hands on his waist. "You don't have to go if you don't want to. Though I shouldn't turn it down if people are going to be there," I assure him.  
            Robert glares at me for a moment, but then he's kissing me rough and hard. "And miss out on a chance to make Joseph jealous? I'm going, baby. That and it's your birthday, I wouldn't miss it for anything."  
            I smile at his willingness and kiss him once more, stepping back to stuff my ruined clothes and apron into the plastic bag. Robert and I walk out of the bathroom and before we leave the shop, Mat gives me a loaf of banana bread free of charge for my birthday. I thanked him, appreciative of the bread because Mat's baking is good enough to kill a man.  
            At my house, I kick off my shoes and beeline for my bathroom because I'm growing uncomfortable with having tea on my skin and hair. Robert is following on my tail and I'm a little confused as to why, but then he's pushing me up against the bathroom wall and kissing me passionately. He rubs his hand on my crotch, working to get me hard through my jeans.  
            "R-Robert." I squeak, breaking away to catch my breath.  
            My boyfriend draws away with a provocative smile, raising his hand in defeat. "Okay, okay. The party is at five. I'll come by then so we can go over together." I flush and nod, heart hammering against my chest. Robert lowers his hand down and places it right against my crotch again, cupping me to feel my growing arousal. "Think of me as you shower," He says with a wink.  
            Robert is walking away then, closing the bathroom door behind him. I puff out the air in my lungs, shaking my head to clear the dirty thoughts from my mind. Stiffly, I turn on the shower and strip off my clothes. He left me with a boner... how nice of him. Rolling my eyes, I hurriedly climb into the shower and close the glass door behind me to keep the heat inside. As I wash away the sticky tea, I can't seem to get him out of my mind. He did say to think about him and suddenly leaving me with a boner makes sense. He wants me to... _Oh_. I lean against the shower wall, holding my bottom lip between my teeth lightly. He wanted me to think about him, to masturbate to him... _God damn it, Robert... You dirty son of a bitch._  When was the last time I properly masturbated? I've jacked myself off plenty of times during sex, but I can't recall the last time I pleasured myself when I was alone and could only rely on my thoughts.  
            I grab at the base of my cock, looking down on the erection he left me to shower with. My eyes droop closed, images of Robert flooding my mind. I think about him... The way he looks naked. The way his muscles flex when he's hovering above me... how great of an ass he has... I think about how good I feel when he's fucking me in any given place of his house. How it feels to have him inside of me, how pleased I am to hear him pant my name...  
            I start moving my hand now, slowly but surely jacking myself off. I groan quietly, resting my head against the wall. I think about the things he whispers into my ear when we're in completely public places, the things he does to me when we're alone together... I think about how he knows exactly what to do to set me off and what to do to make me moan.  
            My hips are thrusting now.  
            The way he teases me, the way he curses, the way he intentionally makes me call out his name... the fucking way he look when he's coming out of the bathroom ass naked after clean up.  
            And I orgasm.  
            I sigh deep and heavily, pumping myself through the last few spurts of my climaxed high. Feeling particularly dirty mentally, I finish my shower and go about getting ready for what is my supposed birthday party at Mary and Joseph's house. Only Robert would want me to masturbate to him right before I have to be social.

            At exactly five, I meet Robert outside of my house and extend my hand out to his. He gives me a goofy smile -he knows what I did in the shower- and leads me over to our neighbor's house that has some balloons attached to the porch railing. I knock on the door and stand idle on their welcome mat, leaning against Robert for comfort. Joseph is the one to answer the door, wearing his ever present smile.  
            "There's the birthday boy!"  
            Joseph steps out of the way so Robert and I can come in and the interior of his home seems to have been branded with cheesy birthday decorations and balloons. On the couches and around the room are our neighbors, all cheering and screaming some form of a happy birthday to me. I smile, even though I feel a bit awkward. Parties have never really been my thing, especially parties that revolve around me. Mary swoops by and hands Robert and me each a glass of whiskey with a bored grin. Robert looks at his glass apprehensively, unsure if he wants to alcohol.  
            "Present time!" Craig hollers over the commotion, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify the sound.  
            Mary forcibly grabs me by the arm and tears me away from Robert to sit me down in a large arm chair. I kind of feel like a rag doll; forced to do this and forced to do that. She then proceeds to dump all of the gifts on my lap, nearly making me spill the drink I didn't ask for. Robert, seeing this, takes my drink for me and sets it on the coffee table. As I plow through the gifts, I pass them off to Robert so he can put them in a bag for me. Hugo got me gift card to the local book store, Damien bought me an entire series of books that I've been looking for, Craig got me new workout clothes, Brain bought me a new poker set, Mary got me a bottle of whiskey... which I'll probably be giving to Robert later, and Mat bought me my top three favorite albums on Vinyl.  
            "And here's my gift," Joseph says, passing me a package.  
            I take it with thanks, feeling the weight of it, and set it on my lap. I tear the paper away slowly, suddenly feeling very anxious. Inside the box is some tissue paper, so I pull that away too and set on the bottom are a few different things. There is a small basket of baked goods, a gift card to the local guitar store, a new watch, and a bunch of books I don't recognize. I smile a little, showing my appreciation.  
            "Thanks everybody," I say sheepishly.  
            My friends all clap and start to sing another very poorly done rendition of Happy Birthday loudly. I rise from the chair I was sat in excuse myself to the bathroom to give myself room to breathe for a minute. As I'm walking down the darkened hallway, I suddenly realize I have no idea where the bathroom is. I pick the next door I come to and open it, peering inside to discover a den of sorts. _Nope_. I shut the door and turn around, nearly yelping when I see that Joseph is right behind me.  
            "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. I just figured you needed directions," He says calmly, raising his hands. I nod, but Joseph doesn't show me where to go. Instead, he walks a little closer to me, so close that I have to step back against the door.  
            "You seemed a little tense out there," He notes, taking yet another step closer to me.  
            He puts his hands on the wall, on either side of me to block me in. My heart is racing, but not because I'm in close quarters with Joseph. I look down the hallway to see the glow from the living room and I hear the chatter and laughter; I should have just stayed there. This is bad, this is very bad.  
            "J-Joseph-"  
           "-Robert isn't good for you, what can I do to make you understand that?"  
            I go to call out, unable to think clearly enough to do something rational, but then his hand clasps over my mouth tightly. _No, no, no... this is too much like that night... no, no, no.  
_             "Just stay quiet, Cody. Let me explain," He purrs.  
 _If you would just stop fighting me, this would be easier for you  
_             Tears spring to my eyes and I try to push Joseph away from me desperately, but he resists. That's when things go south and they go south fast.  
            "You have got to be kidding me," Robert calls out. My eyes crane to Robert, who stands at the end of the hallway with Craig peering over his shoulder. Joseph jerks away and I slide to the floor, tears streaking down my face. My heart is beating fast and I feel like my head has been shoved under water. Craig, knowing the symptoms, pushes past Robert and rushes to my side.  
            "You're okay, bro. Just breathe," He encourages, turning my head so I look at him.  
            I focus on Craig, despite the arguing going on in the background.  
            "Robert..." Joseph warns, setting his jaw.  
            "Joseph, what the fuck did you do to him?" Mary demands, seeing me work through a near panic attack on her wooden floor. My eyes shift over to Robert, who is watching me with concern. I breathe in and out steadily and when I'm functional again, Craig gets me to my feet and aids me out of the hallway.  
           "Mary, honey, nothing happened. Cody was just having an episode," Joseph defends.  
            The argument is taken to the living room and as I stand in the background with Craig, I still feel very anxious.  
            "Really? Because I'm pretty sure I saw you making at pass at Cody, which just wound up giving him a panic attack!" Robert argues, pointing in my general direction. How did he know about my panic attacks?  
            "Panic attack? No, he was just overwhelmed from the party," Joseph fights back.  
           Both Mary and Robert exchange an annoyed glance, seeing the ignorance in the man before him.  
           "Cody was attacked in June, near sexual assault, you fucker. He deals with anxiety and gets panic attacks every now and then because of it. You pinning him against the wall and covering his mouth like that fucking triggered an attack," Robert explains bitterly, standing dangerously close to Joseph. Robert knows about the anxiety? The panic attacks? How?  
            "Panic attack aside, did you really just try to make a pass at Cody while all of our neighbors are here? While I'm here? Have you lost your mind?" Mary snaps, anger pumping through her veins.  
            Joseph flinches at the ice in her voice, a look of regret washes over him. "It's not what it seems like, Mary," He attempts.  
           His wife, the woman he cheated on, slaps him then. All of us in the room stare wide eyed, unsure of what to do. "How dare you? Stop pretending, Joseph. Everybody in this room knows you and Robert were fucking each other way back when. Everybody knows, there's no pretending. But nobody knows about how you used him, how you went after him after Marilyn died. How you kicked us both to the curb. And the worst part is? That wasn't the only time you have cheated on me. You are a lying son of a bitch and everybody knows it," Mary seethes. We all stand in silence, watching as Mary stands her ground. "I'd like everyone to leave now so I can speak with my husband. I'm sorry, Cody," She says, voice broken.  
            I give her a hug, telling her that it's not a problem. Everybody leaves the house, cleaning out of there as fast as possible to give the two some space. Robert doesn't say a word as we enter his house, I can't even get a read on his facial expression. Silently, I set my bag of gifts on the coffee table and watch Robert as he kicks his shoes off at the entrance.  
           "How did you know about my problems?" I ask, suddenly very curious.  
            Robert shrugs, showing no signs of anger. "Saw the pill bottles in your medicine cabinet once. Then I saw them again in your overnight bag... Read one cause I was curious. I also just knew. You were very jumpy after the attack and you weren't sleeping much," He summarizes in short.  
            I stare at him, a sense of bewilderment on my face. "And you aren't mad? I... I was going to talk to you about it..." I question, feeling very bad for not telling him sooner.  
            My boyfriend smiles a little, leaning against the wall of the entry way. "Nope. I wasn't going to press you on it and I knew you'd come to me when you were ready. I get it, Cody. Those things are delicate."  
            I fall silent, unable to say much more on the topic. I was sure he was going to be mad at me for not telling him sooner, but now it's completely fine... I feel much better about it now.  
            "So how badly did I screw up your birthday?" Robert asks, obviously fearful of my answer.  
            I stare at him, a little confused. "Robert, you didn't do anything. Joseph was the one out of line. I'm glad you said something because now I think Mary is finally going to put her foot down. My birthday isn't ruined at all. Small panic attack aside, I feel fine now."  
            Robert gives me a relieved look, grinning almost in the darkness of his house. "I really don't understand how you can be so optimistic. You've had nothing but shit today," He says with a small laugh.  
            I grin back at him, feeling much better than I did at the Christiansen's house. "I'm optimistic because I still have you to look forward to. I told you, the only thing I wanted today was you and I have that."  
            Robert giggles, pulling what appears to be a birthday gift out from the inside of his leather jacket. He walks over and offers it to me, which I take. "Before I give you _me_ , I want to give you this," He says, gesturing for me to open it.  
            I tear away the paper, revealing a _very_ nice sketch book and some high end drawing pencils. But there's also a framed photo of him and I in the gift as well. The picture was taken during one of the bar nights with Mary. Robert has his arm around my shoulder, my arm is around his waist, and we're both laughing and smiling at some joke Mary probably told.  
            "This may sound a bit like jealousy, but you have all of those photos of you and Amanda around your place and I just figured you could use one of us if you wanted," He says nervously, shoving his hands in his pockets.  
            I set the gift down on the coffee table and throw my arms around him, taking him by surprise. He stumbles backwards a bit, but regains balance and warmly wraps his arms around my waist. "If you don't mind, I think I'd like to take you up to my room now," He says alluringly, stepping back.  
            I smile wide, suddenly feeling very nervous. He takes my hand and leads me up the stair case, fumbling in the darkness until we reach his door. He slowly opens it and I gasp at what's inside. He... he cleaned the living daylights out of his room. The floor is vacuumed, the bed is made, garbage thrown out, laundry put away... it looks almost exactly like one of those picture perfect rooms from a magazine. The lights are set dim and very quietly, there's music playing from the Bluetooth speaker on his dresser. I gape at him and he rolls his eyes.  
            "I do know how to clean, Cody. Go get comfortable. I gotta do something real quick," He urges, gesturing to his bed.  
            I numbly make my way his bed as he enters the bathroom. While he's in there, I shed my hoodie and kick my shoes off. I don't know why I'm so nervous now; we've had sex plenty of times before. Maybe it's because this is the first time we planned it... or maybe because it feels so much more intimate with the lights and the music and how fucking clean his room is for a change. I plop down on the fluffy comforter that has clearly been washed as of this morning, probably, and glance over at the bathroom when the door opens. Robert stands there in nothing but some really nice and new black briefs, but what's getting me the most is the blue present bow right on his crotch. I giggle and I giggle a lot.  
             "What? It's my other present to you!" He exclaims, walking towards me.  
             I laugh into my palm, unable to look away from the bow on his dick. He's such a dork. I feel my heart hammer against my chest as he stands in front of me and strokes the side of my face with his hand. "You seem nervous," He comments, running the hand through my hair now.  
             I look down at my legs, smiling with apprehension. "I am a bit, yeah," I confess.  
             He laughs quietly and angles my face upwards to kiss me. It's slow and drawn out, but arousing and enticing all at the same time. My shaking hands find their way to his waist, drawing lazy circles on his hip bones with my thumbs.  
            "You don't need to be nervous. I got you, baby," He says calmly.  
            I look up at him expectantly, waiting for instructions. He laughs again, finding my waiting-to-comply-mode to be rather adorable as I have no idea what he has planned.  
            "We're gonna take it slow. Just strip down to your boxers," He says, backing up to give me room.  
            I rise from the bed and pull my shirt off, setting it with the rest of my clothes on the floor. I then rid myself of my pants and socks and stand there in my briefs like Robert is. He walks around me, lightly tracing his finger around my body as he surveys me.  
           "You are so sexy," He murmurs, capturing my lips again. He kisses me roughly, pushing his tongue in my mouth when I part my lips. He tastes very sweet, like candy if I'm not mistaken. His hands drop down to my waist line and they grasp onto my hips, walking me backwards until I fall onto the bed. He stands before me with a smile and I blush, unsure of what's going to happen to me tonight.  
            "Do you want to talk about what I'm going to do or do you want to be surprised? There will be no pain or anything that will harm you. Nothing kinky, because I'm not necessarily like that. Really, it's nothing different than what we've done. Just a few different positions and some other things," He questions and informs, placing his hands on my thighs.  
            I think for a moment, considering what would be best for me. I trust Robert and I know he takes sex very seriously and will stop if I ask him to. "Surprise me. I trust you," I say, grinning a bit.  
            He nods and motions for me to lie right on the bed and I do. He climbs on top of me afterwards and straddles my thighs, leaning down to kiss my waiting lips. His lips travel down to my jaw and to my neck, where he takes delicate care to bite and suck on my skin. He keeps going until he's at my chest and suddenly he's latching himself on my nipple. I gasp, having not had attention there for years. He nibbles lightly, grinning at my reaction. I dig my fingers into his back, not doing any real damage as I keep my nails short for guitar. He sucks on my nipple and squeezes the other with his thumb and forefinger. My back arches a little, pressing up against his body. He draws away before too long and takes the bow off of his crotch to put it on the headboard for now. It then suddenly dawns on me that he has a new bed-frame, one that has a higher headboard and lifts his mattress up three feet in the air. It's nice.  
            "You're also distracted," He mumbles, trailing his kisses up to my jaw.  
            "Nerves," I squeak, feeling a little embarrassed that he noticed again.  
            He smirks and rolls his hips forward to put pressure right where I want it the most and I sigh with pleasure, happy to have had that contact for a brief moment. He's kissing me again, harder and faster than before. I weave a hand through his hair while the other rests on his right peck, lightly latching on. He slides off of me then, making me whine that he keeps leaving when all I want to do is kiss him until the sun comes up. But then he's kicking off his boxers and suddenly I can't whine anymore. He's standing there in all his glory, hard and wet at the tip and ready.  
            "You kill me every time you look at me like that," He comments, gripping the waistband of my boxers.  
            I blush and lift my hips so he can rid me of my underwear and now we're just two naked men waiting to get on with the show. Robert climbs back on top of me and slides down so his face is level with my dick. He grabs the base of it and winks at me before slipping the tip past his lips. I hum a moan, thrusting my hips slowly upwards. He swirls his tongue and sucks lightly, taking more of me with a sharp inhale. I clutch the blanket in my hands, unable to do much more. He pushes further until all of me is in his mouth and he's working it in ways I didn't even know you could. He's sucking, tugging, twisting, and making me a moaning mess.  
            "Robert..." I breathe, thrusting my hips a little faster. He withdraws and grabs the lube from his nightstand. His nightstands are also different. They're taller now... what else did he change in here?  
             He sets the lube aside and gives me a devilish grin. "Now we have fun. I want you to stand and bend over on the bed," He says nicely, getting off of me again.  
            I slowly do as I'm told, unsure of where this is going. I fall forward on the bed, resting on my forearms to keep myself slightly elevated. He spreads my legs with his hand and his mouth leaves kisses starting from the middle of my back, down further. But he doesn't stop. He keeps going and going until he's _right there_. I groan at the feeling of his tongue pressing on me, the way it feels to have it tease me and how it sends shivers up my spine when he nips at me. I didn't think Robert would be willing to do this. So many people are against it, but he's going all in and _oh fuck_.  
            "Fuck." I pant, losing control of my breathing.  
            Robert grins and draws away and I hear the sound of the lube bottle opening. Where his tongue once was is now occupied by his fingers. He teases my entrance and I push backwards to tell him that I want it. He laughs and sticks his two fingers in carefully. His lips return to my back as he scissors his fingers and he leans forward even more to whisper filthy things in my ear.  
            "I'm going to fuck you so hard, Cody..." He breathes. I can hear the smile in his voice.  
            I laugh, but the nerves still reside inside of me. I don't know why I feel this way. I've been naked with him before, had sex with him lots, he knows every inch of my body, and he's heard all of the possible sounds I can make... This is no different than the past. His fingers pull out and I hear the condom wrapper ripping now. I glance back to see him rolling it onto himself and I grin sheepishly when he catches me looking, but I drop my gaze in embarrassment.  
            "Hey, it's your birthday. Feel free to look at me all you want. Hell, do that anytime. Birthday or not, I'm yours to look at," He reassures.  
            I nod, taking his words into consideration. He grabs my hip with one hand and uses the other to line himself up at my entrance. I take a slow deep breathe, preparing myself for the feelings I'm about to receive. He's slow about it this time, unlike the other times. He eases himself in until he bottoms out and now that he's all in, I can feel why he chose to take it slow. He's deeper this way, much deeper. As I groan, he starts rocking his hips and pulls his dick out a few times, just to put it right back in. I'm a mess, moaning and groaning deeply as he goes faster.  
           "Position change," He grunts with a laugh.  
            He pulls out and moves me so fast that I hardly process it. I now lie on the bed correctly again and he hooks one of my legs over his shoulder all before he's ramming inside of me again.  
            "Oh fuck, Robert," I moan, grasping at him in any place I can.  
           He grunts out a laugh and continues with his steady, but fast pace. I breathe out of my mouth, only when I'm not occupied by the softness of his lips. He's hitting right where it feels the best, stimulating my prostate as he does. I groan and clutch onto him, finding myself to be much more flexible than I thought.  
            "Ah..." Robert moans, cumming roughly inside of me.  
            He pulls out and disposes the condom into the bedside garbage can, flopping on his back beside me. "Wanna fuck me now?" He asks, grinning.  
            I gape at him, surprised he is offering this. Robert usually likes the control. He's never let me fuck him before, but I would be lying if I said I haven't fantasized about it. He offers me a condom and I take it with a shaking hand, amazed and extremely turned on.  
            "Happy birthday." He says with a smile.  
            How did he know I have wanted to do this? Eager now, I get up on my knees and move to hover above him, feeling more nervous than I was before. Robert cups either side of my face and smiles up at me and I swear I saw a twinkle in his eyes.  
            "Don't think about it," He says, sensing my nerves.  
            I take a deep breath before crashing our lips together, finding my sense of bravery. I bite down softly on his bottom lip, tugging it between my teeth. My hand slides down the side of his body, roaming freely over his muscles and scars. I let my lips fall from his lips down to his neck, where I bite and suck to leave behind love bites. _He's mine_. He reaches across the mattress for the bottle of lube and places it in my hand, telling me he really wants this. I pop open the lid and get him coated, along with my fingers. As far as I know, it's been a very long time since he has let somebody fuck him like I'm about to so I want to make sure he's well lubricated and taken care of.  
            I pull his lips back to mine and slip one finger into him, moving it around for an easy start.   
            "Come on, baby. I'm tougher than that," He encourages, smiling against my lips.  
            I add another finger and start scissoring them and slowly work them in and out. He hums with pleasure, biting hard enough on my shoulder to make me yelp. He laughs and our lips clash together, lost in ecstasy. To let me know he's ready to go, he hands me the condom I set aside for the time being. I withdraw my hand and tear the packaging open and slide it onto my dick, which has grown very needy for attention. Robert, knowing what's best for him, slings his leg over my shoulder and winks at me, making me flush.  
            "Make me feel good," He growls, pulling me closer to him.  
            I do not hesitate. I push myself inside of him and about lose my mind when he moans deep and low. I moan too, enjoying the feeling of being inside of him for a change. I rock my hips back and forth and grind down on him, doing anything possible to fill our needs. He clutches onto me and is all of a sudden pulling his leg off my shoulder, turning around, and pushing himself up on all fours. Understanding what he's doing, I grab his hips and ram into him harder and faster.  
            "Ah, fuck... God damn, Cody," He pants.  
            I breathe out of my mouth, ragged and jaded. I'm already so worked over from him fucking me and before I know it, I'm releasing inside of him and it catches us both off guard. Robert and I both moan and I sigh, pulling myself out of him. Like he did, I tie the condom off and toss it in the trash, falling on my back on the fluffy blankets. For as rough as we were, there's surprisingly no mess on the blankets; Robert won't have to do laundry after all.  
           "I have wanted you to fuck me for so long," Robert says, grinning widely.  
           I look over at him; at a loss for words as his stupid smile makes them disappear from my mouth. It's so stupid how much I love him and how much I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He makes me happy. And so, without a word, I scoot closer to him and start kissing his cheek and forehead and neck and anywhere I can reach.  
          "So did I at least do that part of your birthday right?" He asks, giggling as I kiss on the side of his torso.  
         I lift my head and look at him, completely in awe. "You did everything right, best birthday sex ever," I beam, moving to lie on top of him.  
         He laughs low and wraps his arms around my back, tracing his fingers up and down my spine. "I was going to go harder on you, but I figured I shouldn't break you on your birthday," He says in a light tone, kissing the top of my head.  
         "You can break me another time," I mumble, suddenly feeling very tired.  
         Robert squeezes me closer and playfully pushes me off of him so he can get up to presumably grab something to clean us up with. But as I lie here in his bed, I find myself experiencing nothing but bliss. Most of my day may have been awful, with the exception of the call from my daughter, but this... being here with Robert, that made it so much better. The sex was the best I have ever had, but I want to set that aside for right now. I got to be here with him, I got to see a side of him, a gentler side, and it makes me ridiculously happy to know that that side is all mine, nobody else gets to see it like I do.  
          He's all mine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took so long to write. I also have to give credit to @YoshisSupport for inspiring the whole bow on the crotch ordeal.
> 
> Because this chapter is so long, I'll have to review it for errors later, but I did go over it several times to make sure it's at least decent.


	18. Cleaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody and Robert tackle the mess that is Robert's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check out the notes at the end for important information about the story!

            Robert sleeps deeply in his bed, unprepared for the day ahead of us. I rub his back in hopes that would be enough to stir him, though it only manages to make him turn his head to the other side. He's so cute and peaceful when he's asleep, it's like the years of stress melts away and he looks like his actual age of forty-three. I always hate it when I have to wake him up and disturb that peace, but he asked me to help him today and I refuse to let the hours go by without making progress.  
            "Robert, it's time to wake up. We have work to do. It's almost noon."  
            He still sleeps soundly, making me sigh heavily. I woke up extra early this morning so I could go to my house and take a shower and find all of my cleaning supplies. I brought it all over here and despite all of the cleaning that's ahead of us, getting him out of bed seems to be the biggest challenge. Pulling out the big guns, I poke his side a few times to tickle him until he finally jolts awake. He grumbles and glares at me through groggy eyes, annoyed that I disturbed him.  
            "Get your ass in the shower. We have cleaning to do. There's banana bread on the kitchen counter for you. I stopped by the Coffee Spoon after my jog with Craig. Craig also says that waking up earlier and practicing healthy habits is good for you," I say, playfully smacking his bottom.  
            He groans, rolling onto his back. "Don't mention Craig in this house," He half jokes.  
            "Aw, how cute. You're jealous," I comment.  
            He glares at me again, warning me that I'm poking a bear. "No, I'm not," He denies.  
            "Then why can't I talk about Craig?"  
            "Because... Shut up, that's why. Go cut me some bread," He says, trying to back pedal.  
            "You got it, Mr. I'm-jealous-but-wont-admit-it-Small."  
            I back out of his room before he can say anything more and head down stairs, going straight for the kitchen. There's a lot of work to be done in this house today, work that can only be completed if I can get Robert going sooner rather than later. With a knife, I cut him a few slices of the bread and wrap the rest up, leaving it on the kitchen island for the time being on a small plate. There's a mountain of dishes and an even bigger pile of laundry upstairs and both tasks are going to take forever to complete. Starting with something simple, I grab a garbage bag and start picking up his entire collection of takeout boxes, random paper plates, and occasional candy wrapper. In retrospect, this place is not too bad. It just has a lot of dirty clutter and built up chores.  
            An hour passes before Robert pads down the stairs wearing day clothes and thick black socks. He graciously chews on his banana bread as he watches me crawl in the floor to pick up random items like a spatula and a glass cup.  
            "I feel bad for asking you to help me now," He comments, seeing the real mess his place has become.  
            I snicker and stand back up, walking over to plant a kiss on his lips even though his cheeks are puffy with banana bread. "Don't be, I'm happy to help. We should go food shopping later today, your cabinets are worse than mine and that's saying something," I say, pecking him once more.  
            His eyes fall to the ground all of a sudden, the smallest frown on his lips.  
            "What's wrong?" I ask, angling down so he has to look at me.  
            "I don't really have too much money right now. Can we go food shopping when I can afford it?" He asks, completely ashamed.  
            Without a single doubt in my mind, I shake my head. "No. I'm not going to let you go without food. I'll pay for it. Don't worry about it, okay?"  
            Robert sets his empty plate down and scowls. "Hell no. I can't have you do that. You do so much for me as it is, Cody. No. I'll just use some of my savings an-"  
            My lips seal onto his once more, trapping the words in his mouth. "I'm paying," I breathe.  
            He gives up on the argument for now and moves over to the sink, hitting the job head on. Betsy slowly trots into the kitchen with a curious tilt to her head. She stares around the place as if she's not used to seeing so much movement in here and honestly, I'm not either. The most I have ever seen Robert do in here is eat take out and maybe make some toast. After patting her on the head, I sneak out of the kitchen to go start some of his music, in hopes that it'll get him motivated and less grumpy. I select the obvious choice, Santana, and let it play at a volume level that can be heard approximately throughout the entire house without it being obnoxious. I slip back into the kitchen and slide my arms around his waist, kissing the back of his shoulder blade as he does the dishes. This very moment right here has got to be the most domestic thing we have ever done together and I smile at the thought. Pulling away, I resume my work of collecting garbage and now shift to collect empty bottles and cans for recycling.  
            Together, we make a pretty good dent on the bottom floor. After Robert finished doing the dishes, he vacuumed the floors while simultaneously dusting. As he worked on that, I use every cleaner I can think of to clean his surfaces and windows, having to use a step ladder at times to reach the top of things.  
            "Do you want to take a break and get out of the house for a little bit?" Robert calls from the entry way.  
            I climb down from the step stool and set down my window cleaner and paper towels out of reach from the dog. "And go where?" I ask.  
            "The Coffee Spoon. I need caffeine."  
            With a nod, I throw on my jacket and grab my wallet and phone, following him out of the house. He awkwardly grabs my hand as we walk, interlacing our fingers together. I smile at the gesture, pleased with his attempts to be more publicly affectionate. We reach the Coffee Spoon in no time and head in, instantly welcomed with the smell I have come to love and warmth. Mat pops out from the back, waving when he sees us.  
            "Cody, I swear if you're here to work, I'm going to ban you until your days off are over," Mat threatens jokingly.  
            "Hey, you're the lunatic that gives me three to four days off in a row. But no, I'm not here to work. We're here for the caffeine," I inform him.  
            "Of course, what'll it be for the lovely couple, then?"  
            Both already knowing what we want, we place our orders and go take a seat in the back of the shop. Robert looks around at all of my artwork that now hangs on the walls in here and nods in admiration.  
            "Your work looks good in there," He begins. His eyes fall on the special piece of work hanging behind the counter. He tilts his head to the side and stares at it, caught off guard by what it is. "Is that everyone from the cul-de-sac?" He asks.  
            "Yep. Mat requested it because everyone comes in so frequently."  
            The drawing shows each of us together, sitting on a bench that is obviously four times the size of a normal one. In the background, all of our kids are running about with the couple exceptions of River, who is strapped to Craig, and Crish, who clings onto Mary's leg. The piece of artwork took a few days of consecutive work to complete and I only had to scrap it twice. Though, out of all the pieces I have done, that one holds a special place in my heart (however, nothing will take the place of the drawings I have done of Amanda and Robert).  
             "I can't believe you drew me laughing on there. It's nice, though. Rustic and... Artsy. All of your art is nice. I'm happy you found the confidence to display it," He compliments.  
             I nudge his foot with mine under the table, smiling wide. "Couldn't have done it without you. You're the one who bugged me about it until if drove me insane," I remind him.  
            He scoffs, leaning back against the chair. "You were insane to begin with for wanting to be with me."  
            "Then I must truly be clinical for wanting to be your house wife someday," I joke.  
            Although we both laugh about it, I can't help but feel my heart sink. Would Robert ever want to get married again? We both went through the trauma of losing a spouse, so I could understand why he wouldn't want to... But what if I did? I've been in love with him for a while now and although he has not copped to it yet, I know he loves me too. I'm letting him take the reins on this relationship for a while so he can do what makes him comfortable, but at what point do I take on of the reins so I can do what makes me comfortable and happy? Not that I'm not happy now, though. I couldn't be happier with where we are right now. Sure, he still has his destructive habits of drinking when he's stressed out or needs to escape, but all things considered... He is getting better. Slow and steady wins the race.  
            Mat comes out with our orders and what appears to be a couple of Sinful Apple Muffins that he has been testing on customers. He sets the drinks and plate down, clearing his throat to speak. "Muffins are on me. If they're awful, let me know. I tried using different apples this time. Enjoy." He says, leaving us alone.  
            Robert hastily takes a drink from his piping hot CappuchinOK Go, momentarily making me worry that he'll burn his tongue. I reach for a muffin in front of me and peel off the wrapper, setting it on the plate. The muffin is still fairly warm and it's tastes absolutely amazing.  
            "The muffins are amazing, Mat! Perfect actually!" I yell, making Robert jump.  
            "Thank the muffin gods above," Mat yells back from the back room.  
            Robert snickers and takes his own muffin in hand, tearing a piece off slowly and popping it into his mouth. He seems to enjoy it, showing no signs of disgust.  
            "Val sent the wedding invite. It's coming up real soon," He suddenly says. He's becoming more open when it comes to Val and while I don't expect him to bring her up, I'm glad he does.  
            "Yeah?" I say, engaged with curiosity. Robert reaches into his jacket to pull out a thick piece of cardstock that has been appropriately decorated for an upcoming wedding. I read the invite once, twice over, clinging into the information.

 **** _Addressed to: Robert Small, father of the bride  
_ _The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of Val Small and Jesse Brackston on the date of_  
November thirty-first this year, five O' clock in the evening. Diner and party to follow after ceremony.   
You are granted one plus one and we request you RSVP immediately to ensure seating and party favors.   
This is a black tie event, please dress accordingly.

**_With love,  
_ ** **_The married couple to be._ **

            I hand the invitation back, pulling my eyebrows together. "The wedding is at the end of the month. It’s coming up really soon," I state, pointing out the obvious.  
            Robert nods and carefully returns the invite to his inner pocket. "I was kind of hoping you'd be my plus one if you're up for it," He offers, sheepishly half smiling.  
            "I would love to be your plus one," I accept, delighted to have been asked.  
            He nods again and falls silent, eating another part of his muffin. The couple of weeks are going to be stressful for him and I know I'm going to have to keep a watchful eye on him to make sure he doesn't do anything too dramatic like drinking the night before the big day.  
            "I suppose I'll have to go tux shopping. Everything in my closet is too casual for a wedding," I say mostly to myself.  
            Robert does not respond, but he does look over at me for a brief second. I lean over and kiss him softly; reassuring him he'll be okay.

            With more force than probably needed, I shove all of the dirty laundry that will fit into the washer and start the next load. While that runs, I pull the stuff from the dryer and bring it back to the bedroom to be flattened or folded and put away. If I keep working diligently like this, all of the laundry could be finished within the next couple hours. I hand Robert the basket of laundry and quickly pull his bed stuff from it so I can dress the mattress. Betsy eagerly watches the two of us, unsure of what we're doing to her cluttered messy home. After we finish, I'm sure she'll enjoy the new found spaces available to her and won't have a care in the world for how things used to be.  
            By the time we finish the house, it's late, but not too late to make it to the store. I drag the unwilling Robert out to my car and drive him to the nearest warehouse grocery store. He grabs a cart and pushes it around; grabbing everything he either needs or wants. Every ten minutes or so, he'll ask me if I'm really okay with paying and I give him the same answer every time. Three hundred dollars later, we are hauling groceries into the house and Robert will not shut up about how much I spent on him.  
            "Look, I'll pay you back, okay?" He says, putting milk into his fridge.  
            "You can try, but I'm not going to accept it. I don't mind, Robert. Seriously. I've worked so much overtime in the past month that I had some extra cash to kick around. It's fine," I reject, putting cereal into his cupboard.  
            He closes the fridge and looks me dead in the eyes, opening his mouth to argue his point again. Before the words can come out, I clamp my hand over his mouth and enjoy the puzzled look I get from him.  
            "You're not paying me back. End of discussion," I say sternly.  
            His eyes get all mopey and in return, I drop my hand from his mouth. "What can I do to make it up to you, then? You did a lot of work today that I should have done on my own. I have to repay you somehow," He presses, no longer looking to pay me back with money.  
            I think about all of the things I could get him to do right now, but settle on something that will give me piece of mind instead. "I want you to go upstairs, change into something comfortable, then come back down here to watch a movie with me," I request, beaming.  
            "After all that hard work, that's what you want?" He asks, double checking.  
            "That is indeed what I want."  
            "No embarrassing acts, no sex, no information about my past? Just me in pajamas and a movie?"  
            "Robert, yes. If it makes you feel better, I'll think of something else to tag on later. For right now, go get comfortable. You've been working hard too," I say with a slight push on his chest.  
             He looks to me as if I'm crazy, but we already established that I am today at the coffee shop. While he's changing upstairs, I kick off my shoes by the entry way and ditch my jacket. From my little in-case-I-stay-the-night-and-need-something back pack, I pull out sweatpants and socks, changing into them right by the front door. Robert comes downstairs just as I am putting my second sock on, dressed in his own sweatpants, socks, and form fitting t-shirt. I start to wonder if there will ever be a day that I grow tired of looking at this man, but today is not that day and I do not plan on stopping any time soon.  
            "Do you have a preference on what we watch?" He asks, walking over to his growing stalk pile of movies.  
            "Whatever you pick is fine."  
            He makes an audible groan, irritated that I'm not asking for more out of him. Betsy runs up the stairs to presumably go to sleep on the queen sized bed while it's empty. I flop down on the couch, waiting patiently for Robert to come so I can cuddle with him. He would never ever publicly admit it, but he is a giant softy when it comes to cuddling and part of it, I think, is because of his attachment issues.  
            "I'm putting something random in because you are no help and didn't pick something," He says passive aggressively.  
            I roll my eyes and open my arms for him. He, completely smashing me, collapses into my arms with a slight thud. I laugh under his weight, moving so we lie on the couch properly. The movie starts and I of course do not recognize it, but for his sake, I do my best to follow it. With time, we shift around a little and become even more tangled with each other, but that's usually how it goes when we watch a movie together.  
            "This is driving me crazy. Are you sure there is nothing more I can do for you?" He grumbles, craning his neck to look at me.  
            "Why are you so hell bent on repaying me? I've done more for you in the past than I have today. What's the deal?" I question, at a loss for answers.  
            Robert shifts so he can prop himself up without having to stab me in the belly with his elbow. "I don't want to fuck up again," He says bluntly.  
            It takes a minute, but the meaning behind his words sink in eventually. He's worried he's going to fuck up our relationship like his past relationships. All those months ago, he told me he thinks that Marilyn died hating him because he failed to become the man she always saw in him.  
            Unable to tell him anything different than I have in the past, I pull him in close for a hug. He nestles his head into my shoulder, and for a long while... we just sit there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this chapter is mainly just filler. I can admit that, which is why I'll be uploading the next chapter tonight. Like I said in the last chapter, this will be the LAST time I upload multiple chapters in a day. After the fall section, there will be approximately 20, 25, or 30 more chapters (Hard to tell because I haven't finished writing).
> 
> But! Good news, as stated before, I have decided to write a sequel to this book. I know, I know... It's already so long so why continue to drag the story out, right? Well, the thing is... THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO BE WRITTEN. You guys don't even know. In fact, I came up with what will happen in the VERY last chapter and you guys are going to HATE me for it. I can feel the hate already and I'm not even done with uploading fall yet. 
> 
> Thank you to all of the people who are following this story. There are so many more things to come in the next chapters. I hope you all will continue to follow the story when it comes time for the squeal. I love reading the comments and I'm glad at least some of you are enjoying what has been put up thus far. You guys are awesome. -Jade


	19. Ballroom Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ballroom panic, a failed cryptid hunting trip, and a nightmare.

            Rain hammers on my living room window as a storm rages on outside. I sit on my couch with my sketch book in my lap, drawing a lazy piece of art that makes no coherent sense. The past few days have been moving slowly. Robert hasn't been around a lot, he's been busying himself with only god knows what. He texts me, thankfully, but I know he's going through a lot mentally with his daughter's wedding around the corner. He slept at my house two nights ago. He didn't really ask and I didn't question it, he was just kind of there when I got out of the shower. He was lying on my bed, reading the book I often keep on my nightstand. It's nice when I see him reading, mostly because he hardly ever does it in front of me. But when I got into bed with him, he set the book down and pulled me into his arms. I could tell that there was something wrong with him, it was written all over his face. And so I held him and gave him warm kisses, lost in the act of comforting him.  
            I knew the thought of the wedding was bugging him that night. That's all he's been able to think about this month. It's stressing him out and worrying him to his core. So, when he shows up to my door with tears in his eyes and shaking hands, I am not surprised.  
            I pull him into my house to get him out of the pouring rain and embrace him once the door is closed. He clutches onto me, not quite sobbing, but crying on a notable level.  
            "What's wrong?" I ask in a hush voice, guiding him to the couch.  
            He pulls out his phone and opens a page, shoving it in my direction. I take it and see that it is a schedule for the wedding that Val sent him last night and I scan through it to see if I can determine what has him freaking out.

> _Guests Arrive, no  
> _ _Ceremony, yes... but no.  
> _ _Father walks Val down aisle, not anymore.  
> _ _Blah, blah, blah.  
> _ _Father and daughter_ **ballroom dance.**

           That has to be it. He doesn't know how to ballroom dance and with the wedding so close...  
           "I should have taken lessons as soon as I found out I was being included in the wedding. I'm... I can't... She's relying on me and I'm..." He stammers, leaning back on the couch cushions. The emotional distress in his voice hurts me deep inside; I always hate to see him like this. He's been doing so well lately and the fear of screwing up the father/daughter dance was enough to send him off the edge again.  
            "There's no way I can do this," He scoffs, internally freaking out.  
            "That's not necessarily true..." I propose, setting his phone down.  
            "Codes, I can't dance. How am I-"  
            "Robert, I can ballroom dance. I had to learn for my wedding. I can teach you if you're willing to learn," I cut in.  
            It's almost as if I can see the weight lift off his shoulders. "Right now. We only have a week," He demands in a pleading tone. With one heave, he pushes the coffee table out of the way, giving us more than enough room for basic lessons.  
            "The most important thing is to stay in beat and remember your footing so you don't trip or step on her," I start, standing in front of him. Robert nods, taking mental notes. "First thing is first, the positions of bodies and arms. Your left hand is going to hold my right with our palms facing each other. Then, you are going to want to place your other hand on my left shoulder blade and my arm will be parallel with your arm, but my hand would be resting in your generally shoulder area. I doubt Val will pay attention to specifics." I explain.  
            Robert and I step together, hold each other's hand while he plants his palm against my shoulder blade and I put my arm in the correct place on his shoulder. "Perfect. Now for the feet. Make sure you are slightly off center with her to ensure that knees and feet won't clash," I say, shifting him to the left a little.  
            His face is extremely concentrated and if I didn't know why better, I'd say he's recording this with his mind so he can watch it a thousand times over.  
            "Now the dance. It's very simple, I promise. All you have to do is move in a box formation with your foot sliding to meet the other. You'll want to stay in time with this, so let's give it a shot and we'll see what happens."  
            He stands frozen in place, too unsure of himself to move. I look up and him and laugh quietly, beginning our movements for him. At first, his feet stumble and he even steps on me a few times. He apologizes for every mistake his makes, correcting himself as he does.  
            "One.. Two.. Three.. One.. Two.. Three," I count, keeping him in rhythm.  
            When I'm confident he understands the basic square, I tag on the last bits.  
            "Now, finally, you're going to have to relax and go with the floor. Lastly, you'll want to move around freely and mix in a few spins here and there. Don't think too much about it."  
            Robert sucks in a deep breath and actually starts the dance on his own this time. We stay confined to the imaginary box for the first few counts, but he eventually begins to move us around and demonstrate all that he has learned in the past couple of hours. Becoming comfortable now, he throws in a spin or two and keeps the flow going.  
            "You're a natural, Robert. You have nothing to worry about. If we keep practicing like this every day, you'll be golden. Val is going to be so proud," I compliment encouragingly.  
            He actually cracks a smile for once, proud of this progress. "I wouldn't put it on me being a natural. Maybe I just have a really good teacher."  
            I roll my eyes, letting a smile of my own appear. He has nothing to worry about. I wipe away the lingering tears on his face and deep down, I'm glad he came here instead of turning to alcohol.

            "Panda, as much as I know you'd like to come, I cannot smuggle you in. I'd have to literally bring you in a suitcase and that may raise suspicion at a wedding."  
 _"Aw, pops, I'll legit pay you. I only have like fifty bucks right now, but that's fifty bucks you don't have and could totally have."  
_             "Sorry, kiddo. No can do. Believe me, I want you there. Even Robert wants you there, but we can't smuggle you in unfortunately. We'll make sure to take lots of pictures for you and pass on your regards to Val, alright?"  
 _"Ugh, fine. Thanks anyways. Tell Robert I said hi."  
_            "I will, Manda. Love you."  
 _"Love you too."  
_            I hang up the phone sadly, still not used to my daughter being away.  
           "Cody? You coming out or do I have to drag you out of there? You're burning night light!"  
            I flinch at the sound of Robert's voice, having not expected him to be there. He opens my bedroom door and peeks inside, finding me sat on my bed with a now pleased face that I put on just in time.  
            "How was your call with Amanda?" He asks.  
            "It was fine. She really wanted me to smuggle her into Val's wedding. She also says hello."  
            Robert nods, opening the door in full. "Let's get going. Betsy didn't want to go this time, so it'll be just you and me."  
            I rise from my bed and grab my backpack, following Robert out my house. We cruise down the highway in his truck, going to whatever location he picked for hunting this time. I rest my hand on his thigh, tracing invisible lines on the fabric of his jeans with my fingertips. It's been forever since he last took me cryptid hunting and although I don't really believe in the cryptids myself, I know it means the world to him that I'm always so willing to come along.  
            I remember the first time he took me. It was a few weeks after the day under my cherry blossom tree, in the middle of the night as per usual for him. He sent me dozens of texts, begging me to come along and I finally gave in and went. He drove for at least an hour in complete silence and when we finally got there, I was barely awake and had admittedly passed out a few times during the drive. I only find that night so memorable because while we were in the dead center of the woods, Robert and I both got so spooked that we climbed a tree and neither of us would get down until we were sure nothing was there. It was pretty silly and it made me laugh, but I had to keep it in mind that this is all very serious to him and the fact that I was terrified too only added to it. He felt as if he severely damaged his tough image that night and still hates to be reminded about it, but he often forgets that I was up there with him.  
            "What are you thinking about? You're smiling," Robert inquires, briefly look over at me.  
            My smile grows a little, light laughs filling the air. "I'm thinking about the first time you took me hunting."  
            Robert scoffs, leaning his head against his seat. "Please burn that from your memory," He begs, scowling.  
            "Oh, come on. I had fun."  
            "I hid in a tree."  
            "I was up there too. And it was very cute."  
            He groans, finding my compliment to be nothing more than embarrassing. We both fall silent again; enjoying the last bit of the drive until we pull into what appears to be a trail head that hasn't been touched in years. Robert jumps out of the truck, slamming his door shut. I awkwardly climb out soon after, throwing my backpack over my shoulder. Robert rummages around in the bed of his truck until he pulls out what must be at least five knives and a backpack. He holsters stashes the knives appropriately and tosses me a flash light, urging me to follow him. As we start to walk, he passes me a small switch blade and I pocket it, not too eager to keep it out in the open because my past experiences with knives have not been spectacular... As Robert likes to frequently point out.  
            While I don't have much of a belief of cryptids, I am decently afraid of the dark and the things that lurk in it. Recalling the last time we did this, there was a stray mountain lion that we literally had to hide from until morning came and it scurried off. I will never forget the combination of profanities that came out of his mouth that night. It was a pretty surreal moment, I had a hard time believing it was actually happening. How often does that happen?  
 _'Oh fuck, fuck. Shit fuck. That's a god damn cat, big ol' cat. What the ass, fuck. Shit.'  
_              With only the dull glow from out flash lights, we trudge further and further into the woods. I stay glued to Robert's side, not wanting to stray too far from him because he's the one with the bigger weapons and knows how to defend himself and hopefully me too. God, I'm a wimp.  
            "We should go camping when the weather is nice again," Robert suggests in a low, gruff, voice.  
            I intertwine out fingers, firmly holding onto his hand for my own security. "Totally. I used to take Amanda all the time. She loved it, I loved it. I love camping," I say, panic subtly woven into my voice.  
            "You're scared, aren't you?" He comments, sensing the fear as it radiates off of me as if I'm a walking scented candle.  
            "Of course I'm afraid. Do you not remember the last time we did this?"  
            "Oh, right. There shouldn't be any mountain lions in this forest. I made sure before we left. Maybe bears, but they should be going into hibernation if they're not already." He cautions, surveying the area.  
            Suddenly, my foot gets caught in a thick tree root and I fall harshly to the ground onto my shoulder, rolling down into a slopped ditch that seems to never end. When my back hits the ground, I let out a very pained moan and struggle to reclaim the air that was just knocked out of my lungs. The spare flash light I have in my bag is stabbing directly into my back and I'm sure I'll develop a fine bruise from it. _Fucking hell_.  
            "Fuck," I curse, feeling the ground for my flashlight.  
            Robert expertly climbs down into the ditch, kneeling down by my side with apprehension written all over his face. "Shit, Cody. Are you okay?" He asks, using his flash light to check for any wounds.  
            "My shoulder fucking hurts, but everything seems functional."  
            "Fuck. Okay. We'll just head back; I'll drive you to the hospital. Come on."  
            Without protest, he helps me off the ground and carefully guides me back up the ditch I fell into. I pick my flashlight off the ground when I find it, and with more caution than before; I make sure to watch where I am going. My shoulder pulsates with pain, sending sharp jolts down to my elbow. Robert affectionately places his hand on the small of my back, protectively making sure I don't trip again and hurt myself even more.  
            At the hospital, the woman stares at me as if I'm crazy. Robert didn't necessarily want to explain what we were really doing, so he told the nurse I tripped down some stairs and now my shoulder is screwed up. Of course that story doesn't explain the mud on my jeans or the stray leaf in my hair, which must be why I'm getting a strange look. Thankfully, she decides not to pursue the truth and gets me in with a doctor as soon as possible.  
            "You must be Mr. Prescott. My name is Dr. Tristian."  
            With my good arm, I shake the hand he offers and keep the other relaxed in my lap.  
            "I've been told you are expecting very sharp shooting pains in your shoulder, correct? After you took a fall down the stairs?"  
            I nod shyly, providing a yes-I-am-very-clumsy half smile.  
            "Well let's see what we're dealing with. Can you please remove your jacket and shirt?" Dr. Tristian requests. "I need to run some physical tests and if need be, I'll send you in for a quick X-ray."  
            From behind the doctor, Robert glares and gives a look of disapproval when asked to take off my shirt. It's funny to see him so protective over me when men pretty much walk half naked everywhere in our town. While wincing, I wedge off my jacket and Robert has to help to get my shirt off. Right away, we can see the source of my pain. My shoulder is slightly swollen and has begun to develop blue and purple bruising.  
            "You must have fallen quite hard. Let's see..." Dr. Tristian muses.  
            He carefully feels around my shoulder and shoulder blade, releasing the pressure when I squeak in pain. He runs through all of the necessary tests, stepping back when he's done. Robert immediately gets me back in my shirt, feeling protective over me once again. _This man..._  
            "The good news is nothing is broken and you won't need X-rays. The bad news is you managed to severely bruise your shoulder and will need to keep it in a sling until the bruising fades. It shouldn't be more than a few weeks. I'll go get you what you need and get you out of here." He says, leaving the room.  
            When we're alone, I groan loudly. "Robert, I'm sorry. I wasn't planning on wearing a sling to Val's wedding," I apologize, knowing I screwed up the night.  
            Instead of saying something sarcastic or blunt like I thought he would, he actually surprises me with something nice. "Don't worry about the sling, Val will probably say it makes you look tough. I'm just glad nothing is broken. It could have been a lot worse because you really took a fall," He says, pulling a leaf from my hair.  
           The doctor returns with my sling and some prescription strength ibuprofen, sending us on our way. The drive home is relatively quiet and when we pull into his driveway, I realize I have no desire to return to my house tonight.  
            "Robert?" I start, unbuckling my seat belt.  
            "Yeah?"  
            "Can I stay the night?"  
            He laughs under his breath, leaning over to peck my cheek. "You don't need to ask anymore, Cody. You're always welcome."  
            Thankful that I get to be with him tonight and sleep in his bed, I climb out of the truck and follow Robert inside. Betsy eagerly jumps up and down, pawing at our thighs with excitement. Robert tends to her needs while I make my way upstairs, trying to get used to the feeling of needing to be in a sling. I am lucky though, I hurt my left arm instead of my dominant right hand. I'm almost positive I would have been mildly irritated if I had to do everything with my left hand.  
            Attempting to not hurt myself further, I unhook my sling and undress down to my briefs. I find one of Robert's clean shirts in his closet and throw it on over my head, wincing when I move my shoulder wrong. Coming out of the closet, I find Robert sitting on the bed with a small cup of water and my medicine. I take it eagerly, looking to get rid of the pain for a while.  
            "Are you going to bed with me or are you going to be up for a while?" I ask, climbing into the bed.  
            "I have to unpack the truck, but I'll be in as soon as I can. That medicine should knock you out soon anyways, you won't even notice either way." He replies, standing up.  
            Robert turns to give me a peck on the lips before leaving the room and as soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm out like a light.

            Something nudges me out of my sleep, making me groan. It's very late at night and the room is mostly dark with the exception of the moonlight that pours in from the balcony doors. I can hear something that sounds close to whimpering coming from behind me, making me feel a little concerned. I roll onto my back and look over at Robert, determining the whimpering is coming from him. He hugs a pillow close to his chest and sleeps with his back to me. He's curled up in a ball and every now and then his muscles will flex and release. I scoot myself up and reach out to him, gently shaking his shoulders.  
            "Val... I'm sorry... Sorry..." He mutters, making a sound that resembles a sob.  
            With a little more force, I nudge him again and pull on him so he rests on his back. His face is stricken with tears and it's contorted with sorrow. "Robert, baby... Wake up." I urge, shaking him again.  
            His eyes finally snap open and he looks frantically around the room until he finds my face and exhales a sigh. "Cody? Sorry..." He mumbles.  
            I reach out and wipe his tears, scooting closer to him as I do. "Don't be sorry... You were just having a nightmare," I reassure, leaning down to give him a soft kiss.  
            He grumbles and sniffles his nose, wiping another stray tear. He still seems uneasy and uncomfortable, whatever he was dreaming about has him shaken. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, moving to rest my head on his pillow.  
             He rolls onto his side and rests a hand on my hip beneath the blanket, playing with the elastic of my boxers. "No... Just want to sleep it off. It wasn't real... I'm fine," He sighs, snuggling himself closer to me.  
            I hold him closely in the best way that I can, mindful of my fucked up arm. "I'm here for you," I remind him, placing another warm kiss on his forehead.  
            He nods and yawns against the hallow of my neck, kissing my skin repeatedly. "I know. Thank you, Cocoapuffs."  
            I pull us over so he lies on my chest, affectionately rubbing his back. It does not take long for him to fall back asleep, thankfully. The poor guy hardly sleeps as it is. I wonder how frequently he gets nightmares like that. Thus far, I haven't noticed him having nightmares, but I'm also an incredibly deep sleeper and won't wake up for most things besides an alarm or something touching me. If he has nightmares like this all the time, I can see why he doesn't like to sleep... And maybe that's why he's always so welcoming when I want to stay the night. Me being here with him makes him feel more comfortable and if he he wakes up from his nightmares, he has something besides a pillow to hold close to him. I'm glad I can be here for him... I just wish he'd open up to me a bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, guys... The next chapter will be the last chapter of fall! Winter will be here on Sunday. Hope you guys are ready for the angst and pain I'm gonna throw at you. It's evil, but I have enjoyed writing winter very very very much.


	20. The Onslaught of Tears at a Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day is finally here. Val is getting married today. Can Robert survive the night?

            The day is finally here and Robert is a complete nervous wreck. He holds the gift he got for Val in his hands and even from where I'm standing in the hotel room, I can see that he's shaking like a leaf. The nerves started to really get to him last night. I was getting ready for bed when I came out to find him lying so still on the bed that I wasn't sure if he was still breathing. Then I came to his side and determined that the nerves and the thoughts about the wedding were holding him by the throat. I finally coaxed him into taking a shower with me, nothing sexual... Just something I wanted to do with him to ensure he relaxes.  
            "Breathe, babe. Drink some water or something," I advise, putting my tie around my neck.  
            Robert remains unmoving, eyes latched onto the box in his hands. I finish up with my hair, doing the best I can, and walk over to him, slipping my hand over his shaking ones. "You can do this. I know you can. Giving her away, dancing, lasting the night... You got this," I say in an assuring manner.  
            He finally eases up, noticing that I'm standing in front of him without pants on and that my shirt and vest are still unbuttoned. "Do you need help?" He asks, setting the gift down beside him.  
            "Yes, please."  
            Robert takes my pants from my shoulder and holds it open at my feet, enabling me to step inside without breaking my neck this time. He pulls the black fabric up to my waist and latches my belt to ensure that it'll say. Next, his hands fly up my shirt as they button my buttons at an impossible rate; years of practice, I assume. Lastly, he does my tie for me and grins happily.  
            "Spin around for me," He mumbles. Obeying, I do an awkward spin around to show off the entirety of my tux, complete with an arm sling. "Hot," He compliments, giving my ass a pat and squeeze.  
            I laugh and walk off, locating my shoes for the night. Robert slips Val's gift into the inner pocket of his tux, patting it to make sure it's secure and won't go anywhere until it's time to give it. He then pulls out another black rectangular box from his bag and walks over to me.  
            "I got you this," He grunts, handing me to box.  
            "Oh um, thanks. I wasn't expecting anything, you know." Curious to know what's inside, I open the lid and nearly choke on my saliva at the sight of a fucking Rollox watch. "Holy fuck. Robert. Thank you so much."  
            "It was my grandfather's watch. I had it cleaned up and modernized at bit. Thankfully it didn't cost me too much because I'm already broke as it is, especially after Val's gift. But I wanted you to have it. You're special to me and I know you're weird and wear a watch from time to time." He explains.  
            Robert carefully removes the watch from the box and attaches it to my right wrist, romantically kissing my knuckles afterwards. "You sure do know how to sweep a boy off his feet," I swoon.  
            "I try." Robert looks over at the clock and breathes sharply; it's time to head to the wedding.  
            "Tell you what. After tonight, I'll take you to get a bottle of White Zinfandel and we can celebrate, alright?" I say, taking him by the hand.  
            He nods slowly and we leave the hotel room in a slight rush. Our Uber waits for us and when we arrive, escorts us to the venue for the wedding. I don't think I've been to one of these since my own way back when, it's almost surreal. The doorman offers us a friendly smile, holding a tablet in his hand.  
            "Good evening. May I get your names?" He asks in a very elegant manner.  
            "Robert Small, Cody Prescott," Robert says.  
             His hands are shaking again and for a man who had to keep his hands very still for whittling, this is troublesome.  
             "Ah, father of the bride. You will be going down to the left corridor; Cody may join you if he wishes. He has special permission from Val."  
             Robert nods and I thank the doorman, walking into the building causally. We navigate down a long corridor until we find a door labeled with Val's name in fancy cursive lettering. Robert stares at it, petrified with nerves. I turn to him and clasp my hand around his again; he needs all the moral support he can get right now.  
            "You got this. Just breathe," I remind him.  
            Mustering up the courage, Robert raises his hand to knock on the door lightly. A woman in a beautiful white dress answers the knocks, smiling at us with bliss. "Hi, dad," She addresses, voice quiet.  
            Robert gapes at his daughter, taken aback by how beautiful she looks tonight. It still amazes me that _this_ is his daughter; this amazing and independent woman is Robert's daughter. He's a very fortunate man and should be extremely proud, even if he majorly screwed up her upbringing.  
            "You... um... you look very beautiful," He says, struggling for words.  
            Val smiles and leads us into the small room. Robert's eyes seem to be stuck on Val, unable to look away from his little girl. I can't imagine what's going through his head right now. His baby is getting married tonight, I'm sure I'll be in the same mental state when it comes time for my Amanda to get married. I don't even want to think about that right now.  
            "I dig your sling, Cody. Makes you look tough," Val notes, giving a nod of approval.  
            "Oh, thanks. Robert uh, your dad, said you might say that."  
            She laughs and turns to the armoire to touch up her makeup, adding a little extra lipstick. Robert fumbles around with his pockets on an audible level and produces the gift he got for Val. He spent so much time picking the right gift for her until he finally settled on something that made even me cry. His hands are shaking again and I don't think they'll stop until the night is at least week in the past.  
            "I, uh, got you something. I had to break a few rules to peek at your dress ahead of time to get the gift right," He says with a light laugh.  
            Val turns around and he gives her a small box, which she takes with great care. She tentatively opens it and she is completely frozen when she does. Her hand crawls up to her mouth and she looks between the box and her father with tears welling up in her eyes. Thinking on my feet, I track down a tissue and hand it to her before her makeup can be ruined. Inside the box is a diamond and sapphire ring, a matching bracelet, a matching steal plated necklace, and two diamond stud earrings. They sparkle in the light, making their appearance to be even more beautiful.  
            "They were your mother's. She wanted you to have them," Robert says simply. Val sets the box down gently on her table and pulls her father in for an embrace. At first, he doesn't know how to react, but with my gesture to hug her back, he wraps his arms around her carefully.  
            "I thought you had gotten rid of those. I can't believe you hung onto them for so long. Thank you, dad."  
            "You're welcome, kiddo."  
            The two pull apart and Val walks over to exchange the jewelry she had been wearing for her mother's. In all due respect, the jewelry Robert gave her makes for a much better fit for her dress than what she had been wearing previously.  
            "It's almost time. Cody, thank you so much for coming. We'll have to talk later tonight," Val says, smiling.  
            "Of course. I'll get out of your hair and go find my seat."  
            I step over and give Robert a quick embrace. "Remember to breathe," I whisper in his ear.  
           On my own now, I find my way to where the ceremony is being held and take a seat in the front row where mine and Robert's names are labeled. There is lots of chatter and I don't recognize anyone here, but there comes a certain beauty with being at a wedding. Abruptly, all chatter fades out when the processional music begins. I glance at Val's fiancé, immediately sealing my bill of approval. These two were made for each other.  
            From behind me, the doors open and we all stand, facing the aisle. Robert and Val stand at the entrance and for once, he is breathing. Their arms are linked and in rhythm, Robert begins to lead his daughter down the aisle. Among the crowd, I can hear light whispers of gossip.  
 _'Is that her father? He actually showed? Who is he? They look so much alike. I can't believe that bastard of a man actually came. She asked him to be here? Oh, honey, it's her father... I'm so happy for Val!'_  
            Robert leads Val all the way up the front and after one final hug, takes his place beside mine. He lets out a slow and quiet exhale, coming down from the amount of stress he put on himself for that. There are tears in his eyes, ones that formed because he just gave his daughter away and I would not doubt that this is all reminding him of his own wedding. Later, he'll have to face the dance, but we worked so hard together and I know he can do it without fail. It's silly to say, but I believe in him... I really do.  
            "You did good," I say, only loud enough for him to hear.  
            He reaches over and clasps my hand and I notice how clammy he has gotten, which is very rare. I might need to give him a Xanax tonight just so he can relax. The ceremony starts, going through the stages of binding to loved ones together. It seems that Val and her fiancé have chosen to get rid of all of the stuffy and religious aspects of a wedding, leaving behind just the crucial parts.  
            "May your first act as a married couple be one of love. You may now kiss each other for the first time as forever lovers," The officiary says.  
            Val and Jesse exchange a kiss and the guests stand in an uproar of cheering and clapping. I do my best to contribute to the clapping, only able to do a hearty golf clap on the palm of my hand. Next on the agenda is the food, gifts, and speeches. This will be Robert's only break before the dance and I know for a fact he appreciates that.  
            We take our seats at the head table and I can't help but feel out of place here as I am not Val's father, nor am I Robert's husband... I'm just the boyfriend. The servers come by with our food, dropping different variations of appetizers and main courses. Robert stares at food, pushing it around with his fork.  
            "You need to eat. You refused to eat this morning and you wouldn't eat dinner last night," I say, trying to push him to eat.  
            He looks at me with a mixture of worry and disgust and I realize that it's not that he doesn't want to eat; it's what's on his plate. "I really, really, hate fish." He says in a half whisper.  
            Laughing quietly, I swap plates with him so he can eat my mac and cheese and grilled vegetables. The mixture of food coming out is really strange and it seems the meals were passed out in a completely random fashion, making me wonder if there was a mishap in the kitchen. Robert hungrily chokes down the food, occasionally look over at Val who sits next to him. My phone vibrates within my bag and part of me tells me not to check in fear that it could be Joseph, but I can't ignore it because it could be Amanda. Putting on an imaginary brave face, I check the message.

> **From Amanda :   
> How's the wedding going? What's happening?**
> 
> **To Amanda :   
> It's going great. The ceremony ended and now we are   
> eating and opening gifts. Speeches and dancing is up next.**
> 
> **From Amanda :   
> Did you teach Robert how to do the Ballroom?**
> 
> **To Amanda : Honey, you don't do the Ballroom.   
> Anyways. Yes. He learned very quickly. He's a natural.**
> 
> **From Amanda :   
> *finger guns* I knew he had it in him. Lol. Ugh. I have  
>  to study. Bye dad!**

            I shove my phone back into my inner jacket pocket and focus on the events around me. People are giving their speeches, congratulating the happy couple and what not. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Robert bouncing his leg nervously and his hands are shaking again.  
            "Remember what I told you, Robert. No matter what happens, she's still going to love you. This whole night has been hugely beneficial to your relationship with her. You can do this, I believe in you," I say quietly.  
            "And now, please welcome Val and her father for the first dance of the evening!" the announcer says from the makeshift stage.  
            Robert face goes extremely pale and given his skin tone, that can't be done easily or let alone be healthy. He awkwardly rises from his chair with Val and he takes her over to the dance floor, looking over at me several times for the reassuring smiles and nods I give him. Remembering the things I taught him, he assumes the correct position with his daughter and when the beautifully articulated instrumental music begins to play, they start moving. Robert makes a couple undetectable fumbles, but he recovers and plays it off like it was meant to be that way. Throughout the song, he relaxes and leads his daughter around the dance floor in the center of all of the guests. For photo sake, I take several pictures and send them to Amanda so she can also see how well Robert is doing.  
            I am proud... I am so proud of him and the obstacles he has overcome to get here. He still has a lot of bad habits to kick and still needs a lot of help to fix his emotional wounds, but for right now... He's couldn't be a better man.

            "Cody, thank you so much for coming. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk," Val says, giving me a kind hug.  
            "We'll just have to schedule a visit so we can talk. The wedding was beautiful and I'm so glad I could come," I say, smiling. Robert appears by my side with the cup of water for me so I can take my ibuprofen.  
           "Dad, thank you for stepping up tonight. It means a lot you were here and... I just want you to know that I love you," Val wholeheartedly says.  
           Robert makes a very quiet choking sound, caught off guard by the words he hasn't heard her say for years. "I love you too, kiddo. I'm happy for you. Now go, you're going to miss your flight," He says after he recovers.  
            Val gives Robert one last hug, staying there for an extra few seconds. "Keep an eye on him for me, Cody." She says, stepping back. "Maybe I'll see you two at your own wedding someday," She muses, walking away.  
            Robert and I awkwardly laugh, but that concludes the night. Over joyed, I grab Robert's hand and lead him to our Uber, unable to keep the smile from my face. After our quick pit stop at the store and the rest of the drive back to the hotel, I flop onto the bed and immediately kick of my shoes. There's nothing sensible about fancy shoes. Absolutely nothing.  
            "Cody?" I glance at Robert whose skin has turned pale again. "I think I'm gonna vomit."  
            He bolts to the bathroom and I follow closely behind. He kneels to the ground and empties out the contents of his stomach, whimpering as he does. I rub his back and hold his tie out of the way at the same time; trying to make sure he doesn't ruin his suit.  
            " _Fuck_." He grumbles, standing up. He flushes the toilet and grabs his toothbrush, angrily scrubbing away the nasty taste in his mouth.  
            "That's what happens when you get too stressed," I point out, pulling his jacket off his shoulders.  
            Robert grunts, ignoring my comment. "My daughter is married... Jesus Christ," He mutters.  
            "Before you know it, you'll be a grandpa!" I exclaim, only partially joking.  
            Robert's eyes nearly grow twice in size at the thought. "Why would you say that? My kid... oh my god," He complains, fleeing the bathroom.  
            Trying not to laugh, I follow him out. "Hey, I'm a parent too. Amanda is going be getting married and having kids before I know it as well," I counteract, trying to make him realize he's not alone on this.  
            He waves me off and takes off his tie, leaving it on the dresser. He unbuttons the first few buttons on his shirt, just low enough where part of his scar pokes out. "Where's that wine? I need a damn drink after that," He mutters, stalking off to the mini fridge.  
            While he gets himself buzzed on wine against my better judgement, I check my messages on my phone. As per usual, there's absolutely nothing, so I set my phone back down and ease myself onto the bed carefully. For some reason I am astonishingly sore from doing nothing most of the day.  
            "I would offer you a glass, but I'm not going to be responsible for your liver freaking out when you're on that ibuprofen," Robert says, suddenly remembering the instructions that came along with my medication.  
            I stretch my arm and legs out, resting my back gently against the wall. He turns to me with his cup of wine in hand, grinning sheepishly. "You survived the night, Robert," I acknowledge, grinning widely myself.  
            He laughs nervously, unsure of what to say. I've been thinking a lot about what Val said to us before she left. _Maybe I'll see you two at your own wedding someday_. The thought of marrying Robert makes my heart lurch forward with happiness. I could see myself being with him forever, just growing old with Betsy and the dog I'm sure I'll cave in and adopt some day. I can see us exchanging our vows and sealing the deal with a kiss in front of our friends and family... I can see us moving in together and just being... _Happy_. And as I stare at him now, through all of the bullshit, I know it's going to be okay.  
            "Robert?"  
            "Hm?"  
            I didn't know what I was going to say as it was coming out; it's almost as if my lips had a mind of their own for a few short seconds. "I love you."  
            Robert freezes mid drink, looking at me with wide eyes. I caught him off guard, hell, I caught myself off guard. He stands there for along moment, lowering his cup. "I... I love you too." He finally responds.  
            My heart flutters, over joyed that he feels the same way. I peel off the bed and go in for a kiss, cupping the side of his face gently. Being with him was one of the best decisions of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT CONCLUDES FALL! I have spent so much time writing winter. I am unbelievably excited to publish the first chapter of it tomorrow. It will certainly bring on the feels. Thank you all for the support, I'll be back tomorrow!


	21. There's Sleigh Bells Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is around the corner and Amanda comes home a little earlier than Cody was planning for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the end notes for important story information! Thank you!

_Winter_

            Snow falls from the sky in large flakes, creating a thick blanket on the ground. I watch from my bed, completely mesmerized by the beauty of it. Snow has always been one of my favorite things about winter; I look forward to it every year. Last year in Maple Bay, it snowed so much that people couldn't leave their houses for at least two days until the snow plows came through. The weather never makes sense here. It's not very common to get the extreme weather we have by the ocean. Christmas is around the corner, Amanda will be home in two days... Everything is falling into place. The holidays are always such a happy time. Even Robert, who refuses to show any enthusiasm towards the holiday, is enjoying himself. He would never admit it, but I see a certain glint in his eye whenever he's helping me decorate or helping me make Christmas cards. It's all just so... beautiful.  
           Mat gave me a promotion at the Coffee Spoon last week. I get paid more and I get to help out a lot more without fighting him about it. The job is not much different because it's pretty hard to promote a barista when I'm the only one, but I don't mind whatsoever. My job is crafty and requires skill, which is something I both love and have mastered. Baristas are highly underappreciated. I have been finding myself writing music again, something I haven't done for years. I'm actually really close to completing a song and depending on how it turns out, I may or may not decide to play it at the Coffee Spoon. Though the anxiety... that's just a flat out bitch.  
            Beside me is Robert, who is deeply asleep. I always enjoy seeing him like this. All of his troubles fade away, there no stress... just him. With delicacy, I gently trace his scar on his chest with the tips of my fingers. He has many scars, ones that decorate many different parts of his body. His hands are the worst and that's obvious given his favorite hobby. Lately, I've noticed his mood has been a little off putting. I’m not sure what’s weighing him down and he keeps insisting that he’s fine, but I can tell something is wrong. I really just need to sit him down and get him to confess. He’s been getting a lot better lately with his habits, but talking about his feelings and insecurities is still a challenge for him. I think it’s because he’s so used to being shot down and pushed to the side by the ones he trusts enough to love that it left him with the inability to open up to the ones who have no intention of hurting him.  
            I scoot closer to Robert and gently move his hair from his forehead. He keeps saying he needs to get a haircut, but I find the little curls and light dusting of greys to be really attractive. If it got any longer, I may start to suggest a haircut, but I think it's perfect and suits him. It’s silly, but I love the little curl that wraps around his ear and flares out at the end. I find myself playing with it when we’re watching a movie or are snuggling in bed. He likes to pretend that it annoys him, but I know Robert and I know he loves little touches like that. He may be big and tough, but his heart is big and he is a huge softy that needs more love. Smiling to myself, I gingerly kiss his temple and pull the blanket up over his chest because I can feel how cold his hands are against my thigh. Unfortunately, the shift in the blanket makes him stir awake and I frown a little because waking him up was not my intention. Now he’ll know I’ve been awake marveling over him. Whoops.  
            "Sorry," I whisper.  
            He opens his eyes with a scowl, clearly a little bothered, but it softens into a dumb half grin, half smile, when his eyes find my face in the dark. "What are you doing awake?" He asks, voice low.  
            I reach out and trace his scar again, pursing my lips. "I woke up a little while ago and haven’t been able to go back to sleep," I say honestly.  
            Robert traps my hand in his, stopping my mindless tracing. I look into his eyes, trying to put on the best half smile I can. He sighs and glances over at the clock; it's three in the morning.  
            "I'll stay up with you," he mumbles, sitting up until his back against the headboard. "Damn, it's cold."  
            I laugh peeking under the covers to see what he went to bed in. "You're wearing your briefs. Of course you're cold. And please, just go to sleep. I'll be fine. I’m starting to feel sleepy again anyways," I say, placing my hand on his lower tummy.  
            Robert looks down at my hand, chuckling a bit. "I'm fine, Cocoapuffs. I want to stay up with you anyways. You haven't been sleeping much, don't think I haven't noticed." He explains, looking at me intently.  
            I sigh quietly. He's right, I haven't been sleeping much. While he’s been shuffling through his weird mood phase, I’ve been handling my anxiety. I move my leg so it rests in between his, starting the creation of a tangle. He really is cold and if he isn’t going to get up to put something warmer, then I have no choice but to thrust my body heat upon him.  
            "Maybe you should go put on sweatpants," I suggest.  
            He chuckles, looking away for a brief moment. "I could, but the placement of your leg is kind of giving me another idea of how to make me warm." He jokes suggestively.  
            In the mood to play a little, I move my knee against his crotch and watch as he presses his lips together in a thin line. I repeat the movement again and this time, he lets out a very shaky sigh and flushes a little in the dull light that comes in from my partially open curtains.  
            "Cody..." He warns.  
            I slide my hand down over the fabric of his briefs, cupping him beneath the covers. I begin to move my hand to rub along his growing length, making him aroused and needy in the confinement of his underwear. His lips are slightly parted now and his eyes are watching my face closely. I look up to meet his glance, biting my bottom lip because I know it turns him on when I do that.  
           "Want me to keep going?" I ask, mostly whispering.  
            He nods slowly, moving his hand to my waist. I only want to pleasure him tonight; I have no desire to have sex or anything... I just want to focus on him. Knowing full well that my hand is a little cold, I slip it under the waistband of his briefs and grab a hold of him. He's already hard and wet with precum and it's all because of me... I get satisfaction out of that. I slowly begin to pump him, swiping my thumb over the tip every so often. He leans in to kiss me and I meet him halfway, bringing my other hand to his hair even though it sends sharp pains to my shoulder. He moans against my lips as I quicken my pace, tugging and pulling in all of the right ways and the ways I know he loves.  
            "Ah..." He sighs.  
            His grip tightens on my waist, subconsciously pulling me closer. The shift causes a significant amount of pain on my shoulder, pain that I struggle to choke back. Nevertheless, I never falter with my task. He slowly begins to thrust along with my pumping, moving his hips in rhythm with my hand.  
            "Come on, baby," I say, grazing my teeth on his neck.  
            I leave little kisses all over his neck, making sure to leave behind at least one love bite. He groans, begging me to go faster under his breath and obeying his wish, I do. With my hand going as fast as it is, it only took a few more seconds until he's moaning my name and relaxing against the headboard. He sits there for a moment, breathing heavily. I stretch up and pull his mouth to mine, passionately kissing him and whispering a sloppy and breathless I-love-you.  
            "I'll be right back," He mumbles, grinning against my mouth.  
            He moves out from under me, making me fall onto the mattress. He walks over to my dresser and pulls out a new pair of briefs and a pair of sweatpants from the drawer I had to give him so he'd stop leaving clothes all over my room. As he changes, I turn my focus back to the snow, pulling the covers up to my armpits. My shoulder aches with pain, but I try my best to ignore it. It's been getting better, but according to the doctor who I went to see last week, I still have some muscle damage that sent me to my first physical therapy appointment to fix. I find it really ridiculous that this only happened because I tripped and rolled harshly into a deep ditch. I suppose that's what I get for being a klutz; even my daughter likes to poke fun at me for it.  
            Robert slides back into bed, resting his palm on the middle of my stomach. His thumbs draws lazy patters and he scoots closer to me to keep himself warm. "Thank you," He mumbles, leaving a kiss on my cheek.  
            I look at him as if he's a stranger, completely caught off guard. "You never thank me for that stuff. Who you and what have you done with my grumpy, alcoholic, boyfriend?"  
            Robert rolls his eyes, looking briefly outside the window to check the snow fall. "I'm trying something new. And for the record, I haven't drank whiskey for at least one whole day," He mutters.  
            I suppress a laugh, pulling him close to me. "You had a few drinks during lunch, Robert. But you are getting better, I am very proud of you. You make improvements every day." I say.  
            He doesn't comment, still not used to all of the support I give him. "We should go to sleep," He sighs, pulling the covers over himself. I nestle closer to him, feeling pleased with his presence and in the next few moments, I drift off to sleep.

            "Robert, I swear to God I will kick you if you move again."  
            "You've had me like this for three hours. I have to piss."  
            "Can't you hold it?"  
            "No."  
            I groan, setting my paintbrush down on the table. "I have to go to Craig's anyways... I'll be back in a few." With a grumpy expression, I pad to the door and start getting my jacket on.  
            "How much longer do you have to do this?" Robert asks, keeping his eyes away from mine.  
             "Until Craig is back on his feet, Robert. He has a baby he needs help with."  
             "Yeah, but-"  
             "- _Go_  use the bathroom, Robert. I'll be back soon. I just have to make sure the twins got breakfast and River is content."  
            I try not to look at the way his face falls, but I also can't not notice it. I didn't mean to sound so harsh, there was so much ice in my voice that it felt wrong coming out. With guilt on my shoulders, I trudge through the snow to Craig's house, rapping on the door when I get there. Hazel opens the door after a short minute, happy to see me.  
            "Dad is throwing up," She says.  
            Worried, I kick off my snow boots and slide out of my jacket, going off to Craig's master bathroom. He's knelt on the ground with his face in the toilet, vomiting whatever he ate today.  
            "Jesus, Craig," I say, stepping into the bathroom.  
            He goes through another round of vomiting all while I rub his back and check his forehead for his temperature. Once he has nothing left to reject from his stomach, I flush the toilet and guide him to the bathroom sink. Every time Craig pukes, he is very persistent on brushing his teeth because stomach acid is terrible for the teeth; He also hates having bad breath. Afterwards, I lead him back to bed and pull his comforter up to his chin.  
            "How bad do I look, bro? Give it to me straight," He croaks, trying to bring humor into this.  
            I look closely at his pale and sweaty face, finally grinning at his humor. "You look like shit, buddy. No sports mom is gonna go after you now. Is River in the nursery?"  
            Craig nods, harshly coughing after a failed attempt to laugh at my teasing. I go down the hallway to the nursery, finding River wide awake in her crib. Gently, I pick her up and bring her to the changing table. Her diaper is wet and needs changing and thankfully, I'm already trained in this field. Next, I get her dressed in warm clothes and bring her out to the kitchen where her sisters are.  
            "Oh, I can feed her today, Mr. Prescott. Dad needs more help than us. He was coughing all night," Briar offers happily.  
            Thankful, I set River down in her high chair and shuffle through the cabinets until I find Craig's enormous stash of tea. I pull out the Throat Coat and make him a quick cup of it, bringing it to his bedroom along with a pack of cough drops. He hasn't moved since I left him a bit ago, he's still propped up on his pillows with the same death expression.  
            "Oh thanks, bro. You didn't have to," He says, eyeing the tea.  
            "Yes I did. You've been sick for a week now. If you don't get better, River is going to start missing her daddy. The twins are actually enjoying the lack of chores they have to do, though." I inform, laughing.  
            Craig joins in on the laughter, though his vocal chords are absolutely destroyed from all of the coughing he's been doing. "You have no idea how grateful I am. You've been such a big help." He says, doing his best to smile.  
            "It's no problem, really. I'm gonna go clean up the mess of dishes in the kitchen and then head out, but text me if you need anything. The twins have River."  
            Craig gives me a thumbs up and I make my way back to the kitchen. The girls are sat at the table, feeding River some mushed up orange stuff that kind of smells like carrots and oranges as they laugh and make silly faces at her. Shrugging, I get to work on the dishes and by the time I'm done, it's already the early afternoon. Before leaving, I give River one last visual check and head out into the cold snow. I still feel bad about how I left Robert this morning and I'm hoping he isn't too upset about it, I really didn't mean to come off the way I did.  
            Inside my house, I am surprised by two things. One, Betsy suddenly being here and two, Robert sitting on the couch with a glass of whiskey in his hand. I walk over to him after shedding my jacket and shoes, and take the glass out of his hands. He goes to glare at me, but stops about halfway through.  
            "You never take my drinks," He grumbles, looking over at Betsy.  
            I set the drink down on my coffee table with a little more force than intended and look him dead in the eye even though he refuses to look directly at me. "I'm sorry for how I left this morning. I didn't mean to come off the way I did. I should have made that clear with you, okay? But please don't drink because of me.  _Please_." I say, stressed out.  
            Robert eyes the drink on the coffee table, eventually looking up at my eyes.  
            "How much have you had?" I ask, trying to keep the strain out of my voice.  
            His eyes fall again, he's disappointed in himself.  
            "A few. I'm fine... High tolerance," He replies honestly.  
            I should not blame myself for this, but I do. His mental state is fragile and I'm not saying I should baby him, but I shouldn't have snapped at him the way I did. Seeing that he picked up the whiskey again because of me really hurts. Here I'm supposed to be the one who's helping and supporting him and I pushed him to do it again. We are both at fault. Me for snapping and him for turning to his habits. Hurting, I sit beside him and he pulls me against his chest.  
            "We are one fucked up couple..." I mumble, smiling darkly.  
            Robert snorts, laughing at my comment.  
            "But you love it," He says, kissing the top of my head.  
            "But I love it," I confirm.  
           Betsy runs around the house with a toy in her mouth, rough housing like the little puppy she is. I don't mind when she's here, I actually love it because she's so adorable. Suddenly, I notice a very sweet smell coming from the kitchen and I left my head to look for the source.  
            "I made sugar cookies," Robert answers, seeing my curiosity.  
            I turn back to face him with a raised eyebrow. "You made cookies? Are they Christmas themed?" I question.  
            "I do know how to do some things in the kitchen, Cody. And yes... They are Christmas themed. I actually need to pull them now."  
           He gets up and shuffles to the kitchen while I get some Christmas music playing to, I suppose, set the mood. The painting I was doing of him sits half-finished on my easel; however it's dry enough for me to close my sketch book and put things away. As Robert is going to my fridge for something, I go over to peek at the cookies. My heart swells at the sight of them. Little candy canes, sugar cookie men, Christmas tree ornaments, and snowflakes sit on two different cookie sheets. Two hands wrap themselves around my waist and a pair of lips press to my neck from behind. I smile wide, laughing at how much his facial hair tickles against my neck. He laughs too and with careful movement, he starts to move my hips to the music.  
           "I thought you hate dancing... and Christmas," I comment, surprised.  
           "Shut up and let me have fun with you," He grumbles playfully.  
           Laughing, I press against his body and cover his hand with my own. His lips are on my neck again, only he bites me softly this time. Spontaneously, I spin around and lock my arms around his neck. His hands lower down to my bottom, cupping and squeezing just for fun.  
            "I'm starting to think your idea of fun consists of a little more than dancing, Bobert."  
            "Don't call me that. And think of it as dirty dancing."  
            Unable to hold it back, I giggle and angle my face up, bringing his lips to mine. For once they are not chapped, but soft and they're hungry for mine. He tastes like whiskey, a taste that I admittedly miss on him even though the habit needs to be kicked.  
            "I may be bad, but you make me glad," He mumbles.  
            For a second I can't tell if he's serious, but judging by the look on his face, neither can he. We both start giggling like two crazy kids who have fallen helplessly in love, clutching onto each other and swapping lazy kisses in between laughs. I really try to stop my giggles, but the memory that wafts into my head makes me snort.  
            "Remember the first time we actually made out on your couch and you had taken off your pants, but you were trying to play it off as an accident, so you said 'uh oh, where'd my pants go?' and I laughed too hard for my own good?"  
            He starts to giggle again, remembering the memory. "I take pride in that. I'm hilarious," He says in a narcissistic tone.  
            "I dunno. Better kiss me to be sure."  
            "Smooth."  
            Impatiently, I bring his mouth to mine again. His kisses are different now, they're heavier and sloppy. A hand slides up my shirt, roaming my skin like he has several times in the past. His hand feels so good against my skin. For all of the calluses and scars, he's hard are very soft yet rough at the same time. He pushes me against the counter, only to lift me with one arm and set me on it. With my legs, I trap him by hooking my heels around to the back side of his thighs.  
 _"Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin? In the lane, snow is glisten? A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight... Walking in a winter wonderland."_  I hum lazily against his neck along with the song.  
            My hand gets lost in his hair, pulling him as close to me as he can get. He eagerly bites down on my bottom lip, moving away to kiss the corner of my mouth.  
            "Dad?"  
            Robert and I separate as quickly as we can, looking directly at Amanda who stands in the doorway as she holds Betsy with a confused expression on her face.  _Oh fuck._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to winter, folks. 
> 
> I haven't been too proud of the last few chapters, so hopefully this will fix it. I rewrote it about four times in hopes I can get everything I need in there to start winter off correctly. Winter is going to be quite the ride for not only the characters, but the readers as well. Thank you to those who are still enduring this long ass book. I know it's the size of a novel, but the Supernatural fandom has Twist and Shout, so I figured the DDADDS fandom can use a novel of their own. I have decided the the sequel will be half as long, ending on 20 chapters. 
> 
> I'm a little bummed because it seems that the DDADDS fandom is dying out a bit, but hopefully there's enough of us to keep it alive until the game developers decide to do more with the game (which I really hope they do). I've been way too bust to check to see if they are actually going to do anything. 
> 
> Side note: IT'S FINALLY FUCKING FALL FOR ME (fall actually showed up on the 22nd, but I wasn't paying attention). I live in Portland, Oregon so I love the rain and terrible weather. It makes me so happy and gets me in a very inspired mood. 
> 
> Also, I felt I haven't made this super clear in my notes, but Cody is my personal Dadsona. He is the character I made from the game and he resembles me in a lot of ways. For instance, I am great at art and fluently play both the guitar and the piano. I also sing and deal with anxiety that originated from losing someone I love and an abusive relationship I had three years ago. 
> 
> I'm keeping his features as vague as possible in the text with few bodily descriptions and what not for the sake of imagination of the readers, but in case you are wondering, here are a few descriptions of Cody:  
> -He is a white male  
> -His hair is a lot like Robert's actually, but is more well kept and he often had a blue streak in it during his teen years  
> -He used to have a dad bod, but is now decently in shape because of Craig. He has strong arms and legs, has a great butt, and abs that show every now and then  
> -He stands at about 5'10" and I personally have HC-ed Robert to be at around 6'2"  
> -He used to have pierced ears, but hardly ever puts earrings in now  
> -He isn't really hairy. He doesn't really have any chest hair.  
> -He has brown eyes and hair  
> -He also has a very bright smile that sometimes shows dimples on his cheeks  
> -He is half German


	22. A Certain Kind of Welcoming Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody and Robert finally tell Amanda about their relationship. There's some angst to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, I have no idea what happened, but Ao3 glitched pretty bad when I uploaded this chapter this morning. I wasn't able to check because I was very busy, but I'm home now and I think I fixed the problem. It seemed the chapter repeated itself twice in the text, which obviously wasn't supposed to happen.
> 
> I apologize to those who have already read this chapter, I just had to fix the problem.

            Both Robert and I gape at my daughter whose eyes flicker between the two of us. Her expression reads nothing but shock and confusion. This was not how I wanted her to find out about my relationship with Robert. I was going to tell her while she was here; probably before Christmas. I haven't been with anyone since her mother on the level I am with Robert and I wanted to actually sit down and  _talk_  with her about it to make sure she's okay with the idea... It wasn't really supposed to go like this. We're both embarrassed, our faces are red from being caught mid action. It's so rare to see Robert embarrassed, but this is a hard blow.  
            "Well I'm gonna go-" He begins anxiously.  
            "-No! You are both staying here and are going to explain what I just saw," Amanda demands.  
            Robert and I look at each other once again before moving to go sit on couch in the living room. Amanda shuts the front door to stop the heat from escaping and stands before us with a harsh look in her eyes. She's pissed. That has to be it, right? She's pissed that she was not informed about us being a couple?  
            "Explain. How long has this been going on?" She snaps.  
            Once again, Robert and I swap an expression, silently trying to decide where to start. If we're going to be totally realistic, this has been going on for a year... But if she's looking for an official date...  
            "Since July. Officially in August," I say.  
            Amanda's jaw drops in shock. She was not supposed to come home and find Robert and I on cloud nine all tangled up with each other. Given the intensity of our kissing, I can only say I'm glad she walked in then and not later where she would have definitely seen something much more graphic happening right there on the kitchen counter. That would have scarred her for life for sure.  
            "And you didn't tell me?" She demands.  
            "Panda, I wanted to tell you. It just never came up and I had the intentions of telling you when you got here, which is early, might I add, so you seeing what you saw is not my fault," I defend, gesturing to the kitchen.  
            "I was trying to surprise you by booking an earlier flight! I didn't know that when I came home, I'd be walking in on you and Robert making out of the kitchen counter," Amanda argues with a bunch of wild gestures.  
            Robert's ears are red now; he's extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable. Never in my life did imagine having this talk with my daughter in the way we're talking about it right now. Is this what teenagers feel like when they're getting lectured by their parents? I feel so bad for all of the times I had to be stern with her, this is terrible.  
            "And  _you,_ " Amanda spars, turning her attention to Robert.  
            He looks at her fearfully, unsure of how to act when she's seems so hostile. He's dealt with angry kids, I'm sure. But how many times has he been lectured by his significant other's child for a relationship she hadn't been made aware of yet?  _I'm sorry, Robert_.  _Welcome to the family?  
_             "Are you guys super serious? Do you love my dad?" She questions.  
            "Amanda, that's not re-" I try to cut in.  
            "-No. I need to know how serious this is." She seethes.  
            "Yes, Amanda," Robert awkwardly squeaks. I have never heard his voice so high and filled with nerves. Amanda pulls her eyebrows together, processing the news. Suddenly, her anger melts away and she seemingly relaxes a bit with a broad smile on her face.  _She didn't...  
_             "Man, it felt good to scare you guys. I even got Robert! Consider that to be pay back for all of the dad jokes you two make me suffer through," She explains doing the finger gun motion with a wink.  
            I stare in shock at the child I helped make, seeing that I have raised nothing but a monster; A very intelligent and cruel monster.  
            "You are a demon child." Robert mutters, covering his face with his hands.  
            Amanda laughs wickedly, proud to own her new title that she deserves. There are so many words going through my head right now, but I bite my tongue to hopefully maintain my respectable-parent image. Where did she learn such cruel tricks? I bet it was that boy she's dating, he probably talked her into tormenting her dad and her dad's boyfriend.  
            "I was just pretending to be mad. I'm actually really happy this happened. I knew it would happen eventually, it just took way longer than I thought it would. I also already started planning your guy's wedding and honeymoon months ago. Val and I talk about it all the time." She says, over joyed.  
            I let out the air I've been holding in my lungs and fall back against the cushions. This day took a turn I didn't expect. I should just stop planning my days when Robert is around; something always seems to happen when he's in a five foot radius.  
            "I'm tired from the flight, so I'm gonna go take a nap. Try not to have too much fun while I'm gone." Amanda chimes, skipping down the hallway to her room with her suitcase in hand and Betsy in her arm.  
            When we hear the door shut, Robert drops his hands and he's scowling at me, angry almost. I cannot say that I blame him though. My daughter did just put us both through hell only to reveal it was all for show.  
            "You didn't tell her?" He growls in a quiet voice.  
            "It's not like I meant it. I explained why I didn't tell her," I defend.  
            "Are you sure that's the  _only_ reason why you didn't tell her?" He snaps harshly.  
            I go to say something in response, but my words fall short as I think over what he said. He slowly begins to realize it too and covers his face again, sighing heavily. "Robert, what are you-"  
            "-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," He grumbles.  
            I go to touch him, but he moves away from my hand before I can. "Robert..."   
            I try to touch him again, but he suddenly stands and turns his back to me. "I'm going out. I'll be back in a few." He declares, walking towards the front door.  
            "Robert, no. Wait..." I launch myself from the couch and grab onto his arm to stop him from walking out of my door. I force him to turn around to look at me and I find nothing but regret and sadness in his eyes.  
            "I'm not letting you walk away. You're not shutting me out anymore," I snap. Robert's lips play with a frown, not fully committed to the action. I stare at him pleadingly, refusing to let this become another argument. "Don't you know what it does to me when you walk away? When you shut me out? I know you have to take things at your own pace, but god damn it, Robert. We're both in this relationship and I need you to help me make it work. I know you can do it." I explain in a near begging tone.  
            He stays silent and my lip trembles with threatening emotions. I don't know why I'm getting so emotional right now, we aren't even really fighting. "Kiss me, hug me... something, Robert." I plead, cupping the side of his face.  
            He finally softens then and crashes his lips against mine after a painstakingly long minute. The kiss is sorrowful and has got to be the most emotional kiss we have shared, but we're mending... fixing what was would have been for sure another argument. I clutch onto him, burying my face into the crook of his neck. I can't lose him to this mood he's been in, I won't... I refuse to. I love him too much to let him walk away now and he has got to know that.  
            "I'm sorry, Cody. I'm just in a dark spot right now. I'm so sorry." He mumbles against my hair, wrapping his strong arms around my shoulders and back. I draw back just enough to look at him, pushing his floppy hair from his forehead a bit. I'm going to have to have a talk with him about what's weighing him down, but I can't put him in that corner in this moment. Right now, we both just need to be with each other and get over this. The winter season may be cold, but that doesn't mean out relationship has to be too.  
            "I'm here for you, please remember that. I'm always going to be there for you. Let's just have some fun right now, okay? Let's get in better moods so we can enjoy the holidays and love each other. We will talk about this, though. I can promise you that." I encourage, guiding him into the kitchen by hand.  
            Robert frowns a little, apprehensively following me. "How? You never have fun when I'm around." He says in a half depressing joke.  
            "The fuck I don't," I curse, glaring. "You and I have lots of fun. I always enjoy being around you because, Robert Small, you are a fun person when you want to be." I remind him, smiling wide in hopes it'll dazzle him into his own smile.  
            Behind Robert, sitting by my oven, is a plate full of cupcakes I made earlier and was going to give to Mary because I haven't heard from her in a while, but I believe I have found another use for them. After thoroughly thinking through a shitty plan, I push the unsuspecting Robert up against the counter and reach behind him to grab a cupcake.  _Seduce the man, then smoosh it on the man... perfect.  
_             "You and I can have lots of fun right now if you're up for the challenge, baby," I tease, readying the cupcake behind his back.  
            "And what kind of fun are we talking about?"  
            "Have you ever had a food fight, Robert?"  
            "Food fight? What are you-"  
            Before he can finish, I gently, and slowly, smoosh the cupcake on his nose. The bright pink frosting sticks to his face as I pull the cake back, it falls off his face to land on his chest. He blinks a few times, trying to wrap his head around what I just did to him. Without even looking down, he scoops the frosting from his chest and smears it down the right side of my face. Giggling, I grab another cupcake and smash it into his head, destroying the cake all together. He grabs what's left of the cake on his head and splats it onto my neck. Now both grinning and eager for play, we each grab two cupcakes and smash it onto each other, creating a mess of frosting and chocolate cake. Some of the frosting managed to get into the floor and when I step back to get away, I slip and reach out for Robert, only to pull us both down to the ground. He lands on top of me, smearing the cake mess between us. We laugh hysterically for a long time; his laughter is music to my ears. We do try to be quiet, however, for the sake of my sleeping child, but it's so hard when we just acted immaturely for a short while.  
            When our laughter fades into near silent giggles, Robert props himself up on his arms and looks down on me, face coated in the sugary substance. He leans in to kiss me, licking the frosting from my lips. I bite down on his bottom lip, tugging ever so slightly. We mesh our mouths together, mixing the frosting with our saliva. Robert kisses down to my collar bone, biting and sucking on places where frosting covers.  
            "We should have food fights more often," He grumbles, laughing darkly.  
            I blush and stretch upwards to kiss off some of the frosting on his chin. "We should get this off before Amanda wakes up," I suggest, playfully smooshing his hair around.  
            He raises an eyebrow; something very provocative clouds his eyes. "And how do you suggest we do that?"  
            "Come to the shower with me," I whisper into his ear.  
           Robert picks himself up off the ground quietly and I follow closely behind, tip toeing past my kid's door. I feel so stupid for sneaking around like this. I feel like I'm a teenager again, a teenager trying to hide what they're doing from their parents. I hope to god Amanda hasn't done this under my notice and I know that makes me a bit of a hypocrite... but I'm also her dad and the thirty-seven year old adult.  
            While the shower is heating up, Robert and I collide again and desperately pull the clothes off of each other. He grips me by the hips and guides me under the shower, closing the glass door behind us. Things change a bit when we're under the water, it seems like time fell at a standstill. I look up at him and wrap my arms around his middle, watching as the cake and frosting washes away.  
            "Do you know how much I love you?" I ask, gently pushing the frosting off his left shoulder. He pulls his eyebrows together, thinking for a moment. As he thinks, I grab my body wash and put enough in my palm to hopefully wash him. I spread the soap over his torso, rubbing it in to create the suds.  
            "I know you love me enough to take care of me like the loon you are," He starts, averting his eyes away. "I know that you love me enough to think about our future a lot and I know that you are willing to take all of the bullshit I throw at you if it means you can comfort me and work me through my rough patches. And I know you love me... Like you loved Alex..."  
           He faltered at the last bit, unsure of where he was going with that until he said it. My heart skips a beat at his words and I think tears are actually welling in my eyes. He does get it... He actually does get it.  
            "I know I fuck up a lot and I'm going to fuck up more, but please don't give up on me. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm being hurtful until it's too late and while I still don't understand why you choose to love me, I'm thankful for it... for you. You're my rock." He explains, tracing my collar bone.  
            I rinse my hands free of suds and cup either side of his face for angle his mouth to mine. Maybe I am crazy for staying with him. Who in their right mind would willing be heartbroken over and over again just so they can help the one they love? I'm in no way romanticizing his problems; there is nothing sweet or lovable about them. Problems should not be romanticized, it's unhealthy and no one benefits from it. Instead, I have chosen to fall in love with Robert and by doing that, I am signing myself up to be his hand to hold. He's been getting so much better, even if it's hard to see it right now. Hell, he even mentioned going to see his doctor to talk about his depression and what can be done about it. That alone is  _huge_. He's recognizing that he needs professional help and while it may be a few months before he actually gets the courage to go or I drag him, it will happen.  
            "Would it be wrong if I said I really want to make love to you right now?" He mumbles, making me pull away with giggles.  
            "We unfortunately do not have the house to ourselves anymore, Bobert," I laugh, blushing a little.  
            He rolls his eyes and wipes away the frosting in my chest. "So? Loads of parents get it on when they don't have the house to themselves. How do you think siblings are made? They don't go off to a hotel every time they're feeling a little horny." He points out.  
            He makes very valid points, but it still is weird to think about. "But we're loud, Robert. You're not exactly gentle most times." I argue back.  
            He scoffs and rests his hands on my shoulder, looking me square in the eyes. "In case you didn't notice, I said make love not fuck. I can be totally gentle, I was the first time we had sex and a few times after that."  
            I lean in to kiss him, but it's short and to the point. "Another time, baby. Let's just clean up and cuddle on the couch after we clean the mess in the kitchen. I want to get some quality cuddles in."  
           Robert respects my wish and we continue to clean up, helping each other make sure there's no frosting or cake woven in our hair. Before Amanda wakes up and Betsy is set loose in the house again, we dry off and get dressed in new clothes and march to the kitchen to tackle the mess we made. Any salvageable cupcakes are set to the side and wrapped carefully with plastic wrap. With Clorox wipes, we clean the sticky and sweet goop up in no time and manage to flop on the couch before too long. Amanda comes out of her room then, looking both well rested and sleepy. She smiles at the two of us on the couch. I glance over at Robert who has turned his attention to his pup who has claimed his lap as her own. He scratches her belly and coos at her softly, completely melting into dog-dad mode.  _What a cute little son of a bitch... Both of them.  
_             "What's for dinner, pops?" Amanda asks, rummaging through the cabinets.  
 _Oh, right. I have to feed the child now that she's here._  "We can do bacon Mac and Cheese if you want?" I offer.  
            Amanda beams but laughs a second later. "Are you going to light the bacon on fire again?" She questions, hands on her hips.  
            "What?" Robert chimes in.  
            I roll my eyes, groaning softly. "One time, Panda. One time!" I complain.  
           She snorts and starts pulling the things needed to make dinner from the pantry. "Right. And what happened to the cookies? The muffins? The waffles?" She presses, making me scoff.  
          "Hey! You helped with all of those. Maybe you're the one lighting the fires when I'm not looking." I barter, sticking my tongue out at her when she isn't looking.  
            Robert suddenly crashes his lips on mine and presses his tongue in my mouth. He pulls away just as Amanda as turning around again and laughs at my both red and dazed face.  _God damn it, Robert._  
            "Well if that's the case, maybe I should be arrested for Arson," Amanda says, grabbing a pot and pan.  
            Robert grins, jumping back into the conversation. "You've gotten sloppy, Amanda. You have to cover up your tracks," He warns seriously.  
            My kid looks genuinely excited that Robert is engaging in the conversation. She missed her rule breaking, story taking, badass friend. "You'll have to teach me your ways, Robert," She laughs. "But for now, get your creaky asses in here and help me make dinner."  
            Robert and I snort, disapproving of the creaky ass term. "I'll have you know that I am anything but creaky, young lady," I defend.  
            Walking into the kitchen with Robert following closely behind. "That's not what you said last night." Robert teases, poking my side.  
            "Robert!" I exclaim, red faced. Amanda and Robert high five and I suddenly feel betrayed.  
            "No sex jokes in front of my daughter, Bobert." I demand.  
            The two of them look at me with raised eyebrows before bursting into laughter. I should know this by now, they never take me seriously even though I would really like it if they did. As I cook the bacon, Robert starts grating cheese all while Amanda cooks the elbow noodles and hums a Christmas song that's stuck in her head. I look between the two of the frequently, feeling very warm and happy on the inside. This is my family; these are the people that make my life good... and I love them with every fiber of my being.

            "It's good to have you home, kiddo," I say, grinning.  
            Amanda gets up from the floor and pulls me into a bone crushing hug. "I've wanted to do this since you came to visit me." I lead her out to the living room and sit down on the couch, looking to have a conversation with her. I missed being able to do this is.  
            "I really miss having you around, kid. How's school going? How's the boyfriend?" I explain, exhaling heavily. Amanda frowns and I can see there's something heavy weighing on her. "Come on, out with it," I encourage knowingly.  
           She twiddles her thumbs around and around in circles, occasionally glancing out the window to look at the snow fall. "The boyfriend and I got into a small argument. It's nothing major. I also failed a pretty important test, which has set me back a little bit. And I was late to all of my classes last week. And I fell asleep in two of my classes because I've been so stretched thin lately." She confesses.  
         The stress is radiating off of her and I can feel it trying to rub off on me. I wish I noticed this when she first got here, but I'm glad she's talking about it now. I should make an effort to call her more or let her know that's okay to text me whenever she needs me. I'm her dad, that's what I'm here for.  
         "Ah, college struggles. You'll get through it, honey. Just study hard for your test and make sure you take plenty of notes. If you have too much on your plate, take some things off and save it for later. Nobody is forcing you to graduate in the four year minimum." I assure her, pulling her in for a hug. "As for this boy, don't hesitate to put him in his place if he is being douchey." I continue.  
        She burrows her face into my shoulder and suddenly she's crying. The stress must be eating her alive and with me fourteen hours away, it's not so easy to just walk up and get a hug from time to time or vent out to me. "It's alright, Amanda. You're a smart kid. You can do this, I know you can. I didn't raise no quitter." I breathe, rubbing her back.  
       "Am I allowed to eat the cookies now?" She sobs, pulling away.  
       I laugh at my daughter's coping mechanism and pat her hair. "Have at it." Amanda wipes her tears off of her face and puts on a brave face.  
       "I worry too much. I got too much of you in me to be this stressed out. I mean, look at who you're dating! He lives for the thrill sometimes. Did I tell you about the time he and I made a soda can explode once with a firecracker?" She laughs, launching herself off to the kitchen. "Wait! You weren't supposed to know about that. Pretend you know nothing." She back tracks.  
        I laugh and lie down on the couch, getting comfortable. With the stress from getting my arm back into working condition, from taking care of Craig, to getting the house decorated for Amanda, and to now worrying about Robert... I'm tired. My only intention was to rest my eyes, but resting my eyes lead to a pretty powerful nap and at some point, Amanda drapes a blanket over my body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS! You have two more chapters before things get pretty shitty. Brace yourselves.


	23. Have a Very Remembrance Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas time in Maple Bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully Ao3 doesn't jack up the uploading on this chapter like it jacked up yesterday's chapter.........

            Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays, right alongside Halloween. Not only are gifts exchanged, but I get to be around the people I care about the most. With my daughter home and my boyfriend here, it could not be more perfect. Smiling to myself, I exit my bedroom and make my way to the living room that has been converted to presents land over night. Amanda is sat on the couch eagerly waiting to open gifts, while Robert is half awake in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. I had to drag the poor guy out of bed to help me bake for Amanda early this morning and while he was grumpy and a bit intolerant, we did it and it turned out exactly how I imagined it would.  
            "Who's ready for gifts?" I ask, laughing at Amanda's excited face.  
            Robert droops into the living room and takes a seat on the floor beside Betsy. He mindlessly pats her head, barely able to keep his eyes open. Amanda eyes the gift from me under the tree and I give her the green light to open it. Thrilled to see what I got her, she rips away the paper to uncover a very expensive Nikon camera and several accessories; it's a significant upgrade for her old one and it nearly cost me an arm and a leg just to get it for her. However, despite the costs, I want to make sure she has the best equipment possible to get her through college.  
            "Oh, dad. This is amazing. I love it. Thank you!" She beams.  
             "You're welcome, Panda. Go on, open Robert's gift. Our gifts are kind of linked," I say with a bashful grin.  
             She grabs the slightly smaller box from under the tree and stares at it suspiciously. "It's not going to jump out at me, is it?" She questions, looking directly at Robert. He snorts and shakes his head, dismissing her thought. Amanda proceeds to rip off the paper and holds up a brand new Polaroid camera. Her jaw drops and, even though it may seem strange, I'm glad she's giving more of a reaction to Robert's gift, he needs the love.  
            "I have wanted one of these for so long. This is amazing, spectacular, awesome-sauce. I love it. Thank you, Robert," She says appreciatively.  
            Robert nods sleepily and I toss him Betsy's gift so he can give it to her. The little pup sniffs the wrapper curiously as he holds it out to her and she scratches at it until the contents spill out... which happens to be several treats and a new toy. She runs around with the new ball in her mouth excitedly, unable to sit still. All three of us chuckle a bit, enjoying her spike in energy when it's so early in the morning.  
            "This is from me, Robert," I say.  
            I gently hand him a large, board like, gift and a smaller, thicker, gift. He starts with the smaller package and opens it with great care. Inside, he finds several photos from Val's wedding, pictures of him and I he didn't realize I was taking, and many, many, others. He thanks me and moves on to the next one, the one I know will make him feel something other than tiredness. Gingerly, he tears at the paper to expose a large canvas with a painting I have worked very hard on for weeks in secret. The painting was referenced from the photo I took at the wedding of him and Val dancing. The way her dress was flared out and the expression on Robert's face really inspired me and so I got working on it as soon as I could. The original photo rests in there too, framed in a simple black picture frame. He stares at the painting for a long time, at a loss for words.  
            "This is... wow." He finally says, a smile spreading on his face. "Thank you, Codes. Really."  
            I nod humbly, unable to hide the small smile that appears on my face as well. Amanda excitedly claps her hands and pulls out a large gift that was hiding behind tree, scooting over to me. Right away I can tell what it is, I've bought too many of these in my time to not know the shape of a guitar case by now. Eager, I rip away the paper and pop open the case to reveal the beautifully crafted Fender guitar that I have been eyeing for several years now, but never bought because I needed the money for my kid. Being careful with it, I lift it up and inspect it with ridiculous tears welling up in my eyes. On the back of the guitar is an inscription that reads as follows: _Wherever I may end up, where ever you go, you will always be my dad. –Amanda_  
           "Jesus H. Christ. Is today make Cody cry day?" I groan, setting the guitar back down. "How did you even get this, Amanda? Please tell me you didn't rob a bank?" I continue with curiosity, smiling.  
            Amanda laughs and gestures to Robert who shrugs a bit. "Robert knows the guy who owns the Fender shop down town and he was able to cut me a deal. I was only able to cover about half of it, but Robert took care of the rest for me. I wouldn't have been able to get you this without him. It's kind of a shared gift to you." She explains.  
            I gawk at the both of them, trying to think of how and when they were able to do all of this behind my back. They both laugh at me as I am at a complete loss for words, this Christmas is putting me through about five too many emotions.  
            "Thank you, guys. Really. I'm crying like a baby on the inside," I finally say, regaining my ability to think again.  
            "Yeah, well... save the tears. You still have to open my gift." Robert grumbles, scooting me a large box that he seems to have trouble with moving.  
            It's excruciatingly heavy and large, so I leave it on the floor and rip open the paper and lift off the lid to the box. Inside, I find the arts supplies I thought I could only dream of owning. There's a new easel, several canvas boards, loads of paints and pencils, and brand new brushes and sketch books. I've been using the stuff I have for years now and most of it is worn out and falling apart. The supplies I am looking at makes my stomach do somersaults.  
            "Oh my god," I blurt, "Robert, this stuff had to cost over a thousand dollars easy. H-How?"  
            He rubs the back of his neck casually, giving me a half smile. "I know a guy," He says simply.  
            I scoot the box aside and pull him into my arms, crushing him against my body. Amanda slips her phone out and starts taking pictures all under Robert's notice. He stretches up to give me a heartfelt kiss and tells me he loves me in my ear, leaving me blushing. He wipes a fallen tear from my face and I kiss him again, giving Amanda the opportunity for more photos. I'll have to ask for them later because I'm definitely going to want to frame them and put some around the house, even if Robert complains.  
            "Alright, alright. Can Robert open my gift before you both make me cry?" My daughter chimes in, laughing.  
            The two of us separate and he take the gifts Amanda offers him, looking at her curiously. Robert opens it with gently care, holding a medium sized whittled penguin in his palm. It's a little rough and lopsided, but Robert smiles anyways. "What's his name?" He asks.  
            "Oh, um, Bobert." She replies, under pressure.  
            Robert glares at her, though he accepts the name anyways. "Bobert the penguin. He's great. Thank you... Amanda." He smiles.  
            Amanda throws her arms around me and Robert awkwardly places his hand on my knee. There may be tears and Robert may be half awake, but I swear... This moment couldn't be more perfect.  
            "There's actually one more gift for you, Robert," I say, laughing.  
             He looks under the tree to see if he over looked something and when he sees that there's nothing, his face twists into confusion. I look to Amanda and nod at her to give her the green light. She then bolts down the hallway to open her bedroom door, just as eager as I am to see Robert's reaction. With happy little yelps and the small patter of her feet running on the ground, a German Shepherd puppy bounds into the living room and immediately jumps onto Robert.  
            "Whoa!" He exclaims, falling onto his back.  
            The puppy attacks him with kisses and playfully beats on his chest with her paws as she bounces on him a little, sniffing him and getting to know her new dad. Amanda takes more pictures and pets Betsy as she does. Before we bought the dog, we took Betsy to meet the little one to make sure she would be fine and it actually turned out perfect because the two dogs bonded right of the bat.  
            "Damien and Mary helped us get her. She was orphaned and didn't have anywhere to go." I explain, laughing at his love struck expressions.  
            He scoops the puppy into his arms and sits up, holding her close to his chest. "Does she have a name yet?" He asks, grinning.  
            "Not yet. We wanted to leave that to you." Amanda clarifies.  
            Robert looks at the puppy for a long time with the most heartwarming expression. He strokes her fur and his lips twitch with a small smile. "Max." He mumbles.

            As the sun is setting, I knock on the front door of the Cahn house and stand idle as I wait for someone to answer. Craig has been supposedly been getting better, thankfully, and I wanted to come over to see it with my own eyes before I accept that he truly is getting better. I know Craig and I know how he likes to downplay being ill, he did it so frequently in college because missing a party was worse than getting an F for him back then. It's crazy how things have shifted so he lies about not being sick _just_ so he can go for his jogs and excessive exercise routines. The door opens to reveal Craig, standing there in his ever-present sweatpants and no shirt. _Craig, my man, you're going to make someone very happy one day.  
_            "Hey, bro. What's up?" He asks, smiling.  
           I offer him the plate of cookies that I had in my hands and he chuckles, looking at them intently. "I know you aren't a huge fan of sugar, but spare the kids. Give the kids some sugar today. It's Christmas, Craig." I joke, laughing a long with him.  
            "I guess a couple of cookies wouldn't do them much harm." He adds on, setting the cookies on the table beside the door. "How are things?" He then asks.  
            I shrug, shivering in the cold a big. "They're going alright. There's a little more stress than normal, but it's nothing I can't handle." I tell him honestly.  
           Craig notices the hint of sadness in my voice and leans up against the door frame, crossing his arms. "Well how are things with you and Robert?"  
            I avert my eyes down to the ground. Today has been great, but he is still acting really strange and distant. "We're fine, I think. We're just having communication problems."  
            It's strange saying out loud. Everything seems so perfect, everything _is_ perfect, but when I look at it from another angle, I can see that there is something very wrong and I don't know how to go about it without over stepping.  
            Craig frowns, he can see that I'm having multiple conflicts in my head. Have I always been feeling this way and just didn't realize it? I love Robert, I love him more than he ever knows and that will never change. This feels like it's coming out of nowhere, but at the same time, the feelings feel familiar.   
            "Every couple goes through a rough patch or two, bro. I'm not going to pretend like I'm an expert because I'm a divorced man, but I have known Robert for a while and I know he wouldn't want to intentionally hurt you even though he seems distant." Craig explains.  
            I look up at my best friend appreciatively, glad I have him to go to when I don't even have the intentions of it. "Thanks, Craig. You should go be with the kids, I just wanted to make sure you were really doing better."  
            We exchange our goodbyes and as I walk back to the house, I think about what he said to me. Robert would never intentionally hurt me; he just has a hard time dealing with things. I understand that and want to help him, so I just have to give him the space to adjust and he'll come to me when he's ready too. No good can come out of forced communication when we're already walking on thin ice.

            I sit on my shabby doorstep with a hot chocolate held in my hands as I watch more snow fall from the sky. Robert sits beside me, looking at me from time to time. It feels good to be out here with him in the quietness of the night. Amanda went to bed hours ago and we were going to go to bed as well, but neither of us could sleep.  
            "Do you ever think about how you had Val at a young age?" I ask, shifting so I can look at him.  
            Robert pulls his eyebrows together, slightly caught off guard by the question. It's a question I never really thought to ask, but it is one that knocks on my curiosity. Being a teen parent is such a taboo thing and it's not often that I get the opportunity to speak with one. "I wouldn't say I think about it. But I do know that I wasn't ready and it probably would have done me some good if I had taken the time to read a parenting book or two." He says truthfully.  
            I think back to the day when I found out Alex was pregnant. We were just about to head off to college and start our lives as adults, when she showed up at my house in tears with the little pregnancy test in her hands. Alex was so worried that I would leave her and I was in shock, but I never once thought about leaving her side. Nine months later, my beautiful and intelligent daughter was born and as cliché as it might sound, I've been a changed man ever since.  
            "Would you ever want another kid?" I ask, unsure of why I am.  
            Robert meets my glance and I can tell he's a little weirded out by this conversation. "I don't know. I was a shitty father to Val..." He mutters.  
            I decide not to press on the topic any further; I'm not even sure what brought it on. Maybe it's my fatherly instincts kicking in... Amanda leaves early tomorrow morning and with that, a part of me is leaving again. Loads of parents have another kid when there's goes to college, so it wouldn't be too weird to adopt another one. _What am I thinking? Another kid? Jesus...  
_             "Hey... Codes?"  
            I look at Robert, whose facial expression has turned into something of want and sorrow. For a second I thought that he was going to confess to what's been bothering him, but instead he says something that makes my heart falter.  
           "Can... We go visit... Um." He pauses, unsure of himself. "Go visit Marilyn's grave?"  _Oh_.  
            I gather up my things and leave my mug on the ground beside the door, offering my hand to Robert. We walk silently to the cemetery; I only know which one she was buried in because I stumbled upon it one day when I was on a walk with Damien. Robert is very quiet the entire way there, he only looks at his feet as we walk. I'm not sure what made him want to go see Marilyn tonight, but I'm not about to question it. Robert hardly talks about her and while I would love to hear stories about her, I would never push it because I know what it's like to lose a spouse and what it does to the mind. He truly loved Marilyn and I know he puts a lot of blame on himself when he thinks about how sour their marriage got.  
            The cemetery is cold and has light foot traffic in the snow from the other people who came to visit someone tonight. Robert and I push through the knee deep fluff until we reach the headstone labeled with his late wife's name. He freezes about two feet away from it, so I release him and go to her stone myself. I dust off the built up snow and scrape the ice to free up her name and dates. _Marilyn Small. A loving mother and wife._ Robert finally steps forward and examines the stone over and over, getting teary eyed.  
            "Do you want to talk to her? I'll give you some privacy," I say, wiping one of his stray tears.  
            He nods slowly and I make my way to the closest bench. It's never easy when you lose somebody you love. When I lost Alex, I cried for months and months until suddenly I couldn't cry anymore. The pain never goes away, you just learn to deal with it and find ways to work around it. I remember Alex's funeral. It was, to some, a beautiful ceremony... But I always believed she deserved more than what I was able to afford. Amanda cried that entire day and all I could do was give her tissues and hugs. As her father, I felt like I was failing her because I couldn't take the pain away; I couldn't bring her mom back. She was young and this was a long time ago, but what she said to me when we got home will always bounce in my head until the day I pass.  
 _'We had it rough. You and mom had me at eighteen and we were broke, but you made it work. You both graduated and went to college. And now that mom is gone, I miss her... But I know you can do it. We can make this work like we always have. Momma wouldn't leave us unless she knew we'd be okay.'_  
            She was younger then, but her mind was still able to grasp onto concepts and she was able to say what was really on her mind. I admire my daughter for that, amongst other things. Upon her request, I kept some of the things that belonged to Alex. Some items are the pictures of her and I that sit in my home and the other things are boxed up in the garage. Like me, she was an artist. She believed in abstract paintings and worshiped Von Gough. Her work always clashed with mine and because of that, we never made something together and to this day, that is one of my regrets. I would do anything if I could sit down on my living room floor and create something wonderful with the wife that was taken from me too soon.  
            Robert finds me with his tear stricken face, however he isn't crying anymore. I stand up and use my sleeve to wipe the tears, running my hand through his thick hair.  
            "Thank you for letting me come here tonight. I needed to get some things off my chest to her. I don't come here as much as I should, this was the third time." He says, looking back on the stone again.  
            He pulls me in for embrace and I do everything in my power to give him the most comforting and reassuring hug I can. "I told her that I'm getting better... That I'm finally becoming the man she saw in me. I told her about Val and the wedding... And I told her about you." He explains, pulling me along to head back home.  
            "Me? What about me?" I question, puzzled.  
            Robert leaves a small, but lingering, peck on my cheek as we walk and I find myself looking at him as I wait for an answer. "It's going to sound cheesy, but you've been the light at the end of the tunnel. I told her that I'm trying again, falling in love again... And that I'm going to do right by you. No matter the cost. Marriage, fuckin' kids, another dog... Whatever you want, it's yours."  
            I listen to his words carefully, surprised by them. "Robert, I don't need things. They're nice, but as long as I have you-"  
            "-No, no. Let me finish," he interjects. Robert stops abruptly and grasps at my biceps, looking down on me intently. "I was a terrible farther and a terrible husband... But for some reason, you're giving me a second chance... One I don't deserve. We've only been together since August, but if we're being realistic, it's been longer than that. I tried to distance myself, to keep you away until I was better, but I couldn't. Two years passed... So I went for it. Now you're here and I'm not going to screw it up. I'm going to fuck up, yeah. But I refuse to lose you and I'm going to do whatever it takes to make that happen." He finishes.  
            I stare at him for a while, unable to say anything. Instead, on total impulse, I kiss him. He kisses me back and presses against the small of my back to bring me closer. "Robert Small, you romantic. Let's go home." I say, unable to keep the smile off my face.  
            Robert and I separate and walk hand in hand all the way home. And with that, concludes my Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't necessarily like uploading in the morning, but as I have no time to do it later, the morning it is.


	24. Punching a guy on New Year's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a few hours before the new year. Mary, Robert, and Cody decide to celebrate at Jim and Kim's where they encounter an asshole.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter includes some hurtful slang directed towards the LGBTQ community. There is also mild violence, nothing too bad. Robert and the assfuck get into a little fist fight.

            Robert downs his shot with an intense expression, looking directly at Mary who shows no fear. She takes her own shot and slams the glass gown, grinning devilishly. My eyes shift between the two of them, watching their unmoving facial expressions. They've been at this for twenty minutes, slamming more alcohol down than I have in the past month and they are somehow still not drunk. The vodka must be cheap or watered down; I think I would get liver failure if I even thought about catching up to them now. Hell, I might put myself into a coma if I even thought about reaching for the vodka now. I'm terrible lightweight, I can get drunk off of three glasses of whiskey whereas Robert can drink twice as much as still be alright.  
            "Better back down, Small. I can keep this up all night," Mary taunts, snickering as she downs yet another shot.  
            As I sit here in this booth and watch them, I have half a mind to stop this game all together before I have to drive both of them to the hospital for live threatening alcohol poisoning. These two have no regard for alcohol safety and if Robert chose to not work out, he'd for sure have a beer belly like one of those stereotypical truck drivers that wear baseball hats and jean jackets with the arms torn off.  
            "As much as I would love to push your limits, I'm officially backing out. Vodka tastes like shit," Robert announces, scooting his unused shot to her across the table.  
            With the glint of triumph in her eyes, Mary fist bumps the air and slugs down the shot given to her with a wild laugh. Robert chuckles quietly and flags Neil down for a few rounds of whiskey. I cannot believe we ditched Joseph's New Year's party to go drinking at a bar. Of course Robert was very enthusiastic about it. This is the one time he is able to give himself a break just to party the night away. And so we wound up here and now I can't keep my eyes off of him. I know he's being careful with how much he drinks and for once he's not drinking to avoid emotions, but the worry is still there. With him being as distant as he is, I can't help but think that maybe he's drinking to counteract whatever he's going through.  
            I have been wondering about Joseph and Mary's relationship. As far as I can tell, they're still together and after what happened on my birthday, I can't imagine why they'd still be together. I won't be the one to judge though. When you have four kids and are in a toxic relationship, sometimes the right thing to do is harder than the wrong thing to do.  
            "What do you say, Sailor?" Mary asks, slamming her hand down on the table.  
            I jump in slight fear, pulling myself from my deep thoughts. She stares at me expectantly and I raise an eyebrow, searching my memory for the question I'm supposed to be answering.  
            "He didn't hear you. Repeat." Robert snorts, rubbing my thigh under the table.  
            Mary rolls her eyes and holds up a shot glass of whiskey. "Body shots. Are you in?"  
            My cheeks instantly turn deep red. I don't think I have heard someone say body shots since college and even then I was on the sidelines as Craig got his fix. I have only done it once and I vowed to myself I would never do it again.  
            "I uh... I..." I feel like there is an extreme amount of pressure on me with this decision for some reason. If I turn her down, she'll just make fun of me for the rest of the night, and if I say yes... "Sure, why not?" I blurt, unsure of where the clarity in my voice came from when I could hardly speak a second go.  
           Mary beams with excitement and scoots all of the shots and glasses of whiskey off to one side of the table. "Let's go, Coconut. Lie on the table." She demands, wagging her finger at me.  
            My jaw drops slightly and I sort of regret my decision to agree to do this now. My eyes travel to Robert who is hiding a large smile behind his glass of whiskey that he is currently sipping on. Seeing no way out of this, I lift my shirt up and over my head and lie on the table, mildly scared it will break under my weight. From the bar, I can hear Neil laughing and he even encourages our little game. What the fuck did I just walk into?  
            "Robert, do you have a preference on who goes first?" Mary asks, dumping some whiskey on my navel.  
            I look to Robert with pleading eyes, but he just smirks and shakes his head. "He's all yours for now. I'll go after you."  _Fuck. Thank you for saving me, boyfriend of mine. I really appreciate it.  
_             "Looks like I got the boyfriend's permission. Are you ready, cowboy?" Mary inquires, standing up from her seat.  
            "No." I respond bitterly.  
            Robert snorts and I have to fight every fiber in my body not to hop down right then and there. Here's to new experiences, right? Mary lines herself up before diving down to slurp up the whiskey from my navel. Having Mary so close to me like this makes me feel a little odd on the inside. Really, doing most of the things I do with Mary make me feel weird. She goes in for another round, managing to spill a little off my side. Robert takes a napkin and mops it up for me, giving me a funny look.  
            "Your turn, Robert." Mary chirps, plopping down in her seat.  
            Robert takes a moment to wipe me clean of the excess alcohol to start with a clean slate. I lay there on the table, perfectly still, as he dumps a decent amount of whiskey into my naval. He wears flirty expression on his face, one that makes my cheeks burn again. He drives down and somehow makes the whiskey spill, but that doesn't stop him. He follows the alcohol in every direction it flows, licking along the entirety of my waistline, and all over my sides. Now this, this I am enjoying. Robert moves to pour some whiskey on the part where my chest forms a small divot, making me almost shiver. He slurps it up with ease and swallows, grinning with pride. He then leans down over me and plants a heavy kiss on my lips, making me laugh.  
            "Oh, look at what we have here. Got a couple of homosexual fuckers. Disgusting."  
            Robert abruptly pulls away and I sit up, alarmed by the person who stands five or so feet away from the table with his arms cross.  
            "Back off, buddy. Why don't you get your dick sucked or something?" Mary snaps, mindlessly handing me my shirt.  
            I slide off the table and put my shirt back on, never taking my eyes from the punk in front of us. In my time of being openly bisexual, I have not encountered many homophobes, but it's obviously never fun when one decides to show up and starts shitting on us.  
            "Shut up, bitch. I don't take orders from somebody who spends her time with a couple of fags." The man barks, squinting his eyes.  
            From the bar, I can see Neil apprehensively holding onto his phone in case he needs to call the police if this goes south. Robert's hands twitch and turn into fists and knowing his temper, he's going to lash out very soon. His temper has gotten better over the past few months, but he clearly doesn't treat homophobes with too much kindness.  
            "You better walk away, asshole," He snarls, standing up straight to add to his presence.  
            I don't know why this guy is even trying to mess with us. Robert has _'Will kill if necessary'_ written all over him. What guy in his right mind would even think about crossing Robert? Most people keep a ten foot minimum distance away from him, especially when he is angry.  
           "Or what? You ain't a real man if you've been fucking one." The man taunts, sarcastically laughing as a follow up.  
           Rule number one, you do not mess with somebody who carries knifes with them on the regular and you do not mess with somebody who is visibly stronger than you are. The guy before us is relatively my height, has an alright amount of muscle, and looks as if he hasn't showered in three weeks. Robert takes two long steps forward, putting himself right in front of the heckler. The man wavers in confidence for a slight moment, but recovers with a greasy grin.  
            "You fags belong in hell, especially your pretty little fag boyfriend and whore." He spats.  
            Rule number two, you do not direct your hateful comments to Robert's loved ones. He is a very protective man and will literally break somebody if they ever are hurtful to those he cares about. In response to the comment, Robert grabs the guy by the collar and while I can't see his eyes, I know they're burning with rage.  
            "You mind saying that again? Didn't quite hear you the first time." Robert sneers, getting all up in the guy's face.  
            Mary grabs my arm in worry, we both know where this will go.  
            "I said you fags belong in hell, especially-"  
            The man doesn't get to finish because Robert shoves him back with enough force to make him crash against the bar stools at the counter. It wasn't going to go much further than that, but then the guy regains his balance and charges at Robert, nailing him right in the jaw with his fist. Mary's nails dig into my arm and we both are forced to step back as Robert slightly tumbles. Of course, Robert isn't quite done yet. He gets his footing back and slams his fist into the guy's gut, making him lurch forward and groan. Robert then holds the guy up and delivers a pretty solid punch to the jaw at least three or four times.  
            I have to step in now or else they're going to beat each other to a pulp. I look over to Neil and he seems to be able to read my mind because he slowly nods and steps out from behind the bar. Ripping my arm free from Mary, I launch myself forward and grab slide my arms under Robert's arms and wrap them around to grab his shoulder from the front. I then hoist him off the man and Neil dives in to grab him before he can get up and attack Robert again.  
            "Robert, that's enough. Come on. Let's go." I strain as he fights against my hold.  
            "No, that fucker needs-" He fights, trying to break free.  
            Grunting, I heave Robert outside where I finally release him and he stumbles around for a second. His jaw is bleeding and he has a gash on his right eyebrow that leaks blood down the side of his face. If I don't take of that soon, he'll wind up with a scar like Craig's.  
            "Better get him home, Sailor." Mary chimes from behind me, coming out of the bar with Robert's leather jacket in hand.  
            I take the jacket from her and apologize for the mess, even though it wasn't my fault. By grabbing Robert by the wrist, I drag him back to the cul-de-sac and immediately into his house. The dogs give us a lazy look from the couch, not interested in us coming home tonight. Robert huffs and flicks on the living room lights as I go to get the first aid kit he keeps in his truck. This was not exactly how I planned to spend New Year's Eve, but I guess it definitely filled my quota for excitement. Coming back to the living room, I find Robert lazily petting Betsy on the couch with a scowl frozen on his face. I have a creeping suspicion that this was not Robert's first bar fight, but hopefully it'll be his last.  
            I sit beside him, pulling out the necessary items I need to clean his and treat his face wounds. However, I check his hand first and discover that one of his knuckles split open and the rest are just deeply bruised. Sighing, I get up again to track down a wash cloth and bring it back to my cleaning-Robert's-wounds station. After mopping up the blood on his face, I dump a little peroxide on some gauze and go for the chin first.  
            "This is going to sting." I warn, dabbing the cut.  
            Robert sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, but doesn't move a muscle. After cleaning all three of his cuts, I put antibacterial cream on all of them and pack up the kit. As I put it away and throw out the trash, I fill a ziplock with ice and wrap it in a kitchen towel. He is reluctant to accept the ice, but I force him to take it anyways by grabbing his hand and putting the ice on it myself.  
            "I'm sorry," He grumbles after a while.  
            I look at him and shake my head, disregarding the apology. "The guy was an asshole. He deserved what he got."  
            Robert frowns, but doesn't argue me on my point. Instead, he goes for a different angle. "Asshole or not, I kind of messed up the night by lashing out. I could have handled it in a less violent manner." He argues, frowning.  
            I grab the TV remote and turn the channel to the New York ball drop, smiling a little. There is still some time before the ball drops and I intend to have fun in this last hour.  
            "I personally do not think the night was ruined. It just hit a speed bump. The ball hasn't dropped yet, we can still recover." I encourage, grinning.  
            Robert pulls his eyebrows together in slight confusion. "There seems to be a lot of speed bumps between us, Cody. How are you so cheery? Are you high? Mary gave you a blunt didn't she?" He questions, bombarding me.  
            I laugh, doing my best to ignore the first comment, and adjust the ice on his hand. He winces at the shift of ice, irritated that he got hurt. "No, she didn't. I'm just thinking about you licking that whiskey off of me. That's enough to make anyone happy for at least a week." I inform, blushing a little.  
            Robert snorts, giggling helplessly. "You were so uncomfortable as Mary was doing it." He laughs.  
            I shudder at the thought, still just as uncomfortable as I was before. "Yeah, well. Let's just say I prefer my boyfriend when it comes to licking and sucking things off of me."  
            With an audible laugh, Robert relaxes into the couch and examines my face. I look at him as well, unable to hide the smile that appears on my face. "Your face is so fucked. I'm grateful he didn't damage anything important." I comment, giggling.  
            Robert rolls his eyes and gently taps his jaw. "Yeah, because this isn't important. That's gonna hurt like a bitch tomorrow morning. How am I supposed to bite you with this thing?" He complains, seriously angry.  
            "Oh no, what will the world do now? Robert Small has to take a break from biting his boyfriend." I joke, stifling a loud laugh.  
            "Oh no, I'm not going to take a break. I just said it was going to hurt. I could never stop biting you."  
            I flush red, almost as red as I did back at the bar. Robert throws his arm over my shoulder and pulls me close. I rest my head against his chest and watch all of the happy couples on the TV for a while. One couple in particular is actually in the middle of getting engaged. The man gets down on one knee, confessing his love for the girl in front of thousands of people. She instantly starts the cry and accepts his proposal, smiling wide and proud.  
            "Robert?" I mumble, looking up at him. He nods in my direction, letting me know I have his attention. "Is everything okay?" I ask in a quiet voice, frowning a little.  
            Robert goes to answer, but stops midway once he realizes what I'm really asking him. I'm asking about the distant moods, the nights where he leaves the bed in the middle of the night, the random fits of not talking to me for hours. It's been getting worse and worse as each day goes by and it's making me feel nauseous.  
            "Things are... not okay." He admits.  
            I sit up straight and carefully look him over, having not expected him to confess so easily. I knew something has been eating away at him; it would be out of the question for something to not be.  
           "What is it?" I question.  
           He shifts around uncomfortably in his place, looking at me a couple times with a blank expression. Max and Betsy start to rough house on the floor, yelping and growling playfully. I'm glad the two of them get along with each other as much as they do.  
            "It's what I told you about a few days before Christmas. I'm just not in a good mind set right now and I'm thinking pretty stupidly... It's fine." He explains, trying to down play it.  
            I frown, disagreeing with what he said. "It's not fine, Robert. You need to talk to me." I argue.  
           He shakes his head and looks down at his hands, his scarred and callused hands. "I know, I just need some time to shuffle through it all." He mutters.  
           I glance down at the dogs, unable to look at him anymore. I can understand if he doesn't want to talk about it, but this isn't that. He's shutting me out and he knows it. When the countdown for the New Year begins, I glance at Robert again and he does the same.   
 _"Ten... nine... eight..."  
_            "Are you ready for another year?" He asks me.  
           "No., I mumble.  
 _"Five... four..."  
_            I cup the side of his face and lean in closer, slowly closing the gap between us.  
 _"Three... two... one! Happy New Year!"_  
         Our lips collide together, starting the New Year off like thousands of other couples are right now. His kiss is gentle and sweet, but it's somber and for some reason... it feels like it's going to be our last one for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. From here on out, things are on a downward spiral. Brace yourselves. I apologize in advanced for what I'm going to do. (I apologize that this chapter is a few hundred words short. I've been fighting a cold and I had a pretty substantial fever when I was writing this bit. The next few will be longer!)


	25. Tell me Where to Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody finds himself at Jim and Kim's alone on a cold night. Mary joins him at some point and Cody gets himself completely wasted.

            It's not entirely often that I do this on my own, I have not really gone by myself since what happened in June and even before then, it was a rarity for me to do it. I walk alone on the sidewalk, hands shoved in my pockets and I trudge through the thick ice and snow slush that blankets the ground as it melts away. There are Christmas lights wrapped around the trees that boarder the streets and many shops still have their Christmas decorations up. Christmas may be over, but I expect the decorations and lights to stay up until mid-February if it doesn't snow more.  
            There are not many people out on the streets tonight. I suppose everyone would much rather be at home where the heaters and hot chocolate is. I would not mind being home right now, but I was growing restless and didn't really feel like being alone right now. Robert has been... absent. I don't really know how to explain it. He's been quiet and not as responsive as he was a couple of days ago. I want to ask him what's going on, but the topic is always changed before I can get anything out of him.  
            For the sake of my daughter, I have made it a point to call and text her every day since she left to go back to HIA. She appreciates the effort and I can tell that it's helping her mental state when she's able to vent to me. I don't know why she was afraid to do it earlier, it's not like I'm going to tell her not to call me if she's just going to tell me about her life problems every single time. She's a lot like Alex in terms of handling things. She's tough and can get through a lot, but she's always afraid to ask for help when she really does need it. Then there's the part of her that's a lot like me. She'll work until it's too much and suddenly she has more on her plate than she can handle.  
            Speaking of work, Mat is about ready to make me have mandatory time off. I've been working a ton of extra hours to get back some of the money I blew off for the holidays and it's probably unhealthy. I wake up, do my thing with Craig, then work two shifts and come home at closing time. So, to keep Mat stress free and chill, I am going to be a good barista and take my days off like I'm supposed too even though I have no real desire to sit at home when I could be doing something productive.  
            My head is killing me. For the past few days, as I nurse the stress I've been going through, I have had a pretty substantial headache that never seems to go away. Part of it may be caused from my lack of sleep, but no amount of melatonin will make me get a full night's rest. Amanda has noticed the slight change in my well-being. She facetimed me a couple of days ago and said I'm starting to look like Robert with my dark bags and messy bedhead hair. I didn't want to tell her what's really going on, so I just put it on work and bills.  
            Once I reach Jim and Kim's, I push past the door and am welcomed into a calming atmosphere. It smells like mint and cookies in here, a strange, yet oddly satisfying, smell for a bar in the dead of the night. I take an empty spot at the counter and Neil gives me a friendly wave, which I return with a tired half-smile.  
            "No Robert tonight?" He asks, sliding me a glass of whiskey.  
            It's funny how my preferred drink has become whiskey. I blame Robert, of course. I'm around him so much that I kind of just started liking the things he likes and I don't have much of an interest to try something else tonight. And so I take the whiskey in my hand and sip on it lightly, finding the burning sensation to be a good enough distraction for tonight.  
            "No, he's at home." I inform.  
            I look down at the polished wood bar and look at all of its dents and scratches from years of use. It feels strange to be here without Robert. Maybe I should go back home and see if he wants to watch a movie or something. _No, he told me he's busy tonight_. Sighing, I twiddle my thumbs and look aimlessly at the different kinds of alcohol on the shelves behind the counter. Some are old and some are new, all with fancy names and cool little patterns.  
           "Hey, Sailor. Fancy seeing you here."  
           Mary sits on the stool beside me, setting her glass of wine down on the table. She seems unusually calm and put together, I don't even think she's drunk. Maybe she's cutting back on the alcohol like Robert is. Why can't I stop thinking about Robert tonight? His in almost every passing thought I have...  
           "Hi, Mary." I mumble, looking down on the whiskey in my hands.  
           The woman raises an eyebrow at me and I glance at her with the same look. She looks around the area as if she's looking for something, probably Robert, and shrugs when she comes up empty. It must be strange to see me here without him. It's strange to see me without him just in general. He and I are usually inseparable, but he's been distant lately and we therefore haven't been around each other much.  
           "How are you doing?" I ask, sipping my whiskey.  
           Mary sarcastically laughs, twirling her wine glass around slowly. "Joseph and I are filing for divorce." She announces, showing me her left hand that now presents no wedding rings.  
           I'm shocked to hear the news even though their relationship was bound to end eventually. I thought it would have happened soon after my birthday, but it didn't and so I thought that they worked through their problems. Now that I'm hearing that it's really over between them, I feel both a little relieved and worried. Divorce is never an easy thing, typically. The two of them have four kids together and I'm sure there will be a custody battle over them and from my collective knowledge, those aren't necessarily easy either.  
            "Are you alright?" I question, now concerned.  
            She shrugs a little, taking a big sip of wine. "I've been better, but I feel free finally. The paperwork is going to take a while to be finalized, but we're separated. He's living on that damn yacht of his and I'm staying at the house with the kids. They didn't really care when we told them we are splitting, I guess they knew we hated each other long before we realized it." She answers honestly.  
           Mary flags Neil down for more wine and I glance around the bar as she does. There's not a lot going on in here tonight. There are few people in the booths and a pair of people doing shitty karaoke, but it's pretty much dead with those exceptions. People are probably with their families or something...  
            "Where's Robert?" Mary pries, caving into her curiosity.  
            I laugh nervously on reflex, only partially looking at her. "He's at home," I say in short.  
           She can tell that there is more to the story, but she thankfully decides to not press on it. Even if she did ask why he's at home, I don't think I would have been able to provide a good enough answer because I hardly know myself. Robert is at home because Robert is pushing me away again. Robert is at home because he never wants to talk to me unless I force it out of him or walk away.  
            Somehow, I started drinking a lot more than I wanted to tonight. I think I'm just looking for a way to pass the time or maybe numb out my thoughts, but getting drunk sucks. Now I'm trying to keep up with Mary and her high alcohol tolerance, but I'm on my seventh glass of whiskey now and I'm feeling all sorts of funny. I slump over and press my face against the bar, giggling helplessly as Mary tells me the honest story of why she hates marshmallows. I don't quite remember how we got onto this topic, but I think it stemmed from me mentioning my distaste for flan.  
            "I swear it's a normal thing to hate. They're just so squishy and they're nothing by sugar. But Christian was insisting that I eat the entire bag, so I did. I don't know why I did. I could have said no. But then I started to feel it. Right in my lower stomach." She says dramatically, laughing occasionally. "And Christian wasn't prepared, I wasn't prepared, my husband wasn't prepared, and suddenly I'm vomiting a marshmallow mess into the same bag they came out of. I will never touch another marshmallow. Never again."  
            I find myself in a fit of laughs, thinking about the incident in my head. I never knew she had such a deep hatred for something as simple as marshmallows. I bring my glass to my lips and knock back whatever is left in there, lazily dropping the empty cup in my lap. Mary raises an eyebrow at me, sensing that I am very much buzzed and probably shouldn't keep drinking if I want to be functional at some point tomorrow. Hangovers suck and I'm already trying to remember if I have Aspirin in my medicine cabinet because I know I'm going to need it thanks to my lack of self-control.  
            "I think you have reached your limit. Don't need you getting drunk." She says, taking my glass away.  
           Along with my glass, she scoots her wine just far enough away that I can't reach it from my place. I look at her, smiling like a fool for no real reason. The alcohol is settling in now... oh, I drank too much. Mary says something, but I don't pay attention because Robert falls into my mind again and I start to giggle. He's just so pretty. My boyfriend is very pretty.  
            "What are you laughing at, Coconut?" Mary asks, confused.  
            "Robert is a pretty boy," I blurt, sitting upright.  
            The woman beside me parts her lips momentarily, looking at me as if I have lost my mind. "Dear god. I have failed you. You are drunk."  
            I roll my eyes and laugh, kicking my legs like a little kid in a chair that's too high. "I'm not drunk. I'm almost drunk. It's that point between buzzed and drunk. I'm fine," I defend, clearly not fine.  
            "Uh, huh. So what was that about Robert being pretty?" She asks, looking for clarification.  
            My cheeks turn red, but I refuse to back down now. The alcohol is fueling my confidence and I think my sense of judgement went out the window three glasses ago. I'm such a lightweight. I can admit what my boyfriend is; I have no problem with that. "He is a very pretty man. Very attractive. Yes."  
            She snickers at my broken attempt to get my point across. Before I can stop myself, I slump over onto the bar again and start giggling.  
            "Hey, Cody?"  
            "Yeah?" I slur.  
            "Why is Robert at home?"  
            I pout my bottom lip a little, thinking through my drunken thoughts. "Robert is at home because Robert is acting funny. He won't tell me why though." I mumble, snatching the whiskey glass that Neil comes by with and knock it back before Mary can stop me.  
           "Jesus, kid. Cut back already, you're going to turn into Robert if you keep drinking like that." She warns. "Why don't we go figure out why Robert is being an ass, okay? Let's go, Coconut."  
            I go to protest, but she drags me out of the bar and as I stumble beside her, I start giggling again. Robert has a pretty butt too... everything about Robert is pretty. After tripping over my own feet for the third time, Mary throws my arm over her shoulder and guides me along to prevent me from hurting myself. Mary smells really good... nice perfume. I smell nice too... showers make people smell good.  
           At the cul-de-sac, I am lead to Robert's big ol' house and she pushes me up the steps of his porch even though I want to sleep on them. They look so comfy... sleep is comfy... Robert is comfy too. Pretty Robert is a good pillow. Mary knocks harshly on the door as she keeps me standing, looking at me with worry. Mary never looks at me like that. Why is Mary looking at me like that? I'm fine. Honest. I'm fine. I giggle when the door opens and nearly collapse again, but Robert's strong pretty hands stop me before I hit his floor.  
            "Fuck, what the hell?" He curses, pushing me back up against Mary.  
            "Your boyfriend is drinking his problems away. Sound familiar?" Mary snaps, guiding me into the living room.  
             She pushes me down on the couch and I giggle again, pressing my face into the cushions. This couch is squishy. I like squishy couches that smell like Bobert.  
            "He's wasted," Robert comments, frowning down at me.  
            "Yeah? And it's your fault. You're the one who has supposedly been acting funny." Mary informs.  
            Robert looks at Mary with a glare and I start giggling again, reaching out to poke my boyfriend's belly. He has a pretty belly. I like his tummy... I like it a lot. "Can we talk about this in the kitchen? I can't focus when he's poking me." Robert asks, looking between me and Mary.  
            The two of them go off to the kitchen and I stay on the pretty blue couch, yawning. My head is starting to pound now, I really over did it. Pretty Robert is going to lecture me tomorrow... Probably... But he's pretty so it's okay. From where I lay, I can hear to conversation in the kitchen. I shouldn't be listening, but I also can't help but hear it because they're not being exactly quiet. I grab one of the pillows and hug it close to my chest, giggling into the fabric of the couch.  
            "What's going on, Robert?"  
            "Several things are going on. He's being distant and working too much."  
            "Oh for fucks sake, Robert. He's being distant because you're being distant. You can't complain about him not being around when you started it."  
            "I am not being distant. I'm just going through some shit again."  
            "Robert, you push people away when you go through things. He knows something is wrong with you and knowing how you act, you probably won't talk to him about it."  
            "It's not easy to talk about this stuff, Mary"  
            "Robert, that boy out there is the best thing that has happened to you and if you push him away or break his heart, I will break you. That's a promise. Stop being so fucking dumb and open your eyes to see what's right in front of you."  
            "He shouldn't have to bear my problems. How is that even remotely fair to him? It's better if I just do this on my own."  
             "Are you even listening to me? Cody helps you get better and he does it willingly because he loves you, you ass. He knew what he was getting himself into. Don't you dare say you are better off on your own because he needs you just as much as you need him."  
             "Mary-"  
             "-I mean it, Robert. I will give you hell if you break his heart because your judgement is clouded. I know you have a hard time talking about how you feel, but you can't keep pushing the one that loves you the most away. He wants to help you."  
             "Mary, it's a lot more complicated than you think it is. I'm making an appointment with my doctor to handle my depression and shit, I'm in a bad place right now and I don't want that to rub off on him."  
            "So pushing him away is the best way to do that? You are breaking his heart. You don't get to decide what's good for him, that is up to him and him only. Trust me, he will walk away if it gets too much, but I know Cody and I know he won't ever walk away because he loves your sorry ass more than anyone has ever loved you before."  
             "Jesus, Mary. I know he loves me. I'm not blind. I just want him to be happy and I'm not sure if I'm the best person for that."  
             I'm trying to follow this conversation, but they're talking about so many things that I can't keep track of it given the current state of my mind. My head is spinning now, this is becoming too much to process. I squeeze my eyes closed in hopes to slow everything down, but it doesn't work. The conversation is still going.  
             "I can't control you, Robert. If you aren't going to listen to me, then I hope you regret your decisions because you are being the biggest fucking idiot I have met and that's saying something when I spent most of my life with _Joseph_."  
             Mary storms out of the house on that note, slamming the door behind her. I flinch at the loud sound as it makes my head throb and I whine a little, pushing my face further into the couch. Robert comes out of the kitchen looking slightly afraid and worried. He walks over to my side and looks down on me with a hand on his hip and a scowl on his face.  
            "What am I going to do with you?" He asks himself, shaking his head.  
            I meet his scowl and smile wide, making him roll his eyes. He leans down and scoops me up into his arms, holding me close to his chest as he carries me up the wooden stairs that creek every now and then. In his room, he sets me down on the mattress, struggling to back away when I latch myself onto him like a koala bear.  
           "I didn't like that conversation you had with Mary." I slur.  
           He sighs, nestling his face into the crook of my neck. "I know, I'm sorry... I'm just trying to decide what's best for you," He mumbles.  
           I wonder if he's being open with me because I won't remember any of this tomorrow. I want to remember, though. I want to talk to him about this and remember it.  
           "You're best for me. Nobody else is. Don't be a dummy," I say as seriously as I can.  
           I'm drunk, but I can still function to an extent. So, before he can escape, I pull him down completely and force him into a full body cuddle whether he wants it or not.  
          "Please just talk to me... I won't remember in the morning. Say what you need to." I beg, stroking his hair.  
          He sighs against my neck and holds my body close, not wanting to let go. "You wouldn't understand, baby... I'm just not thinking right, that's all." He says softly, kissing at my neck.  
          I crane to look at him, having a hard time seeing straight with the amount of whiskey I drank. "You're not going to leave me, are you?"  
          He doesn't respond and I'm too drunk to think straight enough to understand, so I just hold him closely and start leaving lazy kisses on his temple. I can feel his pain and the things he's going through... I just want it to stop; I want to make him feel better. But I'm drunk... and I can't see what's really happening.  
          "Just go to sleep, baby." He finally mumbles, shifting us so we lie correctly on the bed.  
          I pull myself as close as I can get and enjoy the feeling of him being on top of me. I breathe in his scent and for some reason, I feel incredibly sad. Why am I so sad? Robert is here, he's right here... He won't go anywhere, right?

_I wish I had the answers to my questions then, but I did not know what was waiting for me days in the future and there was no way to know.  
_ _The countdown starts now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you feel the tension? It's coming for yah. This is it. This is the start of the downward spiral. The next few chapters are going to be evil. I'm sorry in advanced.


	26. But if we Stay Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a small argument, Robert decides to leave to clear his head. In the time Cody has alone, he dwells on Robert and surprisingly has to take Craig to the hospital for a returning flu. Afterwards, Mary pays Cody a visit and gives him some of the answers he's been searching for.

**_Two nights before..._ **

_"Robert, please just talk to me. I can't take this anymore."  
_ _He looks up from the ground, wearing the same empty expression he's had for days now. I love him, I love him so much... but this is fucking killing me. Is it me? Am I not good enough for him to talk to in any way?  
_ _"I'm not good for you, Cody," He snaps.  
_ _I flinch at the tone, wiping fallen tear. I'm angry, I'm hurting... and it seems like he doesn't care.  
_ _"We have had this same argument over and over, Robert. You do not get to tell me what's best for me. I love you, I know you love me... But I can't take you not talking to me." I fight back, angry. "You are putting up a wall I can't break down. I need you."  
_ _He sighs, rising from the couch. This has to be the worst I have seen him. All of the times I found him drunk and crying don't even compare to this. This is so much worse. He won't let me in, he won't let me help him. He insists on doing this on his own and there's nothing I can do about it because he won't let me in.  
_ _"I warned you this would happen. That you would get hurt." He growls.  
_ _I shake my head, not putting up with it. "No, you are letting it happen, Robert. All you have to do is fucking talk to me and this, us, can get better." I plead, gesturing between the two of us.  
_ _"I need to clear my head..." He mutters.  
_ _He grabs the bag that sits on the couch and looks to the ground, defeated. Without a word, he takes the dogs and leaves the house. When the door shuts, I feel my heart sink low and break. Maybe I am crazy for putting up with him. Everybody else would have left him. Everybody else would have made him suffer on his own. But I chose to fall in love with him and this is what I signed up for... and I can't... I can't leave him._

            I wake up with another headache. They seem to be reoccurring daily now. I know it's from the tension and the stress; it's clouding my day-to-day routines. My good ol' black cloud is following me everywhere, now. I don't know how to get rid of it and Craig is noticing my anxiety acting up again. He occasionally will point out that I'm being extra jumpy and nervous about small things, but what else can I do when I'm already taking my medication and doing what I can to stay healthy? Maybe all I need is sleep... Sleep and a break from everything.  
            I don't have work today, but I really want to get out of the house and do something other than mope around. He hasn't called and he hasn't replied to my texts, he's been silent and I don't think he plans on contacting me anytime soon. I've come to terms with him leaving out of the blue like that, but the worry of not knowing where he is really starting to bother me. I'm, as of right now, not angry with him. I know I should be, I know I should be furious with him for leaving like he did and for the way he's treating me, but I don't have the energy to get to that point. Whatever it is, I know he's going through shit and with time, I can only hope he comes to me when he's ready. With a long sigh, I grab my things and shuffle out in the melting snow slush and bump right into Damien on the sidewalk.  
            "Oh, goodness. My apologies, Cody," He says apologetically.  
            "No worries. I'm fine. What are you doing out here?" I question with a smile.  
            Damien kind of laughs and as he unzips his jacket, I can see a sleeping orange kitten that he holds up from the outside. It can't be more than a month old, but it is the most adorable orange kitten that I have ever seen.  
            "Oh, a kitten!" I exclaim quietly.  
            He zips his jacket back up again, trapping the heat with the little fur baby. "Yes, Lucien asked me to get Socks a friend today. He insists the little thing needs a sibling and I wasn't going to object. Socks makes him so happy."  
           "Well go get it inside so it stays warm, but I want pictures. Lots and lots of pictures."  
            We exchange goodbyes and before I can get more than three feet down the ice covered sidewalk, Craig's front door opens and his twins stand in the door way.  
            "Dad is sick again." They say in unison.  _Or... I guess I won't go to work today.  
_             Dragging my feet through the slush, I walk up the porch steps and make sure to leave my snow boots outside to prevent getting his carpet and hardwood floors all wet. I find Craig in the bathroom finishing up with brushing his teeth, he obviously just vomited not too long ago. He looks worse than what he did the last time he was sick. He's coated in sweat, his hair has about three days' worth of bed head, and his lips are chapped. This is quite alarming.  
            "Again?" I ask, frowning.  
            He nods slowly, coughing extremely hard. "This is worse than a hangover, bro. So much worse," He announces.  
            It's strange to see Craig like this; Slouching and ill. I've been so used to seeing him in perfect condition that it's pretty much foreign to see him see him absolutely useless... _again_. In fact, this reminds me of our college days when he would come back to the dorm either piss drunk or hungover. He would puke for hours and he sweat so much that we had to change the sheets frequently. Alex always teased him for being hung over and often times when he was being an overly emotional drunk, we would let him hold Amanda and watch as he cried over the little baby in his arms that only looked up at him and provided a toothless smile. We of course kept a watchful eye when doing this, as giving a drunk person a baby isn't always the safest thing to do, but Craig was always extremely careful and he would _always_ dote over my baby. I remember one time, Alex had come over to stay the night, which broke about fifty University rules, and she saw that Craig was a crying mess in his bed because he accidentally killed a lady bug... So she gave him Amanda and suddenly he was crying about how chubby her cheeks were. It made me smile and it still does today.  
            Craig was always such a big help with Amanda. He even cut back on his partying just so he could help us. I'll never be able to thank him for what he did, there are not enough words in the dictionary to express how thankful I am that he was there.  
            "Maybe you should take a shower? Clean up. I'll go make more tea and find something to feed you that you hopefully won't vomit back up." I suggest, turning to leave.  
            River blerps with happiness, giggling as I rest her on my hip and bounce her a little in a desperate attempt to make her happy because she is very agitated today and it's most likely because she hasn't been around her dad this morning. I stir the soup the girls found me with a wooden spoon and hum something for River. It's unusual to get sick again so soon after just being sick and by the looks of it, it's a hell of a lot worse than last time, I'm going to have to-  
            I do not get to finish my thought because a loud thud catches my attention. I turn off the stove and leave the baby with Briar, turning on my heels down the hallway. Craig lies on his bedroom floor wearing only socks and sweatpants, looking dazed with a fresh coat of sweat covering his face. I kneel beside him and feel his forehead for his temperature. He's hot, way too hot for it to be a normal fever.  
            "That's it. I'm taking you to Urgent Care." I grumble.  
            After sitting him up, I get a sweater and jacket on him and drag him out to the living room so he can put on his snow shoes. I take River from the twins, knowing they won't be able to handle her if she starts crying and then I start getting her ready to go as quickly as possible. Bundling her up in a jacket, boots, and a hat, I take her out to Craig's car and strap her in the car seat, which took a lot of thinking because I could not figure out how the buckles work for the life of me. I then help Craig get down the stairs and into the passenger side of his car and laugh as he complains about how cold it is outside. Lastly, I tell the twins that we'll be back soon and to hold the fort down.  
            From my knowledge, Craig typically likes to avoid hospitals all together, but he doesn't have a choice this time and I'm not about to him one. Soon, I pull into the Urgent Care parking lot and step out of the vehicle to get River while Craig slowly starts making his way to the building. I follow closely behind, making sure to keep the baby shielded from the cold gusts of wind that rip through the air.  
            At the front desk, the woman smiles at us and instantly gives Craig goo-goo eyes. I can't say she is wrong for doing so, Craig is a relatively good looking guy even if he's sick as fuck and looks as if he hasn't slept for three years.  
            "How may I help you?" She asks us, eyes never leaving Craig.  
            "He needs to be seen. He's been sick on and off and I'm pretty sure his fever has been up past 102 for a few hours. Vomiting, sweating, coughing, lack of sleep..." I inform, knowing he'll just downplay it.  
            The woman taps on her computer, making notes. "You're in luck. The doctor will be out in just a moment. He's checking a patient out right now." She beams.  
             Rolling my eyes, I drag Craig over to a chair and lift his head up to make sure he's still... You know... alive. The normal fitness freak dad that lives inside of him is not to be seen, he just seems like a walking corpse.  
            "You don't have to stay, bro. I can handle this." He mumbles, sniffling.  
            I laugh and bounce River on my hip, making her giggle and clap her hands together. "And who is going to look after your baby? I'm happy to do it, Craig. Even the twins are worried about you. The doctor will see you and will hopefully give you medicine so you can get back on your feet. Besides, you need a ride home."  
            Just then, a nurse calls his name and he gets up to go over to her. I take his place in the chair and sit River on my lap. She snuggles up close to me, resting her head on my chest. Her little hands play with the draw string on my jacket, pulling on it every so often. I watch her slowly fall asleep, remembering when Amanda used to do this. Having nothing better to do for the time being, I pull my phone out and send my daughter a text.

> **To Amanda :   
> Hey, Panda. I'm just checking in. I'm sitting at Urgent   
> Care cause Craig is sick again. River says hello, hello in a bunch   
> of baby noises, obviously.**
> 
> **From Amanda :   
> Again? For being as active as he is, the winter sure is   
> hard on him. HIII RIIIVVVEERRRR. How's Robert? You haven't   
> spoke about him much lately.**

            I frown, unsure of what to tell her. I can't tell her how Robert is doing because he's both gone and never talks to me.

> **To Amanda :   
> He's fine. We've both been pretty busy.**

            It does not feel good to lie to her, but what can I say? Robert is not okay and I have no idea why.

> **From Amanda :   
> Oh, okay. Val says she hasn't heard from him so I just   
> thought maybe something happened. I gotta go to class.   
> Love you.**
> 
> **To Amanda :   
> I love you too, Amanda.**

            I shove my phone back into my pocket and move around in my place to sit more comfortably. If Robert hasn't called Val, then I can only assume he's going back to his old mindset. The thought of that makes me uneasy and just sitting here thinking about it makes me feel like shit. I would give anything to help him right now. But I can't help him unless he lets me, and he's making a pretty good effort to not let me.  
            Eventually, Craig comes out of where ever they took him with a small pill bottle in his hands. He shakes it lightly with a false grin on his face, making me snort.  
            "Antibiotics." He mumbles.  
            Laughing, I gently lift River up and take them both out to the car. Craig mutters some sort of thanks, but he is so close to passing out that his lips hardly move. Thankfully, it doesn't take long to back to the house and get him back into bed where he needs to be. The twins excitedly take River from me, completely in love with their baby sister, and I resume my soup making in hopes it's still salvageable. Without the baby, I can cook more efficiently and make tea while I'm at it. Careful not to spill anything, I take the two items back to the master bedroom and give them to Craig.  
            "Eat up." I tell him.  
            He sits up and takes the bowl and spoon, resting it on his lap. I set his tea down on the nightstand and check his temperature once more. It has gone down significantly since the trip to Urgent Care and hopefully his brain won't melt now.  
            "Is there anything else I can do for you?" I ask him, laughing a little.  
            He shakes his head, grinning with a tired expression. "No, bro. You have done more than enough. Go home and get some sleep, you look like hell."  
            Snorting, I leave his house and return back to mine. I subconsciously hope that when I open my door, I'll see Robert, but the hope is distinguished when I see that my house is just as empty as I left it. Flopping down on the couch, I grab my sketch book off the end table and flip to the first blank page. I don't know what I'm drawing, but anything is good if it means that I can distract myself.  
           My phone buzzes with a single text, one from a woman who hardly ever texts me. I'm at first confused, but I should reply... She'll just bombard me if I don't.

> **From Mary :   
> Mind if I come over?**
> 
> **To Mary :   
> No**

            Almost as if she was waiting outside my front door, she lets herself in a looks at me apologetically. "You look like hell," She comments.  
            I roll my eyes and close my sketch book, returning it to the end table. "So I've been told."  
           Mary kicks off her shoes and flops down on the couch beside me, eyes never leaving my face. "Why don't you play me something?" She hints, gesturing to my guitars.  
           Not up for bickering, I pick one of my acoustic guitars and rest it on my lap, leaning over to grab a pick. "Do you have a suggestion?" I ask, relaxing against the guitar.  
          Mary thinks for a moment, scanning my face and posture. It must be increasingly obvious I haven't slept much lately. "Just play me something that shows how you feel right now."  
           Is this her way of asking how I'm doing? Going with it, I select the first song that comes to mind that represents how I feel as of right now. Mess I made by Parachutes.  
 _"Should've kissed you there... I should've held your face... I should've watched those eyes... Instead of run in place... I should've called you out... I should've said your name... I should've turned around... I should've looked again"_ I sing softly, strumming along.  
            Mary watches me in awe, I don't think she has ever seen me play or let alone heard me sing. With everything else I'm feeling, I cannot bring myself to think about how much anxiety this is putting me through.  
 _"But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made... I'm staring at the mess I made... I'm staring at the mess I made... As you turn, you take your heart and walk away."_ A knot forms in my throat, one that comes from the emotions that I'm allowing myself to feel in this moment. The anger, the sadness, the confusion...  _"Should've held my ground... I could've been redeemed... For every second chance... That changed its mind on me, I should've spoken up... I should've proudly claimed... That oh my head's to blame... For all my hearts mistakes..."  
_             Mary's eyes fixate on the ground, staring intently at my clean carpet. As I sing through the chorus again, she shifts around in her place and closes her eyes to enhance her ability to listen to what I'm singing.  
 _"And it's, you... And it's, you... And it's falling down, as you walk away...and it's on me now, as you go."_  
            As I sing through the last of the song, I become lost in the music. Music is my painkiller when nothing else is working, it makes me feel better and remember what it's like to not be under so much stress. When the last chord plays out, I set my guitar back to its stand and play with the pick with my fingers. Mary opens her eyes after a while and I find worry in them, worry I'm not all too familiar with when it comes to her.  
            "This is probably a dumb question, but you love Robert, right?" She asks, sitting up straight.  
            I nod, frowning at the pick. "More than he knows."  
            Mary sighs as if she just confirmed something in her head. "I know Robert has been a royal pain in the ass lately, but he is so incredibly lucky to have you. You have no idea how much you mean to him." She starts.  
            "He has a funny way of showing it." I say with a tired eye roll, moving to set the pick on the end table beside my sketch book.  
            "I know, he's awful about it. He really does love you and care about you, that's why he's so hell bent on trying to do what's best for you. He doesn't love himself, he hates who he is. Therefore, he really doesn't see himself as good for you." She explains, giving me clarity. "I'm not sure what brought it on, maybe it was the realization that he truly is in love for the first time in years, but it's bad this time around. I haven't seen him act this way since Marilyn and it all comes back to the self-hatred."  
            Mary pauses to make sure I'm still following along. The words she's saying hits me right in the heart. I always had these assumptions about Robert, but I was never able to confirm them because he never talks to me. How am I supposed to know what's going on if I can't get him to do something as simple as telling if he got enough sleep?  
            "I have been fighting with Robert for a while now over his actions. He knows it's hurting you, but to him he thinks this kind of hurt is better than you handling his problems. He hates that he makes you go through his shit and he doesn't realize that you don't care. Robert is at a very low and fragile point right now, as I'm sure you have figured out. He's acting on impulse and he has it so engraved in his mind that he isn't good for you that I'm afraid he's going to do something irrational." She resumes, struggling to find the correct wording at times. "Whatever he does, just know he doesn't mean it. It may seem like it in the moment, but it's only because he can't see or think straight right now. I'm about ready to haul his ass to therapy if this gets any worse. You make him a better person, Cody."  
            This is the most real I have ever seen Mary. She is actually sitting her, explaining everything I have been curious about for the past month. "Whatever he does... I promise you I will kick his ass for it and make him see how much of a dick he's being. He won't mean it. He just has to get it through his thick skull that you are his and you aren't going anywhere."  
            Mary pulls me into her arms for a surprise embrace and I am too shocked to react at first. However, she doesn't pull away and I wrap my arms around her, burying my head into her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is the day shit happens. This is it. This is the last chapter before I hide because you are all going to kill me. 
> 
>  
> 
> Good news for you smut lovers, I found a better way to write it and so the next you get smut... Expect it to be better and longer (I swear there's no euphemism there)


	27. The Heart's Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Cody wakes up from a nightmare, he plows through the emotions it brought him just to have it all come crashing down when he sees that Robert has returned home.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter is very heavy with emotion. Alex is mentioned a TON for the first portion of this chapter.

              _The day I feared the most is here and I don't even know it yet. This day... this day broke me. It made me forget how to function, how to breathe and be human. It started off bad and only got worse as the day continued on. I could not believe what was happening and I hate myself for not putting up the fight I should have. There was so much more to the story than what I know, than what I was told. I always tell myself that I would rather feel rather than feel nothing at all, but I wanted to be numb today. I wanted to tear my heart out and never feel anything ever again._

            I wake up with a start, coming out of a nightmare. I dreamed of Alex, something that hardly happens anymore. In the nightmare, she was alive and well and happy... It felt so real. But something was wrong and she was trying to warn me of something, but I couldn't understand her. What's worse is I felt whatever she was trying to tell me. It was like an invisible lurking presence, cold and unwanted. Then I had to watch her die again. The exact scene played out in front of me and I couldn't do anything about because I was watching it from above and I had to watch myself cry and break when she flat lined. The emotions and torture I went through at the beginning of her loss felt reset, almost as if I had never felt them before. It was like new wounds had been carved into me and they demanded to be felt.  
            I force myself out of the confinement of my warm blankets and bed, walking into my bathroom to start a warm shower. My mind is heavy with grief and anxiety, the black cloud is raining on me today. I slowly remove my clothes, one piece at a time, and toss them into the hamper so they can be washed tomorrow. I'm sore, my muscles hurt despite the fact I did nothing to make them this way. Inside of the shower, I sink to the floor and rest my forehead on my knees that I keep close to my chest. My arms hug around my legs, trying to make myself feel as small as possible. I don't care that the shower water is too hot, I don't care that I have to be at work in a few hours. All I can think about is how real it felt in my dream; I could touch her if I wanted to.  
            Once dried off and dressed, I drag my worn out body to the cold garage and find a box labeled with Alex's name in sloppy sharpie. I dig through her old belongings until I find a stack of letters and a CD full of covers that she recorded for me just days before she died. In the living room, I put the CD into the old radio I keep for when I get I get the courage to do this and set it to play. I haven't listened to this disk for years, it always hurts when I do because I get to _hear_ her. I can close my eyes and pretend that she's sitting beside me, singing and talking to me just like she used to. I would rest my head in her lap and she would play with my hair as she sang the songs that were stuck in her head that day. Weak in the knees, I slide down to the floor and grab the oldest dated letter as the first song starts to play. Her voice is gentle and sweet and it makes my heart sink low. I miss her voice.  
 _"Honey, this song was the first song we danced to at Prom. Do you remember that? You were so nervous and kept tripping over your feet. That's the night I realized I loved you."_ She says mid song with her beautiful laugh.  
            I carefully unfold the first letter, feeling the decades of wear on the paper. There is slight water damage and heavy creases from being folded too many times, but the words are still present. I run fingers over the penciled words and remember how nervous I was writing this letter to her. It turned into a colossal mess and made almost no sense, but I was writing to the girl I loved. To the girl I will always love even if she's not here with me anymore.

 

_Addressed to Alex Matthews:_

_You said to write you a letter, so here I am. Writing you damn a letter at the bus stop as it rains because I locked myself out of my car. You are making me work hard to get you, aren't you? Well, Alex Drew Matthews, I am prepared to work EXTRA hard for you. I know your dad doesn't like me, but I'm hoping he'll start warming up to me once he sees that I'm quite literally writing you letters to express my love for you. You're worth the strain that this will eventually put on my wrist. I'm going to write you so many letters, Matthews. You don't even know what you walked yourself into. I would also like you to know that you are the only person who I am willingly writing a letter to. Nobody else is that special to me, absolutely nobody. If, by chance, you find this letter to be just as messy as I think it is, you should meet me at the coffee shop tomorrow. Janie owes me a free drink, but I'm willing to let you have it. But ONLY if you wear that jean jacket I love._

_With socially awkward regards,_

  _Cody... The boy who has a big fat crush on you and dies almost any time you look at him in math class._

  
            I set the letter aside, laughing through the tears that streak down my face. I didn't know what I was doing; I didn't know what I was writing... I just knew I had to get something to her. And as it turns out, that's the letter that started our relationship because she did show up to that coffee shop and she did wear the jean jacket. With shaking hands, I find the oldest letter, the last letter she wrote to me. She wrote it just before she died, right around the recording of the CD, and she wanted to give it to me on our anniversary that was only a week away from the date this was written, but it never made it to me. I found it two years after her death stuffed in one of her books, the one she read over and over again, and it still smelled like her perfume.

 

_To: Cody, my love_

  
_It's our anniversary, Cody! On this day, years ago, you showed up to my house in the middle of the night and kissed me for the first time ever even though my dad was threatening you with the shot gun. I will never forget how nervous you were when you stepped back. Your skin was as white as a ghost. But then I told you to take me to prom and we've been together ever since. We have been through thick and thin and even had a daughter in the process. Dad was so livid when he heard about little Amanda, remember?Somehow we survived college and are now celebrating our marriage._ _How time flies.  
_        _It's crazy to look back on all we have done together. I still see you as that dorky 16 year old boy who used to follow me around with his guitar as he sang me any song he could think of. You were head over heels for me, completely in love. But now you're my husband and not a day goes by that I don't think about how lucky I am to have a man like you.  
_ _In the years to come, I look forward to the memories we'll make. We have all of the time in the world to do whatever we want. When Amanda goes off to college, I want to travel the world and sing at coffee shops... Just like we always wanted to. There's so much I want to do with you._ _There's so much to see, so many things to experience, and there's so much love to be made.  
_ _I love you so much, Cody. Never forget that. You are my everything. I love waking up beside you and making you breakfast in the morning. I love it when you get all focused on your art and I love it when you sing me to sleep on bad nights. There is just so much that I love about_ you. _I could never express the love I feel for you through paper, but hopefully this will suffice._

_So here's to the years to come. Let's do it all, baby._

_With more love than I know what to do with,_

_Your Alex_

  
            I set the letters aside and bury my face in my hands, sobbing hard. How is it possible for old wounds to still hurt this much? All it took was one fucked up nightmare to make this all feel new again. It won't last, I'll be better by tomorrow, I know I will... but this is brutal and gut wrenching and it makes me want to crawl in my bed and never move from it again. I was in love with her since the day in math class when some guy was hitting on her and she turned around and slapped him. She never took shit from anyone, not even the sleazy ass teenage boys who loved looking up her skirt from under the bleachers at football games. Those guys always made me feel disgusting and angry, but Alex always handled them... She always knew just what to do. And as stereotypical as it is, her father was the sheriff of the town so no boy ever did any real damage to her. I was the dumb fuck who insisted on being around her any chance I could get my hands on and she always welcomed me... It made me so fucking happy.  
            Pulling myself together, I pause the CD and return her things to the box in my garage. I cannot let myself feel like this all day, I need to distract myself. Grabbing my things, I exit my house with the intentions on going for a walk, but then I see Robert's truck parked in front of his house. He's back... after leaving me clueless for days. Angry, I storm over to his house and pound on his front door. He takes more than ten minutes to answer my persistent knocking, clearly annoyed with me when he finally does.  
            "What the hell do you want?" He snaps.  
            Flinching at his tone, I shove past him and pay no mind to the dogs that try to get my attention. "Would you mind telling me why the fuck you left me with no calls or texts? Without an explanation as to why you left in the first place?" I demand, balling hands tightly into fists.  
            All of the emotions I was feeling earlier are set aside for now. What's happening right here and now is my priority and I refuse to leave this house without my answer.  
            Robert shuts the door before the dogs can get out and crosses his arms, glaring at me. "What do you want me to say, Cody? I left. I needed space to think." He responds in short.  
            What the hell is his problem? I have never seen him act this cold towards me. "Why are you being like this towards me? What on earth could you have been thinking about that would make you leave me for _four_ fucking days?" I pry, feeling my face grow hot with anger.  
            He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He's trying to think of the best way to formulate his explanation. "I was thinking about if whether or not we should be together," He finally says, looking at me dead in the eyes.  
            My heart shatters then, breaking into a million little pieces. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?" I ask, voice broken.  
            For the briefest of a second, I see sorrow and regret pass through his eyes before it's replaced with what I believe now to be false resentment. "It means that I don't want this anymore. That you and I are done. We don't communicate and clearly other people make you happier."  
            I feel as if my head has been shoved into ice cold water, numbing my skin. The things that are coming out of his mouth, the words that he's throwing at me... They don't make sense. How did we get to this point? How did I let it get to where we are now? It's my fault; it has to be my fault. I could have done something to prevent this. All I had to do was talk to him and communicate to him and I let the opportunities slip by and now there's nothing that can be done.  
            "No, that's... that's..." I attempt, choking on my words.  _This has to be fake... this... no...  
_             Robert looks down at the ground, arms dropping to his side. "You should leave, Cody. Go home." He advises, gesturing to the door.  
            "You are my home," I whisper as my voice cracks.  
            I see that same flicker of regret and sorrow in his eyes again and I wish I could see what's really going on here, but I'm blind to it. Whatever is happening, whatever it is... I could have stopped it before we got to this point. Why the fuck didn't I try figuring it our sooner?  
            "Not anymore. Please go home, Cody. I don't want you here," He snaps, voice rising.  
            His words are like knifes and they dig into my already hurting mind. I can feel my broken heart beating against my chest; I can feel it in my fingertips... I can hear it in my ears.  
            "Can you just tell me why?" I force out, swallowing past the knot in my throat.  
            Robert keeps his eyes to the ground almost as if he's afraid to look at me in fear that he'll crack if sees how much this is killing me. "Because we are not good for each other. I don't love you anymore."  
            His words sound forced and he says them through a clenched jaw. Is this really what he wants? What is happening? We were fine... we were.... We _were_...  
            "Leave, Cody. I won't say it again."  
            I feel hallow, like a robot. I want to stay here and fight for our relationship because this doesn't feel right. It feels as if it's an act, a defense mechanism. But my legs are already moving forward, exiting his house without a single word from my lips. I'm on auto pilot now, everything feels out of my control. Inside the walls of my house, I march straight towards my room and kick the door closed hard enough to leave a small dent in the wood.  
           So this is it then? This is the end of the relationship that I saw going on until forever? My heart is broken; I wish I could turn off all of my emotions and burn them. On my nightstand is the picture of Robert and me, the one he gave me on my birthday. I pick it up and hold it in my hands, letting my tears fall on the glass. We were so happy; we were fucking happy days ago... What happened?  
           Enraged, I throw the frame against the wall and watch as the glass shatters and scatters on my floor. Somehow the picture survived the throw. It lies under the glass without a single tear or scratch on it. Was I just oblivious to the fact that our relationship was doomed from the start? All those months ago in the bed of his truck, in the middle of June... Was it doomed then?  
           Tears start flowing faster now and all I want to do is forget all of this happened. This has to be a bad dream. I'm in limbo today, none of this is real... _I'm in denial_. I know I am. Robert really left me. He said he doesn't love me anymore and kicked me out. All because of why? Does this tie back to how he was acting before Christmas?  
           So many thoughts are going through my head and I wish they'd all shut up. I want silence; I want to sleep until I feel better. But how can I feel better when the person I have given myself to... when the person I love no longer loves me?   
          Numb, I find my way into my bathroom and stare at my reflection. I look like hell. My hair is a mess, my eyes are red... my lips are chapped. Maybe this is for the best, maybe my life is meant to be this way. I can live with that, right? This is tolerable, I can manage this...  _This is not what I want at all._ I close my eyes and think back to when things didn't hurt as bad, to when they were perfect and made sense.

**** _**"Cody, what are you doing?"** _   
_**I peak out from under the fort I made out of blankets and chairs, smiling with pride. "Join me, Robert," I encourage, sticking my hand out to him.** _   
_**He takes the hand I offer and climbs into the fort with me, amazed by the little area I created while he was walking the dogs. There's an electric lantern that serves as the light source and there are enough pillows and blankets to maintain comfort. It's peaceful in here, the rest of the world is shut out. Robert cracks a smile, squeezing my hand a little tighter.** _   
_**"I love you. I really do love you. This is amazingly childish and romantic at the same time." He beams. I scoot closer to him and push him down on to the makeshift the blanket bed, tracing little patterns on his torso as he looks up at me with wonder.** _   
_**"Can we do something in the future?" I ask, a smile playing on my lips. Robert nods, waiting for me to ask my question. I pull his shirt up a little to expose his tummy and start tracing the lazy patters on his bare skin now. He's so soft and warm... "Can we get married one day?"** _   
_**My boyfriend, my badass and grumpy boyfriend, actually blushes. "Sure, let's get married someday. Whatever you want, babe."** _   
_**I smile happily and lean down to kiss his soft lips that welcome mine. He sits up and cups the side of my face and runs his thumb across my cheek bone, memorizing what it feels like. I hold him close to me and gently slide my hands under his shirt again, feeling all of his muscles and perfect little imperfections that I love with my whole heart.** _   
_**"Why not just get married now? Let's go to Vegas... Elope and have a shitty ass honeymoon at the casino," Robert laughs, tangling his hand in my hair. He pulls me into his lap and kisses me harder, yet slower than before.** _   
_**"Our daughters would kill us. We'd have to get married again just so they can get their fix of gay wedding planning," I explain, giggling.** _   
_**Robert hums softly, sliding a hand down from my thigh to the bend of my knee. I leave a trail of kisses from his chin to his neck and graze his skin because I know he loves it when I mark him up for everyone to see.** _   
_**"I think it would be worth it if it meant I could have you all to myself until I'm old and gross." He continues, sighing when I suck on the sensitive part of his neck.** _   
_**I draw away to look at him, lost in his eyes. "You'll have me even when you're old and gross because I'll always love you for who you are."** _   
_**He rolls his eyes and lays me out flat on the floor so he can hover above me comfortably. "You're so cliché. I love that about you... I love you... I love you... Did I mention that I love you?" He says in between kisses.** _   
_**I laugh and kiss him back with twice the enthusiasm. "I love you too, baby... You don't even know the half of it."** _

            We were so happy... and that was only two weeks ago. **Two weeks.** How did things end up where they are now? Distraught, I clasp a hand over my mouth and sink to the floor as I start to sob again. I don't understand... He was mine... He was all mine... And now he's just gone? _I can't...  
_              " _Fuck_..." I curse, bringing my hands to my hair.  
             All good things must come to an end... Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that. I'm so sorry for any emotional distress this may have caused any of you. This chapter was very difficult to write because I love Robert and Cody is my Dadsona, but it had to be done.
> 
> The next chapter will be uploaded a little later than usual tomorrow because something happened to it and I have to go back and fix it before uploading.


	28. Finding my Footing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the painful breakup, Cody has troubles getting back on track and with Mary by his side, things are a little easier.
> 
> WARNING: It is clear that Cody has been dealing with a form depression and... you know... heartbreak because the love of his life left him.

_Three weeks._

I feel weightless. Like a leaf drifting on still water.

Sleep doesn’t come easy anymore… I took the last of my anxiety medication two days ago and forgot to refill the prescription.

My eyes drift over to the rain fall that falls outside. It's somewhere in early February, I think. Before Valentine's Day... The clouds cover the sky, preventing the sun from shining through. It’s peaceful although dark and grim. It puts my clouded mind at ease.

Mary won't talk about him; I think she's angry with him.

Actually, I know she's angry with him.

            She came to my house about two days after it happened. I didn't want to get out of bed to answer the door, so she let herself in and found the mess I had let myself become. She was furious, demanding to know what happened. And when I told her, she left without a word and came back an hour later with tears in her eyes. I don't know why she was crying and she wouldn't tell me, but she swore to me that things were going to be okay, that she’s going to look after me until I’m back to normal. It was really out of character to see Mary this kind to me; usually she makes it her goal to put me at the butt of every joke she can think of making.

She promised me it would be okay... and I'm doing everything I can to trust her on that.

But it's getting harder to do that with time.

I feel stupid for feeling this way. Shouldn't I be feeling better by now? We were together for six or so months... our relationship was a year in the making... and it... No. Stop.

I haven't seen him or heard from him since he left me. Part of me wonders if he's okay, if he's doing any better... then the other part of me is so buried in confusion that it overclouds my thoughts and actions.

            I don't cry as much anymore. The first week and a half was the worst of it. I let it get to me. I would not get out of bed... I didn't get up to shower... I hardly even remembered to feed myself. I wish I didn't let myself get that low, but after having that dream about Alex and then having Robert leave me like that, I did not know what else to do. I felt worthless and alone and out of control of my emotions. I couldn't and I still can't understand why he broke up with me. Mary thought he'd do something irrational, but neither of us thought he'd go as far as breaking up with me seriously. And so I sit here in the aftermath trying to understand what I did wrong.  
            I hate myself for continuing to love him. I do not think I could ever stop loving him. And that must make me clinical because of the things he has put me through. He is stupidly attractive, funny, intelligent, and he may have been broken, but he was mine.

He  _was_ mine.

I need to stop. I need to get over this. He's gone, he's no longer mine. There's no use in feeling like this anymore.

But I know I can't stop it when I still so in love with that stupid grin of his, the way he smelled fresh out of the shower, and his brown eyes that could so easily hold mine… _Stop_.

"Are you in there, Coconut?"

            My eyes snap to Mary who has taken a seat beside me on the couch. When did she get here? She seems more put together today, more so than usual. Her hair is pulled back into a pony tail, she wears jeans and a simple T-shirt... she seems happier. Mary, in her own way, is a very beautiful woman and has recently showed me a side of her I didn’t think I would ever get to see.  
            “Mat put all of your favorites in here. There's also banana bread mixed in somewhere." She informs, gesturing to the muffin basket that sits on my coffee table.  
            I nod, unable to formulate words quite yet. I appreciate Mary... she's been an incredible friend to me. I don't know how she's been able to tolerate me for this long. I can hardly tolerate myself at this point.  
            "You've been crying today." She muses, noting the redness of my eyes.  
            I shrug and take a muffin, knowing she'll just lecture me if I don't eat. Mary extends her hand to attempt to flatten my bedhead, but the hair just springs back up anyways.  
            "I was thinking we could go around town today. The kids need a couple of things and I need to get you out of this house for a while." Mary chirps up, grabbing my car keys from the end table.  
             Silently, I go back to my room and change my sweatpants for a pair of jeans. I only ever wear jeans for work right now; I find sweatpants to be the perfect comfort pants as any normal human being should. My room has turned into something of a mess. My bed hasn't been made for weeks, clothes are littered around waiting to be washed, and there's a growing collection of cups on my nightstand that will continue to live there until I get the motivation to clean house. I don't bother to fix my hair before I come back to the living room, it's not like I have anyone to impress anymore.  
            "Where are we going first?" I ask, bending down to put on the oldest pair of Converse I own.  
            My voice sounds hoarse and dry, probably from the sobbing I allow myself to do when I can’t sleep at night. _I should wash the pillow sheets again… they still smell like him._ Mary laughs at me, leaving my house to climb into the driver's side of my car. "It speaks!" She teases.  
            I roll my eyes and get into the passenger's side of my vehicle, subconsciously looking over at Robert's house. He's home, I think... judging by the truck that sits in his driveway. I shake my head and buckle my seat belt, looking down at my lap. I have to stop wishing he'll come out of that damn house and take me back, I have to stop believing that this was all some act of trying to protect me. The things he said to me that night, he meant them... What's a better explanation?  
            I focus in on the drive into town, watching the blur of the trees as they go by. Mary doesn't talk much on the way to whatever store she needs to visit first. She turns the radio on quietly, setting it to the classic rock station to play into my tastes. I try to tune into the music in hopes I can distract myself, but it fails. My mind is too clouded, things are still moving in slow motion it seems. I could stare at the clock for what feels like three hours when only five real minutes has passed.  
            When we arrive in the main parking lot of the shopping center, I unbuckle my seat belt and wait for Mary outside of my car with my hands buried in my pockets. There are a few people buzzing around, some with kids and some without. There are couples and there are singles. Men and woman... elderly and young... and they're all here to do the most mundane task of shopping for groceries. I should do some of my own shopping at some point. My cabinets are mostly empty with the exception of a one box of half-eaten cereal and my fridge might have one bottle of water and maybe a stick of string cheese. Another day, a task for another day.  
            Mary takes me by the arm and drags me into the store, grabbing a cart to load her needed groceries. I follow around mindlessly, occasionally telling her if an avocado is ripe or which steak sauce is better. I know she's just looking to engage with me verbally, she doesn't like how mute I have become. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she’s willingly looking after me. Hell, the woman brings me home cooked meals because she knows I don’t have either the ingredients to make something or the required motivation to do something like that. I’m grateful.  
            Mary pushes the cart along, briefly pausing by the wine section of the store. She stares at it for a long time, contemplating if she should grab a bottle. Then, much to my surprise, she continues on without another glance.  
            "You aren't going to grab anything?" I ask, genuinely curious.  
            Mary shrugs, a smile playing at the corner of her lips. “No. I'm a changed woman, Coconut. The kids may drive me absolutely insane, but they're my kids and I need to make a good standing with the court.”  
            I'm astounded; Mary is cutting back on the alcohol for her kids. That's... that's huge. "Wow, that's really great, Mary," I reply with encouragement, a smile creeping on my lips for a brief moment.  
            She laughs a little, pushing the cart to the breakfast aisle. "Joseph wants the kids, but so do I. I think it's time that I start acting like their mother. I started to resent them because of what happened between Robert and Joseph..."  
            Mary trails off when she seems me flinch at the mention of Robert. She frowns, lightly touching my shoulder. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking about what I was saying."  
            I take in a deep breath and look at her with a half-smile. "It's alright. I should be over it by now." I say quietly, averting my eyes to the ground.  
            Mary stops in her tracks and grabs my arm, looking at me in the eyes. "No, you shouldn't be. You love him.-"  
            "-Mary-"  
            "-No, listen. You love him, Cody. You can't act like you don't. You guys had that relationship burning for over a year and, despite the problems, you made each other so happy. He just... Look, I won't defend what he did because it was honestly the worst thing he could have done, but don't try and pretend like you don't have feelings for him because I know you do. Give yourself time to mend." She says sternly.  
            I frown and start fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. "I just wish I knew how he is doing… if he’s doing better."  
           Mary does not respond, not that I expected her to. All she is able to do is give me a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and keep walking, grabbing the next things on her list. I follow in silence, mauling over what she said. Of course I can't deny that I have feelings for him, but what am I supposed to do with them if he doesn't want me? I think I would be able to get over this if he would just talk to me, but I don't think he's willing to do that. It hurts knowing that I lost him, but it hurts even worse knowing that I lost him as a friend too.  
            Defeated and exhausted, Mary finishes her shopping and we go to the first available checkout lane. The woman attempts to make small talk with me, but I'm too far out of it to give her the proper attention. Half the people in this store must think I'm dealing with a hangover; I certainly look the part. I just want to sleep, that's all I want to do. I want to sleep until I can wake up and not feel like this anymore.  
            Like everything else today, I don't pay much attention on the way back to the cul-de-sac. For the most part, I simply zoned out to give my mind a needed break. I help Mary load her groceries into the house and wave a half-assed wave to the kids, who give me the strangest empty stare in return. When the last bag is brought into the house, Mary stops me from leaving by grabbing my bicep.  
            "I'll come by later to make sure you eat dinner. For now, shave that damn face of yours and do something productive to keep yourself busy." She demands, gesturing to the growing fuzz on my face.  
            I force out a fake chuckle and turn on my heel to walk back to my house. The emptiness is unbearably noticeable again. The fish tank still thrives with algae… Fish… I need to get fish. As I drag my feet, I find my way back to my bedroom and slip into my bathroom. My appearance makes me flinch in the mirror. I don’t remember looking this bad when I left earlier today. It has to be the lack of sleep making me look like a hungover zombie on speed. Cursing under my breath, I pull out my shaving cream and razor from my medicine cabinet.  
            When baby faced once more, I collapse onto my bed and bury my face into my pillows. His scent still lingers here even though I have washed the sheets and pillow cases. Not to mention, his clothes are still here and I don’t know when to give them back or even if he wants them back. Am I over thinking things? Is this all so simple and I’m letting myself be this way?  
            The facts are as follows… I love him, he said he does not love me. There was something weighing him down and it eventually caused him to break up with me. I don’t know what it was or why he didn’t just try talking to me and I suppose I will never know because as it seems right now, he doesn’t have any intentions of talking to me ever again. I’m being over dramatic… that’s all it is. I’m a drama queen, wallowing in my own depression and as a grown adult, I should be over this. Cursing yet again, I push myself further into my bed and allow my eyes to drift closed. Sleep… all I need is sleep.

**_I ease myself on the tailgate of his truck, looking at the accumulated pile of wood shavings. He sits beside me, whittling like he always does. I will never grow tired of watching him do this. I may have teased him a little for having such a hobby, but I can’t say that I have not developed a soft spot for it. His big hands have to move so intricately and with his years of practice, he is extremely good and I love seeing what he comes up with._   _A_** **_cold gust of wind blows past us and I give a full body shiver. I hug myself in hopes of clinging onto the last of my body heat… I suppose a simple zip up hoodie wasn’t the smartest thing to bring up here tonight. Robert notices my attempts the stay warm and pauses his carving to look at me with a smirk.  
_ ** **_“Cold?” He questions, lightly bumping his shoulder against mine.  
_ ** **_I nod as my jaw starts to chatter a bit. Robert laughs and shrugs out of his leather jacket, setting it over my shoulders. I look over at him with slightly parted lips and wide eyes. He has never given me his jacket.  
_ ** **_“Oh, Robert… Y-You didn’t have to.” I stammer, sliding my arms into the big sleeves.  
_ ** **_He leans over to give me a warm kiss on the lips, smiling into to it as he does. “It’s fine, Cocoapuffs. I have always wanted to see you wear it anyways. It’s hot,” He explains against my mouth, still kissing me as he talks.  
_ ** **_I laugh and playfully push him back and hug the jacket close. It’s warm and it smells so much like him that I think I might die from the euphoria it brings me. There’s the faintest smell of whiskey and cigarettes, but those scents have since been replaced by his cologne and body wash.  
_ ** **_Robert catches me smelling the jacket and I blush deeply as he grins at me. Laughing to downplay my embarrassment, I throw my arms around him and pull him down on the bed of the truck. He grunts and pushes himself up on one arm, looking down on me as I smile up at him.  
_ ** **_“You are such a dork,” He comments, pushing my hair from my forehead.  
_ ** **_"Ah, but you see, Small… I am your dork and there is nothing you can do about it,” I retaliate.  
_ ** **_He giggles lightly, sitting back up on the tailgate. I follow his lead and look up the stairs, unprepared when he pulls me on his lap. His arm securely plants around my back to hold me sitting up and I bury myself into his jacket again, covering half of my face in it as I peer over at his eyes.  
_ ** **_“Yes, you are mine. Now why would you cover your face when I wanna kiss you?” He questions, pointing to the jacket that hides me away from him.  
_ ** **_I smile even though he can’t see it and laugh into the leather. “Because you smell good and my face is cold,” I reply simply.  
_ ** **_Robert rolls his eyes, trying to appear unamused by my addiction to his scent. “Well I can assure you that if you uncover, I can find a good way to keep that pretty face of yours warm, Cody.” He assures, tapping his lips.  
_ ** **_I pull the jacket down to expose my lips and suddenly he’s crashing against me. I slip my hand around his neck and into his hear, pulling him closer to me. He presses his tongue into my mouth and I can taste the sweetness of the candy he and I munched on earlier.  
_ ** **_“Cody?”  
_ ** **_I draw away, lips wet and breaths quickened. His eyes hold mine effortlessly, holding me like a moth in a light._ ** **_“I’m the luckiest man to have someone like you by my side.” He says honestly, unable to control his smile.  
_ ** **_My cheeks turn pink with heat. He always catches me by surprise when he wants to be emotional and it always makes my heart pound because he’s being real with me… he’s being himself with me.  
_ ** **_“And I’m lucky you smell so damn good because I’m never giving you this jacket back.” I joke, laughing as I retreat like a turtle into the leather again.  
_ ** ****_He giggles helplessly, hugging me closer to his chest. “My dork…” He muses, kissing the top of my head._

            At two o'clock in the morning, several knocks on my front door draw me out of my sleep. That dream… it was not a dream… it was a damn memory and now my heart aches. As fresh tears fall from my face, I throw my blanket off and prepare myself to harm whoever woke me up. This was the first real sleep I have gotten in weeks and while I dreamt about _him_ , it was still nice to feel at peace again. After throwing on a shirt, I shuffle out to the living room and unlock my deadbolt, rubbing my eyes to fight off the sleepy haze. Mary was already here to bring me dinner and eat with me. If she’s here again…  
            "Mary, I swear to god if-" I attempt as I open the door.  
            My words fall abruptly short as I realize that it is not Mary on my doorstep.  I blink a few times to make sure I'm not imagining this, to make sure that I’m actually awake. He's really standing there... right in front of me...  
            "Hey, Cocoapuffs." He says with a weak smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH. I'm sorry it took so long to get today's chapter up. Something happened when I saved it originally and I had to rewrite it. 
> 
> Things are going to happen in the next chapter and I will not specify if those things are going to be bad or good. You'll just have to read to find out ;)
> 
> SPRING IS ALMOST HERE! Chapter 30 will be the last of winter. (However, there will be a bonus chapter that will be short and to the point, but I think you guys will like it)


	29. Rest Easy, I'm by Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Cody have a long talk, one that needed to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: My heart goes out to anyone who has been affected by the events that took place in Vegas. I personally do not live there, but I know people and family that do and if you are suffering, please know you are not alone. If anyone can, please find ways to help out such as giving blood. Anything helps. - Jade <3

            My lips stay parted, the words are trapped in my mouth. He's actually standing in front of my right now, in the middle of the night... just like he used to. He wears that damn leather jacket, he looks as if he has not slept in a year, his hair is messy from bedhead...  
            "R-Robert what are you... What?" I attempt, struggling for words.  
            I frantically wipe the tears from my face, looking to appear more put together. There is remorse written all over his face, a clear and obvious sign of regret. Can he see how big of a mess I have been without him? Is the lack of sleep and depression written all over my face for him to see? Though, despite the remorse, he's looking at me as if this is the first time he's seeing me. It makes me feel like we're meeting at the bar for the first time... Before all that has happened.  
           "I screwed up, Cody. I'm here to explain... if you'll let me," He clarifies, pulling his hands from the pockets of his worn jeans.  
           I freeze for a moment, unsure of what to think or say. What would a normal person do? No, I cannot ask that... I stopped being 'normal' when I rejected him for sex the night we met. Anyone else would have said yes because Robert is extremely good looking and oh so mysterious... _Let him in, you dumbass_. Stiffly, I move aside to let him in to my home and as he passes, I get a waft of his cologne and my heart falters in response. I missed that scent.  
           Robert sits down on my couch awkwardly, keeping his back oddly straight. I take my place beside him, keeping an ample amount of space between us even though I want there to be none. He fidgets with the hem of his shirt for a while as he thinks of a good place to start. I want to be mad at him, I want to scream and yell and show him what he has put me through... But nothing comes out of my mouth and I remain silent.  
            "I'm not going to beat around the bush, Cody. Breaking up with you has been one of the worst decisions of my life. And that's saying something because I have made a lot of mistakes. I didn't even want to do it, I was just so clouded by my fucked up way of thinking that I didn't care what it would do to you as long as you were away from me," He explains, ripping the band aid off.  
            I swallow past the knot in my throat, trying to fight off my tears. Having him in the darkness of my living room again is giving me more emotions than I know what to do with. I have already been suffering as it is, but this... this takes it all away and I'm feeling other things now... both old and new.  
           "I was just so hell bent on making sure you were going to be okay. I didn't realize ending our relationship would be the worst thing I could do to you. Mary came over as soon as you told her what happened and she gave me hell. She slapped me pretty hard too. She talked some sense into me and I had a lot of thinking to do, then the reality of what I did sunk in. Then Val called and she yelled at me for being an idiot, I don't even know how she found out." He continues, looking over at my pained expression. "For a while I was swimming in self-hatred. I couldn't understand why you, a fucking beautiful person like you, would want to be with something as pathetic as I am. I was so confused by it that I thought it would be better if you weren't with me anymore because I felt I was just damaging you." He chokes out, clearing his throat.  
          I want to touch him, but my hand goes no further than halfway between us. Robert looks down at my hand and sighs, placing his soft, yet rough, hand over mine. The gesture sends butterflies in my stomach and I almost whimper at the feeling. He's my other half and I wish he could see that...  
          "And when I see you with people who are actually normal, I can't help but feel like they would be a better fit for you because they can treat you better... especially Craig. He's everything I'm not and..." He babbles, trailing short.   
          I turn my hand over to squeeze his and he lets out a sound that resembles relief, returning the squeeze by scooting a little close to me. Has he missed me as much as I have missed him?  
          "And when I found out you didn't tell Amanda about us, I got it in my head that maybe you didn't want to because we weren't anything permanent. It freaked me out because I'm so used to be used by people. I used to have one night stands left and right because I thought it was better than getting attached to someone who was just going to leave me anyways, then I ran into you at the bar. And oh, lord. I was going to do it too you too, then you told me no and I actually felt like there could be a chance for something more. I already knew you found me attractive, that was enough for me to keep my footing. And you were so damn cute with your awkwardness... " He says, recalling everything from the beginning.  
            Our eyes meet in the darkness and a single tear slips down my cheek, creating a silent wet trail. I don't mean to cry, but this is all I have wanted for so long. He is finally talking to me, finally telling me everything I need to know.  
            "I have so much regret from what I did. I can't tell you or express how sorry I am for being the insufferable dick that I am. You deserve so much better and I'm sitting here apologizing in hopes that it'll be enough. I love you, so much, and if you don't hate me and if you still love me, I'd really like to take you back to my place so you can see the dogs... And I kinda wanna go to sleep with you tonight. Basically, I'm wondering if you'll take me back? I'll understand if you don't, though. I've put you through enough... you have every reason to be mad at me and hate me."  
          My heart pounds against my chest and my bottom lip trembles with emotion. He... He still loves me? Mary was right... He didn't mean it. He didn't mean any of it. Anyone in their right mind would tell him no right now, they would be furious for all of the pain they went through because he did not have the confidence in himself. He put me through so much and I know I should tell him to leave and never come back, but I find myself staring at him now and the words are already leaving my mouth. I can't be mad at him... I just can't.  
            "Take me home, Robert," I mumble, a smile playing at my lips.  
            He grins, amazed that I am willingly taking him back. "You truly are insane."   
            I lean forward and capture the lips that belong to the man I love. He hums softly, clasping his hands around me desperately. He's here... he's really here.  
            Robert allows me to put on my shoes and grab my things before taking me to his house. The dogs bark and excitedly paw at me, happy to finally see me after being gone for the time I was. Max has gotten bigger, she's a little larger than Betsy now. I stroke their fur and gently stand up when my thighs can no longer take the squatting. Robert stands by the staircase, watching me with so much awe and wonder. After weeks of being an emotional wreck and hardly taking care of myself, I can't believe I have him back again. This feels like a dream. If willingly taking him back after what he did makes me crazy, then I will gladly own my title and flaunt it every chance I get.  
            "I love you, Robert," I blurt. Robert pulls his eyebrows together and opens his mouth to speak, but I silence him with a wave of my hand. I'm finding my footing again; I'm finally regaining my functionality.  
            "Since Alex, you are the only person I have told that I love them. It has been years, but I safeguard those words until I'm absolutely sure of myself and I am with you. Our relationship is not perfect, no relationship is. You have your problems and while you fix them, I am going to stay by your side. I can't fix you, you have to do that on your own, but I can support, help, and hold your hand. I have no reason to fall for somebody else because the person I love is standing right in front of me. You're emotional, an alcoholic, are the world's greatest bullshitter, and you should probably consider professional help, but I love you and only you." I explain, wiping fresh fallen tears from my face.  
            He's trying so hard not to let all of his emotions out in this moment, I can see it in the way he has his jaw clenched and eyes focused. His eyes are pooling with the tears he refuses to let go and his hands are clenched firmly onto his thighs. He is beating himself up for what he did, he hates him himself for it. I take two long strides forward and pry his hands from his thighs and place them on my waist instead.  
            "Just let it out," I whisper, cupping the side of his face. I pull him into my arms, crushing his body against mine. I missed this, I missed him, I missed... _everything_.  
            "I've been a fucking idiot... I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," he sobs, voice cracking multiple times.  
            "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," I reassure, pulling him closer.  
            He hugs me so close that it's almost a little hard to breathe, but I don't care. I don't care about anything but him. "God... I don't deserve you. I just put you through hell. Mary kept giving me damn daily updates and I felt and feel shitty that you were like that because of me," He complains.  
            I rub his back and place my other on the back of his head, trying to deliver as much comfort as I can. "Just promise me you'll never leave me again, okay?" I whisper, kissing the top of his head.  
            "I promise. I'm yours. I'm yours until I die. I'm so tempted to propose. God, Cody. You're making consider marriage again... I never want to lose you again," He says with broken laughter.  
            I laugh along with him and I realize this is the first time I have laughed in weeks. We stand like this for a long time as the next half hour rolls by on the clock. Soon enough, Robert is composed and my shirt is soaked with his tears. I lean in to kiss him, letting my lips mold together with his. It feels so good to do this again, I missed having his lips against mine and his body so close.  
           "I don't deserve to be forgiven so easily, but thank you for being crazy enough to put up with me," He mutters, stepping back a bit.  
           I sheepishly smile and cup either side of his face, bumping my nose with his. "You're going to have to learn to accept that I am yours. You are the only person I want and you are everything I want. Yes, I'm pissed that you left me and I'm really hurt by it, but I'm moving on from it because our future seems to be brighter," I confide, leaving small kisses on his forehead.  
            He engulfs me in his arms again, holding me as close as he can without breaking my bones. "I don't say it as much as I should because I've been scared to, but I do love you. I love you so much," He confesses  
            "I love you too, Robert. Let's go upstairs... I just want to be with you," I suggest, missing him even though he's standing right here.  
            Robert nods and leads upstairs with my hand in his. Through it all, I can't believe that he's mine again. The heartbreak was excruciating, but that's over now because he's back where he belongs; he belongs with me. In his bedroom, Robert grabs me by the waist and brings my lips to his, hungrily kissing me to make up for the weeks of nothing. I kiss him back with the same enthusiasm, but suddenly stop and pull away. Robert looks at me with confusion and worry, no doubt thinking that I may have changed my mind about taking him back.  
            "This is going to sound really stupid, but I haven't showered in a few days and I would really appreciate it if you let me shower. I just need to be clean before you take me to bed," I announce, feeling extremely awkward.  
            Robert chuckles low and dry, stepping back to gesture openly to his bathroom. I bolt off with thanks and turn on the light, reaching into the depths of the glass shower doors to start the warm water. The door is not completely closed, but I have no desire to close it because while this may sound insanely cliché, I am tired of having closed doors between us. I shed my clothes and get into under the warmth of the shower. I stand still for a moment, letting the water pour on my chest. I allow my eyes to close as I think about everything that has happened tonight. With my eyes closed and my mind wandering, I fail to notice Robert coming into the bathroom and shedding his clothes to join me. He cheekily grabs my ass, squeezing at the skin. I jump a little at the contact, shocked and a bit scared by the sudden addition to my shower.  
            "I might just have to thank Craig for all of the work he makes you do," He jokes, giggling in my ear.  
            I flush seven shades of red and lean against his chest. He wraps his arms securely around my waist, plating his palms against my skin. He, all things considered when it comes to Robert and sex with Robert, is being gentle with me tonight. Maybe it's because he doesn't want to push me into doing something I do not want to do. We did just get back together... but I'm not about to lie and say that while I have missed him in every aspect ever, I have not also missed him sexually.  
            My fingertips brush against his thigh, drawing lazy and uncoordinated patterns as I relax. I let my head droop the side a bit, relaxing in the warmth of the water and the comfort of my boyfriend. I did not notice it at first, but he at some point grabbed the body wash and started rubbing it onto my skin. I smile a little, lost in happiness. He slides his hands around my waist once more, fingers dancing on my skin as he does. With my neck exposed to him, he begins to kiss me and he playfully bites down every so often. I sigh and dig my fingers into his thighs ever so slightly. He knows neck kissing gets to me and it gets to me fast. He sucks on the crook of my neck, leaving behind one or two love bites. I sigh out his name, pressing my body closer to him. He's making me hungry for him and he knows it.  
            "How's your shoulder?" He asks, lightly placing his hand on it.  
 _My shoulder._ That's something I haven't thought about for a while. My muscles still need a little work, but it appears to be okay. "Still hurts from time to time, but usable," I reply, pressing my lower back against him.  
            He growls low and quietly, reciprocating my push with his own grind. I should have known him joining me would take this route and we honestly have not had sex for so long that I do not care. I lift my arm and tangle it into his hair through the back, letting my head fall and rest on his shoulder. Craving the taste of him, I kiss the only spot on his jaw I can reach until he moves his lips to mine and moans my name into my mouth. I lightly ball his hair into my hand and use the leverage to pull him closer, needing his body. I am hungry.  
            "Fuck, babe..." He pants, breaking free of the death grip I had on him.  
            I actually chuckle and relax against him again, purposely moving my hips in a way that rubs up against him. He's getting hard; I can feel against my lower back no matter how many times he moves to reposition himself. I want him; my palms are tingling with the craving. I find his hand and drag it to my waiting dick, folding it around me. He growls again, and slowly begins to pump me. I moan, loud and clear, no longer caring about keeping quiet for the sake of my own pride.  
            "I make you so aroused... And so fast. No wonder you love me," He mumbles, kissing my neck.  
            I gasp when he rolls his thumb over my tip over and over, making me squirm. "That's... not the only reason why," I pant, gripping his thighs now.  
            He teasingly stops his hand and nibbles on my ear lobe, laughing quietly as he does. "If we dry off now, I will gladly make love to you on my bed," He muses into my ear, gripping my waist.  
            Eagerly, I shut off the shower and grab one of the towels from the rack. He laughs at my enthusiasm and grabs a towel for himself as I look back on him with a stupid grin on my face. As I dry myself off, I can feel his eyes on me and it sets my skin on fire. Then, in just a matter of moments, he is attacking my lips and pushing me back to his bed until my legs meet the mattress and I am crashing down. He aggressively pulls the towel away and feels my body with his hands, digging his thumbs hard enough against my hips to make me bruise. It's almost stupid how much I have missed the feeling of his hands on my body.  
            "You want me to make you feel good, don't you?" Robert asks in a rough and low voice, grazing his teeth on my jaw.  
            I grasp at his back and slide one of my hands down to his ass, gripping at his curves. "Yes," I answer.  
            My heart is hammering against my chest, threatening to break out if he touches me where I need him to the most. He reaches over into this night stand and pulls out the lube and a condom, smiling devilishly. I really did not think we'd be having sex tonight as we were so broken up earlier, and maybe we still are a little, but I cannot think about that right now. I can only think about him and being here with him.  
            Robert bends my legs and spreads them out as far as they can go to give him more than enough space to do whatever he wants with me. He lubes up his fingers and gently teases my entrance, biting his bottom lip as he does. I reach forward and grab his shoulder, pulling him down on me so I can kiss him. He groans and slides his fingers inside, prepping me for what's in between his legs. I ride on his fingers, thrusting myself onto him over and over to please my desires.  
            I'm impatient and loud tonight. Robert laughs at my active sounds of encouragement and pleasure and swallows my next moan into a warm kiss. He pulls his fingers away slowly and slides the condom on, using a little more lube to make it slick and wet. He carefully throws one of my legs over his shoulder and holds me in his gaze, making my cheeks turn pink. He smiles at me almost and I blush again, all before he's pressing inside of me and I'm moaning his name.  
            "Come on, baby. Let them know whose making you feel good," Robert urges, thrusting into me.  
            In the position he holds me in, I can feel so much more of him and it makes my hands twitch from the pleasures he's making me feel. His hand latches onto my dick and starts jacking me off all while he's giving me the kisses on a life time. I'm weightless again, lost in sexual pleasure. One of these times I'm going to switch it up on him and make him feel good for once, I know he would like it... it's been so long since he let me fuck him.  
            "Fuck, Robert... ah..." I fumble, moving my hips along with him.  
            He's moving faster now, breaking away from the slow paced anticipation building he was moving in. I hold onto him as he suddenly releases inside of me, taking us both by surprise. While heavily panting, he pulls himself out and tosses the condom out, giving me a seductive look as he does so. His hand stops pumping me and he slide himself down far enough to slip my dick into his mouth. He takes all of me with ease, sucking me as he does so. It does not take long before I'm unloading in his mouth and despite the fact I have already climaxed, he keeps working his tongue on me. I dig my fingers into his back and groan, flexing my muscles against the sensitivity.  
            Eventually he draws away and pulls himself back up to my lips where he kisses me passionately. I can taste myself and I feel dirty just thinking about it, but I don't care, I do not care...  
            There's a certain feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you're with somebody you know you're going to spend forever with. At first you think of it as butterflies or maybe you think it's your stomach flipping with nerves, but it's both things combined. I look at him and my entire body feels lighter, my mind goes to ease.  
            And that's when you know you love somebody.  
            You crave them, you want to help them through their struggles, you are willing to bend over backwards if it means it will get them through a bad day, you wipe away their tears, you share kisses that send fireworks throughout your entire body, you stay with them through the bad and the ugly and the arguments...  
            I'm an artist. Everything I'm going to say or think is going to come out cliché and maybe a little dramatic.  
            But I mean it. I mean it all. Because it's him. It's always been him. Ever since I showed up at Jim and Kim's for the first time and told him I like his damn face. He's the one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop. Long chapter. Guys, I promise the next chapter will be nothing but happiness. You all have been through so much with the majority of winter.
> 
> Wanna know something though? Compared to the things I have planned for Spring and the sequel, this almost doesn't compare.


	30. Home is Where I'll Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day and Robert and Cody don't really do a whole lot. Little does Cody know, Robert is about to do something big.

_Valentine's Day._

            I was so sure I would be spending this holiday alone. But here I am, waking up on this day beside my partner... My _boyfriend_. He sleeps on his stomach and his face is facing the balcony door. I smile to myself and slip out from under the comforter, finding a fresh pair of boxers in my designated drawer of his dresser. From the floor, I scoop up his shirt and make my way downstairs to start a pot of coffee. The dogs are nowhere to be seen and must be in the backyard doing whatever dogs do when they're out of sight.  
            I hold a warm mug in my hands and glance around the kitchen. It's a bit of a mess in here with the small collection of dirty dishes and dust that has gathered, but the house itself has remained decently clean from the time we cleaned it. I'll get around to cleaning it again, lord knows Robert won't do it on his own. He tries, but he's forgetful and I'm more than happy to pick up the slack for him when he needs me to.   
            The stairs creek and groan as Robert makes his way down and I keep my back turned to him as I get the caffeine into my body. His arms wrap around my waist and his lips press on the back of my neck, making me flush. I missed this.  
            "Mornin'," He mumbles, sleep still weighing on him.  
            I press my body against his and hum quietly, finding myself swimming through bliss. He puts most of his weight on me as he is too lazy to hold himself up, but I don't mind. It feels good to be with him again and to know that he's not going anywhere.  
           "You're never up this early," I note, turning around to look at him better.  
           He shrugs and I gently kiss him, long and slow. He's visibly worn out and only wears his boxers, it's kind of a sexy sight.  
           "I'm only awake because while it is my least favorite holiday, I do intend to spend it with you and want you to have a good day. Don't expect anything fancy. I'm both broke and didn't actually start planning until yesterday." He grumbles, resting his forehead on my shoulder.  
 _How romantic. He's suffering through sleep deprivation just for me._ "You're oddly very attractive right now," I blurt, sipping on my coffee.  
           He lifts his head up in confusion, pulling his eyebrows together to make a grumpy scowl. His bedhead, the sleep marks on his arm... _sexy_. Suddenly, he's grabbing me by the waist and lifting me up on the dining table, crashing his lips against mine. He tastes like toothpaste and smells ridiculously good given the amount of sex we had last night. He kept me going for hours and now it looks like we're going in for yet another round. We have been back together for a week and a half and I feel like it has been the best week and a half of my life.  
            "Robert," I laugh as he bites my neck. "I have work in a couple of hours," I warn.  
            He bites down harder on the crook of my neck and I moan accidentally, blushing furiously. "No you don't. I called Mat. I was going to ask if I could have you for the day, but he said you already have the time off. Sneaky, but not sneaky enough." He informs as his tongue finds its way along my collar bone.  
            I have to set my coffee aside now or else it'll spill all over the place and burn us both. He's working so hard on my skin that I cannot think of anything else. He's licking, biting, kissing, and sucking on all of the right places and it's making it very hard to breathe normally. Then, without much warning, he's yanking my boxers off and dropping down to his knees. I gasp as he plunges my dick into his mouth and sucks slow and hard, he's not wasting any time. My hands weave into his hair and I watch as he takes more of me enticingly slow.  
            "Robert, please," I beg, wanting more than what he's giving me.  
            He obeys and starts incorporating his tongue, swirling it over my tip and his teeth lightly bite down and I suck a sharp breath through my teeth. He feels so good, everything about this is so good... and-  
            A knock of the door causes us both to jump. Robert draws back and glares at the persistent knocking and my face turns as red as a tomato. Cursing, Robert grabs his in-case-people-come-to-the-door-and-I'm-not-dressed-yet sweatpants from the couch and I pull up my boxers, trying to hide my erection. Thankfully his shirt is long enough to conceal most of it. Robert opens the door and I stay off to the side, not wanting to be seen if I can help it. I'm not exactly decent.  
            "Hi, Mary. Need something?" Robert questions, leaning against the door frame. Mary? Oh, shit... she must have gone over to my house and I'm obviously not there. But it's been over a week? Did she just not come by? Did she get busy with the kids and the custody battle?   
            "Where's Cody? What did you do to him?" She demands, clearly furious.   
            Robert glances over at me and grins and I know what he's going to say. "He's here. I was in the middle of giving him a blow job until you showed up," He answers honestly.  
            "Bullshit," Mary snaps.  
            I press my lips together and step into view, waving awkwardly. "Morning, Mary."  
            Mary's eyes flicker between the two of us before she lets out a very long groan. "So you two made up then? Good. I was getting tired of looking after the both of you. Go on, resume the dick sucking. I was just trying to make sure Cody wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere or hiding because it's Valentine's Day," She praises, turning on her heel immediately.  
            Robert laughs and closes the door, turning towards me. "As much as I would love to finish you off, I do have some plans for today and need to take a shower."  
            I whine a little and he shakes his head with a laugh. "Nope, can't do it. I'm addicted to your dick; I'm going to shower rehab," He protests, bolting for the stairs.  
            I groan and chase after him, my coffee is long forgotten. He beelines for his bathroom and tries to close the door, but I slip inside just in time. He stares at me for a moment and shrugs, turning to shred his clothes and start the shower.  
            "You could just masturbate," He points out.  
            Frustrated, I yank his shirt off and drop my boxers, following him into the shower. I don't care if he planned on taking a shower alone. This is what he gets for leaving me half finished.  
            "Are you grumpy now?" He observes, laughing.  
            I turn my back to him and grab my body wash from my little shelf, angrily popping the cap open to dump an ample amount into the palm of my hand.  
            "Masturbation is always an option," He prompts again, making me roll my eyes.  
            "Next time I give you a blow job, I'm just going to stop midway and tell you to masturbate to see how you like it," I grumble, making exaggerated gestures even though he can't see them.  
            He falls silent as he realizes how cruel that would be for me to do that him. "Fine. You win. Turn around," He grumbles.  
            Now it's my turn to play hardball. "No, I don't want it now. You ruined it," I decline.  
            "Cody, you still have a very needy boner. I can see it," He argues.  
            "Nope. It's just your imagination. You don't know shit."  
            Robert groans and spins me around so quick I have to blink a few times to process it. He then pushes me up against the wall and stares into my eyes with determination. "So you're saying you don't want me to get down on my knees and suck you off until you're cumming in my mouth?" He questions, making me dizzy.  
 _There goes my thinking process._ "N-Nope. Just... resume showering," I say, rolling my eyes.  
            Knowing that it will make me lose my grip, Robert grabs my dick and starts to pump me. My knees almost buckle, but he grabs my hip and holds me steady to prevent it. "It's Valentine's Day. What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I let you suffer because I didn't finish you off?" He asks, grinning.  
            I glare at him, but no longer want to decline. "The kind of boyfriend that makes really horrible smooth recoveries," I grumble, crossing my arms.  
            He winks at me before dropping down to his knees to resume giving me the blowjob he started on his kitchen table.  
            Never did I think I would have to fight to be finished off. This is Robert for crying out loud. He lives for sex.

_"Now I'm free... Free falling..."  
_             Tom Petty... an amazing rock god who influenced many. I sigh quietly and rest my head on the headrest of the seat, looking at the road as the trees blur by. We haven't been to the view point for a very long time and I'm excited to finally be going back. Robert has been jittery about something for a few hours now and I'm trying to figure out what it is. He insists that he's fine, but I know Robert and I know he's not fine.  
           It's a really beautiful day with clear skies and a shining sun. The city blows below us as the sun begins to set. I turn my attention back my drawing and swing my legs a little for entertainment. It's good to be drawing again. I took a break during the break up because I couldn't bring myself to open my sketch book when I know I would have to see the drawings of Robert in there. But it's safe now. He's mine and I'm his and everything is back to normal.  
            "Cody?"  
            I look up from my sketch book, pausing my drawing. Robert has his whittled creation in his hands and he toys with his, fidgeting almost. I think it's a dog of some sort, but I can't tell as it is half hidden by his hand.  
            "Yeah?" I respond.  
            He takes in a deep breath, laughing quietly as he let's it out. Is he nervous? He's nervous. He can barely make eye contact with me. "You know how we're always joking about getting married?" He asks, turning slightly to face me better.  
            I raise an eyebrow and nod slowly, unsure of where this is going. Now that he's facing me, I can see that he's definitely nervous about something. He's been doting over me all day and constantly telling me how much he's love me. I'm not sure if it's because of the holiday or because he's making up for lost time. It's sweet, but out of character for him.  
            "What would you do if I proposed to you right now?" Robert suddenly asks, face serious.  
            I stare blankly at him and carefully think about my answer. This is random. "I'd call you crazy, but everything you do is crazy. However, I would also make sure that you are positive that it's what you want because I don't want you to do something like that and regret it. You still have a long ways to go when it comes to recovery and given what we've been through..." I honestly ramble, thinking about all possibilities.  
            Robert thinks for a moment, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "So, theoretically, if I was ready, you'd accept?" He asks, double checking. I slowly nod, really confused about where this is going.  
            "Really? You wouldn't care about how fast we'd be moving? Even if we didn't get married right away, even if we sat on it for a year, you wouldn't care at all?" He continues, moving so he can look at my face.  
            "Yes, I'd be a little worried about moving fast, but like you just said, we wouldn't have to get married right away. It would just be an extra seal on our relationship. I know I love you and I know that isn't going away any time soon. You're asking a lot of questions for something that it hypothetical, Robert."  
            Robert goes to argue his defense, but then he abruptly gets up and walks around to the cab of the truck. I sit there on the tailgate and set my sketch book to the side, still a little confused and honestly a bit worried. From inside of the cab, I hear some thumping and mild cursing. What is he doing? Robert comes back around to the tailgate with something clenched tightly in his big hands. He's shaking, much like he was at Val's wedding.  
            "Okay, get ready to call me crazy," He mumbles, eyes screaming with nerves.  
            Now that he's closer, I can see a dark blue box in his hands and I think my heart skips a beat. Is that what I think it is or am I just assuming that it is what I'm thinking it is because Robert is making think that he's doing what he's clearly doing right now even though it's totally crazy and this therefore falls into the realm of things he would do because he's a crazy ass man who is definitely holding what I think he's holding and doing what I think he's doing? _Oh god.  
_             "Shit... Bear with me. I haven't done this for a very long time," He begins, fumbling with the box.  
            Robert awkwardly drops down to one knee and my eyes widen to at least twice the size as normal. He reaches forward and takes one of my hands, squeezing it to both bring stability to his hand and reassurance to me.  
            "Cody, I'm fucking insane," He begins, making me laugh nervously. "I'm not sure what it is about you, but you... you make me feel whole again even though I have a few pieces broken and missing. I still have a long ways to go in the terms of recovery and as of the fifth of March, I will be getting a therapist and I will be going to see a doctor about my depression. I have it all set up. Being with you, friends to boyfriends, has been mind boggling for me because I was so sure I wouldn't find another bastard to love me. Yet, here you are." Robert pauses to open the box and inside is a simple silver band, something that is low profile and gets the point across. "This was originally going to be your Christmas gift, but I held onto it when I got the idea to propose. We don't have to get married right now; I don't even want to think about that until I'm at least four months sober. But I want this, Cody. I want you. Even Betsy and Max wants you to be their second daddy. We've been through a lot lately, but I have never been more sure of anything than I am with you. So uh, will you please, for the love of all things holy; will you please marry me... later?"  
            I am speechless. Completely and utterly speechless. _God damn it, Robert._ I stare at his waiting eyes as I sit on his beat up tailgate, holding his hand securely. It has always been Robert. From the time I saw him at the Coffee Spoon, to the meeting at the bar, to Joseph's BBQ, all the way to now. It has always been him. A smile forms on my lips and stupid little tears well up in my eyes.  
            "Yes, Robert. I'll marry you later," I finally choke out, laughing through how breathless I sound.  
            Robert takes a second to react, but the smile that appears on his face that makes my heart pound harder. With stable hands now, he takes the silver band from the box and slides it onto my finger where it will stay for many years to come.  
            "I was worried you'd say no for a second," He mumbles, springing up to his feet.  
            I spread my legs and pull him in, glaring up at his love-struck face. "Shut your stupid face and kiss me," I grumble.  
            I yank him forward and crash our lips together, wrapping my arms happily around his neck. It's like this moment is moving in slow motion and I'm okay with it this time, I want this moment to last.  
            "We're gonna get married, Cocoapuffs. I'm yours... I'm yours," Robert murmurs in between wet and warm kisses.  
            I laugh and smile and clutch onto him, burying myself in my... Holy shit. My _fiancé_. My future _husband_. "Can't break up with me now, bitch," I say, trying to pretend to be serious even though I'm clearly having trouble with not laughing.  
            Robert takes a half step back to flick me square on the forehead. "Call me a bitch one more time and I'll show you who the bitch here is," He threatens darkly.  
             I hold his gaze, but my bravery is unwavering. " _Bitch,_ " I say as sassy as can.  
             He takes another half step back with a raised eyebrow, setting his jaw. I grin at him as I rest my hands on my lap and wait for his comeback. Robert then puts his hands on the end of the tail gate, on either side of my legs, and leans down just a tad to be level with me.  
            "Confident are we?" He taunts, grinning again. He leans forward and presses his lips against my neck slow and seductively, making my blood boil. I stay in my place in an attempt to prevent him from breaking me, seduction will not work.  
            "What can I say? You bring out my inner rebellion," I tease, choking back a moan that plays on the tip of my tongue when his teeth bite at my sensitive spot just above my collarbone.  
            Robert draws backwards to look deeply into my eyes. "When we get home, I am going to fuck you so hard you'll be sore for two weeks," He threatens.  
            I snort with an excited blush and cup either side of his face, marveling over the man in front of me. "Bobert, that's not much of a punishment," I start, biting my bottom lip. "I like it when you make me sore.  
            He tries not to show it, but I know my comment only made him excited because I saw a flicker of it in his eyes. "Hmph," He grumbles, defeated. "I'll let you get away with it for now."  
            I beam at him and pull him into my arms as I laugh. So this is it. We're going to get married after everything we've been through. I couldn't be happier, this is everything I have wanted _... But can it survive the things coming?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT CONCLUDES THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER THAT IS WINTER. Spring will be tomorrow. Later tonight, I will upload a bonus chapter that will be the break up from Robert's point of view.


	31. The Heart's Fall: The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short glimpse into Robert's eyes as he was breaking up with Cody.

_I can't do it.  
_             He's bound to notice that I'm home sooner or later. I don't have much prep time left. I don't want to do this to him... But I'm no good. I'm not good for him. He needs someone that's better than me, someone like Craig or Mat. He needs somebody who can take care for him without burdening him with their problems. I'm not that person. I'm just drowning him. I cannot ruin him, I love him too much for that.  
            There's a knock at the door. A hard one. One that I want to neglect in hopes he'll go away. Maybe if he leaves, this will all go away. I won't have to break his heart, I won't have to make him think I hate him in order to spare him...  _He's. Not. Leaving._ I put on a false expression before opening the door and the words fly out of my mouth. I have to do this.  
            "What the hell do you want?" I snap.  
            He flinches at my cold tone as if he was just touched by a cold ice cube. There's something wrong with him. He's been crying and looks like hell.  _Oh god..._  He's having a bad day... No, this is worse than a bad day. He looks as if he's seen a ghost or... I know that look. I have seen myself that very same look in the mirror. It's Alex. Alex has been on his mind today.  _I can't do this. I can't this to him today. I can't, I can't...  
_             He shoves right past me without a word and he does not pay any attention to the dogs that try their hardest to get his attention. They're going to miss him...  _I'm_  going to miss him...  
            "Would you mind telling me why the fuck you left me with no calls or texts? Without an explanation as to why you left in the first place?" He demands, his stance slouching.  
            His delicate hands ball up into tight fists. I no longer see that haunting look in his eyes now. This is anger, hurt, and determination... All caused by me. I close the door right as the dogs make a run for it, managing to prevent them from escaping home. I have to do this, it has to be now or never. He’ll just get ruined with me. He's better off without me.  
            "What do you want me to say, Cody? I left. I needed space to think," I respond in a short, cold, tone.  
            He's looking at me with confusion. He doesn't understand why I'm being so resentful towards him, he does not understand. I have been so careful to not be this way towards him, but I have to make him believe that this is it. He cannot know that I'm faking this or he will not buy it.  _I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. I don't want to do this.  
_             "Why are you being like this towards me? What on earth could you have been thinking about that would make you leave me for  _four_  fucking days?" He pries, looking for answers I cannot give honestly.  
            His cheeks are turning pink with anger. I want to hold him and tell him I'm sorry, that I'm sorry for everything I have done, but I hold my tongue. He can't know. I have to... I have to do this.  
            "I was thinking about if whether or not we should be together," I finally force out, looking at him dead in the eyes. My body is physically rejecting the feeling of saying those words. They feel wrong and they're the complete opposite of what I really want to say. It's almost as if I can see his heart breaking from where I stand now. I'm doing the very thing I swore I would never do to him.  _I'm so sorry... I love you, I love you so much.  
_             "What is  _that_  supposed to mean?" He asks, voice barely there.  
            He's breaking, I'm hurting him. I can't fucking do this...  _Shit_. He can see that I'm wavering.  _Hold your ground._ This is for him, this is for his well-being. He's better off without me.  
            "It means that I don't want this anymore. That you and I are done. We don't communicate and clearly other people make you happier," I spat, looking away from him. Those words tasted sour coming out. They were fueled off of lies and weak argument. I make him happy, he comes to me for happiness... And I'm breaking his heart. I can see the physical toll this is having on him. He's trying to figure it out, trying to see the truth that I'm covering up. He's blaming himself, he has to be. I'm the one who has been complicated and stressing him out. He's wondering what he did wrong and as much as I want to stop now, I can't. I can't turn back now.  
            "No, that's... that's..." He reasons, choking on his words.  
             I can't look at him anymore. I'll break if I do. I love him, I love him like I loved Marilyn... and I'm cutting him off for his own well-being. "You should leave, Cody. Go home," I advise, gesturing to the door.  _Baby, I'm sorry... You'll be okay.  
_             "You are my home," He whispers through voice cracks.  
            My heart nearly stops beating then. What have I done? I'm his... He said I'm his...  _Oh, fuck... It's too late now. There's no going back now. I already broke his heart._ "Not anymore. Please go home, Cody. I don't want you here," I repeat with a rising voice. My heart is aching. I can only imagine what this is doing to him. It's so sudden and without warning. I am pulling the rug out right from under him.  
            "Can you just tell me why?" He chokes out, clearly trying not to fall apart in front of me.  
            I keep my eyes low. "Because we aren't good for each other. I don't love you anymore." That did it. I never wanted to say those words. I  _do_ love him, I want to spend my life with him... but I can't... He has to stay away from me.  "Leave, Cody. I won't say it again," I force through clenched teeth.  
            He looks as if he wants to say something, to maybe defend himself, and his eyes are welling up with tears.  For a moment he stands there and I get worried that maybe he figured it out, but then his legs carry him out of my house and away from me. When the door slams shut, I expel all of the air in my lungs. He's gone. I did it. I broke his heart. He can move on now, he can find someone who will make him happier... and I'll be alone knowing that I did what had to be done for his sake. 

***

            Mary barges in through my front door without knocking or asking to be let in. My hand pauses the task of petting Max and I stare at the woman who stands in my entry way with wide eyes.   
            "What the hell is your problem?" She snaps.  
 _She went to him... he told her what happened._ "Mary, please. I don't need this right now," I sigh, rising from the couch. Mary looks at me as if I'm insane and I honestly can't blame her. I don't  _feel_  sane right now...  
            "Do you even realize what you did? He hasn't left his bed for  _days,_ Robert. You fucking broke him. And for what? Because you are having a little pity party?" She spats, walking closer to me. She's angry and I suppose she has the right to be. Mary has always been protective over the kid and I would not doubt she wants to harm me right now for what I did.  
            "Mary, it's complicated," I try to explain.  
            Suddenly her hand smacks me hard across the face, hard enough to knock me back on the couch again. I sit there dazed, unsure of what to say or do. I deserved that.  
            "Do you even realize how much he loves you? Fuck, Robert. He's depressed, he hasn't fucking stopped crying because  _you_ couldn't take a  _fucking_ second to think about what this would do him. You are the only person he has been with since Alex. You are the only person he has loved since Alex. He loves you like he loved her. You fucking asshole. You just don't get it do you?" She seethes, looking down on me.  
            As much as I want to defend my decision, I can't. No words leave my mouth and my cheek is throbbing. She hit me hard. I taste blood. Mary waits impatiently. I have to say something or she might hit me again.  
            "He'll find another, Mary. There's... Craig," I mutter.  
            Mary looks as if I just insulted her. I haven't seen her this angry for years. I'm a little scared, actually. "You just don't get it. Sure, there is a chance he'll fall in love with Craig, but the chances are slim. Because you know what he's going to do? He's going to bury himself again. He moved here with an open heart, but now that you broke it and broke him, he's going to close himself off and dedicate all of his time to Amanda and pointless tasks to keep him busy. He won't fall in love again for a very long time. You were his shot at love and you fucking destroyed it."  
            I listen carefully to what she's saying and the realization of what I did finally sinks in. Mary leaves without another word and I sit there on my couch with a throbbing cheek and a heavy heart. I made a mistake. I made… _fuck_.

***

          I literally cannot take it anymore. All of these updates from Mary… I can’t. I miss him. I miss him so fucking much. I miss the way he curls up next to me in bed. I miss the way he tolerates my film making ramblings. I miss him being scared shitless when I take him hunting. I just miss him.  
            I’m out of my fucking mind. With the same determination that the dogs have when I bring out the treats, I throw on my shoes and find myself standing on the doorstep of his house. He’s probably sleeping right now and maybe I’m destroying the only sleep he has gotten in these past few weeks, but I need him. I have no idea if he’ll take me back. There’s no telling. I have to try and so, I knock on the door.  
            It takes him a few minutes, but eventually I hear the sound of him thumping down the hallway as he sleepily navigates through the darkness.  
            "Mary, I swear to god if-" He goes to say as he opens the door.  
            His words come to a screeching halt when he realizes that I am in fact not Mary. He blinks several times and I can see the tears streaking his face. This is my chance… this is my only chance to makes things right. I’m so in love with him, I can admit that now without feeling bad about it. I need him and he needs me… I have to fix what I broke. And if he doesn’t want me, then I’ll return home and cross that bridge when I get there. But I have to do this. I love him so fucking much.  
            "Hey, Cocoapuffs." I start with a weak smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is that bonus chapter I promised. See you all tomorrow with a new batch of drama!


	32. Spring Cleaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert comes home to find Cody cleaning house, yet again.

_Spring_

            "Babe, what the fuck?"  
            I drop the trash bag in my hands and stare back at him like a deer caught in the headlights. His eyes wonder the room in half confusion and half amazement.  
            "Please don't stab me," I beg, raising my hands innocently.  
            Robert takes off his sunglasses and looks at the room again, still in disbelief. "I leave you alone for a god damn week and you clean? No masturbation, no walking around the house naked... You fucking clean?" He questions, kicking his boots off.  
            In retrospect, I did masturbate... But he doesn't need to know that. "To be fair, spring cleaning actually is a thing," I say defensively, picking up the trash bag again.  
            Moving around the living room and kitchen, I pick up the last of the lingering trash and shove it into the bag. Robert watches me as I do this, but he doesn't comment on it or critique me in any way. In the time I have been alone, I've managed to scrub the house clean, but things like finishing the laundry and bed making still linger on my list of things to do. It all kind of just happened. When he's away, my days get slower and while his house was not necessarily messy, there were things to be done. I even spent a solid day and a half working on his back yard to get it back into prime condition; I did not know he had such a large and beautiful backyard.  
            "How was it?" I ask Robert, smiling at him.  
            He trails into the kitchen and takes the trash bag from me, tossing to the side. I'm about to get grumpy with him, but his lips press to mine before I can. Any time he spends away from me feels like forever and it always feels like I'm kissing him for the first time when he comes back to me. I still get that same feeling of intoxication when he's with me like this, it makes me forget everything I was thinking about or doing.  
            "You're such a house wife," He mumbles against my lips, laughing.  
            I playfully push him back and leave the kitchen to go sit on the couch. Robert follows and sits directly beside me, grabbing my hand with the engagement ring on it. _The engagement_. I still cannot believe that happened. After going through hell with him leaving me and all of the shit we went through before then, I never thought that an engagement would be on his list of priorities. But, we're happier than ever and things seem to be falling into place, I would not change a thing about us.  
            "You still haven't changed your mind?" He asks, tapping on the ring.  
            I roll my eyes and lean in to kiss him again, trying to make up for lost time. "My mind still remains unchanged," I respond, grinning.  
            He's been asking that question ever since the proposal. It will either be asked every other day, to every other week... There's no set pattern. I may be extremely tired of giving him the same answer over and over again, but I bite my tongue and do it anyways because I know he needs the reassurance.  
            "You didn't answer me earlier. How was your visit?" I ask, changing the subject.  
             Robert stiffens a little and I pull away from him a little to get a better read on him. I hadn't see it before, but I can definitely see the emotional weight on him now. "It was great, short though. Val and Jesse are happy and what not but..." He says, trialing off.  
              I raise an eyebrow and stare at him for quite a long time in hopes he will eventually pick up where he left off. "But?" I provoke.  
              "But Val and I had a little argument," He finishes, frowning a bit.  
             My heart lurches forward with worry and Robert can sense it, which is why he pulls me closer to him.  
             "It's all good. We just has a slight disagreement. She wants me to move back to Brooklyn, but I don't want to leave Maple Bay and when she asked me why, I had to tell her we're engaged and that didn't sit well. She was happy of course, but didn't like the fact we kept it from her. So then she started going off on me about Marilyn and how I better not screw this up and what not. It was harsh and it kind of stung, but I let her vent it out."  
            The fact him and Val fought over something as simple as our engagement makes me feel uneasy. They've been making so much progress with their relationship and I suppose all parents fight with their kids, but how long will she stay mad? We chose to keep our engagement on the down low until we were ready to actually celebrate it with our friends. It made sense at the time. Amanda found out on accident because she had came home in March and I left my ring on the counter while I was doing dishes. I tried to play if off as something else, but that did not get too far. My kid is too smart for such terrible lies.  
            "What did she say? If you don't mind me asking..." I question, feeling awkward for even opening my mouth.  
            Robert looks at me and half smiles, detecting my worry for the entire situation. He reaches down and scoops my legs up, throwing them over his lap and then he takes one of my arms and puts it around his shoulder. Because I'm so close to him now, I can smell his cologne and the leather and it makes my heart happier now that I do not smell the alcohol or cigarettes. Though, I can also see the dark bags under his eyes making a comeback and that leads me to believe he didn't sleep much over his trip, if he even slept at all.  
            "She basically said that if I'm going to get married again, I need to make sure I don't fuck it up like I fucked my previous marriage. That I need to take care of you, unlike I did for Marilyn. She warned me that if I even think about going back to my old habits, she will cut our ties," He finally explains, frowning a little.  
            He's trying not to display it, but I can see how much her words hurt him. I bring myself closer to him and leave small kisses on his cheek and temple, hoping to numb the pain for him, even if it's just for a second.  
            "Are you okay?" I ask, worried for him.  
            Robert takes my hand and plays with the ring, twisting and turning until he slides it off my finger to inspect it even more. "Did you know this has an inscription?" He asks, ignoring my previous question.  
            He shows me the innerside of the ring and just as he said there would be, there's a small, but significant, inscription that reads _A promise to keep trying_. He already explained to me that this was supposed to be a promise ring, but later turned it into my engagement ring; it was going to be one of my Christmas presents. Regardless of what it was supposed to be, the message is still loud and clear and it makes me think about what he said on Christmas. _I'm going to fuck up, yeah. But I refuse to lose you._ I take my ring from him and lean in to kiss him, meeting his awaiting lips.  
            "You aren't getting around my question. Are you okay?" I press, pulling myself away from him even though he protests.  
            He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, adjusting it for no real reason. It's been getting easier to get him to talk about his feelings, but sometimes it's like how it used to be. Ever since out breakup, he's been trying extremely hard to be open with me. He never wants to lose me again and I don't particularly want to lose him either.  
            "I'm a little... sad about it, I guess. Everything she said was just out of built up anger and I know she was just venting, but a lot of what she said was true. We made up before I left, though. She hugged me and told she loved me. It's all fine, I think," He reveals, seeing that I'm not going to stop bugging him about it.  
            He slides his hands around my waist and pulls me in for a kiss before I get the chance to respond. His kisses are different now. These ones are passionate and sweet, but they also have an underlying craving. He lies me down on the couch and moves my legs to he can lie between them, pressing me down further under his weight. It's crazy how much I missed him when it was only a short seven days. We have been so close lately that he pretty much took half of me with him and I'm just now getting that back. I can tell he missed me too, it's written in the way he grabs at my body and how he kisses me.  
            "Mmmh... I love you," He mumbles, grinding his hips against mine.  
            I meet his grind with my hand waiting for him to come down on it. He groans, but then starts to move his hips against my hand and I grin, feeling as if we're two teenagers doing something we're not supposed to be doing. "I love you too..." I breathe, squeezing him through his jeans.  
            My phone suddenly begins to blare with Amanda's ring tone and Robert collapses on me with a groan, head resting on my belly. I answer and put her on speaker phone, clearing my throat in hopes to rid myself of embarrassment. I've now been cock blocked by her twice.  
            "Hey, Panda. How are you?" I ask, happy to hear from her.  
 _"Oh you know, good and stuff."  
_              Right away I can tell something is wrong and Robert can sense it too because he lifts his head for a brief moment to glare at the phone; our dad senses are tingling.  
 _"What are you up to?"_ She suddenly asks, changing her tone now.  
            Robert chuckles darkly and runs his hand from my sides to my mid thigh very seductively. I flush and try to come up with a good enough lie. "Oh, um, Robert just came home... So we're uh.. Watching a movie."   
            My response makes him snort, but he doesn't say anything for the sake of not wanting to get kicked in the balls.  
 _"I don't believe you, but I have decided that I no longer want know what you're doing. Is Robert there?"  
_             Robert lifts his head again and props himself up on his elbows so he can talk. "Yes?" He responds, a little confused.  
 _"Hi, Robert. I have a request for you."  
_             We both look at each other with bewilderment. "Uh, yeah?"  
 _"Remember how you said you'd hurt my boyfriend if he ever hurts me?"  
_             "Yeah?"  
 _"Does that offer still apply?"  
_            My face drops into concern and so does Robert's, but his is more lined with anger. "What happened?" We both ask in near unison.  
 _"He was a jerk and cheated on me."  
_            "Are you okay?" I ask, trying to seem as casual as I can.  
 _"Yeah, my room mate and I are watching sappy movies and eating ice cream, so I think I'm handling it pretty well."  
_             "Threaten to slash his tires with that knife I gave you if he ever comes near you again." Robert advises, grinning. I give Robert a look that reads something along the lines of when-the fuck-did-you-give-my-daughter-a-knife and he only smiles innocently.  
 _"Noted. I have to get to class, but I just wanted to call to let you know that I am a single Pringle and will not be mingling for a while."  
_            "Alright, Panda. Have a good day. We love you."  
            The line ends and I suddenly realize I slumped Robert in with the we. I look down on him and he wears a slight look of confusion on his face, caught off guard by what I said. He shakes his head, deciding not to ask about it and slides himself up so his face is hovering right above mine. He's about to bend down an kiss me, but we are once again interrupted by a knock on the front door.  
            "Mother of fuck..." Robert curses, climbing off of me.  
            He walks over to answer the door and I sit up on the couch, angling myself so I can see who it is. It's Joseph. Our happy-go-lucky neighbor, or partial neighbor because he lives on the yacht now, stands there with a plate of cookies and smiles widely at Robert. I get off the couch and join him at the door, a little curious as the why Joseph would be here... At Robert's house.  
            "Need something?" Robert asks, voice short.   
            Joseph's smile is unwavering and he hands me the plate of cookies as if I'm some bus boy, but I pay no mind to it. "Yes, I've come here with a proposition," I Joseph states, leaning forward ever so slightly.  
            Robert keeps his hand on the door and casually puts his hand on the small of my back in a protective manner and I lean into him, unsure of why he feels the need to do this right now.  
            "Given our history, I feel like it would be in our best interest to forget about what happened and just move on. There's no use in keeping grudges," Joseph continues, sharing his thoughts.  
            Robert's fingers clench on my back, making me jump a little. Joseph refuses to look at me, he won't even acknowledge I'm here. I guess I shouldn't complain, after what happened during my birthday...  
            "Why the hell would I be interested in making up with you? You're a low life sleeze ball." Robert spats.  
            Joseph smiles again and I'm bringing to understand where his twins get their vacant and creepy stares from. "You forget that it takes two to tango, Robert. You are not as innocent as you make yourself to be," He snarls.  
            Robert is angry now, his jaw is set and he is pretty much digging his fingers into my back. I have never seen Joseph with this kind of calm anger before, it's kind of terrifying.   
            "I know what I am. I know what I did. But I also know that you went after me and used me when I was at my lowest after Marilyn. I've made my amends and quite frankly, I'm not interested in hurting Mary even more than we already have. So please, tell me why I'd even want to consider setting aside our problems?" Robert snaps, venom in his voice.  
            I know very little of what happened between the two of them. I only know it happened a long time ago, they were obviously doing things they weren't supposed to be doing and if I have any common sense at all, I know they were having sex.  
            "Just consider it," Joseph advises.  
            He turns on his heel to leave and Robert wastes no time to shut the door. He takes the plate of cookies out of my hands and dumps the entire thing, plate included, into the trash. He then comes near me and pins me up against the door, hands on my hips. "Now, can I please make out with my fiance in peace?" Robert asks, grinning.  
            As if the world is out to get him, his own phone starts to ring and I can't help but laugh. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He gripes, yanking his phone from his back pocket. He doesn't let me go like I thought he would, he instead keeps me pinned to door and answers the call, staring at me up at down. "Hello?" He grumbles. From where I'm standing, I can hear who is on the other side and I furrow my eyebrows at her voice. It's Val.  
 _"You didn't text me to let me know you got home okay."_ She states, annoyance in her voice.  
             Robert sighs and leans his forehead against mine and I move my hands around his neck, pulling him slightly closer for comfort. "Right... Sorry, kiddo. I got held up and forgot. I'm home and alive," He apologizes.  
 _"Thank you. I'll call you later, okay?"  
_             "Alright."  
 _Bye."  
_             "Bye."  
            Robert hangs up the phone and puts it into his back pocket, returning his focus to me. I want to ask him if he's okay, but the moment our lips touch, my thought process is lost. He pulls me to the couch where he falls backwards and I crash on top of him. It's very rare for him to willingly let me be where I am and I laugh against his lips at the the thought.  
            "Are you ready to go camping tomorrow?" He asks me, grazing my neck.  
            I sigh with pleasure and mesh our lips together again, unable to get enough. "Mostly..." I respond.  
            Robert slides his hand underneath my shirt and I kiss the small scar on his jaw from the bar fight months ago. We are relentless with each other. If we're not making out, we're fucking like rabbits. We can never get enough and I'm not going to complain because Robert is, well, very attractive. Things are going great until we get a third and fourth guest to the party. Betsy wedges her way in between Robert and I and desperately licks at her dad, excited that he's home. Max, on the other hand, pounces on my back and makes happy whining sounds; she has gotten quite large since December. I'm a little surprised they didn't come out of his room sooner to check, but I'm not going to question it. He happily scratches Betsy's belly and smooches Max relentlessly, completely undisturbed by them unlike he was the past three times we have been interrupted.  
            "You're such good girls," Robert coos, cuddling his dogs.  
            When the dogs run off to other parts of the house, I grab Robert's face and hungrily resume our kissing. He hums something of pleasure, falling right back into the mood he was in before the dogs popped up. "You should let me take you to our room," He whispers in my ear, making me blush.  
            I'm not moved in with Robert, but I spend so much time here that he has started to refer to things with _our_ instead of _my_. I blush whenever he does something like that, especially when we're out in public and he happens to be talking with Mat or Craig, for example. With my hand held in his, he takes me upstairs and closes the bedroom door behind us. His lips crash onto mine, his hands gripping onto my body.  
            "I thought about you a lot, when I was away," He comments, pulling my shirt over my head.  
            I laugh and fumble with his belt buckle, groaning as he grazes against the sensitive spot on my neck. "What about me?" I ask, successfully dropping his pants.  
           He guides me to the bed and pushes me down, wasting no time to climb on top of me. "Oh, you know. Just how much I really wanted to shove my dick inside of you and fuck you until the only words that come out of your mouth are my name."  
            Robert yanks my pants off with some practiced skill, leaving me just in my boxer briefs with my erection pushing against the fabric. He starts palming and thumbing me, knowing that all of the teasing is just getting me riled up. I run my fingers down his back, agitated that he still has his shirt on. He can see my frustration in the way that I tug at his shirt and whine softly against his lips, he finds in   
            "Want me to take that off, baby?" He asks, biting the soft flesh over my collarbone.  
            I nod, raising my hips upwards to rub against him. I want him to touch me, to strip the last of our clothes away, to fuck me hard enough to leave bruises. Robert laughs quietly, cupping the side of my face. He runs his thumb along my bottom lip and presses it into my mouth. I gently bite down on it and suck, watching as his eyebrows furrow and his lips slightly part.  
            "You are so sexy..." He mumbles, grinning.  
            His thumb pulls out of my mouth and he does me the favor of taking his shirt off. My eyes roam his body, still just as amazed and turn on as the first time I saw him. He looks so good... all of his scars and muscles. I let my hands run all over him, winding up tangled in his hair, pulling his head down to my mouth. He presses his tongue past my lips and his hand into my briefs to give me the contact I have been craving since he left. I thrust into his hand, moaning from deep within my chest.  
           Then, because we are so very lucky, my phone starts the blare with my alert for work. Robert groans, flopping over on the bed. "I'm going to just fuck you when you get home. Right on the front door," He grumbles.  
            I crawl off of the bed unwillingly to gather my clothes so I can get dressed again. "I look forward to it," I sigh, fixing my belt. I lean down and kiss him and give smiling as I do. "I have a couple more things I need to pack at my place for the trip. I'll be back later tonight, don't stay up for me," I inform, running my hand through his now ruffled hair.  
            "Keep an eye out for cryptids," Robert warns.  
            "I always do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to spring!


	33. Into the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody and Robert decide to go camping.

            When I finish hauling and loading myself into Robert's truck, I walk into his house to find him completely passed out on the couch. He sleeps on his stomach with his arm dangling off the side of the couch. I only left him alone for a half hour at the most and instead of making himself something to eat like he said he was going to, he must have sat down on the couch and never moved. I kneel down beside him and rub his back, drawing him from his sleep.  
            "Robert, we gotta go," I inform, kissing his temple.  
            He stirs awake and opens his eyes, a hit confused for a moment as he does not remember falling asleep. "Ready to go?" He mumbles, pushing himself up.  
            "Ready as I'll ever be," I confirm.  
            Robert gets up from the couch and puts his boots and leather jacket on. We exit the house after making sure everything is off and hop onto the truck to start our first trip together. I have been excited for this trip ever since Robert told me we'd be going because it's been so long since I went last. I don't expect this trip to be an average camping trip as I am going with Robert. He will probably want to go cryptid hunting or will want to do something slightly life threatening, but that's what I get for getting engaged to this man.  
            "How long is the drive?" I ask, reaching over to rest my hand on his thigh.  
            Robert shrugs and surveys the light traffic, gathering an estimate for me. "I'd say a few hours. We're going somewhere where it'll be warmer and more woodsy," He says, putting his sunglasses on.  
             I relax into my seat and Betsy curls up in my lap, looking to take a nap for the duration of the drive all while Max sleeps happily on my feet. I, on the other hand, look out the window and watch the passing trees and cars as they go by. I'm a little nervous about leaving society for a few days. Amanda knows I'll be out of reach and while she assured me she'd be fine, I can't help but worry. She did just go through her first break up because the douche cheated on her. The poor guy is probably really lucky that HIA is fourteen hours away because I'm sure Robert would have kicked his ass by now if the school was closer.  
            "Do you know the meaning of the world relax, Cody? You're making me stress out just sitting next to you," Robert comments, giving me a side glance.  
            "How did-"  
            "-I can see it in your body language. Your jaw is clenched, you are quite literally digging your fingers into my thigh, _and_ you're glaring a bit."  
            I loosen my grip on his thigh as I realize that I am in fact squeezing pretty hard, unsure of when I clenched up. "Sorry. Just thinking about Amanda."  
            Robert frowns because he knows what I'm referring to. "She'll be fine. She has a lot of you in her."  
            Mindlessly, I begin to fiddle with the seam of his jeans, running my fingers along it. Relaxation... I can do that.

            We pull into the campsite at dusk and as soon as Robert gets out, he's running off to go pee with Betsy and Max trailing behind him closely. I open the tailgate and start pulling things out, putting the coolers on the old wooden picnic table that was already here. Robert did bring a small amount of alcohol so we would have some fun. Ever since he sobered up, he hardly ever drinks and even then it's usually wine or whiskey in small doses. He didn't want to stop drinking completely, he just wanted to get to a point where he could control it again and he has so far done an amazing job at that. In the mess of gear, I find the tent and select a place for it in a clearing that has clearly been used for tents before. It takes several minutes to get it set up on my own, but as I am putting the last stake in, Robert is trudging back with Betsy and Max in his arms. He sets the girls down in the cab and closes the door, just to keep them out of the way while we get things set up and such.  
            "God damn it. I forgot the air mattress," He yells, rummaging through stuff.  
            "I brought a twin sized mat we could use in case we forgot that," I call back as I hang an electric lantern in the tent  
            Robert peeks his head into the tent and drops off our bags, which I scoot to one side and then he tosses in the sleeping bags, pillows, and mat. As I get all of that settled, he runs around outside with fire wood and matches. It's kind of funny to see him running around like a mad man, but I also find it really adorable. From the bed of the truck, I pull out Betsy and Max's kennel that is really meant for a dog three times their combined size. I set it up beside the tent and make sure all of their blankets, toys, and bed is put inside properly; these dogs are beyond spoiled and they don't even know it.  
            "Ow. Jesus _fucking_ Christ." Robert curses loudly.  
            I turn around and see him waving his hand violently as if he just burnt himself and knowing him, he probably did. The last thing to get out is the camp chairs and as I am unfolding them, Robert let's the dogs out of the cab and let's them run wild. Thankfully they are extremely well trained and will come if we tell them too. I think that was one of the first things Robert taught Betsy because of all of the hunts he takes her on and trips. She runs around happily with Max right on her tail, sniffing and peeing on several trees to mark her territory. I plop down into my camp chair and stare longingly into the fire. By the looks of this place, it doesn't get much foot traffic and it's very secluded. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually created this camp spot just for the hell of it. He comes up to the woods enough, why wouldn't he just make a place to chill out?  
            "You want a beer?" Robert asks, opening the cooler.  
            "Um. Yeah, sure."  
            He drops the bottle off in my cup holder and sits in his chair beside mine, sighing as he does. He pops open the lid to his beer and sips on it slowly, not wanting to rush through it. I watch him carefully, letting my eyes wonder over his body. I reach over and grab his hand, interlacing our fingers together. His rough, calloused, hands feel oddly good in mine and I find myself never wanting to let go. I'm not sure why I missed him so much when he left. It was so only for a week and he has been gone longer before. He'd drop off the face of the earth for three weeks and I would never hear from him. Maybe I was okay with it because I always knew he was home, he was always near.  
            "Next time I go up to see Val, I want you to come with me," Robert says, seemingly to have read my mind.  
            He looks over to me and gives a shy half smile, making my stomach flutter with butterflies.  
            "Are you sure she wouldn't mind?" I ask, trying to downplay my eagerness.  
            Robert shrugs and takes a swig from his drink, turning towards me a little more. "She likes you and we're kind of together, so... We'd just stay in a hotel or something to eliminate overcrowding. Besides, she's been hounding me about it anyways. You guys didn't get to talk during the wedding and she really wants to get to know you better," He explains with small gestures of his hand.  
            I lean over and leave a particularly wet kiss on his cheek, which he scowls at and wipes off as I laugh about it. "I would love to. Val is a great."  
            Robert nods in agreement and watches as Betsy rolls around in dirt happily. I laugh at her and he joins too, unable to scold her when she's being so cute. "And that is why she won't be staying in the tent with us. Guess I'll be giving her a bath when we get home," He mumbles, partially to himself.  
              The fire slowly dies out as the night carries on and neither of us feel the need to put more logs on as going to bed is starting to sound particularly good. As Robert is taking care of Betsy and Max, I kick off my shoes and climb into the tent, reaching up to turn on the electric lantern. From my duffel bag, I pull out a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. I start with taking off my pants and replacing them for the sweat pants, and then I pull my shirt off and set it with my jeans. Robert clumsily climbs into the tent then and smiles widely at my bareness.  
            "Oh, baby. Do you have to put a shirt on?" He asks jokingly.  
            I roll my eyes and slip into my long sleeve, making him pout. "Somebody is horny," I mutter, giggling.  
            Robert sheds his jacket and playfully chucks it at me, which I set into the pile of clothes. "I'm always horny. Have you seen yourself?" He questions, pulling his shirt off.  
            "Not really, no. I don't typically stare at myself naked in the mirror," I disclose, rolling my eyes again.  
            Robert strips away his pants and throws those at me too, managing to land them on my head. He snickers and I brush them off all while I try not to let my eyes roam his mostly exposed body.  
            "You really should. You have a great body," He compliments as he is rummaging through his bag for clothes.  
            I unroll my sleeping bag and Robert's, laying them side by side. "Speak for yourself," I mumble.  
            Robert slips into sweat pants and looks back at me, glaring. "Insecure, are we?" He questions. "I mean what I say, Codes. Your body is great; you have no reason to be self-conscious. Especially with me," He continues admirably.  
            I blush, but he cannot see it as I turn away in self doubt.  
            "Hey..." He mumbles, seeing my disbelief.  
            Not minding about his shirt right now, he crawls over to me and puts his hands on my shoulders, turning me so I have to look at him. "You know I'm crap when it comes to comfort, but I'm going to try anyways," He starts. "You may not look like Craig, but you are in pretty good shape. You got a few soft spots here and there, but I do too. And I'll tell you what... Those soft spots are one of my favorite places on you."  
            He slides a finger under my chin and leans in to kiss me softly and warmly. I lean into him a bit, but he pulls away and shivers. "I forgot how cold it gets up here at night," He complains, rubbing his arms.  
            I look at our sleeping bags and scratch the back of my head, cooking up an idea. "We could zip our sleeping bags together so we can uh... cuddle," I observe, cracking a small smile.  
            Robert seems to like the idea, so I do as suggested and zip our bags together so it makes one giant one. The mat I brought doesn't provide too much support and as I lie down, I quickly realize that. Robert slides in beside me and lovingly flops down over me, making me jolt as his weight was a sudden surprise.  
            "You're pretty cold too," He determines as he grabs for my hand. "You know what they say you should do if you are cold and are with somebody?"  
            I raise my eyebrow and stare up at the ceiling of the tent, seeing nothing but darkness. "Do I even want to know?" I ask, unsure of what could possibly come out of his mouth.  
            He slides his hand up my shirt and I shiver because his fingers are like ice. "They say you should get naked and make some body heat."  
            My cheeks flush red in the darkness. _Horny bastard..._ "You just want in my pants," I deadpan, rolling my eyes  
            Robert props himself up and looks over my face, showing no indication of jokes or humor. "You won't stop me. You've missed me too much. Plus, we kept getting interrupted yesterday so I know you want me. I didn't even get the chance to fuck you on the front door like I said I would," He guesses, fully aware that he's not wrong.  
            When I don't respond, he leans down and captures my lips with his. I excitedly kiss him back, sliding my hands down to his hips as he moves his body to hover above mine. Impatiently, I sit up, which forces him to sit on my legs, and I pull my shirt off with one motion. He lets his hands roam over my body, tending to the soft spots he was referencing earlier. Eventually his shirt disappears too and we grasp at each other, hooking our arms around each other's back. He sighs into our next kiss, pushing me back down on the mat to leave kisses all over my torso. How did I get so lucky to find someone so aggressively gentle? He could snap me in two if he wanted to, yet he's leaving the most gently kisses and his hands are soft against my body. It's almost as if he's afraid of breaking me.  
            "Do you want to shake things up a bit?" He asks, drawing away to pull my pants off.  
            I prop myself up and look at him through the darkness, trying to understand. "What do you mean?" I ask, reaching forward to pull his pants off.  
            He kisses me again, harshly and hungrily this time. "I mean, I want try something with you."  
            I go to ask him to elaborate, but I stop midway. I trust him; he wouldn't do anything I wouldn't want to do. Instead, I nod and our mouths are together again. He shoves his hand into my boxers to find me already hard and waiting and wet with precum. He gives a husky chuckle and moves his mouth close to my ear. "Get on all fours," He commands.  
            With wide eyes, I roll over and get on my hands and knees. Robert disappears for a slight moment to go get something from his bag and I actually roll my eyes at the thought of him packing the lube and condoms. His lips press onto the middle of back as he slips my boxer briefs down and he tosses them elsewhere, forgetting them just like the rest of our clothes. I hear the lube bottle opening and closing and suddenly he's spreading me open. My heart is pounding hard, we haven't had sex like this since my birthday.   
            "Let's see..." Robert mumbles, fingers teasing my entrance.  
            I push back against him and he laughs quietly, obeying my wishes. His fingers slip inside and I moan, pleased with the feeling. He works them in and out slowly, stretching me out and dragging me on. My fingers dig into the mat below me, smashing the foam down into the ground. Sex like this would be easier on a bed, but I'm not about to complain.   
            "Robert..." I moan, wanting more than what he's giving me.  
            He pulls his fingers away when he knows I can't handle it anymore and wraps one hand onto my hip. "Are you sure you're fine with this?" He asks, lining himself up. His tip presses at my entrance, but it does not quite go in yet as he waits for my answer.  
            "Yes," I groan.  
            Robert pushes himself inside and I almost buckle my arms at the first feeling of it. This is the deepest he has gone in a very long time and holy shit does it feel good. He rocks his hips back and forth, ramming into me with a very steady pace. With every push, my breathing becomes more and more staggered. While I enjoy doing it this way, I find myself craving his lips and his body on top of mine. Robert suddenly grabs my shoulders and hoists me up, moving his arms around my waist. I lean my head back against his shoulder as he continues to move inside of me, working me better and faster than just seconds before.   
            "Fuck... I fucking love you. I love _fucking_ you. Your moans, the way you pant my name..." He mumbles, kissing my neck.  
            I wrap my arms around to the back side of his upper thighs and grab onto him for the sake of my balance as he is going faster with each moan that escapes my lips. It's not too long after that he is cumming and biting down on the crook of my neck hard enough to bruise me. I ride his orgasm with him and eventually fall forward, collapsing onto my stomach. I roll over and pull him down on me after he takes care of the condom, kissing him with the lust that burns deeply inside of me. I'm so focused on being close to him that I don't even really feel him slipping a new condom onto my dick. He straddles my waist and lifts himself up onto his knees and without any preparation, slides down slowly onto me. I moan quietly and he curses as he begins to ride me.  
            "God damn, Robert," I breathe, enjoying this.  
            He also has not let me fuck him since my birthday, so I feel extremely compelled to take this chance and run with it. Before he has an opportunity to tell me no, I pull him down and flip us over so I lie on top. He seizes my lips and I rock back and forth, addicted to the things he makes me feel. He's so tight and the stimulation on his prostate is driving moans and groans out of him that I have never heard before. He hooks a leg onto my hip and with that; I am able to go even deeper. Curses fall from his mouth against my neck and his moans make me feel pleased with myself. Making him moan is almost better than the orgasm itself. When I feel myself getting close, I move faster and harder, until I'm unloading the built up pressure and contents. I'm panting now, a hot mess as one might put it. I slowly pull myself out of him and dispose of the condom in the same bag he tossed his in and use a napkin to wipe myself clean.  
            "I think I may have chosen wisely to agree to date you," Robert says with a laugh, pulling me into his arms once we both get back into warm clothes.  
            I roll my eyes at him, nestling my head onto his chest. "You're just now realizing that?" I ask, laughing with him.  
            He breathes in deeply, leaving sloppy kisses on the top of my head. "No, but I'm certainty glad you fuck as good as you look."   
            I blush and nestle myself further against him, pulling the giant sleeping bag around us and somehow, drifting happily to sleep in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I'm exhausted. Need me some solid sleep some day.


	34. Around the Campfire, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the night before Cody and Robert head home and something is reveled in the tent just before they go to sleep.

            Robert skips a rock perfectly across the river, making it bounce three or four times before it sinks under the surface. I relax back on a boulder with my sketch book in my lap as I draw the sight before me. He's always the most relaxed when he's doing things like this, things that take a specific skill that can only be acquired through tedious practice and sometimes painful failure; the scars on his hands prove that. He's become more aware of when I prefer to draw him. Sometimes we'll be at the Coffee Spoon and other times we'll be at his place and he'll be focused on the movie he chose to watch for the night. It's best when I catch him like this, though. When he isn't wearing his beloved leather jacket, when he's perfectly content with doing something so small, when he is silent and happy.  
            We go back to Maple Bay tomorrow. I'll go back to work and he'll go back to doing whatever he does to get money. I'm sure there will be a couple messages from Amanda to answer and I am eager to see those messages because I'm not used to being away like this without her. This trip has been great for Robert, all things considered. He may have burnt himself once or twice and may have fallen into the river and pulled me down with him, but I have never seen him more at peace. I suppose it's because there's nothing out here to disturb him besides the obvious cryptids. There are no temptations, no pressures... Just me, him, Betsy, and Max.  
            He slept soundly last night. He held me close with an arm securely around my waist and my back pressed against his chest. I have come to love sleeping with him like that. I fit perfectly against his body and it's nice to wake up and see that we have only become a tangled mess with are legs and general body. Most mornings, I'll wake up to soft kisses on my cheek or a hand that slowly runs up and down my side. For being such a tough and brooding guy, he's the gentlest person I have met.  
            I look at Robert now, failing to stop the small smile that creeps onto my lips. I'm engaged to this man. He turns around slowly and beckons Betsy and Max to follow him, which they do happily. He notices the sketch pad in my lap and gestures for me to let him see it. I've gotten better at this, showing him my art work has become less and less of a problem. With a shy expression, I hand him the book and let him see my latest piece. He stares at for a while, appreciating the detail and hard work I put into it. Then, he simply grins and leans over the boulder I sit on to kiss me.  
            "You are so talented," He compliments, returning to book to me.  
            He helps me down from the boulder and with my hand in his and Betsy and Max trailing behind us, we find our way back to our makeshift campsite. Upon getting there, Robert starts a fire and I glance up at the sky, unaware that night had been creeping up on us. I go over to the tent to grab my hoodie, zipping it up to the very top. Fortunately there are very little mosquitoes and bugs out here and I find that convenient given my hatred for most bugs. Robert lights a few of the lanterns around camp and begins rummaging through the camp boxes and coolers for things to make hot dogs. My stomach growls in response and it dawns on me neither of us has really eaten today.  
           I fall back into my chair with a freshly made hot dog in hand. My first attempt failed as the hot dog slipped off my metal stick and wound up roasting in the embers of the fire. I could have saved it if Betsy didn't distract me with her compulsion to roll around in the dirty again as Max watched curiously. We both wanted to rinse her off in the river, but unless we got her completely dry, she would only get dirtier in seconds. I eat my food slowly and thoughtfully, starring directly at the flames in front of me. Robert does this too from the picnic bench, hungrily eating and occasionally getting mustard on the corner of his mouth.  
            "I think I need me some wine. Want some?" Robert asks, pulling out a bottle of his favorite wine.  
            "Only if you didn't poison it," I respond with a laugh.  
            Robert pulls out two red solo cups and pours us each a decent amount. He hands mine to me and eases himself down in his chair, speeding his legs apart and leaning back comfortably.  
            "The only time I'd poison you is if you were plotting to kill me, sold the dogs, or if you were a cryptid," He adds in dead seriousness.  
            I sip on my wine apprehensively, doing a quick mental check to make sure I haven't done any of those things even though I know I haven't.  
            "You say that as if you've poisoned someone before," I joke.  
            Robert raises an eyebrow and drinks from his cup, giving me an expression that could only mean one thing. Story time. "I personally haven't poisoned anyone, but I have been poisoned before," He begins.  
            I look to him expectantly, getting comfortable in my seat so I can really appreciate the details I'm sure he's going to throw on this. "It was the middle of June and Betsy and I were out on a hunt. We were three days into it, wondering around the woods. I, of course, got lost and was trying to back tract to where we started, but the trees all looked the same and Betsy kept getting distracted by bugs. We were out there for another two days, just helplessly lost. At this point, I was starving and in desperate need for a shower. Betsy and I steered off the barely existent path to take a break on a large log. And that's when Betsy started to bark." He recalls, taking a break to sip on his wine. "Off in the distance was this shadowy figure, just lurking in the distance. Betsy was growling and before I knew it, she was getting ready to run. I lunged off the log and narrowly caught her, landing in a bush. I felt this terrible burning sensation break out all of my skin, whatever that thing was out there had definitely poisoned me with something. I felt like it was getting darker by the minute and everything was getting cold. But the burning, oh man... That was driving me to the brink of insanity."  
 _Alright, I'll bite._ "What happened then?" I ask, enjoying his story telling.  
            Robert shifts in his seat, quickly cooking up more ideas in his head. "We eventually found our way home, but at that point, my skin was just one fire. I had to go to the doctor; I needed something to make it stop if there was anything. The doctors examined me and they told me they don't recognize what I had been poisoned with and so I had to ride out the horrible monstrosity that burn was. I wound up having to take cold baths just to numb the pain for a while. Never again will I return to those woods, not after that."  
            I listen to the details carefully, piecing together the real story in my head. Robert knows I can call his bullshit, I have heard too many of these stories to believe that actually happened.  
            "And the real story?" I inquire, grinning a bit.  
            Robert rolls his eyes, grumbling something about me not appreciating real horror stories. "Betsy was still in training at the time. We were hunting and she saw a squirrel and got all tough with it. As she was getting ready to run off, I dove down to grab her and landed directly onto a patch of poison ivy. The doctors gave me some itching cream and ever since then, I refuse to go near poison ivy," He summarizes in short.  
            I try to fight off my giggles, but my attempts fail and I become a mess in my seat. Robert rolls his eyes but laughs with me nevertheless, giving up on being annoyed. I reach over and grab his hand, pulling it over to my chair to hold. The light of the fire flickers across his face, dancing shadows stretching over his skin. He looks so much younger now that the bags under his eyes are fading and he is mending with his past, the stress is slowly melting away.  
            I still catch him stressing from time to time. I can't tell if he is truly getting better or is just getting better at hiding it, though for right now, he's the happiest he has been in years. There are still times when he blows up my phone in the middle of the night asking to come over and there are still times where I have to hold and comfort him on the nights where his depression and thoughts are eating away at him, but I would not trade those nights for the world. While they are some of the hardest nights for him, every break down is just a step closer to getting better. It's a morbid way to think about it as having mental break downs are not exactly pretty, I would know, but each time he lets it out, it becomes one less thing for him to suffer in silence about.  
            "You're staring," Robert mumbles bashfully.  
            I smile and rub the back of the hand I hold with my thumb, running it over his soft scarred skin. "Can't a man look at his fiancé?"  
            Robert gives a little smile, laughing very quietly. "You're never going to stop calling me that, are you?" He asks, moving to scoot his chair closer to mine.  
            With him in close proximity, I rest my head on his shoulder and lay my free hand on his thigh, longing to be near him. "I will only stop when you become my husband... Then I'll just start calling you my husband every chance I get."  
            "I'll take fiancé over Bobert any day," He mutters.  
            I lift my head to look at him with a mischievous grin on my face.  
            "Oh, no..." He groans, foretelling what he just did.  
            "Bobert." I tease, laughing.  
            "Stop."  
            "Aw, come on, Bobert. You know you love me."  
           "I swear. I will not hesitate to throw you in the river."  
           I take a moment to decide if he's being serious or not. "You wouldn't," I say, attempting to call his bluff.  
           He looks at me with a raised eyebrow, face serious. "Try me."  
 _You only live once right?_ "Bobert."  
           Swiftly, Robert stands and throws me over his shoulder, walking directly to the river. I squirm in his hold and try to escape, playfully slapping his back, but he only tightens the hold he has on my legs. We're at the water's edge now and I have come to terms with my fate, I deserve this.  
            "Say you're sorry," He demands.  
            "Never. I will always love you, Bobert," I decline dramatically.  
            With a single heave, my body is thrown forward. Before I can get too far, I grab a hold of the collar of his shirt and pull him down with me, falling below the surface. A cold rush of the water encases around me, making my skin hurt for just a moment. Robert and I resurface and glare at each other, standing in the middle of the river. The water really is cold and even though I want to get out, I feel a war coming.  
            "You weren't supposed to pull me in with you, _dumbass,_ " Robert complains, splashing me with water.  
            I splash him right back, but with twice as much force than before. He curses and pushes me backwards, hard enough to knock me off my feet. Robert bursts with laughter as I reemerge with a scowl frozen on my face. My jaw is chattering and I don't think I can feel my toes anymore, but I push him back anyways and feel mildly satisfied when he loses his balance as well.  
            "You are a terrible person," He gripes, splashing me again when he comes back up.  
            "Says the person who threw me in here!" I defend, gesturing to the entirety of the river.  
            "Says the person that called me Bobert," He shoots back, holding his ground.  
            "Says the person who proposed to me," I argue, stepping closer to him.  
            Robert pulls his eyebrows together and grabs both of my hips, a grimace on his face. "Says the person who said yes."  
            I slide my arms around his neck, running my finger through his wet hair. "Says the person who made me wait over a year just to call you mine."  
            Robert bumps my nose with his, brushing his lips over mine. "Says the person who literally took this moment and turned into the most cliché fucking thing ever. This is sickening."  
            "Says the person who needs to shut up and kiss me already."  
            His lips press down on my numb ones, with his arms around me in the middle of a river. I am engrossed by him and everything he is and will become, unable to break away from the love spell he has on me. Even if I could leave, even if I could pretend like none of this ever happened, I would never do it. This is the happiest I have been with someone since Alex and I think I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than give up on Robert.  
             "I can't feel my balls. Can we please get out of here?" Robert frets, stepping back from me, cupping himself.  
            Realizing that I cannot feel my balls either, we both trudge out of the water and walk back to the tent where we strip in front of and dry off with the towels Robert thankfully remembered to bring. When I'm dry enough, I dive into the tent and pull outfits for the both of us, handing Robert his when he joins me in here after handling the dogs.  
            "Are you ready to go back home tomorrow?" He asks me, watching me as I dress with no shame whatsoever.  
            I pull my shirt down over my body and bite my bottom lip, trying not to grin. "Not really. I like being with you out here, it's nice. Though I need to get back to work and Amanda probably has a million and one things to tell me," I say, crawling over to the giant sleeping back we made.  
            Robert pokes his head out of the tent to make sure everything is good for the night before zipping the door closed and joining me in the sleeping bag. "We could just go back into town and kidnap our daughters and then come back here to live in the woods as forest people," He muses as he rolls on his side to face me.  
             I stare blankly at the ceiling, running a hand down my face to fend off my tiredness for a little longer. "While that is very tempting, I do miss having a shower at my disposal and miss sleeping on my own bed."  
            Robert laughs, realizing that those things are pretty nice to have. "But we would be alone out here, nobody to tell us what to do or how to act. We could have some pretty amazing forest sex. I could fuck you in a tree, Cody. In. A. Tree."  
            I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh as the images of that scene play through my head. "You still have yet to make love to me on your balcony. Let's do that first and then we can talk about hot tree sex."  
            Robert leans closer to plant a sloppy and oddly placed kiss on my cheek. "Alright, deal. Balcony sex first. But I must warn you, I'm not going to make the balcony sex easy on you. It's going to be so hard to keep your pretty little mouth shut." He warns.  
            Oh, I look forward to that. "Whatever you want, Bobert," I laugh.  
            Robert stifles a groan and pulls me into his arms, desperate for warmth as we have not gotten over the cold chill from the river. "Codes?" Robert says, nestling his head into the crook of my neck.  
            "Yeah?"  
            His lips softly press to my neck making his stubble scratch against my skin. "You're pretty crazy. Maybe we should get married someday."  
            I snort and slide my arm over his waist, scooting closer to him. "You got it, baby."  
            He squeezes my body, humming softly as he does. I blush and nestle myself further against him, pulling the giant sleeping bag around us. Robert's lips lazily kiss at my neck as if they're looking for something to do and I roll my eyes, despite the fact that he cannot see the action.  
            "Robert, baby, the love of my life... I will kick you if you don't let me sleep," I threaten sweetly.  
            The lips on the back of my neck stretch into a smile, one that is followed by a laugh. "Kick me as hard as you want. I'll just throw you back into the river."  
            I groan, pushing my face into my pillow. "I'll get pneumonia if you do that to me again. Then you'll be the one having to look after my sick ass," I grumble.  
            The man I am choosing to spend the rest of my life with moves his hand down to my ass and caresses it, squeezing me with a quiet laugh. "I don't think that'd be so bad. You got yourself a very nice and fuck-able ass," He compliments.  
            Groaning again, I turn around completely to glare at him. "You just had to make it sexual, didn't you?" I snap, failing to keep my grin from my face. I lean forward and kiss him gently, smelling the river on both of us. "We need to sleep," I enforce, cupping the side of his face.  
            He flinches a little at the kindness of my touch, a reaction I was not expecting. He can tell I noticed the flinch and moves his hand to cup mine, pressing into my touch as if to reassure me that he's okay. He flinched... He still is not used to being so loved. He still thinks he's unworthy of it... _Oh, Robert.  
_             "Let's just go to sleep, okay?" He suggests, securely pulling me against him again.  
            I keep my hand on his face, scared to take it away. "Robert..." I start, feeling the knot growing in my throat. I cannot believe it. After all this time... He still feels the self hatred. I bring my lips to his and kiss him gently, bottom lop trembling.  
            "Please, let's just go to sleep, Cocoapuffs. The cryptids get wild at night," He tries to joke.  
            His eyes hold mine in the darkness, a silent conversation raging between us. There are so many words I want to tell him right now, I want to make him believe that he deserves to be loved. That _I_ love him. I love him so much. But, my mouth stays shut and we lie there together in the darkness of the tent until sleep eventually finds us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to sleep so hard this weekend.
> 
> Other than Robert, who is your favorite dad?


	35. When Push Comes to Shove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Robert and Cody get wind of some pretty horrible news, they rush down to Brooklyn to see how bad it really is. While there, they take some time to discuss their wedding and Cody receives some pretty disturbing tests from Joseph.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter has mentions of a car accident and what happened. Bruising and broken bones are mentioned.

Everything was going so right...  
Until he got the phone call.

            We drove to Brooklyn first thing in the morning, bringing only the bare essentials with us. He was silent, cold, and scared shitless for the entire drive there. Neither of us knew the severity of the situation until we got to the hospital and was allowed to see her. It was a car accident. A truck T-boned her car and it rolled two or three times before landing on the roof. She's in rough shape, but thankfully alive. When the paramedics brought her to the hospital, they said she has a few broken bones and some brain trauma and because of that, she's in a medically induced coma until she is well enough to be woken up. She's covered in bruises and cuts and there's some damage to her spine that cannot be placed on a severity scale until she's awake. I'm scared for her... this all too familiar for both Robert and I. It hurts deep down inside to look at her because all I can think about is Alex and how terrified Robert is. He almost lost her.  
            He has not moved much in the handful of days we have been here. He's going through emotional shock, it's expected when your daughter almost dies and could still theoretically die. I watch him from the arm chair as he holds Val's hand and supervises her carefully in hopes she'll open her eyes even though she won't until the hospital deems her well enough for it. Thinking back, I quickly do the math and realize that Robert hadn't slept for more than five minutes in the past three days and has barely had any food. He refuses to leave her side, but I'm unfortunately going to have to put my foot down and get him to take care of himself before I do it forcefully.  
              "Robert, we should go back to the hotel for a while. You need to sleep, shower, and eat," I urge, walking over to him.  
              He does not respond to me, he's too far deep in his thoughts to even acknowledge I'm standing here. I take his free hand and examine his face carefully. He is visibly exhausted and fatigued, shutting down further with every passing moment. I don't think he has taken his anti-depressants and thankfully I remembered to grab them on the way out.  
            "Baby, she would want you to take care of yourself. She will be alright until we get back. The doctors are going to take care of her," I say, cupping the side of his face.  
            He needs to shave, his facial hair is begging to thicken and he desperately needs to change his clothes into something clean and little less... worn. A shower might do him some good too. Robert looks to me now for the first time in the past forty-eight hours, his eyes are heavy with grief and uncertainty. He doesn't speak, but he allows me to lead him out to the parking lot where I help him into the rental car. He's so tired he doesn't even think to put his seat belt on, so I lean over and do it for him. His depression and worry is eating him alive and I'm half considering calling his therapist so he can talk to someone if he does not start talking to me. He needs to let out the emotions he's ignoring.  
            Jesse, Val's wife, has been texting me about details almost every other hour. She's been stuck in Germany because the weather has been so bad she can't get a flight home no matter who she calls or what she threatens; she's stuck on the other side of the world until further notice. I would hate to be in her position right now. Not being able to be there for your loved one when they are in times of trouble would drive me insane. I had my share of loss and fear of losing someone, but it seems Robert is getting done twice over.  
            When we get back to the hotel and safely into our room, Robert goes straight for the shower and does not bother to close the door as he strips away his clothes and starts the water. From his bag, I pull out his socks and underwear and his sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. Just as I was about to walk into the bathroom to drop off the clothes, I hear sobbing coming from the shower. I'm not sure if he wants some alone time, but my gut is telling me he needs comfort.  
            "Do you want me to come in there with you?" I ask kindly, setting his clothes down on the counter.  
            He makes some sound that resembles a yes and I take my clothes off, leaving them in a pile on the floor. Robert melts into my arms as soon as I step under the water with him. He buries his face into the crook of my neck and cries softly. I could never imagine if this happened to Amanda, I can't even bring myself to think about for more than a half second. I could never understand what he's going through but right now, I feel his pain and fear. I hold him close to me, not caring if the water is a little too warm for my liking.  
              I still cannot shake how upset he was when he got the call back at home. He wouldn't tell me what was happening until I demanded it and threatened to call the hospital himself. I didn't like snapping at him the way I did, but all I knew was something had happened and it was very serious because Robert had gone rigidly tense and would not make eye contact with me. When he finally confessed, I asked no more questions. I silently helped him pack and he had to take a moment to ask Damien if he could watch Betsy and Max. Robert did not like leaving them behind, but we were in such a hurry that there was no time and all of the hotels around the hospital wouldn't allow pets and would give us a hefty fine is we were caught with either dog.  
            After the shower, I was only able to scrounge up a box of cereal, some milk, and orange juice for Robert. He ate nearly the entire box and drank about half of the carton of juice, filling his stomach until he couldn't eat anymore. With his stomach full and his body clean, he lied down on the bed and has now been asleep for a few hours. In my alone time, I took a shower for my own hygiene and shaved to rid my face of facial hair. My phone has a few messages on it, two from Amanda and one from Joseph. I check with my daughter first, having no desire to see what Joseph has to say to me today.

> **From Amanda :   
> I'm so sorry I haven't answered. I've been so busy, pops.**
> 
> **From Amanda :   
> Is Val okay? Is she alive?**
> 
> ****To Amanda :   
> Yes, Val is alive. She's in a medially induced coma until the   
> brain trauma subsides, but she's in stable condition and it   
> shouldn't be much longer
> 
> **From Amanda :   
> I wish I could be there. How is Robert?**
> 
> ****To Amanda :   
> About how I was when we lost your mother.   
> Though I finally got him to come back to the hotel so he can   
> shower, eat, and sleep.
> 
> ****From Amanda :   
> This may be awkward because... well... ugh. Just tell him everything   
> will be okay and that I love him? We've kind of become a dysfunctional   
> family at this point and I want him to know I care about him too... and um...   
> He'll be my step dad eventually. Whenever you guys decide to get married.
> 
> **To Amanda :   
> Of course, Panda. I'll tell him.**
> 
> **From Amanda :   
> Thank you, dad. I love you as well.**
> 
> **To Amanda :   
> I love you too. Go to bed, it's late.**

            In the time I have known Robert, I have admittedly made him to be a part of my tiny family and now that we're engaged and are on the way to becoming married, he's officially made his place whether he realizes it or not. Amanda cares for him, a lot. Ever since Alex, he is the only one she has been able to bond with, besides myself, and she sees him as a parental figure sometimes even if he is a little fucked up and threatens to harm boys who hurts her.  
            I open Joseph's text after I talk with Amanda some more. It's rare for him to go out of his way to message me or to even speak with me. I don't think he does it to be rude, but I am curious about why he's deciding to talk to me now.

> **From Joseph :   
> Hello, Cody! How are you today?**
> 
> **To Joseph :   
> Uh. Fine?**
> 
> **From Joseph :   
> Fantastic. I was wondering if you would like to come over   
> and help me with something?**

            I stare at the text for a moment, confused by the offer.

> **To Joseph :   
> I'm actually out of town right now with Robert. Raincheck?**
> 
> ****From Joseph :   
> Oh, I see. Yes, a raincheck will be fine. May I ask what   
> you guys are doing?
> 
> **To Joseph :   
> It's private. Sorry. Family matters.**
> 
> **From Joseph :   
> Well don't let Robert control you too much.**

            I was confused before, but that's almost a little insulting. Robert has never been controlling of manipulative to me. He hates Joseph with a passion, but he still does not go telling me I can't speak or hang out with him. Robert is anything but controlling.

> **To Joseph :   
> I'm sorry, but what are you talking about?**
> 
> ****From Joseph :   
> Robert can be a little much, don't you think? The man is a mess.   
> Why would you want to burden yourself with something like that?   
> Surely you could do better.
> 
> **To Joseph :   
> I really don't think you are in a place to be judging my relationship.**

            I'm angry now. I cannot tell what his angle is, but I do not like it either way.

> ****From Joseph :  
>  Just think about it. Is all of Robert's drama really worth it?   
> The man will never be able to fix himself. He will always go   
> back to his old ways. Talk to you later, Cody.

            I do not respond. In fact, I feel sick for even having that conversation. I wipe the messages from my phone, feeling disgusted by them. He has no right to say the things he did. Since when does he get to judge other people's relationships when his is barely hanging on? I don't know what happened between him and Robert and frankly, I don't care. Robert has changed and he's making changes for the better. He's still broken and needs some work, but I love him and I'm not going to leave him just because someone advises me that it may not be worth all of the trouble.  
            I put my phone away and walk out to the main room to find Robert sitting on the edge of the bed as he stares out the large bay window. It's raining heavily and the entire city seems to be covered in a thick layer of dark clouds. I sit beside him and wrap an arm around his waist, squeezing him reassuringly. He leans over and brushes his nose against my cheek affectionately and I turn to meet him with a kiss. His lips are tired, but he kisses me emotionally and wholesomely.  
            "Do you want to go back?" I ask quietly, playing with his hair.  
            Robert is silent for a moment, thinking about what he wants to do. "I've been thinking about what you said. Val would want me to take care of myself... So I think I want to take you out to a place nearby and clear my head before we go back there. I don't like feeling like this," He says, playing with the ring of my finger.  
            "What, like for food? You just ate," I question, leaning in to press my lips on his jaw. I move my lips down his neck and leave a dusting kisses on his collarbone, from shoulder to shoulder.  
            "Uh, yeah. For food. There's a pizza place nearby. Haven't had pizza for a while," He mumbles, watching me as I do my work.  
            I work my way up and kiss the corner of his mouth, smiling as I do. "You had pizza a few weeks ago, baby," I remind him, kissing the joint of his jaw.  
            I rest my free hand his thigh, playing with the fabric of his sweatpants. I'm showering him with affection for no other purpose but to make him feel better. My conversation with Joseph is forgotten at this point, buried in the back of my mind for later.  
            "Okay, I haven't had good pizza for a few weeks," He clarifies.  
            I cup the back of his head and pull his lips to mine, and I swear I feel the corners of his mouth turn upwards. He's smiling... "Let's get going then," I encourage, pulling away from him.  
            Robert stares blankly at me as I get up and grab my coat off the back of one of the chairs that are pushed in against a small table. I left him dazed and wanting more, but he gets up anyways to change and find his jacket. He doesn't wear his leather jacket like I thought he would, but a normal black rain coat and jeans that actually don't have holes in them and make his butt look great. I stare at it shamelessly as he bends down to put his boots on, marveling over the fact that it's mine and mine only. In fact, I'm so pleased with it that I give him a nice spank as I walk by. He yelps in surprise, almost losing his balance  
            "Since when do you spank me?" He questions, rubbing the place where I hit him.  
            "You have a nice ass. I felt compelled by the ass slapping gods," I joke, laughing.  
            Robert snorts and we head out in the rainy weather, walking side by side. I reach over and take his hand, feeling the overwhelming need to claim him as more and more people stare at him lustfully as we walk by. _Mine, bitches. Mine. Oh, god... what have I become?  
_             He leads me directly into a very sleek and modern pizza place and tells me to go sit in a booth while he orders. I slide into one of the leather booths and gaze out the window. Brooklyn truly is a beautiful city even when it's raining. It's a wonder why Robert moved away, but he told me the story and I know it was because he and Marilyn were looking for a change in hopes to better themselves and look after Val.  
            Robert slides into the booth in front of me and slides me a glass of iced tea, knowing my preferences. He, on the other hand, drinks Coke and has no embarrassment towards the fact he's using a bendy straw. I bend mine too and after a while, I find myself playing with my engagement ring. Robert notices and smiles, resting his arms on the table as he does.  
            "What do you think about a backyard wedding in the beginning of fall?" He asks, making me choke on my tea.  
            I look to him with wide eyes, unsure of what to say or think. "I… um... I think that would be perfect. Amanda has been hounding me about our wedding ever since she we told her. She has a lot of ideas about decorating and things..." I say, smiling sheepishly.  
            Robert nods and welcomes the pizza when the server comes by the drop it off at our table with two smaller plates for serving. It smells really good and my stomach growls hungrily and I realize I haven't eaten anything today because I was too focused on taking care of the man in front of me. Robert ordered a half and half pizza with Hawaiian for him and Pepperoni, black olive, and pineapple for me. I put a couple slices on my plate and glance at Robert who is already eating.  
            "Do we dare let the kids plan it? Val has a few ideas herself," Robert says, bumping my foot with his.  _Footsies_. He's playing footsies with me. I nudge him back and a small war breaks out. I manage to trap one of his feet with my legs and hold onto to it as prisoner, smiling triumphantly as I have one this battle.  
            "I'm fine with it if you are. We should give them some guidelines though. Like no disco balls and no petting zoos," I advise, giggling.  
            Robert snorts, laughing quietly as he attempts to take another bite of his pizza. "I don't think I want a traditional wedding. Val is certified, she can handle the ceremony part," He informs me.  
            This is the first time we have discussed our wedding since the engagement and I'm honestly overjoyed that he brought this up on his own. "I'd be fine with that. However, I want rustic. I didn't get that the first time around because Alex _really_ wanted modern."  
            He nods, agreeing with my rustic idea. "Good thing I want rustic too. Though I do want to ask you something..." He says, trailing off.  
            I look up at him and he has a dead serious expression on his face. "Are you taking my last name or am I taking yours or are we not exchanging names?" He asks nervously.  
           I think for a moment, deciding on what I want to do. Robert likes people to know I'm his, he loves to show me off to other people even though I'm blushing and embarrassed by his affection... But I also love being his and I love that he loves to rub it in other's faces that he has a boyfriend who is, in his words and his words only, smoking hot and puts everyone else to shame. I love him. "I'll take your last name," I say, completely set on it.  
            Robert's lips stretch into a smile and he quickly leans over the table to kiss me. "So, are we doing it? In the fall?" He questions, hands twitchy with nerves.  
            I respond immediately, not because I am nervous, but because I have never been so sure in my life. "If that's what you want. We'll get married in the fall. Fall is my favorite season anyways."  
            Before Robert can say anything, the waiter comes by with our check because she sees that we have finished our pizza. I have been with Robert long enough to know he will throw a fit if I take the check from him, he is very firm on old customs like paying when you take someone out and holding the door. We walk back out into the rain and head straight for the hotel where our rental car waits. I let Robert drive this time because he knows the streets of Brooklyn better than I do and I have yet to make it to the hospital without getting lost.  
            When we get there, we are surprised to find Val awake and sitting up in her bed with a plastic cup of water in hand. She smiles at us and Robert... Well Robert almost falls to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it appears Val is alright... but how long will that last? 
> 
> GUYS WE ONLY HAVE A FEW CHAPTERS LEFT BEFORE THE NEXT BOOK! I'm not sure when it will be published, but most likely within the next couple of weeks. I want to get ahead in the writing so I can continue with either day to day uploads or every other day. That and it seems that the DDADDS fandom is slowly becoming a barren wasteland. There are some of you who are still reading this story and for that I am grateful. How many of you plan on reading the sequel? 
> 
> Question of the day: If you could travel anywhere, where would you travel and why?  
> BONUS: You're only allowed to bring five things.


	36. It Wasn't Getting Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Val sends Robert and Cody away for some time to adjust, they return to the hotel to relax a bit all before the hospital is calling them to express the news that something changed with Val's condition.

            "Hi, dad."  
            I help Robert into the seat beside her bed, in hopes he doesn't faint. He's been under too much stress and worry it must be mind boggling to see Val awake and seemingly well. She offers her hand to him and he takes it nervously, scooting the chair closer to the bed. He was so sure they wouldn't be able to wake her up.  
            "You're awake," He states, in disbelief.  
            Val nods slowly, clearly sore from what her body went through not too long ago. "The doc came in and woke me up about a half hour ago. They say I can go home in a few days. I'm basically okay… As long as nothing changes," She tells him, giving a shy smile.  
            Robert becomes a mess within seconds. Hot tears streak down his cheeks as the realization that Val truly is okay sets in. She pulls him close and he rests his head on her chest, hugging her carefully.  
            "I thought I was going to lose you," He mumbles, pushing hair from her face.  
            She nods understandingly and looks over him to look at me. "How long have you been here?" She asks, rubbing her father's back reassuringly.  
            "Almost five days. We came as soon as the hospital called Robert," I say, walking to the edge of the bed.  
            Val looks around the room and sighs; she looks as if she has been to hell and back. "I called Jesse not long after I woke up. She told me about how she's been stuck and that she was finally able to get a flight. She's on her way back now."  
            Robert composes himself and sits up, wiping the stray tears from his face. "Do you want us to stay with you until she's here?" He offers innocently.  
            Val provides a half smile and rubs the back of his hand with her thumb. "The nurses told me how you were by my side and hardly would leave. I'm glad Cody knocked some sense into you and got you out of here to clean up and take care of yourself. But I need some alone time to adjust and figure out my car situation and finances," She pauses and slowly sits up, making Robert's eyes flash with concern because he does not want her to hurt herself further. "I appreciate that you looked after me, but I want you to go get some real rest and go home. I'll be okay, dad. Jesse will be back in seven hours."  
            Although Robert wants to stay and look after her, he does not argue. Val is a very independent woman and has a good head on her shoulders and she doesn't mean to shoo her father away, but I know it still hurts him on the inside.  
            "Are you sure, kiddo? I can stay," He offers, rubbing the back of his neck.  
            Val nods and opens her arms and Robert leans in to hug her. Their embrace is long and emotional, as it should be given what happened. Seeing her eyes open dumped an entire ocean of relief onto me because while she isn't my kid, I do care about her well-being.  
            "Don't ever scare me like that again. Promise me," Robert grumbles against her shoulder.  
            The two separate and she smiles at him. "I promise, dad. I love you."  
            Robert stands and leans down to kiss her forehead, a gesture he wasn't planning on making until it happened. "I love you too."  
            We barely take a step towards the door before Robert is stopping again and turning to look at her. He opens his mouth to say something, but she holds her hand up and gives him a stern look.  
            "Dad, seriously. I'll be fine. Go to the hotel room and have sex or something," She commands, laughing lightly.  
            I cover my mouth to stifle my laugh as Robert's cheeks blaze red with embarrassment; even his ears turn red. He says nothing more as we leave, but does give her one last hug. When we arrive at the hotel, I am a mixture of exhausted and in desperate need of a shower. This will be my second one today, but hospitals make me feel grungy. I walk into the bathroom and as I am taking my clothes off, Robert slips in and takes a seat on the counter with a small bowl of ice cream and a spoon in his mouth. I stare at him for a moment, wearing nothing but my underwear.  
            "Did you need something?" I ask, turning to turn on the water behind the glass door.  
            "No, just using my privileges as your fiancé. I am going to have a conversation with you while you shower."  
            I look back at him with a raised eyebrow and seeing as he has already started eating his ice cream, I know he has no intentions of leaving.  _There's a first for everything, I suppose._  I slide my briefs off and step under the warm water, closing the glass door behind me. At first I feel a little awkward because I'm not used to having an audience while I shower, but every time I glance at Robert, he's only looking at his ice cream and occasionally the wall decorations. I ease up a little after a while and start going about my normal shower activities, starting with washing my hair. The shampoo is little too fruity smelling for my liking, but I guess that's what I get for not bringing my own. Then again, we did leave in a rush.  
            "So about the wedding," Robert begins, setting aside his empty ice cream bowl.  
            I glance at him and I wash the shampoo out, somehow managing to not get it in my eyes. "What about it?"   
            I grab the bar of soap and start washing my body, staring with my arms. Robert is watching me now; I can feel his eyes on my body. "Um," He says, laughing a little, "do we want to do cake or pie? Pie would be great if we want to rebel against the idea of a traditional wedding. Or we could do something weird like muffins. But I really like pie."  
            I giggle a little and start washing my stomach, running the bar of soap over my muscles and soft spots. "Pie is fine. We can decide on what kind later. Whose back yard are we using? Yours or mine?"  
            Robert pulls his eyebrows together, scratching his chin as he thinks. "Let's back track a little. Were you planning on moving in with me or the other way around?"  
             I pause my washing for a moment and turn around so the water can rinse off my back and start relaxing my muscles. "I always assumed I'd move in with you because your house is a lot bigger than mine," I say honestly, still a little subconsciously salty that I have the smallest house in the cul-de-sac.  
            "Alright, done. When are you moving in?" He says, giving me a thumbs up.  
            A little confused, I glance over at Robert and wipe away some of the fog on the glass so I can see him better. "I hadn't really thought about it? I just figured I'd move in when you were ready for me to."  
           Robert shrugs and examines my body through the foggy glass door with next to no shame on his face. "Cody, half of your stuff is at my house and you've pretty much been living there since the engagement. I'm ready."  
            I look at him again, setting the bar of soap down as I have completely washed myself and only need to work out the kink in my shoulder. "Are you sure? You don't think it's too soon?" I question, rolling my shoulder back a few times as I rub on it.  
            Robert snorts, crossing his arms smoothly. "I stopped caring about moving too quickly when you told me you'd marry me. Some people move in together after three months. We've officially been together for about nine months and have known each other for two years, I think its fine. Besides, we're in love and I don't really see myself loving anyone else. If it comes down to it, I'll move out and you keep the house."  
            I shut off the shower water and Robert hops down from the counter to hand me my towel after I open the door. I dry off quickly and wrap it around my waist, stepping out onto the bathroom floor mat. Robert wraps his hands about my biceps and I look up at him, trying to fight a grin off my face. "Guess I'm moving in then."  
            In the back of my mind, I do worry about all of these decisions that we're making. But Robert is right. Our relationship has stretched over the past two years and it was only made official nine months ago, give or take a month. Before that, we were doing everything friends shouldn't do together and basically just having a really good fucking time because we were so in love with each other and just didn't say anything about it. When it's right, it's right. And I know deep down that this is right. Who fucking cares about what the rules are supposed to be? I'm in love, so why shouldn't I do these things when I'm ready to?  
            "Great. Though we should both go through our shit and get rid of what we don't need or want. Plus, I'm going to need to clean the ever living day lights out of my place," Robert says, grinning. I lean forward and press a gentle kiss to his lips, doing whatever I can to prevent myself from screaming at the top of my lungs with excitement. If only he knew how happy he makes me...  
            I pull away after a moment and walk out to my bag, pulling some clothes out for sleeping. Robert's hands slide around my waist, hugging me close to him. I'm about to tell him to step back because I'm still decently damp, but he presses his lips to my shoulder and I'm speechless. I lean against him and hum softly, covering his hands with my own.  
            "Do you really have to get dressed?" He asks playfully, nipping on my ear.  
            "I'm kind of cold, so yes. I do," I reply, continuing to pull my clothes out.  
            Robert is turning me around then and before I can stop it, he yanks my towel away from my waist. I gasp in shock and clap my hands down over my stuff, feeling extremely vulnerable and exposed. "Give it back," I protest, glaring at him. A giggle pushes through my lips and I mentally scold myself. He makes it so hard to be serious sometimes. Yet, I cannot stop laughing.  
            He only laughs at my attempt to sound serious with him and takes a few steps back, admiring my body. "Come on, no need to hide yourself. I've seen you plenty of times," He urges, gesturing for me to move my hands.  
            I take one hand away and reach behind me for my underwear, wondering how I'm going to slip these on without him looking at me. I shouldn't care about this, I just showered in front of him and he has seen my naked body several times, but this feels oddly nerve wracking. There's no foggy glass between us now. In fact, I'm exposed to the entire city too because the window is wide open. I stand there for a solid minute, contemplating my morals and how badly I need my pride. Robert is not going to give me my towel back, that doesn't take rocket science to figure out, and I don't think I can successfully change without dropping my other hand, I could barely manage getting my pants on when I had my sling. I giggle again, both nervously and because this is all so stupid.  
            So, I do what appears to by my only option, and drop my hand. Robert makes a face of surprise, shocked that I actually did it. "Happy?" I ask, glaring at him even though laughing and fighting off a smile.  
            Robert snorts and comes close to me, setting the towel on the table and he engulfs me in a bone crushing hug. "Why are you so nervous about being naked?" He asks, attacking my cheek with several soft pecks.  
            "Because. I feel exposed," I grumble.  
            "You're naked. You're a little more than exposed," He points out.  
            "Yes, I realize this."  
            Robert kisses my neck and I use this time to slip into my underwear. He laughs against my skin, feeling my sides up and down gently. "You have a beautiful body, Cody. So fucking sexy," He mumbles.  
            I blush deeply, so deeply that I look towards the ground and cover my mouth to hide the nervous smile on my lips. Robert notices this and pulls my hand away, cherishing my smile. "You also have a very beautiful smile. I'm glad I get to see it as much as I do," He compliments, leaning it to kiss me once more.  
            "You have a beautiful smile too. I wish I could see it more," I inform him, playfully pushing him back.  
            Robert jokingly grins, putting on a phony ass smile in an attempt to please me. "Smiling. I am smiling!" He says through his teeth, making me giggle.  
            I turn around and grab one of Robert's shirts and put it on my body, feeling exceptionally comfortable because it's both his and too big for me. When I turn back around, Robert is right behind me and he suddenly lifts me up and carries me fireman style to the bed, making a loud laugh burst from my lips. He clumsily sets me down and crawls on to sit beside me with his legs crossed. I look over at him, still giggling. That's when an idea pops into my head. I know the perfect way to make him smile and laugh. Moving faster than he can process, I expertly pin him down on the bed and straddle his waist, getting my fingers ready on his sides. He's frozen below me, shaking his head in fear, trying to stop me from doing what I'm about to do.  
            "Cody, I am sorry if I have ever wronged you, but please spare me," He begs.  
            While it is very cute to see him begging over this, I start to tickle him anyways. He tries so hard to choke back the giggles and to hold is calm expression, but as soon as my hands slip under his shirt for skin to skin contact, he loses it. Loud laughs fill the air while his face is branded with a bright smile. I laugh along with him too as he tries to escape and make a run for it. He twists and turns, laughing so hard tears streak down his cheeks.  
            "C-Cody! I surrender... I tap out! Please!" He yells through laughs, desperately trying to get away.   
            I let up on him, drawing my hands away and he lets out a gust of air and relaxes against the bed. He wipes away his tears and giggles out the lingering laughs, breathing heavily. "You are terrible. No sex for you for at least a month," He threatens, still giggling.  
            I scoff, playfully crossing my arms as I continue to straddle him. "You could never go that long without sex. You can barely go three days," I point out, rolling my eyes.  
            Robert shrugs and places his hands on my thighs, rubbing them slightly. "You're right. I totally want to suck you off right now," He says proudly, owning up to his sexual desires.  
            I snort, climbing off of him to lie down. "Unfortunately, I am very tired and would like to sleep. We have a lot on our plate for the next few months and I would like to spend some of that time sleeping," I say, reaching over to turn off the bedside lamp.  
            Robert's phone begins to buzz and he answers the call. I try to listen in, but the volume is too low and suddenly Robert is flying out of the bed, darting for his jeans and shoes. I sit up, confused and worried.  
            "What's happening?" I ask, getting out of bed.  
            "There's something wrong. Something about her spine and the damage. We need to get back there now," He explains in a rush.  
            I jump out of the bed and change my clothes, barely having time to put my shoes on before Robert is leaving the room. He speeds down the roads, barely following the law to ensure we get there are quickly as possible. My eyes stay on him the entire time, worried that he may explode if I look away. At the hospital, I struggle to keep up with his pace. He doesn't even stop to check in at the front desk, but thankfully the woman recognizes us and lets it slide.  
            Inside Val's room, we find her crying as a doctor is talking to her. Robert eyes flicker between the doctor and his daughter, at a loss for words.  
            "It appears you have sustained quite a lot of spinal damage. We weren't sure how bad it would affect you until you woke up. Paralysis is very common and with the amount of bruising and swelling you have, it’s almost expected," The doctor explains to her.  
            I glance at Val's legs and suddenly my heart sinks.  _Oh no...  
_             "I can't move my legs." She whimpers, moving into a sob now.  
            The doctor rests her hand on Val's shoulder, looking concerned. "Mrs. Brackston, I must advise that you calm down. Your ribs can't handle this irregular breathing pattern." She says sternly. "Now we do have to change your gown. Will you allow me to help you?"  
            Val shoots a death glare at her doctor, not appreciating the insensitivity. "No, I will not. You can leave the gown in here and I will have my dads do it," She spats.  
 _Dads_... She grouped me in.  _Oh, Val..._ Robert looks up from her legs, frowning. The doctor does as she is told and leaves a fresh gown behind for Val to change into. Robert steps closer to his kid and I help her lean forward so he can untie the gown from the back. Carefully, we pull the fabric from her body and make sure not to disrupt the wires and bandages. Her skin is badly bruised and her back is the worst of it all. It's covered in blue and purple bruises and there are lacerations scattered about. This went from terrible to excruciatingly terrible.  
            "I have to lift you up, sweetheart. The gown is caught under you," Robert says, gesturing to the part of the gown that is stuck under her legs.  
            Val nods and throws her arms around her father so he can gently lift her and as he does this, I pull the gown out and set it aside. Val whimpers in pain and Robert wipes away a few of her fallen tears with his gentle hands, being careful not to harm her. With ease, we get her into the clean gown and tie it off for her. My heart is hurting. She seemed so okay when she woke up not too long ago and in just a couple of hours, she discovers she cannot move her legs.  
            "I have no feeling from the waist down. It's all just gone. I had it and then I moved wrongly and it all went away. I shouldn’t have moved, I should have stayed still," Val mumbles, looking down at her legs.  
            Robert takes in a shaky breath, looking at her legs just as I am. “It’s not your fault, Val. None of this is your fault, sweetheart,” He begins, hating that his daughter feels like this and is having to go through this. "Is there any chance of you getting the feeling back? Is there anything you can do?" He asks her.  
            Val nods her head slowly, looking at her dad now. "They say with extensive physical therapy and a ton of work, there is a chance. But it all depends on how soon I can get on it," She explains, tears falling down her face again.  
            I cannot fathom the words to express how terrible I feel about this. Losing the ability to walk... I just... This is going to be really tough. Will she ever walk again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, because I am the most lucky person on this lovely planet of ours that is slowly dying because of the growing human race and pollution, The next four chapters have seemingly gone missing and I now have to rewrite them all. This means that the next few chapters will, unfortunately, be on a wonky upload schedule. It sucks because I've been so consistent about daily uploads, but it is what it is. Because I am desperately cramming to survive in society, I don't have AS much time as I would like, but that will not stop be from writing. I'm a writer. If I'm not doing something music related, I'm writing. Anyways. That's all I needed to inform you guys about. My apologies. 
> 
> QUESTION: If the game developers decide to add something to the game (which they totally should because the game is ultra short if you only play one route at a time AND the game did very well when they were posting about it and giving us information about the characters and whatnot), what would you have the add? Personally, I'd love to see some holiday themed story arcs.


	37. Where I'm Meant to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After coming back from seeing Val, things finally snap back into place. Despite having a dream about Alex, Cody finds himself perfectly and deeply in love with his fiancé and as the next day follows, their engagement will be announced to their friends. Robert and Cody couldn't be happier.

            Leaving Val was not the easiest thing to do. Hell, it was actually very difficult to. After finding out Val lost her ability to walk, Robert and I stayed a few more days afterwards to make sure she would be alright. Jesse was very appreciative that we were there for Val when she couldn't be and she made it a point that Robert knew that. He was very reluctant on going back home, but I needed to get back to work and he needed to get the dogs back. And Val kind of forced us to go home because she knew how long we've been away and knew it was time.   
            On the drive back home, I could not help but think about Val. I saw a lot of Robert in her in the way she handled finding out about her ability loss. Whenever the doctor's insisted that she start preparing for life in a wheelchair, Val ignored them and started making arrangements for her physical therapy. The girl is stubborn, much like her father. The doctors claim she has a one-percent chance of walking again and to Val, that is all she needs to try her hardest. Her physical therapy starts in a week and her first surgery is in a month.  
          Since arriving back home, Robert has started to call Val multiple times a day and has started to constantly text her for updates. Val understands that Robert needs to do this to keep what's left of his sanity and she therefore, and thankfully, puts up with the constant badgering. I know he's just worried something will happen to her while we're here and at home, I can understand that from my experience with what happened to Alex years ago.  
            But, now that is has been a few weeks, things are snapping back into place. I'm working again and Robert is doing whatever Robert does when I'm not around. Mat was very happy to have me back in the shop and I can honestly say that I missed working. It's a good way to get my mind off of things and it, you know, gives me money for Amanda's tuition and my own personal life. Robert doesn't seem to mind that I have been working so much, which is a little strange considering we're in the middle of doing so many things at once.  
          I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that Robert is mine and that may seem weird to other people, but it's very mind boggling for me. I never thought I'd be able to get married again and I feel that way a lot, but it's only because I lost my other half and by some random chance, found someone who loves me just as much as she did. And, I could not be happier.

> _She stands before me in her favorite jean jacket and a white skater dress. She's wearing those damned red Converse and her hair flows freely just above her shoulders. Her smile is brilliantly white and her eyes hold mine effortlessly. She's beautiful and so young and free. Right here, in this place, she is alive.  
_ _We stand in the middle of a park, or much rather a field adjacent to a playground. The grass needs to be cut and there are spring flowers blooming around us. The feeling of being here makes my heart swell with warmth and as I look at Alex, that warmth spreads to my face in the form of a smile. She smells just like she did, just like I remember. Honey with a hint of spice. I reach out and grasp the hand she offers me. Her hand is soft and it is small compared to mine. She squeezes my hand as if she's trying to reassure me, but I'm unsure as to why.  
_ _"You've been thinking about me a lot," She says knowingly.  
_ _I nod nervously. This all feels so real that I find it impossible to realize that this is all in my head. It feels like my senses went into overdrive mode, everything is real to me. I use my free hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her pierced ear, smiling when I reveal the earrings I got her for prom back in high school.  
_ _"Cody, it's time that you move on," Alex continues, a soft smile of encouragement on her lips.  
_ _I frown at her words, unsure of what to say to them. She waits patiently for me almost as if she knows I'm processing what she said.  
_ _"How?" I finally choke out.  
_ _Alex drops my hand and puts both of her hands on either side of my face, cupping it. She smiles brightly again, making my hear swell._ _"It's not hard, sweetheart. Just love him. Love him with everything; love him like you loved me."  
_ _I can feel the tears coming to my eyes, pooling at the rims. "I do, I do love him."  
_ _Alex moves her hands down to my own and she squeezes them, never taking her eyes off of me. "But you also love me as if I am still alive, baby. I'm gone, I'm not coming back. Let me go. Do it for you, for Robert, for our little Amanda."  
_ _Suddenly my knees get out and I drop down into the grass as the tears stream down my face. Alex kneels then, still holding my hands. She waits for me to catch my breath, never once showing signs of irritation.  
_ _"Why did you have to go?" I breathe, locking eyes with her again.  
_ _Alex frowns a little, but doesn't waver from her task. "It was my time. But you have Robert now and he is willing to do whatever it takes to be the man you need him to be. Let him mend your heart, Cody. He loves you so much."  
_ _She pulls me into a secure embrace and I bury my face into the crook of her neck, holding her body close to mine. Things to start to melt away now. The playground fades out into nothing. The trees around us disappear. The grass dissolves into white nothingness.  
_ _And soon enough, she too fades away and I'm left there holding onto the nothing._

_  
_

            In the darkness of the room, I open my eyes. My face is wet with tears and my body is curled into a tight ball. I breathe deeply in and out to slow my heart rate, wiping the fallen tears from my face as I do. I don't know what time it is, but I suspect it's still the middle of the night. Robert is asleep behind me; I can hear his breathing and feel his warmth on my back. I roll over to look at him, looking for a distraction.  
           He sleeps peacefully, or as peacefully as Robert can. His body is relaxed and the years of stress on his face has seemingly melted away. Seeing him like this makes me feel better on the inside. My dream is forgotten now, but the feeling overwhelming love is still there. I love this man more than I knew I ever could. All of his perfections and imperfections are simply... right. In a way, they fill in my cracks and make me feel as if I have never been broken.  
            I reach out and lightly trace my fingertips over his bare stomach, running over the random scars and his little happy trail. My fingers run up to his chest and to his collarbone and I partially smile as I do. It's strange, so very strange that we made it work; that we found a way to be together and have it be okay.  
           I lean over and press a soft kiss to his temple and I know that by doing so, I woke him up, but I don't care. I scoot myself closer and his eyes slowly open. He glares up at the ceiling, unsure of why he's awake, but then he sees that I am awake also and suddenly his face becomes soft again.  
            "Are you okay, Codes?" He asks me as he tries to blink off the groggy feeling in his eyes.  
            Robert clasps a hand lazily onto my hip; a few fingers manage to slip under my shirt. I cover his hand with my own and sigh a little; it feels good to have him close like this.  
            "I'm okay. I just had a weird dream," I respond, gently leaving another kiss on his cheek.  
            My fiancé pulls his eyebrows together, looking at me through the darkness. "What about?" He presses, yawning as he does.  
            "Alex."  
            Robert nods and decides not to press on the topic further. In the silence, he presses his lips to mine and I kiss him back, finding comfort in the affection. We have not had much time to be together lately and I'm really grateful I have this small moment even if it's going to end soon due to falling back asleep.  
            "We have a busy day tomorrow. Wanna just cancel everything and spend the day having hot sex instead?" Robert asks in a half joking tone.  
            I laugh quietly and allow him to pull me into his arms so my head rests on his chest. "That is tempting, but we have obligations now. We are committed."  
            Robert grumbles, but the conversation stops there and we both eventually drift back to sleep happily.

            "I cannot believe you convinced me to do this. This is crazy."  
            I look to Robert, who is fresh out of the shower and is wearing a simple band t-shirt and jeans, and I smile at him. "To you it's crazy. We've sat on it long enough. Our friends need to know. I'm pretty sure half of them have figured it out by now anyways," I point out with a pleasant laugh.  
            Robert grumbles and proceeds to pull out the veggie trays and various snacks out from the fridge. As he does this, I bring the trays out to the table in the back yard. Robert's yard was absolutely terrifying before we cut out three solid days to get it back into tolerable condition. He had a pond back here and a fire pit and it's shame he let it all go for as long as he did. But, we fixed it and now it looks as good as Brian's yard, who I am sure will make comments to compare the two.  
            Today is party day. Or much rather, today is the day Robert and I announce our engagement. I have been very excited about this and while Robert likes to play the I'm-too-cool-for-parties card, I know he's excited to. This is his one opportunity to rub it into people's faces that I'm his without having to have a reason for it. He's also a giant dork, so I know he'll enjoy himself either way.  
            Laughing to myself, I enter the house and quickly scan the area for something that needs to be put away or fixed. My search, thankfully, comes up empty, and I can now sit comfortably on the couch without having to worry. Robert comes into the living room a moment later with a dumb smile on his face and he moves to straddle my thighs, towering above me as he does.  
           "I'm going to enjoy rubbing this into Joseph's face," He laughs.  
            After a long discussion, Robert and I decided to invite Joseph. Mary was fine with it and we're only doing it because while he may have done some questionable things in the past, he's still friends with everybody and is a member of the community despite living on his yacht. I was almost sad when Mary said she was okay with it, but I'm mature enough to make amends and move on with my life.  
            "Yeah, well, remember the point of the part is to celebrate us and not the fact Joseph doesn't have either of us," I say, smiling.  
            Robert snorts and leans down to softy kiss my lips, snaking his hands into my hair simultaneously. This is a very strange action for Robert, mostly because he's never affection in such a soft way. Nevertheless, I kiss him happily and eagerly because this is our last moment of privacy before we open the house up to our friends. I firmly grab his waist and pull his body closer to mine, feeling my jeans grow tighter. _Damn it_.  
            "Robert, we can't. People will be here soon and I just made the living room look nice. Plus, you have shoes on the couch and I'm going to harm you for it if you don't get them off," I complain against his lips, unable to stop the smile from growing.  
            I can't necessarily see it, but I know he rolled his eyes just now. Instead of listening to me, Robert leaves a trail of lazy kisses down from my lips to the crook of my neck and I sigh with arousal, lifting my hips upwards to get some form of friction going.  
            " _Robert,_ " I snap, realizing that I'm playing into this when I'm not supposed to be.  
            On answered prayers, there's a knock on the front door and Robert curses with defeat as he gets off of me to go answer it. I peal myself off of the couch and adjust myself before trailing after Robert. The first guests to arrive are Mary, Craig, and the Cahn twins. I smile at them and the twins immediately go for the dogs, laughing as Max does her best to tackle them with love. Robert and I lead the adults out to the backyard where there are plenty of lawn chairs set up and food... and drinks. Craig instantly goes for the veggie tray, which isn't much of a surprise to me; Craig goes nuts whenever there is a veggie tray near by.  
            Over the course of the next hour, more and more people show up until the backyard is full of our neighbors. Eventually Joseph shows up and it was awkward at first, and it still kind of is, but him being here doesn't seem to be causing any problems. I'm glad we can all be civil because the last thing I want today is an argument and bitterness. Currently, I am drinking some weird ass alcohol concoction that Mat made me and while it leaves a strange after taste, I  can't get enough of it. The sun is starting to set and within the next minute, the announcement will be made. Robert wants me to do the talking because he claims he's no good at sappy romantic stuff like this and even though I would much rather not, I know there's no convincing him to be chill.  
            With one last swig, I set the plastic cup in my hand down on the drinks table and find a the flat tree stump go stand on. Our neighbors instantly give me their attention and Robert makes his way to my side, awkwardly looking down at the ground. It has been years since my last engagement announcement and if I had been smart for once in my life, I would have rehearsed this to save myself the trouble of trying to think of something on the spot.  
            "Hey, guys." I start. "So, uh, you all know that Robert and I have been together for a little while now and we lov-"  
            "-We're getting hitched!" Robert bellows, cutting me off very abruptly.  
            I blink a few times as people cheer and whistle with excitement. Craig comes barreling toward me and throws me over his shoulder, spinning around and around as he congratulates me over and over. I finally cave in and start to laugh. Once Craig sets me down, Mat walks up to me and gives me a very warm hug. He's smiling very wide and I join in on that too, unable to contain my happiness. This all feels too good.  
            "Congrats, man. I knew you guys were made for each other," He comments, laughing.  
           Mat is soon replaced with Mary and Mary is soon replaced by Hugo, who is then replaced by Damien... And soon Joseph comes up to me. He struggles for a moment with his words, unsure of what to say or where to start. I'm patient with him, but only because it took a lot of guts to show up here tonight for a party he would much rather have nothing to do with.  
            "First of all, I want to tell you congratulations. You and Robert seem very happy together and I wish you two the best," Joseph says warmly. "But I also want to apologize for how I have acted towards you. I had no right to try and obstruct something that clearly makes you happy and I hope that you can one day forgive me for what I have done," He apologizes quietly.  
            It takes a second before I can formulate an answer. I wasn't really expecting an apology from him. I kind of just assumed we would put what happened between us and move on from it. "Oh, um... Thank you, Joseph. I appreciate it," I say, half-smiling.  
            Joseph nods and walks off. From behind me, two arms wrap around my waist and I crane my head to look back at Robert. He's smiling and at some point, he threw on his signature leather jacket. He's genuinely happy right now and I would be lying if I said I was not happy too.  
           "Attention everybody!" Mary calls from the tree stump.  
           Everybody in the yard directs our collective attention to the woman holding a wine glass and we wait for her to continue talking. "All of our lovely children have been sent home and put to bed. I declare that we use this time to have a real party, yeah?" Mary suggests, smiling.  
            There is an uproar of cheering and suddenly music starts to play from a radio that must have come from Mat's house. I laugh and slightly start to sway to the music, turning around to give Robert a passionate kiss. With all of our friends here and a good amount of alcohol in my system, I feel perfect. He's perfect, our friends are perfect, this party is perfect... Everything is so perfect.  
            "I love you," Robert says, cupping the side of my face.  
            I lean into his hand and smile wide, buzzing from the alcohol. "I love you too, Robert."  
            He goes to say something more, but Mary suddenly pops in beside us with two red solo cups and shoves them into our hands.  
            "When I said party, I meant it. Come on!" She whines, dragging Robert off.  
            I laugh deeply and take my moment alone to survey the things around me. Craig is wrestling with Hugo. Damien is having a deep conversation with Mat. Hugo is challenging Joseph to an arm wrestle. And Mary is trying to coax Robert into dancing. And me? I'm enjoying every fucking minute of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell. I pumped this chapter out as fast as I could today. I needed to give you guys something to read. Unfortunately, I have decided to end this story a little sooner than planned and so, there will only be one more chapter after this. I'm not sure when I'll be able to post it, but it will come as well as the sequel. Thank you to those who are being patient with me. I appreciate it. I still have plenty of ideas and intend to finish my wiring. 
> 
> I didn't have time to read this over before posting it, so I apologize if there are typos.


	38. Epilogue: A Year and a Half later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jumping a year and a half forward, we get a sneak peak at what to expect in the next book, Something About us.

            “Robert, what are you doing? Sit back down!” I demand in a tone resembling both shock and annoyance as I rush over to the clumsy ass buffoon who is currently hobbling around with next to no balance or regard for his safety.  
            Robert glares at me, upset that I bossed him around yet again, and he angrily tosses his crutches to the floor as he flops back down on the couch in a less than graceful manner. "I'm tired of doing nothing. It's bad enough you wont let me come with you," He complains, moving his glare to the floor.  
 _Could he be any more of a child?_  Rolling my eyes, I carefully grab his foot and prop it up on the coffee table, on top of a pillow, and give him his cup of coffee. "Stop complaining. You're the dumbass who broke their ankle."  I remind him. "I have to be at the studio in two hours, so please just watch a movie while I'm gone. I don't need you hurting yourself further so close to the wedding."  
            Robert throws his hand into the air, taking an agitated sip of his coffee as he does. "It was the damn Dover Ghost, Cocoapuffs. He was right behind me."  
            I stare at him blankly for a second, realizing that I will be hearing about his cryptids for the next forty years. What did I get myself into? "I'm sure it was, Bobert. Stay off your foot. I mean it," I demand, pointing sternly at him.  
            There's a light knock on the front door, so I turn on my heel to make my way to the entry way. Neither of us are expecting anyone today, so I’m very curious to see who could be here. Puzzled, I open the door and instantly freeze in my place as if I have been stunned with my hand clutching the door.She stands before me with red puffy eyes and a napkin in hand, her graying hair is tied back into a bun, and her posture is straight and orderly… just like I remember. This woman should not be here... She...  
            "Cody, I'm sorry I... I should have called. I wouldn't have come if I had the choice," she fumbles, wiping away another fallen tear.  
            I stare at her, unable to say or do anything. Am I dreaming? This is a dream, right? She is not supposed to be here, we had that agreement made years ago. She's supposed to be back home...  _She's_.  _Not. Supposed. To. Be. Here._  
            "Cody, it's your brother. H-He... The officers came, he's not... He's not coming home, Cody."  
            Everything comes to a sudden standstill. Time, breathing, my thoughts... everything. I replay the words she said to me over and over in my head, trying to determine if I heard something wrong. Maybe this is another one of her cruel jokes... but, I know deep down that she is being genuine. She knows better than to come anywhere near me unless it’s an emergency and if she’s willing to fly across the country to deliver this news, then I only know one thing for certain.  
            My brother is dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See next chapter for final notes on this book.


	39. Final Author Notes and Next Book Summary

Hey guys! It's Jade. 

Thank you to all who have read this story and followed me through it. I know the upload schedule at the end was not the best, but this book is done now and I can resume my work on the second. Unfortunately, the schedule will still be less than great because I am in a very busy time of life right now. But, once again, thank you and look out for Something About us. 

Next Book Summary:

_With only a week left until their wedding, Robert and Cody couldn't be happier (Despite the fact Robert won't stop complaining about his broken ankle). That is until Cody's mother shows up at the house with some tragic news regarding his brother. It also turns out that his brother's wife is pregnant and she doesn't want the baby now that her husband is dead and it's expected that Cody takes the baby once it's born. While all of this is settling in, what was once a perfect life appears to be turning sour and it all comes to a devastating point when Cody goes on a walk and doesn't come home._

_(This summary may later be changed)_

**Author's Note:**

> Woo! I finally uploaded the first chapter. It has been rewritten and torn apart so many times. I just had to upload it. Thank you for reading, I appreciate all of you. The next chapter will be up soon. My upload schedule may be a little screwy because, hey, I'm a student trying to survive in the world. ALLSSSOOO. I'm Dyslexic so typos are bound.


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